Uncle_Meat

I've not found Swansea too bad, but Cwmbran is my fave for tramp spotting. Seriously, if you're ever feeling a bit down, a bit insecure about yourself simply visit Cwmbran shopping centre. I promise you'll walk away feeling like an Adonis, an absolute perfect specimen. Even me, a right ugly fucker.

Eyup. In the days of MSN and Yahoo chatrooms a favourite of mine was going into emo/goth/death metal rooms with a stupid name like "HappyRabbits" and a rainbow-coloured Comic Sans font saying stuff like "Hugz all round guyz! Hows it hanging!1! :D x" The religious rooms on PalTalk were always good for a windup too, go in there being all happy-clappy xtian and gradually drag it down. Someone would always bite, and a harmless enough way to kill an hour or so.

Noos would destroy Reddit in a dozen posts, a perfect blend of obvious troll plus subtle points = shitloads of win.

Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace. Autoglass can fuck off and choke on diseased tramps cock. The windscreen on my car is getting a bit hazy, really fine scratches where the wipers have ground fine particles into the glass which makes it a bit awkward to see when you get a low sun/wet road kind of thing or when it's wet, dark and cunts coming towards you don't dip their beams. Anyway, only a lowly Mk4 Fiesta, had a couple of quotes from other places at around £100 all in, but thought I would give them a chance. For shits and giggles. I explained that, although I'm full comp with windscreen cover and so on, I want it done as a normal paying customer, not insurance covered as it's not really broken or chipped as such so therefore nowt I could claim for, and besides it'll only go against me when next years premium comes in as there'll be a claim on my record. I knew I had £75 excess for windscreen cover, and with quotes coming in at around £100 it's not worth it anyway. First of all, they tell me they can't give me a quote without checking my insurance policy and then come back "We can see you're with LV and you have a £75 excess so we can do it for your £75 excess." That's not what I asked for, I just wanted a straight price. "But Sir, it'll only be £75. A lot cheaper than normal price." I explain that the windscreen is not broken as such. "It's OK Sir, we'll take care of all that. When would you like to book?" I tell them no, I would not like to book it in, and besides isn't that insurance fraud? "But Sir, It'll only cost you £75.." I explain that I've had quotes for around £100 all in, without having to bother the insurance company about it all, and also these other quotes have not insinuated "Would I like to commit insurance fraud whilst I'm at it.". I explained the situation to one other company, and they said outright "Nope, you can't claim for that. It's not actually broken, just wear and tear.. Besides, it's cheap enough not to bother..." No answer to that one, but here comes the price. "That'll be £350. This includes fitting (duh) and a free pair of windscreen wipers too! But, only £75 excess if you go through your insurance." Three hundred and fifty fucking quid. Not a bad markup if you can make it. Of course, they can get away with it as most people will just see the "ooh! Only have to pay the excess" and it's the insurance companies who give them their profit. I'm not a big fan of insurance companies at the best of times, but even I would rather not see them get stiffed to this extent as it only pushes the price of premiums up for the rest of us. Thieving bastards. So, next time you get a quote for your insurance, give Autoglass and their hefty prices a thought and wonder how much of it is down to the likes of them and places like them who charge through the fucking nose for work as "Fuck it, the insurance will pay..."

Does this belong in here? Sod it, suppose so. Never been one for rap/hiphop type stuff, well apart from some of the earlier analoguey synthy type stuff, but this fella has been growing on me a lot lately. [YOUTUBE]YeV2cExvnMI[/YOUTUBE] Nice retro synthy bits and intelligent lyrics.

Yep, she had me sussed on that score. Think it was around '94, maybe '95 when I was seeing her. All night Champ Manager sessions were also quite common around that time.

Win! I went out with a lass who was a behavioural psychologist once. Fascinating girl to be with, good company, intelligent and insightful but I was always paranoid I would be getting analysed with everything I do. "He scratched his ear and broke eye contact when he said he's too busy to visit me this weekend. That means he's really planning on getting stoned and playing Kick Off 2 with his mates all night on the Amiga"

Function over form everytime for me. Besides, it's magical. I find stuff in there that I don't even remember owning.

I've got one of these. It's even got a special pouch for storing coaxial cables, and the controller case is perfect for an emergency 2oz packet of tobacco.

In hindsight, he was ideal for Top of The Pops. "And straight in at 13. Me."

I'd have to go for the one you have crossed out. As a right-handed forksman, you have to eat the veg first (otherwise "things" happen) and having it that way around allows you to rotate the plate sunwise for optimum spud access before you get to the final meaty bit.

All the blurb on that site just puts me off, it's like reading a Scientology flyer. "You will NEVER be in the dark." "You will NEVER feel confused about what to do." But I like being confused in the dark...

I've never had any reason to be spiteful or devious or anything other than pleasant with any of my ex's, it's always been mutual and with no hard feelings. Well, except one but she was a grade A psycho hose beast... Still didn't harbour any feelings of revenge as I was just glad to get shut of her.

All of the above is why I'm happy and chilled to be living on my tod again. Especially the planning bit. I can't tell you with any certainty what I'm planning to do after work, let alone in a weeks time or more. I know, it works both ways, I've probably got habits that annoy the shit out of others but still... I'm just not wired to live with other humans on a 24/7 basis, it's just too nice to be able to do my own shit when I want to without having to worry about anyone else.

Been saying this for years, spike cheap Farmfoods/Lidl fish fingers, spaghetti hoops, bottles of Trendy Pops cherryade, Greggs sausage rolls and so forth with contraceptives, nip it in the bud before it can start. Either that or a government campaign for blowjobs. "Remember lads, one in the throat is worth 2 in her stoat" kind of thing for the lads, and pictures of Cheryl Cole with spunk all over her face saying "Mmm. Right canny that is.." on billboards everywhere to appeal to the ladies. Job done.

I wouldn't know, I've never heard of it until now. Ningnong.

Top Secret is legitimately ace. Loads of cracking lines and bits. Anyway. For some unknown reason I too find Gimme Gimme Gimme very watchable. Shoot me now.

Remmie. Sorry mate, your pigs have been outclassed. Fuck me, that was proper edge of the seat (well, bed. I'm being a lazy twat today) stuff.

[YOUTUBE]eu2169itPM0[/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE]-XT83-EgCS8[/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE]Pw8ZESzpL3M[/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE]pcDNMqIgrzc[/YOUTUBE]

The trick is to either make sure you're dampened their gusset first, stick to munters with a mimsy like a wizards sleeve, or insist upon gum jobs. These 3 top tips have kept my banjo intact for years, and hopefully will for many years to come. See what I did there?

Ahh man, I can listen to Syd Barrett all day. His solo stuff is quite stranger but still ace. Anyway. Paul McCartney Somebody's knockin at the door, Somebody's ringing the bell. Somebody's knockin at the door, Somebody's ringing the bell. Do me a favour, open the door, and let 'em in.... And to think that cunt wrote Yesterday and Eleanor Rigby amongst others.

He used to undress me with his eyes through the telly. Can I have some money now?

Eeeyup. I'm still running ARHD 6.3.3 on mine, absolutely bombproof and does everything I want a droid phone to do.

Looks bad, I know, but at least it's not Vanessa Feltz.