Any fathers out there?

[Crazyhorse7778]

In theory the seamen has to stay on the cervix, so either you have to ejaculate loads, or have your mrs arse in the air and head down a bit (not great in an unstable lie and a fucker on the lungs) or/and she needs to orgasm, lots. It causes the cervix to move a bit and the uterus to contract also an aid to helping bring on labour, all be it slowly.

 

Probably be easier to get a curry in.

[Sweeney287]

I was right about that too.

 

My services may be required over the coming days though as my lovely man juice is said to induce labour.

 

That'll be fun.

 

It certainly does.

 

My son is now 3 months old and to aid the labour the midwife done a sweep, went back home and had an afternoon session. The same evening the contractions started.

 

Congratulation Elite. Don't know what all the fuss is about with the sleep. Mine has slept through the night since he was about 2 weeks old. Fantastic!!

 

It's much harder work than expected to be honest. I'm very busy at work and doing 11 hour days, coming home, have a shower then it's my turn to look after him for a few hours whilst the missus has a break so no real down time until about half nine.

 

But, when they first smile at you, it's well worth it.

[William_Ulsterman]

Don't let the little fucker sleep in your bed with you and your missus. REPEAT DON'T!

If you love your sleep it will have effects for years if you allow it.

 

best bit of advice you'll get.

 

youll be up 4-5-6 times a night zombified, eyes hangin out of your head, wean bawlin' his/her eyes out and you'll be thinking what the fuck did i do!!!,

 

but when they finally settle down and are sleeping on your shoulder, its really fucking quiet, you'll get the feeling of what its like to be a father and its the best fuckin feelin in the world honest! you'll just want to stand there all night ;)

[William_Ulsterman]

comedy induces labour no shit!

 

was watching Lee Mack with the misses in bed and she was pissing herself laughing, she was laughing so hard she went into labour. Her waters broke on the way to the car, fukin lucky 30 secs later and it would have been all over me fucking seats and that shit stinks.

[William_Ulsterman]

oh one more thing...

 

make sure your missus breast feeds as you wont have to do any hard work then, no bottles to make up and youll get the lions share of the sleep.

[William_Ulsterman]

play it by ear and dont believe everything you read in books

 

there is one book i enjoyed alot called "From here to Paternity"

[hamstrung]

It certainly does.

 

My son is now 3 months old and to aid the labour the midwife done a sweep, went back home and had an afternoon session. .

 

Mrs is book in for her second "Scratch and Sniff" on Monday.

 

comedy induces labour no shit!

 

was watching Lee Mack with the misses in bed...

 

I don't see the connection?

[hamstrung]

I think its actually supposed to soften the cervix, rather than bring on labour, thereby reducing labour pain.

 

I shouldn't know this stuff.

[RobbieOR]

I think its actually supposed to soften the cervix, rather than bring on labour, thereby reducing labour pain.

 

I shouldn't know this stuff.

 

Yes you should. You've been getting books out of the libary and reading them to please the missus.

[hamstrung]

Its 2009 Robbie. Only the homeless and elderly use the library.

[Dracco]

My son is 10 months now, so I can tell you that it is gonna be hard but wonderful.

 

One thing you should do for sure is to stand by your missus every minute you can. She will need you during pregnancy and also after the birth.

 

Your life will never be the same mate.

[Sweeney287]

Don't forget the tissues as I blubbed like a 4 year old when he popped out.

[William_Ulsterman]

I don't see the connection?

 

neither do i, but then again my missus is a bit simple.

[odris]

Yes you should. You've been getting books out of the libary and reading them to please the missus.

 

Google is the only thing a man needs when he requires information that may or may not be true.

 

"What does it mean if the baby cries like 'wahhhhaaaaaawahhhh' and then stops for 8-10 seconds and then continues"

 

Google will have that shit locked down.

[Paul]

A couple of other thoughts occurred:

 

1. You absolutely do not need every single gimmicky product aimed at new babies and their desperate to make everything perfect parents. This ties in to the way everyone tries to give you the fear about what you're doing. Having a child is a bit like getting married - there's a whole mini-economy of shops, magazines, books and products based around it that you are completely unaware of until you become a target consumer. As with the wedding equivalent, their marketing tactics are incredibly emotive and they give you the uber-hard sell on all sorts of bollocks that you'll never need:

 

• Fire guards - shite (supervise your children and explain to them that they'll get hurt if they go near a fire).
  
• Stair guards - shite (for the same reasons as above).
  
• Baby monitors - shite (just how big is your house and just how thick are its walls? You've got ears).
  
• Special baby changing furniture - shite (you've got floors).
  
• Special children's beds - shite (they can fit into normal sized ones just as easily and won't grow out of them).
  

 

2. Do not be proud about accepting hand-me-downs from family and friends. In the early years, we regularly bought stuff for our two that barely ever got used/worn because they grow out of things so quickly. It is very easy to spend obscene amounts of money on stuff you'll never use. This isn't about being tight; it's about waste - stick the money you'll save into an account for your little one instead.

 

This is equally true of toys as well as clothes. I reckon we've had several thousand pounds worth of toys and clothes go through our house that were a complete waste of money. For every gift that has been a resounding success (scooters, a Nintendo DS, a play house) there have probably been 15 pieces of expensive tat that have hardly been opened, never mind played with.

 

3. After you've had your first and moved on to number two (or beyond), everything becomes infinitely less stressful but exponentially more exhausting. But it's still ace. Enjoy.

[Total Longo]

Got to agree with the spirit of this post. Indoctrinating your kids with your own passions/obsessions is one of the very best bits of the job. Mine both love food, words, music, books, telly and movies. It may be partly genetic, but I haven't held off pointing them in the right direction, either.

 

My three year old demands Radiohead be put on when we get in the car. It amuses me greatly.

 

"Any requests, lads?"

Son one, 4, "Yellow submarine! or Surfin Bird!"

Son two, 3, "Waydiohead"

Son two rules.

[hamstrung]

I was thinking about music last night.

 

Reckon I am going to make a few CD's of kid friendly music. Kids seem to like poppy, catchy stuff and I have plenty of that.

 

My girl's going to have taste. None of that silly, babyish rubbish.

[Paul]

I was thinking about music last night.

 

Reckon I am going to make a few CD's of kid friendly music. Kids seem to like poppy, catchy stuff and I have plenty of that.

 

My girl's going to have taste. None of that silly, babyish rubbish.

 

Fuck that - play her everything (although be aware that the price to pay for this policy may be some awkward moments when they start singing things like "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" or "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me" in front of their grandparents).

[melons]

Music, my kids were born (literally) to the likes of Simon and garfunkle and U2.

 

I remember watching something on TV about Wet wet wet. one of the lads had not thought about it and just grabbed a CD from the collection, the CD was Madness the song for birth timed out to be, welcome to the house of fun....

 

pick carefully your choice of CD for the labour room, you need something that your mrs can handle when she's in the peak of a contraction as well as in the boring nothings fucking happening bit and she wants to kill anyone that speaks.

[Total Longo]

I filled up a CD with loads of Brian Eno, Air, Sigur Rós, Philip Glass, Beethoven, Boards of Canada and Blade Runner music and the kids came out horizontal. Actually, that's a shite analogy as they literally did come out horizontally. Oh well, they were as chilled as possible anyway.

[hamstrung]

Aye, we've got a bit of Eno and that sort of stuff.

 

I am hoping to time the "pop out" bit so this comes on

 

[YOUTUBE]80ImWL4alR4[/YOUTUBE]

[odris]

Wave your hands in the air.