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Xpert 11 league started. Anyone interested?

RedinSweden

By RedinSweden,
in TNF - Techy Nerd Forum

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Elmyn Noos Grand Master

Elmyn Noos

Posted
Posted
Mr Noos, you are the sort of recruit we are looking for in the VIP league. Put your hand in your pocket for something other than having a crafty hand-shandy, get VIP membership and join the Dark Side.

 

hmm..I am only just getting to grips with this Xpert11 thing. What is the VIP league then? Obviously mine, and the fans, priority is, porn, then beer, then gravy, then the league. Is the VIP league another commitment for my players, or is it run separately with another team, or is it a secret society for blokes who like to touch each other's willies? If it's the latter, do I need to wash my hands?

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Ezekiel 25:17 Grand Master

Ezekiel 25:17

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Interesting shitastics there Mary Tyler Moron, but there are only three unbeaten teams in this division. One of them is managed by a very lucky wimmin, and the other two - aint you! One of the wins you point to was a friendly against whipping boys Fanny Batter United, and you were spanked at home in the league by Igoresque, who just got beaten in the cup by said wimmin. Your other two games saw you get convincing beaten, on one occasion by the team I just drew with in the cup.

 

Also, with a full weekend before the fixture, can you hand on heart say that you won't have sold your whole team by the time we meet on Monday?

 

If I were you, I'd rest your best players so you have an excuse for the cricket score defeat that is coming your way sonny.

 

 

Excellent response Mr Noos, cant help thinking it sounds like the words of a worried man though, we will see.

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Elmyn Noos Grand Master

Elmyn Noos

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Excellent response Mr Noos, cant help thinking it sounds like the words of a worried man though, we will see.

 

I'm more worried by the fact that our division's only female manager keeps sending me pictures of herself wearing only a black bow tie and licking what appears to be a prize-winning courgette.

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madstock Mentor

madstock

Posted
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I'm more worried by the fact that our division's only female manager keeps sending me pictures of herself wearing only a black bow tie and licking what appears to be a prize-winning courgette.

 

I think you'll find it is a small marrow.

 

Anyway, get yourself sorted VIP-wise.

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Elmyn Noos Grand Master

Elmyn Noos

Posted
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Do it. It is the way forward.

 

How much does it cost, and can anyone think of a way of putting it through my business as a tax dodge?

 

Edit: Got it. If a man in a poorly fitting suit and cheap shoes calls at your door, you must confirm you are all clients of mine, for he will be a public sector scumbag from the tax office.

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SoMuch4Gravity Rising Star

SoMuch4Gravity

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Whoever Fake Madrid is, they got a 2-0 red ass beat down at the Stad de Titty Glitter this morning from a D3 club. I think I've finally got the hang of things and even managed to pick up a player for my ressies.

 

Noos, i have no idea when we play one another, but you better be ready for Shit Lightning FC

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Elmyn Noos Grand Master

Elmyn Noos

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Whoever Fake Madrid is, they got a 2-0 red ass beat down at the Stad de Titty Glitter this morning from a D3 club. I think I've finally got the hang of things and even managed to pick up a player for my ressies.

 

Noos, i have no idea when we play one another, but you better be ready for Shit Lightning FC

 

The Navyboys will be ransacking the Stad de Shitty Splitter a week on Monday. Brace yourselves, the Village People are coming.

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SoMuch4Gravity Rising Star

SoMuch4Gravity

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The Navyboys will be ransacking the Stad de Shitty Splitter a week on Monday. Brace yourselves, the Village People are coming.

 

Gotta be honest, not impressed with your team. Ledley McImage is going to mark your precious little Bernard Barness right out of the match.

 

Your defense is also suspect and will be very susceptible to my xMas tree 2-3-5 formation. Oh, and did I mention? my goalie coach makes these delicious waffles after the match, so stop by the boot room and we'll have a post game chat.

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Elmyn Noos Grand Master

Elmyn Noos

Posted
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Gotta be honest, not impressed with your team. Ledley McImage is going to mark your precious little Bernard Barness right out of the match.

 

Your defense is also suspect and will be very susceptible to my xMas tree 2-3-5 formation. Oh, and did I mention? my goalie coach makes these delicious waffles after the match, so stop by the boot room and we'll have a post game chat.

 

I am pleased that you have not the guile to be impressed by my team, although I see you are so unimpressed as to have already checked out who has been my man of the match the last few games.

 

Waffles, you say? Lovely. I'll bring some tea. Make sure your players check under the pink silk cushions in the changing rooms. We have commissioned our own brand laughter-line de-wrinkle cream with L-cass immunitas and extract of pearl. They'll still lose the game, but they will look and feel smashing while they do.

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SoMuch4Gravity Rising Star

SoMuch4Gravity

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oh i haven't even received my scout's report on your squad. we take things one game at a time and are currently trying to avoid a potential embarrassing slip up against the Fanny Batter boys.

 

I actually think it'll be a pretty even game. We're a power house on D and in net, but you've got some great strikers and a deceptively dangerous midfield.

 

I wonder, will you cheat against me? everyone else has and the Lesbo's were the only ones who got away with it...barely...

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Owen Veteran

Owen

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I gave Owen a good 4-0 bumming in a friendly. I don't have a massive squad so i can't say it was my reserves, but it was as close as I can get really apart from my young forward who I am considering cashing in on.

 

Hmm, yes, all the young'uns played in a formation I'd never go with away from home in a proper game. But these friendlies are for the fans, and they should be entertained.

 

Don't you reckon young players should get more than two or three percent experience in friendlies though? Seems a bit pointless.

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Elmyn Noos Grand Master

Elmyn Noos

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oh i haven't even received my scout's report on your squad. we take things one game at a time and are currently trying to avoid a potential embarrassing slip up against the Fanny Batter boys.

 

I actually think it'll be a pretty even game. We're a power house on D and in net, but you've got some great strikers and a deceptively dangerous midfield.

 

I wonder, will you cheat against me? everyone else has and the Lesbo's were the only ones who got away with it...barely...

 

I've not cheated yet as am I unsure of the consequences versus the potential advantage. I can't afford to have players missing through suspension.

 

I'm assuming players do get suspended if they're sent off or get so many bookings?

 

ps. You were joking about the scouting? Or can you get a scouting done on the opposition?

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Guest PaddyBerger15

Guest PaddyBerger15

Posted
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I've not cheated yet as am I unsure of the consequences versus the potential advantage. I can't afford to have players missing through suspension.

 

I'm assuming players do get suspended if they're sent off or get so many bookings?

 

ps. You were joking about the scouting? Or can you get a scouting done on the opposition?

 

3 yellows = 1 match suspension, likewise 1 red.

 

Scouting is purely a VIP function Noos...get signed up and scout your way to Xpert heaven.

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SoMuch4Gravity Rising Star

SoMuch4Gravity

Posted
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Noos, you can buy scouting reports on people (Go to their last match and I think it's called "tactics" report). It cost 35000 econ if i remember correctly. It's not exclusive to VIP, unless there's something above and beyond. You can sometimes pick up on a teams tendencies.

 

Cheating only works if the ref sucks, but you can't know who the ref is going to be before the match. If you cheat and he's good, you give up free kicks and get bookings. if you cheat and he sucks, you get free kicks and get away with some fouls.

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Victor Ganges Rising Star

Victor Ganges

Posted
Posted
No.

 

Fucking fuck. My defence was ace again today, kept a clean sheet away from home, turned in a 9 bar defensive performance all round and every single one of the cunts drops significantly in form. Ive got more red arrows than the cunting RAF.

58% possession against inferior opposition and only one chance? Your defence is good though.

 

"Johan Stench Trench" pissed myself, thanks Mr JoseyWales; I have offered you an unfriendly.
Some of the boys call him Johnny Dee in training (Johan ST Dee).

 

Can you offer again as I deleted your message?

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madstock Mentor

madstock

Posted
Posted
Shit I'm out the VIP league as my 6 months ran out. Not sure I can be arsed to pay the extra to be VIP again

 

Right, Remmie and Stouff to be deactivated means down to 12.

 

Noos signing up means 13.

 

RRT (whenever he is) should take it to 14.

 

Therefore 16 -14= 2 more places are up for grabs; Mr PB if you wish to moot the idea around your league I would be grateful - would be better coming from "The Kremlin League Admin" than from the "Manager Of The Worst Team In The League"

 

 

Excellent! Workings clearly shown. A+

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Guest PaddyBerger15

Guest PaddyBerger15

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Right, Remmie and Stouff to be deactivated means down to 12.

 

Noos signing up means 13.

 

RRT (whenever he is) should take it to 14.

 

Therefore 16 -14= 2 more places are up for grabs; Mr PB if you wish to moot the idea around your league I would be grateful - would be better coming from "The Kremlin League Admin" than from the "Manager Of The Worst Team In The League"

 

 

Excellent! Workings clearly shown. A+

 

Observations....

 

Indeed Comrade, I shall put a thread in the Forums ont' Kremlin and see if there are any takers.

 

Remmie is a tight arsed, slipshod cunt, I've known it for ages...and the VIP league needs Noos.

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Guest PaddyBerger15

Guest PaddyBerger15

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58% possession against inferior opposition and only one chance? Your defence is good though.

 

Indeed Comrade, I don't know whats up with my lot this season so far. My midfield are playing like strangers and creating chuff all. Its only my defence that is keeping me in games.

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