Womans Football, its not big and its not clever.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Last week I took on the daunting task of coaching a Womans five a side team. The only reason I did this is, well theres two, firstly comedy value and secondly its me bird whos started it. Basically all the fellas in her work have organised a ten team tornament to be played tomorrorow an she started givin it all that why cant us girls have a team etc etc, anyway shes managed to get together a gang of what can only be described as waifs and strays an av been tryin to teach them the basic elements to football and believe me it aint been easy. There basically fuckin useless, id rather be teachin the blind school, in fact even if I attached a bell to the ball it wouldnt help. Am gettin asked things like 'is it ilegal to kick the ball with your left foot if your right footed' I feel like saying no but its ilegal for me to beat the shit out of you for askin dumb ass questions like that'. Heres another classic ' can a defender pick up the ball' answer- what the hell do you think, are you retarded or just tryin to annoy me. Theve got a big black woman playin for them whos on this big righteous womans power trip, shes affectionately known as 'viera' (being black is were the comparisons start and end) she keeps givin it all that we need to do this for Woman all over, i cant stand her, maybe if she was fit i might humour her but she aint so am just prayin she picks up an injury. Me birds terrible, in fact one of the worst, shes got the stamina of a 90 year old paralympic an keeps callin the pitch 'afro turf', individually there all crap an as a team there even worse, I made the mistake of sayin to them 'all the lads just think your a gang of dikes anyway' an two of them go, 'well actually we are gay, is that going to be a problem for you' answer- 'no but the fact your both fucking shite might be' anyway theve asked for all there goin to get an av helped them as much as I can, so when they get a pasting tomorrow at the aptly named 'pits' five a side ground I except no responsibility whatsoever. Il keep use informed.

[Tom R]

Last week I took on the daunting task of coaching a Womans five a side team. The only reason I did this is, well theres two, firstly comedy value and secondly its me bird whos started it. Basically all the fellas in her work have organised a ten team tornament to be played tomorrorow an she started givin it all that why cant us girls have a team etc etc, anyway shes managed to get together a gang of what can only be described as waifs and strays an av been tryin to teach them the basic elements to football and believe me it aint been easy. There basically fuckin useless, id rather be teachin the blind school, in fact even if I attached a bell to the ball it wouldnt help. Am gettin asked things like 'is it ilegal to kick the ball with your left foot if your right footed' I feel like saying no but its ilegal for me to beat the shit out of you for askin dumb ass questions like that'. Heres another classic ' can a defender pick up the ball' answer- what the hell do you think, are you retarded or just tryin to annoy me. Theve got a big black woman playin for them whos on this big righteous womans power trip, shes affectionately known as 'viera' (being black is were the comparisons start and end) she keeps givin it all that we need to do this for Woman all over, i cant stand her, maybe if she was fit i might humour her but she aint so am just prayin she picks up an injury. Me birds terrible, in fact one of the worst, shes got the stamina of a 90 year old paralympic an keeps callin the pitch 'afro turf', individually there all crap an as a team there even worse, I made the mistake of sayin to them 'all the lads just think your a gang of dikes anyway' an two of them go, 'well actually we are gay, is that going to be a problem for you' answer- 'no but the fact your both fucking shite might be' anyway theve asked for all there goin to get an av helped them as much as I can, so when they get a pasting tomorrow at the aptly named 'pits' five a side ground I except no responsibility whatsoever. Il keep use informed.

 

I just wee'd.

 

Post of the week.

[Stu Monty]

I could play in the women's FA Cup final and shine. Fact!!

 

They cannot clear a ball past the half way line, most of them are molby paced and their tacling is pathetic.

 

I'd fucking boss it.

[rafasredmen]

Last week I took on the daunting task of coaching a Womans five a side team. The only reason I did this is, well theres two, firstly comedy value and secondly its me bird whos started it. Basically all the fellas in her work have organised a ten team tornament to be played tomorrorow an she started givin it all that why cant us girls have a team etc etc, anyway shes managed to get together a gang of what can only be described as waifs and strays an av been tryin to teach them the basic elements to football and believe me it aint been easy. There basically fuckin useless, id rather be teachin the blind school, in fact even if I attached a bell to the ball it wouldnt help. Am gettin asked things like 'is it ilegal to kick the ball with your left foot if your right footed' I feel like saying no but its ilegal for me to beat the shit out of you for askin dumb ass questions like that'. Heres another classic ' can a defender pick up the ball' answer- what the hell do you think, are you retarded or just tryin to annoy me. Theve got a big black woman playin for them whos on this big righteous womans power trip, shes affectionately known as 'viera' (being black is were the comparisons start and end) she keeps givin it all that we need to do this for Woman all over, i cant stand her, maybe if she was fit i might humour her but she aint so am just prayin she picks up an injury. Me birds terrible, in fact one of the worst, shes got the stamina of a 90 year old paralympic an keeps callin the pitch 'afro turf', individually there all crap an as a team there even worse, I made the mistake of sayin to them 'all the lads just think your a gang of dikes anyway' an two of them go, 'well actually we are gay, is that going to be a problem for you' answer- 'no but the fact your both fucking shite might be' anyway theve asked for all there goin to get an av helped them as much as I can, so when they get a pasting tomorrow at the aptly named 'pits' five a side ground I except no responsibility whatsoever. Il keep use informed.

yeah, i'm havin' to mop up a puddle myself right now, what time at the pits zeek i could take my lad down and show him how not to play, and i could do with a laugh anyway.bring on the carpet munchers.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

12.00 tomorrow, there playin in the first game against the favourites.

[Stu Monty]

Do the favorites have big tits and look pretty.

 

That would make them my favorites.

[Tom R]

How did the big game go then?

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Alrite mate, we had three matches lost 2-0, lost 4-0 and lost 7-0, one of the teams never turned up so we were awarded a win for that(still finished last). I was fuckin disgusted, having to listen to them all given it all that 'well we gave it our best shot' bollocks after the last game. Fuck that,They totally humiliated me, missed a penalty, created nothin, an never even once looked like scoring, At one point Beba (me bird) wasted 4 minutes of the game arguin with the ref that it wasnt handball because it definately hit her arm not her hand, I shouted across the pitch to her, 'that might be the point you tit' but she still argued. The worst thing about the day though was most of the lads teams were really shit, the team that won it had some arrogant cock nosed twat palyin for them, he was awful an his team mates wernt much better. But anyway at the end of the day, for each goal scored money was donated to charity so at least there shitness served some purpose.

[DT]

Have they learnt anything from it then? (ie. that women are totally shit at football and any other sport)

[Remmie]

Bump a bump bump. You go girlfriend!

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Funnily enough that was a one time only thing, the team. Shes actually changed jobs now and shes a hip hop dance instructor amongst other things, but im not even getting started on that one.

[Big Ig]

Glad to see your speelling's improved a tad since then! ;)