Simpsons quote thread

[Remmie]

I could do with a chuckle, try and tell us who says the quote too.

 

Ralph Wiggum: My cat's breath smells of cat food

 

Kent Brockman: And now we speak to Arnie Pie with Arnie in the Sky

 

Grampa (talking about Homer's childhood): I was mostly in it for the spanking

 

Troy McClure: You may remember me from such films as The erotic adventures of Hercules and dial M for Murderousness

[Owen]

A Noble spirit embiggens the soul: town motto.

[Section_31]

After Bart has shaken a can of Duff beer to the point where it blows the roof off their house.

 

Cop: 'Hey chief, looks like an explosion at the old simpson place'

 

Wiggum: 'Ah leave it'

 

Cop: 'Appears to be beer shooting out of the roof'

 

Wiggum (grabs radio) 'Am proceeding on foot send pretzils repeat pretzils!'

[Gav]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

[Remmie]

Chief Wiggum: The suspect is hatless, repeat hatless. I am directly under the sun........now

[Gav]

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.

Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend

 

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

 

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible

 

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.

Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning

 

Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]

Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'

 

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P

Nelson: Bart is pee!

Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

 

Homer: What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

 

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.

Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

[madstock]

"Miss Hoover - I put my finger up my nose and my brain came out..."

[Wig]

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?

Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.

Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.

Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?

Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.

Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.

Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.

Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.

Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.

Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.

Homer: Bart, go to your room.

[Gav]

Ralph: When i grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.

 

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

 

Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot."

 

Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

 

Homer: Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.

Bart: You're right.

[Gets up and leaves]

Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.

 

Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

 

Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

 

Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

[Gav]

Homer: Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

 

 

Homer: Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.

 

Homer: You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!

 

Troy McClure: HI. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!

 

Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."

Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."

 

 

Homer: How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

 

 

Grandpa Simpson: The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few.

[Red Mist]

To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

[Owen]

 

 

And not a quote, but:

 

[Dirk]

Bart: Looney Toons, this is what Michael Jackson looks like.

[shows an album]

You're nothing but a big fat mental patient.

Man: You'd be amazed how often I hear that.

[RJ Fan club]

Krusty: "Don't blame me! It's the percadan. If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain ... And now a word from our new sponsor ... Percadan, oh crap"

 

Troy McClure:

"Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass and The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot."

 

Mayor Quimby:

 

"I stand by my racial slur."

 

and

 

"Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse? "

[PTP]

"Super Nintendo Chalmers..." Ralph

[Ted]

Homer: (After Bart's team has won a hocket game) Well son, you did it,and to keep up with my end of the bargain here's your turtle, alive and well.

 

Homer: And if you lose, I'll kill you! (everyone laughs.) Homer clenches his fist and threatens Bart.

 

Homer:I call the big one Bitey.

 

Marge: Homer, I have someone here who can help

Homer:Batman?!

Marge: No, it's a scientist.

Homer: Batman's a scientist

Marge:It's not Batman!

[RedBrian84]

Corgan: "Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins"

 

Homer: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely"

[Mark P]

Anyone see the Simpsons/24 episode last night?

[RedBrian84]

Homer: "Ah....that sweet few seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn"

[Ted]

Anyone see the Simpsons/24 episode last night?

 

Any good?

[Mark P]

Any good?

 

Aye, thought it was good meself.

[Paco]

Barney: "Go back to Russia!"

[Ted]

Moe: Everything that comes out of his mouth.

 

Homer: Heloo, I believe you have a package for me, my name is Mr Burns.

Post officce worker: Ok Mr Burns, and your first name?

Homer: I don't know......

[Ted]

Duffman is thrusting toward the problem!

[Malarkey]

Homer: You know me, Marge: I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

 

Homer: I'll get out of this city alive, even if it kills me!