torahboy

If he said that then the merry japesters should have DPd his missus in Sheffield while he was sucking plastic in Aberdeen. Torres not "very good"!!?? The mere thought should be punishable by death, or a chat with Bill Kenwright.

I'm surprised it wasn't a fucking pencil or crayon - cheap bastards!

Bolton v Wigan? I'd rather pop a party popper full of anthrax powder and inhale deeply as the magic death dust cascaded down over my upturned face than watch those two stables compete.

Thanks for that, Longo. Great stuff! I also realised that I shouldn't rely on my memory at all. Getting Kevin Eldon and Mark Heap confused might be understandable, but fuck knows where I got the 'stripey pyjamas' bit from. Might be a subconscious desire to own a pair one day. Not long to wait now I fear. Thanks for posting the stuff anyway.

My favourite was Kevin Eldon playing Ming the Merciless, living in suburbia, Hoovering his house and getting ill. Ming in those stripey pyjamas, lying in a hospital bed was ridiculously funny. Big Train had all sorts of mad stuff: the huntsmen who used to stalk firemen as they did their duty, the man with the huge, upright running dog and, of course, the office workers who were requested to stop wanking. Can't understand why it hasn't been repeated more frequently.

She sounds like she wouldn't even react to that.

A little Tabasco, paprika and cayenne sauce spread on the bread of a cress sandwich does absolutely nothing to enhance the flavour of the cress, but the bread can be used as a warming poultice for lower back lumbago. Beans. They're nothing without tomato sauce. But what makes you fart - the beans or the sauce?

"Schtup et in toches?"

Slumdog Millionaire - 5/10. Just didn't live up to the hype. Flashback plot, some nice pictures of poverty, irritating camera angles, Film4 and Celador production. Jaspar Carrot must be fucking loving it. Best line- "Let's play 'Who Wants To Be A Millinaire'. Chris Tarrant can fuck right off! Should make one about Beckham's tart and call it Dumbslag Millionaire.

Control. Mancunian suicide caper. If this was the heyday of Madchester then I can only state that Curtis's suicide was a fitting comment on the times. Miserable and artless. 2/10.

I remember questioning Rogan Taylor (prior to him passing all his medical exams and becoming a doctor)on why he was screwing coin out of The Football Trust, which was initially set up to finance ground improvements and amenities for fans throughout the old Football League. His answer was a limp plea for understanding that he needed loot to carry out his "research" (reading footy books) and that he had a family to consider. So I asked him why he didn't just get a proper fucking job. He told me that there was very little call for moustachioed oompah-loompahs in Liverpool and that it was always a dream of his to be paid for doing fuck all. That was my dream too and, happily, I realised my dream. Seems like Rogan's still chasing his.

I'm happy with the win and I'm happy with Rafa. I couldn't give two fucks for what all the dickheads, doom mongers, cunts, quims, twats, pussies, pricks, cocks, dicks, shithouses, ballbags, cacksacks, wet farts, scab oozes and general gutter trash say to undermine our victory and our manager. It wasn't a great game...so....fuck it! We won.

I breathe, in and out all fucking day and night.

He reminded me of when I was a kid and got taken to a really cheap Christmas grotto, where the theme was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Moyes looked just like one of those bizarre, wooden puppets: badly assembled face, clumps of glued-on hair, giant glass marble eyes and a head that rotated from side to side. No sound, just this fucking nightmare image silently scanning the line of terrified children and concerned parents. And the fucking dwarves were equally scary. Come to think of it, Father Christmas had white hair and black eyebrows. Could it have been....................? Nah!

Fuck Moyes, the unwashed, tidemark sporting, soap dodging, cunt headed cunt. He spouts about doing things with 'class and dignity'. Dignity should manifest itself in one's bearing, actions and manners. To proclaim one's own dignity publicly is the antithesis of the concept of dignity. As for 'class'? For fuck's sake, he's Everton's manager!

Johnny Todd seems like a bright boy. He is an absolute credit to his people, with all that 'class and dignity' he exhibits. He's an excellent example of modern Evertonian - witty, urbane, charming, magnanimous and Mancunian. In short - he's a delight! If he didn't keep eating his own and his family's shit you would mistake him for a human.

SO HAVE I. SO DON'T START THINKING YOU CAN HURT ME, SAILOR!

NO IT IS NOT, BITCH!!!!

I heard a story that her old man was willing to pimp her out to Mo Al Fayed for a comfort fuck after his Dodi and Di conspiracy court action got lashed. Al Fayed was reported to have turned Lily down but said that he'd be willing to bum the arse off her brother. This story may well be as apocryphal as Lily's songwriting genius, but I wouldn't put anything past that slimey cunt of a father of hers.

Benjamin fucking Elton forty one places ahead of George Carlin? Al fucking Murray in the top one hundred? Alan fucking Davies even on the list? Billy fucking, 'I'll laugh at my own jokes until you do', court fucking jester, twatting dried out, veggie, being raped by dad fantasiser, married to insane slag, fucking Connolly top stand up????!!!! Jesus fucking wept...............and probably because he caught sight of this list.

I believe that every supporter is entitled to his/her opinion on our club but the attacks on Rafa have become more bile induced and mendacious with each drawn game. One unarguable fact is that Rafa has given us a team (teams) that no other team has outplayed this season nor looked like beating. Our solitary league defeat was down to incredible luck falling into Harry the Cunt's lap. I haven't seen one game where I could actually say that the opposition looked superior over the ninety minutes. For me anyway, that is progress from previous seasons and that is why I support Senor Benitez. I am amazed by the ferocity of some of the attacks on our manager and, like manicss01, feel a lot of them are fired by the the naive consumption of the media's current campaign to undermine Benitez. If anybody doubts the press's obsession with Benitez just check today's papers. The Observer has even dedicated its main section's Profile - normally reserved for a study of politicians and major academics - to an examination of our manager's supposed 'meltdown' since he said what everyone was thinking about that cunt Ferguson and his cunt club. With this level of negative journalistic propaganda it is unsurprising, but pathetic, fucking pathetic, that some of our own fellow fans have joined with the Benitez bashing brigade.

I don't give an alien's fuck who gets what job as long as it isn't me. Whoever it is, though, the government must be assiduous in collecting taxes and national insurance from them. The last thing this country needs is any financial shortfall that may affect the benefits system.

A couple of aspirin, a hot-ish bath, a sharp blade, a couple of firm cuts into the prominent veins on the wrists, then............just relax. In a while it will all be over: no more Rafa, no more rage over tactics, no more frustration caused by substitutions, no more despair over another drawn game, no more anxiety about future games, no more waving white flags before the battle is irretrievably lost. No more anything - all is silence. Or just wait until we actually start losing. Failing that, there's this place in Switzerland that specializes in off jobs.

Nah-nah nah-nah-nah!

The last time I saw face like his it was on the side of Notre Dame cathedral. I'm also of the opinion that if you opened up Bruce's head you would find a single smokey bacon crisp, a slightly overcooked crisp at that.