Saturday Feb 17…
Stevie made a throwaway comment on BT the other night about how he’d like to see Klopp sign ‘a monster’ to play in front of the back four to free up Hendo to play as a ‘box to box’ again. The name he mentioned as an example was Victor Wanyama. Lo and behold, a couple of days later and we’re being linked with a move for Wanyama. Sorry, but anyone who can’t get a game ahead of the fucking woeful Eric 'Dire' isn’t for me. Fuck Victor Wanyama and fuck anything to do with Spurs.
Meanwhile, it’s all going off on West Brom’s Spanish training camp. Four players nicked a taxi at 5.30am and drove it back to their hotel. The identity of the four is the most shocking part though. If it had been James McLean and a few of the younger members of the squad I’d have just shrugged it off as ’typical lad’ behaviour. Young footy players on the piss acting like cunts when they’re abroad almost goes with the territory, but that’s not what this was.
It was the arl fellas who did it! While McLean & co were tucked up in bed having stuck by their midnight curfew, the 30 somethings were living it up. Boaz Myhill, Johnny Evans, Jake Livermore (at 28 the baby of the group) and GARETH FUCKING BARRY were stealing a taxi!!!! Genuinely can’t get my head around this. It’s like that film 'Going in Style' when Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine decide to rob a bank before they die, only these dicks robbed a taxi before they retire.
It's mad though. Outside of being a dirty cynical bastard on the field, Gareth Barry has never done anything wrong in his life. He’s the biggest fucking square in the league. Johnny Evans has always been a twat and got into some drink related incidents in his younger days, but Barry? He must be having a mid-life crisis as this is just fucking bizarre.
I’m shaken by this, because as much as I hate Barry on the field, off the field he’s always seemed old school. Doesn’t have a stupid haircut, isn’t covered in daft tatts and has always been a great pro. What’s next, James Milner setting up an Instagram account and posting pictures of himself in the barbers and getting a sleeve tattoo? If that happens I’m done with footy, and maybe also with life.
Staying with West Brom’s tour problems, reports claim that my mate Pards had his wallet and phone ‘stolen’ earlier in the week. Hmmmm. Stolen, eh? May I suggest the search should start in the nearest brass house?
Sunday Feb 18…
Rochdale score a 93rd minute equaliser against Spurs to force a replay. Good. Any extra fixtures they have has to be helpful to us, and besides, this was justice after the cheating cunts dived their way to another fucking penalty. What bothers me more about them actually doing it is the way they’re being indulged by pundits. “There’s contact, it’s a penalty”. “He’s entitled to go down”. Fuck off. When are they going to get called out for what they are? Horrible, cheating pricks.
Saint fucking Deli seems to be able to act like as much of a cunt as he wants and the worst thing that’s ever said about him is “Oooh he can be a bit naughty can’t he?” or “He’s got an edge to his game”. No, he’s just a cunt, and he’s been indulged too much so continues to do it. We're entering "Ho ho ho wee Scholesey cannae tackle" territory with this shit.
If his manager reigned him in when he first started with this bollocks it wouldn’t be happening, but if anything he’s getting worse. He’s escaped at least three clear red cards this season but it will catch up with him eventually.
I really hope this fucking dick does something stupid in the World Cup and causes England to get knocked out. Ideally he’ll get a yellow for kicking out at someone and then a second for a dive. And when it happens, watch how the worm turns with the pundits, who’ll all be bringing up examples of his past conduct and saying “the warning signs were there”. Fuck Deli Alli and fuck Spurs.
Meanwhile, Hendo reveals that Milner has been boasting to the squad about how he’s got more CL assists this season than Neymar and Messi. “He has told a few of us that over the last couple of hours, to be fair!” said Hendo. Oh dear God, it’s starting. That instagram account is coming, and so is the sleeve tattoo and ear ring. Hold me.
Monday Feb 19…
Talk today that there’s going to be a new contract for Sadio. The timing of this isn't great really as it makes it look like a reaction to him getting a hat-trick last week. I’m sure it’s not as this has been in the pipeline for months (as is an extension for Firmino), but doing it now though just makes it look like we’re ‘buying high’. Giving him a deal when he was in his slump might have saved us a few quid.
We’re being linked with James Rodriguez again, which is good because it allows me to dust off my old “presumably ‘Jay’ is short for James then” line, although it doesn’t work as well now that he’s not a Southampton player. Maybe I’m wrong, but isn’t old ‘Hamez’ a bit of a lazy bastard? He’s got Arsenal written all over him as he’s basically a South American Ozil, the flaky bastard.
On the pitch tonight, City were dumped out of the FA Cup by League One Wigan. Fucking boss that was. The finish from Will Grigg was brilliant, the first touch to take him inside and away from Walker was terrific. I’m made up for Wigan. Oh ok, let’s get it right, I couldn’t give a fuck about Wigan but I am made up that City lost, and as it’s Wigan who beat them I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy towards them right now, but it'll wear off. Not for a while though. Hell, I’m so made up about it that if I don’t hear Dave Whelan talking tomorrow about breaking his leg in the cup final I might just youtube it anyway.
‘Pep’ showed his true colours afterwards by going for Paul Cook in the tunnel and then going after the ref. He also made a snarky comment afterwards about Wigan only having one shot. THEY’RE A LEAGUE ONE SIDE AND YOU’RE THE RICHEST CLUB IN THE WORLD YOU TIT.
Been telling you all for ages he’s a fucking twat him. All smiles and charm when things are going his way and then a fucking bellend when they aren’t. Bit like City’s fans too. They kicked off big time afterwards and were fighting with the police. To be fair, Wigan’s fans provoked it by running on the pitch and goading them, while the PA guy was playing ‘Wonderwall’. Unless they usually play that after a win, it reeks of provocation.
They went for Aguero too, but he was having none of it. Some tit ran over, spat on him and said “suck my dick” so Aguero took a swing at him and the shithouse went and hid behind his mate until Aguero was dragged away. Don't mess with with South American strikers, as they'll fuck your street cred right up.
Tuesday Feb 20…
I watched the Barca / Chelsea game tonight, and I’m more desperate than ever to get Barca over two legs as like I keep saying, we’d fucking rip them apart, the slow bastards. Our front three against that defence? Carnage. Their right back is shit, the lad playing alongside Pique looks ropey as fuck, Suarez now looks like a jarg Bobby and Busquets is so fucking slow that he looks like a tanned Didi Hamann. I don’t mean Didi when he was playing either, I mean Didi now.
Ok, I’m exaggerating a little, but I am convinced we’d fucking batter them. They’d be overwhelmed by the pace and intensity we play at. They’re used to playing patsies in Spain who roll over and hope they can keep the score below five. Let’s see them against a team that will swarming around them like wasps intent on ruining a picnic.
They have to get by Chelsea first though and even though that equaliser tonight puts them in pole position, I’m not sure they’ll win the second leg. It depends on whether Chelsea can shackle Messi as well as they did tonight. It would help if they don’t try passing the ball across their own box too, the knob heads.
Staying with Barca for a sec. Coutinho’s car got towed away because he parked where he shouldn’t, and then he found out his house had been burgled too. All animosity aside, terrible business that, poor lad.
Wednesday Feb 21…
Stevie’s lads have the mancs off in the kids Champions League. Woodburn got the first and then Rafa Camacho came off the bench to make the game safe with a belter. The first half performance was great, the second was more about digging in and defending, which they did very well.
Bobby Adekanye was lively and not even a golf ball sized lump over his right eye could slow him down. That was mad, he took a bang in the face and it just swelled right up. He went up for a header immediately after too. I envisioned that as being like Tom and Jerry when Tom would get a bump on his head and push it back in, only for the bump to appear on the other side of his head. I’ve never been particularly impressed with Adekanye before as he’s seemed like a bit of a headless chicken, but he was really good today.
Woodburn was alright but didn’t stand out in the way you’d expect, but I really like Herbie Kane in midfield, he’s not flashy but he’s such a good player. The right back Neco Williams was good too, I’d never seen him before but I was impressed.
Hey guess what, Bobby’s off the hook. It only took about six fucking weeks for the FA to discover what Twitter had sussed within half an hour (and they can fuck off with their ‘insufficient evidence’ shit, I knew they’d do that, the gutless snide cunts), but at least they got there in the end. Bet we have to wait even longer for that Holgate prick to apologise for mishearing.
Unlike some, I’m not saying he made it all up to get himself off the hook, but now that it’s been shown beyond any doubt that he was mistaken, the decent thing to do would be to say sorry for besmirching Firmino’s character (not to mention for shoving him into the stands).
He doesn’t have to grovel, but he would it kill him to say “I thought he said something, I now accept that he didn’t and I’d like to offer an apology for the misunderstanding”. If he did that I’d respect him for it. He won’t though, in no small part because he won’t be encouraged to do it by his club. They contributed to this whole fucking mess by the way they carried on that night. It could all have been cleared up there and then if they hadn’t been such fucking dicks about it, just because they lost.
Wait, what the fuck is this? Harry Kane presenting an award at the Brits? This shit just isn’t right. Sorry, this might not be PC but it needs saying anyway. Harry Kane is too ugly to be a celebrity. You never had Peter Beardsley doing this shit, he was lucky if he even got to be on ‘A Question of Sport’, let alone walking on any red carpet. Barnes and Lineker got to do the cool celeb stuff because they had the faces for it. How have we reached the point where ugly bastards like Kane get to be on our screens for anything other than footy? Someone make it stop.
Thursday Feb 22…
Lovren says he’s been helping Van Dijk settle and advising him on how to avoid the kind of difficult start he endured when making a big money move from Southampton. Presumably the extent of that advice was “don’t be shit in your first few games or it can be difficult”. Good job, Dejan.
Meanwhile, for a little spell there it looked like Arsenal might somehow blow a 3-0 first leg lead at home to a team I’d never heard of until a couple of weeks ago. They quickly went 2-0 down and got everyone’s hopes up, before they pulled one back and held on for a 2-1 defeat. They’re so streaky though, you just never know how they’re going to play.
Roy Keane said afterwards that Jack Wilshere is the most over-rated footballer in the world. Let’s face it, he’d know having spent so many years playing next to Paul Scholes, but does anyone actually even rate Wilshere that highly now? A few years ago maybe, but it’s not like we’re always hearing about how great he is and how England should be building a team around him.
No, the most over-rated player in the Premier League right now is Paul Pogba, and it’s not even close. I’m surprised Keane has forgotten that because usually he doesn’t hesitate when there’s a chance to put the boot in on United these days. It’s one of the reasons I find him compulsive viewing, even when he’s talking absolute bollocks (which is most of the time).
Friday Feb 23…
Klopp is gushing in his praise of Firmino again. He spoke glowingly about how he handled that bullshit Holgate situation but also revealed he had to force him to take a session off in Marbella last week because he works so hard. I remember a couple of years ago after one particularly good performance I referred to Firmino as a 'Poundland Suarez' and it was meant as a compliment. It's insulting to him now, he's so much more than that. He's maybe a 'Marks & Spencers Suarez' now, and even that might be doing him a disservice.
There are so many similarities in how they play though, especially the work ethic and desire to play (and train) through the numerous heavy knocks they both receive. The main differences are that Suarez scores more goals (Bobby is improving though), while Firmino isn't likely to get himself banned for ten games at a time. He's defo taken over from Lallana as teacher's pet. You can't be teacher's pet when you're never in lessons, Adam.
Dani Ceballos has apparently told Real Madrid he wants to join the Reds this summer. No idea who he is but count me in. Real Madrid don't tend to have bad players (for every Arthur Nunez there's a hundred Isco's) so if a 21 year old who has already played some games for them wants in, then I for one say 'Welcome, amigo'. Another player keen on moving here is Alisson, who reports in Brazil say prefers us to Madrid and PSG. Imagine if we signed him and Madrid got De Gea instead.
Meanwhile, Naby Keita is going to be sidelined for a while with some sort of leg muscle strain. What a waste of a season this has been for him. If he hasn't been putting his team-mates in hospital he's been getting sent off or starting 22 man brawls. I can't wait until he gets here though, he's going to hit the Premier League like a fucking tsunami.
So anyway, that was the week that was
Recommended Comments