What a weekend. The title race is back on thanks to Spurs (a sentence no-one could have ever foreseen) and Everton are still in the thick of a relegation battle after they lost and most of the other bottom feeders won. Match of the Day was an absolute treat this weekend.
I’ll start with City’s loss as there’s so much to unpack from that. Firstly, let me blow my own trumpet by saying I sort of called this one. Not exactly, as I didn’t categorically say Spurs would win, but before we played Norwich I was saying to anyone who’d listen that I fancied Spurs to “get something” because the way to hurt City is with counter attacks, and Spurs are really good at them as they have Kane and Son.
There’s another element to it as well. Spurs are one of only half a dozen or so teams that aren’t scared of City. A lot of teams are beaten before they even start. Remember when Frank Bruno walked to the ring against Mike Tyson and he was making the sign of the cross the whole time? That’s Burnley, Watford, Everton, Brighton etc when they face City.
Spurs though? Enough of their players have had success against City in recent seasons to know that they have a chance if they believe in themselves and stick to the gameplan. Spurs beat them on opening day and they also knocked them off in a Champions League semi a few years back. Spurs don’t fear Man City so they always have a chance.
All of that said, the way it went down in the closing stages was hugely surprising. Any Spurs win would have been massive for us, but the manner of this one feels more significant. The only way this could have been any better would have been if Spurs had twatted them 4-0 or something and really shown a vulnerability in City that others might pick up on.
That was never going to happen though, so this was as good an outcome as could be because it was the biggest kick in the balls imaginable for City, especially as everything seemed to be going their way late on.
Spurs got off to a great start with a goal from new boy Kulusevski, who slotted home after great counter attack play by Kane and Son. Exactly the kind of thing I had in mind when I said Spurs could “do something”. You always have that chance to catch City on the break because of the way they play, but too many teams don’t have either the quality or the courage to do it. *glares across Stanley Park*
Spurs were playing well and continued to carry that threat on the break while looking pretty solid at the back. Until that is, Hugo Lloris pulled a Hugo Lloris. I said last week that Conte is a hothead and he might drop his keeper after his shitshow against Southampton. He was probably wishing he had when Calamity Hugo dropped one at the feet of Gundogan to make it 1-1. In fairness, he then made a brilliant save early in the second half and he avoided any further mishaps.
Harry Kane’s performance was fucking unreal though. He went the full Torres v Chelsea “look, I’m still here. I haven’t gone anywhere, come and get me”. City couldn’t get near him, he was incredible.
My hatred of Kane is no secret but one thing I’ve never done is allow that hatred to cloud my judgement of him as a player. He’s Sheringham and Shearer rolled into one player. He’s a world class forward who Guardiola desperately wanted, although I’m not sure he’d fit into City’s style of play. I doubt we’ll ever find out as I suspect they’ve moved on and will sign Haaland this summer.
Where that leaves Kane is anyone’s guess. He probably should stay where he is, especially if the only alternative is a move to Old Trafford. Why would you swap Spurs for that? It’s like walking down the road and you’re about to stand in dogshit. You see it at the last second but the only place you can put your foot is right next to it, where there is another pile of dogshit. May as well just avoid that extra effort and step in the first pile.
Anyway, back to Kane and his virtuoso display. He put Spurs back in front with a tidy finish from a Son pass and Spurs were holding out without too much drama. In fact, they carried the bigger threat and Ederson had to make a great stop to prevent Kane making it 3-1. And then Kane did make it 3-1 near the end. Game over. I’m listening to it in the car and when that went in I’m yelling “Come on, leths go!!!!” in my best Harry Kane voice.
And then the commentator says “there’s a VAR check for offside. Not sure who that’s against” and my heart sank. Sure enough, no goal because there was a marginal offside in the build up. It’s the right decision, obviously, but those ones don’t really feel like that’s what VAR was brought in for. I mean, I know that’s not the case, but those are the offsides that you could live with. We’ve benefitted from a couple of those (Chelsea and Wolves from what I recall) and although it’s always pleasing when you get them, I kind of feel a little bit lucky in a way.
It’s different when the goalscorer in the middle of the box is offside, but when it’s someone out wide in the build up who is off by a gnat’s pube, I dunno, it feels a little cheap. Offside is offside though and the Spurs goal was correctly ruled out.
The problem with this is the momentum shift. When you get a decision like that it feels like you’ve scored. When you are on the wrong end of it it feels like you’ve conceded. It was a massive stroke of luck for City because if Kulusevski is a few inches the other side then the game is over.
Now it was the opposite. I think we all knew City would get an equaliser didn’t we? It had a feeling of inevitability. In fact, I’d called it in the group chat about 15 minutes before. “Nailed on that Anthony Taylor gives them a penalty”. And he did. Two minutes into stoppage time.
Well, technically he didn’t. He didn’t blow for the handball initially and was told by VAR to take a look. So much as I’d like to fuel my “baldy manc bastard giving decisions to manc teams” narrative I can’t really justify it here, not least because that would be given most of the time I think. It’s unlucky from the defender as he’s just trying to make a block and his arm has to go somewhere, but more often than not you’re conceding a pen there.
Mahrez buried the pen and with several minutes of stoppage time still to be played you could smell a City winner coming a mile off. The best we could hope for was that Spurs somehow held on. Not in my wildest dreams did I think that Spurs would roll their sleeves up, say “fuck this shit” and immediately go and take it straight back to City.
That winning goal wasn’t a smash and grab. Look at how they passed the ball around with purpose and then got men forward at the right time. Whisper it, but Spurs showed real fucking balls there. We all laugh about “Spurs DNA” and things being very “Spursy” etc but fair play, that was genuine character they showed there to overcome those setbacks and go out and force a winning goal.
Great for them and an absolutely devastating blow for City. As I say, perfect outcome really. Hopefully other teams will take note and stop listening to this constant media narrative of how unstoppable City are. They aren’t. I’ve been saying all season they’re not as great as they’re made out to be and that they will drop points. My only concern was that we were dropping points too.
We’re now just three points behind them. Three points. And you know what I’m going to say now don’t you. That fucking Leicester game. All these weeks where it has looked like we’re miles back and the title was a fading dream, you can pin it all on that fucking defeat at Leicester. Had we won that City would always have been in touching distance and we’d now be top. The only way that game won’t continue to haunt me is if we win the league.
For now though life feels pretty good. So thanks Harry. Thanks Son too. I don’t even feel dirty saying that. Shit, I’d thank Vladimir Putin if he took points off City. Fuck City and their sport washing owners and their bellend manager. Nice one Spurs, I sincerely hope you get fourth place now. You won’t, but I hope you do.
One final note on this. Craig Pawson’s reaction to Kane’s winner was highly fucking inappropriate. He looked more gutted than Guardiola. I’m not going to speculate what that’s about, but it’s really fucking weird.
Down at the bottom it’s getting interesting as Burnley sprung an upset by trouncing Brighton. I didn’t see that coming at all, especially as Burnley rarely seem to pick up anything away from home. A draw seemed the most likely outcome as both of these sides seem to draw every other week.
Weghorst put the Clarets ahead with a great finish. He’s been a handful in every game so far and might be the catalyst they need to stay up. They’ve upgraded on Chris Wood and done it for half the price they sold Wood for. Imagine if he keeps them up at the expense of Newcastle.
Burnley don’t concede loads, nobody ever batters them, but they struggle for goals. If Big Wout starts banging them in, with the games in hand they have, they might get out of it. I’m rooting hard for them. I’m also rooting hard for Watford and Norwich though, so make of that what you will.
Weghorst played his part in the second goal too, a deflected effort by Brownhill. Aaron Lennon made it 3-0 with a cracking finish. Goals from him are like white dogshit. You’d see them occasionally back in the day but somewhere along the line they just vanished.
Elsewhere, Stevie’s honeymoon period is over and Villa look a bit shit now don’t they? Even Watford beat them, which made me very happy. As I said, Watford, Burnley, Norwich, come on lads.
Ings wanted a penalty early on when he was bundled over by the defender. It looked a clear pen and the only reason I can think that it wasn’t given is because Ings slowed down and let the defender run into him. Refs seem to have a real hard on about that this season, and although Ings did slow down it was only because the ball was stuck under his feet. You’re allowed to slow down and if a defender then runs you over like a runaway truck then that’s a foul.
Villa were pretty shite and Watford carried the bigger threat with Sarr and Dennis on the break. Dennis got the winner and they could have scored more.
Watford are an intriguing one for me because Hodgson has absolutely tightened them up now. They aren’t letting many in and now they have Sarr and Dennis back in tandem they might start nicking some wins like this one.
Stevie on the other hand is probably two or three more defeats away from Villa fans singing about Demba Ba.
With so many of the bottom clubs picking up points Brentford have been dragged further into it now after losing at Arsenal. Smith Rowe and Saka got the goals and I’ve not got much more to say as I really can’t be arsed with Arsenal at all.
One thing I do need to pick up on though was something Ian Wright said. Now I love Ian Wright and this isn’t a shot at him, but it does show this completely false narrative around Arteta. I think he’s a fraud, yet you hear him being absolutely lauded all the time and I don’t get it.
Just because he put the cones out for Pep he’s seen as some fucking coaching genius. City have done alright since he left, so y’know, I’m thinking maybe he didn’t play THAT big a role there.
Anyway, Wrighty was talking about Saka and Smith Rowe and he said “we’ve seen with Raheem Sterling how Arteta improves young players”. Erm, you fucking what? We’re crediting an assistant coach for a £50m already boss young player naturally developing into an even better player? Unbelievable.
Arteta is the Tinder Swindler and Arsenal fans are the gullible birds falling for his bullshit because they think he’s charming and suave.
Moving on, and newly crowned World Club Champions Chelsea won at Palace thanks to a solitary Ziyech goal, but the big talking point was that Lukaku only had seven touches. He’s been getting ridiculed for that and was left out of their next game (a win in the Champions League), but Lukaku isn’t the problem.
If he’s only getting seven touches in ninety minutes (only two in the first half, including the kick off) that is definitely not his fault. It’s the tactical set up, the other players, or a combination of both. If I’m his manager and I see he’s only touched the ball seven times then I’m thinking that we’re not doing all we should to make the most of his talent.
I haven’t watched that much of Chelsea to know exactly what Lukaku has or hasn’t been doing, but one thing I have seen is that his team-mates don’t want to pass to him. It’s been like that since he did that interview with Sky Italia.
I mentioned it when they lost to City that Lukaku was making run after run after run and they just wouldn’t pass it to him. They could have taken City to the cleaners that day if they’d picked out his runs. Now they’re saying he isn’t making runs. If that’s the case it’s hardly a surprise is it?
Lukaku is a great striker and I hope he doesn’t play on Sunday because he worries me more than anyone else they have, even though we’ve dealt with him well previously. The longer they go without passing to him the better as far as I’m concerned.
Everton now. They lost to Southampton which was expected because they’re fucking shit. Especially away from home. They’ve had a couple of wins at Goodison over slapdick teams like Brentford and Leeds, and they seem to think that means they’re going to be fine.
They aren’t fine. They’re shit and they should have lost by a bigger margin than 2-0 at St Mary’s. They even let Shane Long score. I mean fucking hell, we’re in white dogshit territory again here.
Armstrong got the other goal after that fraud Gomes was robbed in midfield. Imagine being in the trenches and relying on that fucking phoney. If Everton don’t get away from the bottom three soon they’re fucked because they don’t have the players to dig themselves out of it when the pressure is really on.
Lampard blamed the players afterwards. Contrast that with Gerrard who took the blame himself. Stevie was all “the players haven’t played well but that’s my fault and I need to help them more”. Lampard was all “I’ve told the players that’s not good enough”. Proper fucking Tory behaviour.
Newcastle got a decent draw at West Ham despite being without Trippier and my boy Saint-Maximin. Dawson headed West Ham in front but Newcastle played well and fully deserved their equaliser through Willock, who finally remembered where the net is.
I’m torn here. I want them down but while they’re neck and neck with Everton I need them to pick up points to move Everton further down the table. If Newcastle move up one spot Everton are fourth from bottom. It’s a real dilemma for me I don’t mind telling you.
Onto Sunday now, and another loss for Leicester. They actually played well and didn’t deserve to lose but this is just how it’s going for them this season. Wolves weren’t good but they’re dogged and no pushover.
Neves gave them the lead and they were well on top for most of the first half, but then Leicester found their stride and equalised through Lookman. They dominated for most of the second half but didn’t take their chances and Podence made them pay.
What a disappointing season he’s had though. He looked great last season, like a Jota clone, but he’s done fuck all this year. He’s had injuries, but even so, he’s been really quiet.
Neto is back now though and that extra competition up front might bring out the best in him. If Wolves add more goals they could qualify for Europe. As for Leicester, they’re just treading water now.
Did you see the state of Schmeichel by the way? He was wearing so many layers he looked like the Michelin Man. He went up for a corner near the end and couldn’t even get off the ground. Then he had to chase back as Wolves countered and it was embarrassing watching him try to run. I think I could have outpaced him, and I was never quick even back in my prime. I didn’t need to be as the first few yards are in the head and few can match by football brain. But anyway, awful stuff from Schmeichel, the big fanny.
Moving on, and Leeds had waited 20 years for it but served up an absolute fucking stinker in the first half against the Mancs. They were so bad they made Rangnick’s men look good.
They even let Maguire score. What about the arrogance of that celebration though? Given the (albeit justified) stick he’s had I’d be completely fine with him giving it one of those mad, passionate celebrations. It’s a release of tension and understandable. What he did though? It just smacks of a complete lack of self awareness, the big stupid arrogant shit cunt.
Fernandes doubled United’s lead with a header. That Leeds keeper is just awful. Every week he’s throwing them in. He’s still only young, so maybe he’s the lovechild of Hugo Lloris?
Leeds started the second half with a lot more purpose and fluked a goal when Rodrigo’s cross sailed over De Gea. Within seconds Dan James had put one on a plate for Raphinha, a half time sub.
Fernandes thought he’d been fouled in the build up and was rolling around for a good couple of minutes. VAR checked and correctly ruled it was a good tackle. Amazingly, Fernandes then got to his feet and was able to continue. Cunt.
Leeds just can’t defend though. It’s mad watching how they play as there are gaps all over the place because of their man for man marking. Look at the time and space all the United players had for Fred’s goal. It was obvious we would absolutely smoke them on Wednesday.
McTominay was booked for clattering someone, and then should have been booked again for doing a similar thing soon after. Tierney initially looked like he was reaching for a card until he realised who it was and didn’t. Instead he booked Raphinha for complaining.
McTominay got away with murder all day really. Tierney is a fucking terrible ref and we know Klopp hates him. The twat is in charge of the final in Sunday so brace yourselves for that.
I mentioned McTominay getting away with murder, but it wasn’t just those two fouls in the second half. He did worse in the first half. Robin Koch *sniggers* was knocked into the middle of next week by him. Koch *sniggers* eventually went off with a concussion but the fact he was sent back out there all there all bloodied and groggy is just the latest in a long line of incidents showing just how backward footy is in dealing with concussions.
Elanga wrapped it up after more dreadful Leeds defending, and Maguire was again giving it the beans with his celebrations in front of the away fans. He’s such a cunt. I’d hate him if he wasn’t so comically shit.
Onto Wednesday now and while we were snotting Leeds at Anfield, Spurs had reverted to being Spurs. I can’t say I was shocked they lost at Burnley because it was a very Spursy thing to do.
That being said, Burnley don’t lose many games at home and Spurs had put a hell of a lot into that win at City and were probably a little jaded. And Turf Moor isn’t a place you want to go when you’re not quite there physically.
They lost 1-0 to a set-piece which feels quite typical. If you’re going to Burnley and you don’t have your best stuff then a narrow defeat to a set piece seems like a highly likely scenario.
Conte then turned into a Facebook Ma afterwards, hinting that he might leave because he doesn’t know if he’s good enough to turn it around. No doubt the “U OK HUN?” texts were flying in after that. Of course he’s since said he’s staying. I had no idea he was such a fucking drama queen.
The other game on Wednesday saw Watford get absolutely battered by Palace. The first goal was from a flukey deflection from Mateta but Watford levelled through Sissoko. After that, the wheels came off.
Connor Gallagher scored a brilliant second and then Zaha added a couple on the break to wrap it up. Palace play City soon and I have a good feeling about that. Gallagher, Zaha, Olise, Eze, Batata…. They can hurt City if they can keep it tight at the other end.
So much for me and my “Roy has really tightened Watford up” hot take though. Making me look bad there, I hope they go down now. Not really. I hope they stay up along with Burnley, Norwich and Leeds.
Finally, Thursday night. Wolves took the lead at Arsenal and held it for a long time before wilting late on and losing. I put this on at half time and by the end I was fuming with myself for wasting an hour of my life. I only watched because I thought Arsenal were going to lose but they ruined it with a last gasp winner.
The worst part is that I can’t even say it wasn’t deserved because it was. They played well and deserved the win. They still make me sick though, especially that Ben White turd. I’ve got a massive irrational hatred of that Love Island looking bellend.
I’ll end on a positive note though. It’s possible that Everton will be in the bottom three by the time they kick off against City on Saturday evening. Imagine that. Their fans might actually want to win if that’s the case. Not that it makes any difference as they’ve got no fucking chance. Lampard is not outreaching Guardiola if you give him a million attempts.
Just as a final, random point. The MOTD theme tune is just fucking boss. I know that goes without saying but I think it needs saying as we probably take it for granted.
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