Tuesday Jun 2:
Lovren kicks off on social media about littering. This was great. He was out for a walk on Formby beach and was so disgusted by all the garbage he saw that he live streamed his walk and went off on one about how we need to be better. Good for him, I thought it was ace, if a little surreal.
Looking forward to tomorrow when he walks around the local park pointing out all the dogshit and calling out the bastards who didn't pick it up. Say what you like about big Dejan, but he's certainly not dull.
I was browsing youtube today looking at the video uploads by the club and I stumbled across one from a few weeks back that I’d somehow missed. Pep Ljinders interviewing Harvey Elliott. It was great, Ljinders is just such a lively, enthusiastic fella. He’s so positive in everything he says and does and as much as Buvac was well respected and had a lot of success with Klopp, this fella is just so happy and loves his work so much it’s impossible for it not to rub off on others.
I want to see more of Ljinders this year. Let him do all the league cup press conferences again and give him his own weekly show on LFCTV. In fact, partner him up with my boy Steve Hunter, perhaps the only person on the club’s payroll who’s more enthusiastic than Ljinders.
Wednesday Jun 3:
The Mirror publishes a result of a survey of fans asked about football’s return. No surprise our fans were most in favour, but what struck me was that the most opposed were not those facing relegation. It wasn’t even Everton, which would have surprised no-one (they were second, on 76%). It was City, the sad obsessed pathetic little cunts.
80% of them didn’t want the season to start again. It’s laughable. I’m just embarrassed for them, the pathetic little fucking worms. Taking their title just got even sweeter. These are the absolute fucking worst. From top to bottom, that club is pathetic. There are countless reasons to despise United, and I never thought Chelsea fans would be beaten when it came to not knowing how to act like a big club, but City have taken it to a whole new stratosphere. It’s like everything they do just makes me cringe.
The owners are cunts, the press office are sad obsessed bitter little cockroaches, the manager is a dick, half the team are wankers and the fans… the fans… fuck me. I don’t know what’s happened to them as they used to be alright. Now they’re the absolute fucking worst in the entire country. The kings of ‘whataboutery’. Enjoy choking on our dust you pathetic little crybaby cunts.
Christ, I needed that, I feel like I’ve lightened the load a little now.
Some of the other results were interesting, especially that only 53% of West Ham fans were against relegation. Fair play to them, but then West Ham’s fans have never really been the problem have they? I don’t mind the Hammers fanbase, it’s the vile owners who my beef is with. Mind you, 65% of Hammers fans polled did want the season scrapped, which isn’t great, so fuck them too I guess. If I could pick one team in the bottom half to go down, then it would be…
*checks table to see where Everton are*
Ok it would be Everton. But if I had to pick another then it would be West Ham.
In other news today, there was one positive test for the virus in the PL. It was from Spurs. Obviously it’s not being made public who recorded the positive test but I think we all know who will be claiming it.
Thursday Jun 4:
We’ve pulled out of the race for Werner and he’s going to Chelsea. Dramatic representation of me right now....
The explanation given by those in the know was ‘financial reasons’ which was taken by many as FSG being mingebags and not allowing Klopp what he wants. God knows I’ve got my issues with the owners, but as I always say in these situations, Klopp is the one who drives the bus in these situations.
I ask myself what is the more likely scenario:
1) Klopp really wants a player but the club then pull the rug out from under him because of the Covid situation.
Or 2) Klopp wants a player but decides he can’t justify spending that kind of money in the current uncertain climate.
To me it’s scenario number two all day every day. I’m not buying it that Klopp wanted to pay the asking price and salary and was told he couldn’t. If it was Rafa, then yeah, absolutely I'd believe it. Klopp is a different animal though. He’s got a conscience when it comes to this kind of thing.
The long term financial implications mean something to him and it’s not just about wanting shiny new toys to play with. He’s pulled the plug on loads of deals for various reasons, and to me this is just another obvious example of it.
Of course, there is another possible reason for this. Klopp might have been reading this column each week and finally seen the light that Werner isn’t a great fit for us because he’s got no guile and that no amount of running and working hard can compensate for that.
Listen, to clarify, I’m not saying he isn’t a good striker who will score a lot of goals. He is and he probably will. His record certainly suggests it. I just think people (including Werner himself) jumped the gun in saying what a good fit he is for how we play just because he never stops running.
It’s a bit insulting to our front three really, because working hard and running a lot should be a given. You need more than that though. Much more. You need skill, sharpness, intelligence, versatility and GUILE. Bulls in a china shop need not apply.
Ok I'm being a little facetious, so let me explain it this way. Possibly my favourite non-LFC player to watch right now is Jamie Vardy. I love watching him, I think he’s fantastic at what he does and he’s the closest thing I’ve seen to Rushy. You can’t relax for a second when Vardy is around, and he scores all sorts of goals.
He’s brilliant, but he wouldn’t fit into our front three. Doesn’t make him any less of a player, it just makes him suited to a different style and set up. He knows it himself, which is why he never signed for Arsenal.
So Werner might be brilliant for Chelsea, we’ll see. If he is though, you’re not going to get me bemoaning ‘the one that got away’ because I don’t think he’d have been brilliant for us and I’ve said it all along, so it’s not a case of “never fancied her anyway after being knocked back”.
It’s funny though because there is a part of me that’s disappointed at today’s news. Not because we didn’t get Werner, but because if Klopp has decided he isn’t going to spend big this summer then it means we’re probably getting no-one. We’re certainly not getting my boy Adama as he’ll be even more pricey than Werner was.
Still, probably for the best that we keep our powder dry for now, as Mbappe will be on the market in 12 months time and we all know how desperate he is to join the Reds.
Friday Jun 5:
See the Werner story is being spun into us 'losing out' to Chelsea. Werner did everything other than get a Liverbird tattoo and couldn’t have made his preferences any clearer. It was Klopp who decided the deal wasn’t right for us, and Chelsea were there as a consolation prize for Werner.
Mind you, it does look like they’re going to be the big spenders this summer, as they also want Havertz and Chilwell. Funny really. That whole ‘promoting youth’ change to their policy lasted only as long as their transfer ban. Who’d have thunk it?
Interview with Lovren on LFCTV today and he was asked about how hard it was not being able to play and train and have the physical contact of proper training. He replied ‘yeah it’s hard. That’s why I was tackling my son in the garden”. Hahaha that’s boss. The slow motion clip he posted of him flattening his kid with a slidey was one of the best things from lockdown.
Of course he should probably be careful not to hurt the poor lad, especially as he won’t let him have any kind of injections because Bill Gates is trying to put trackers in us all.
Tell you what, Barnesy has the patience of a saint doesn't he? He’s been tweeting non-stop since the BLM movement started over in the states and was picked up here. I don’t know how he does it, you look at some of the replies he gets and it’s genuinely fucking repulsive.
Here’s the thing, sometimes Barnes will say something I don’t necessarily agree with but that usually just triggers two thoughts in my head. The first is that my own view is probably wrong if it differs from him, and the second is that who the fuck am I to second guess something John Barnes says about racism?
It’s not for old (or in my case middled aged) white fellas to be lecturing black people about racism. It’s our job to just shut up and listen. If other black people want to take issue with something Barnes says, that’s fair enough, but few things infuriate me more than seeing white fellas telling people like John Barnes what’s what when it comes to racism. We don't know. We don't experience it. We can't even really imagine it, even though we might think we can. Whatever we might think it's like, it's definitely fucking worse.
Digger always keeps it dignified and never rises to some of the shit that is thrown at him. That being said, he scored a fucking huge own goal today when he posted a picture of Trump that he claims someone sent him. It was a screenshot of saved photos / videos and underneath it was a thumbnail of a porno video (which it later turned out was two black fellas being pretty rough with a white girl).
When it was pointed out to him he then had to issue an apology.
“I have to apologise for any offence caused as I posted a Donald trump picture sent to me by a friend.. on the camera roll under was a video of pornography,” he wrote. ”I wasn’t aware that it was there and apologise once again for any offence caused.”
No idea if it was or it wasn’t, but it was an excruciating moment and I was mortified for him. Just think how that must have felt when he realised what had happened? It's bad enough when you put a tweet out with a spelling mistake in it. I can't even begin to imagine the level of cringe and squirm that would have invoked. Brutal.
Saturday Jun 6:
Roma are chasing Lovren again. Maybe this time they’ll actually stump up some cash and not try and lowball us with a loan offer? If he goes over there he’ll be a fucking superstar and his ‘best defender in the world’ claim won’t be laughed at no more. What am I basing that on? I’ll tell you. Chris Smalling went to Roma and has been one of the best defenders in the league. They think he’s boss. So yeah, if he can look good over there then Dejan can look like a world beater.
Tentative links with my boy Adama today. Much as I’d love to see him here, the chances of it happening are slim to none. He’d cost considerably more than Werner would have and Wolves probably won’t sell regardless of how much they were offered. Loads still aren’t sold on him but I’d be willing to bet that his next move is going to be to one of the top clubs in Europe and he’s going to just keep getting better and better.
The problem is that he’s worth more to Wolves than anyone would be willing top pay for him. Similar to Zaha at Palace in a way. There are loads of top clubs who would look at Zaha and think “yeah I wouldn’t mind adding him to the squad” but there are none who would pay anything like what his worth is to Palace. It’s like that with Traore now I reckon.
I’d go as high as £50m for him but there’ll be loads of you reading this who think his value is half that. The reality of the situation though is I doubt Wolves would even pick up for the phone for anything under £80m, and no-one is paying that at this moment in time. Except maybe Chelsea. I mean fuck me, Abramovic just paid £95m for a painting!
Sunday Jun 7:
Ok, so he hasn’t paid £95m for a painting. His spokesman reckons it’s bullshit. We’ll know soon enough when it shows up on the canteen wall at Vitesse Arnhem or Watford.
Meanwhile Cafu is singing Trent's praises. He says he plays like a Brazilian and that he could win the Balon d’Or in the future. It’d cut a lot more ice if he hadn’t said pretty much the exact same thing about Jon Flanagan.
Also, this tickled me today. Remember Bob Bradley, the former USA boss who managed Swansea for a while and used to dress like the Milk Tray guy? Well he used to coach the Egypt national team and he’s taking a bit of credit for how well Mo has turned out. Bradley revealed that he gave Mo some advice that he’s taken and that helped him to the top. The advice? I’ll let the man himself tell you:
“I told him to watch Messi closely, so he can improve his performance and he took my advice.”
Wow, he’s a real guru. Fucking hell. What’s his advice to budding young golfers? “Watch Rory McIlroy closely and you’ll improve your performance.” What a fraud. Not even Brendan would have the brass neck to make a statement like that.
Also today, Pablo Dybala was taking on Deli Alli in FIFA and he went the mighty reds. He took the lead and then belted out YNWA to wind Alli up. That’ll do for me. Get him signed.
Meanwhile, Fat Joe Anderson says he’s happy for the derby to be played at Goodison. Oh really? Changed his tune hasn’t he, considering the other week he was saying our fans can’t be trusted to not hit the streets and celebrate when we win the title. Thumb looking tit.
Tell you what, fair play to John Barnes as he hasn’t let the mishap with the porn photo slow him down. He’s been absolutely fucking relentless with his tweets on racism and he’s engaging with all kinds of cunts who are throwing shit at him. I don’t know how he does it, but then he’s been dealing with racism his entire life so this is nothing new.
I suppose in one sense it’s encouraging that it’s a subject that being openly discussed now and maybe some good can come of it. I doubt it like. Too many cunts in this world, many of whom are so rich and powerful that they set the tone for all this shite.
Monday Jun 8:
More rumours about my boy Adama, and the Mbappe thing is still rumbling on too. Neither of those are happening in this window. Klopp’s already said he couldn’t justify spending the money it would take to get Werner, so he’s hardly going to be sanctioning deals that are more expensive.
Wouldn’t be shocked if that changed 12 months down the line though and Mbappe gets to fulfil all his hopes and dreams by signing for the mighty red machine. Nike can get him and LeBron together for a big PR campaign and then sit back and watch the dollars roll in. Or he'll end up at Chelsea too because we can't afford him. If that happens, then it's worth kicking off over. Werner though? Not so much,
One deal that has been completed is Lallana signing a new deal to make sure he sees out this season. He’ll probably get quite a few games too, as once the title is wrapped up I fully expect Klopp to just rotate the squad and give everyone minutes.
Clyne isn’t getting any kind of extension though and he’s off. It’s mad how the last few years have turned out for him. It almost feels like he was never even a Liverpool player as so much has happened since he was last a regular. I liked Clyney though, he was solid and dependable until his body completely broke down on him.
Meanwhile, Fowler has his say on the Werner thing, and the word of God is pretty much the same as mine.
"I’ve heard the noise surrounding Timo Werner in recent weeks – but I’m not a big fan. I realise he’s a talented player, he has moments of real brilliance in matches that underline his quality. But I stand by this: is Werner up to the standard of Liverpool’s current front three? Not for me. I’ve seen the meltdown from some Liverpool fans when they realised he’s probably not leaving RB Leipzig for Anfield after all.
"It makes it seem as though he’s a Marco van Basten, a world-class player who would walk into any side. For the life of me, I don’t know why. I’ve watched him a fair few times and there are things about his game I like and admire. But does he influence games consistently enough? Not for me. Does he match up to the players you are signing him to challenge and replace? Not at Liverpool. Maybe at Chelsea."
Yes Robbie lad. Personally I like my breakdown of him better (the bull in a china shop description completely nails it) but yours is pretty good too.
Hmmm. Barcelona want Gini. Normally this is the point where I’d post an Uncle Junior meme with the caption “and I’d like to fuck Angie Dickinson, let’s see who gets lucky first”, but Gini is the only one we don’t have wrapped up to a long term deal and I wonder if there’s a reason for that. Does he fancy making one more big move and that’s why he hasn’t extended? Hope not, as he’s a massive part of what we’ve done over the last few years.
You know what, talking about Barcelona has just given me a thought. If we’re not going to spend any money this summer (and I’m fine with that considering the uncertainty) let’s go and get li’l Phil back on a loan deal. You know it makes sense, Rodney.
Bring him home, Jurgen!
Ole ole ole ole, Coutinho-o-o-o
*puts on crash helmet*
…..and that was the week that was
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