Geoff Woade

Only because you were probably home-schooled to spare the other kids from your lunatic ravings. This is a thread for enjoying videos of bullied children giving their tormentors a well earned bit of retribution. Stop spoiling it.

Is it perhaps a bit too much to hope that just after the video cut out, ginger delivered the Stone Cold Stunner to the gobby bitch who seems to be the instigator?

Great shot, I sincerely hope Sideshow lost control of his bowels and bladder while unconscious.

Sounds tin foil hat time but the reason in school that someone who defends themselves from bullies gets in as much trouble as the bully is so you become indoctrinated early on to not fight back against an oppressor. So when the government commits its latest outrage people are less likely to rise up.

Do you drive regularly? The point people most sane people are annoyed about is not getting done for purposefully speeding. Experience of driving has you aware of what is ‘nearly’ bang on 30mph, which is a correct speed to drive at. The ‘buffer’ of just going over is in case you misjudge it to a small percentage. Most aim for 30 but sometimes will go slightly under or sometimes slightly over unless you have your eyes glued to the speedo rather than the road. I’m sure if you stepped out into the road you would rather be missed by someone doing 34mph actually watching where they were going than someone driving into you at 29mph who is fixated on the speedo. If you and that snide copper who was on about doing people at 31 do drive I would love it if someone followed you round permanently making sure you never, ever exceeded the speed limits.

We’ll make the £200,000 back by tomorrow night on his replica shirt sales. I’m taking the afternoon off work to make sure I get mine.

I actually have one of those globes (not quite as fancy as that and sadly empty) Was going to put it on eBay but I’d be happy to sell it on here if anyone’s interested and will donate half to FG’s cause. I’ve not had it long but we’ve moved and there isn’t really anywhere for it.

He did actually volunteer for a week but got asked not to come back after there were 3 suicides, wouldn’t be so bad but one of them was a wrong number. What?

State of that bedroom. I grew up thinking women were all neat, tidy creatures who needed to be treated like princesses. I have been left absolutely horrified by the awful truth that a large percentage seem to be lazy scruffs. My mate was of a similar opinion the other day, came in to work fuming about ‘minging women’ Said he’d pulled a stunner, went back to hers and it was a right mess. He said he was just about coping but went into her ensuite and there was a massive skidder dried on to the back of the bog so that was a step too far and he had to leave.

Got a couple to add to this. My mates ex is thick as fuck but provided decent entertainment. We booked as a group to go away to York and we're driving up as her dad calls. He asks where we are on the motorway as he's also on the M62, she goes 'in the middle lane' Another time, when she's aged about 23 her parents decide she can finally be trusted to stay in the house on her own while they go on holiday. After a few days she rings my mate and asks him to go round to show her how to work the washing machine, he's like 'fuck sake' but goes round, tells her, when he says 'then that's it, press the start button' she looks at him and goes 'you thick twat, at least I remembered you need to put the water in, how do you do that?' He tried to tell her it's plumbed in so it goes in automatically but she started calling him all sorts saying he was just telling her that so she'd look like a dick when he told his mates down the pub that she believed the water magically appeared in the machine. She's a cracker to be fair, a load of us we're out one night and one lad who always lowers the tone started going on about how his piles were giving him gyp. She goes in front of everyone 'what are piles' someone explained it in the most gentle terms and she starts looking dead worried and just asks straight out 'can you get them from being bummed'

Is this some sort of joke? I’m 36, lazy, skinny apart from a fat gut and bitch tits, haven’t jogged except when ive not got off the couch quick enough to answer the door to an Amazon driver but I genuinely think I’m probably still better than him.

People who have horrific, thuggish hairstyles put on their children who have no say in the matter. I went to my kids nativity the other day and you wanted to see this one poor little fucker. 5 years old, back, sides and most of the top shaved right down to the wood with a bit of a fringe.

Still hoping for a time when you can pay a subscription and just get every single match your club plays. Fuck a West Ham v West Brom followed by Bournemouth Watford ‘SUPER SUNDAY’

I had mine done in June and it was a complete horror show. It killed while it was going on and then gradually got worse over the next few days. Lowest point was an extreme burning itch due to an allergic reaction to the antiseptic they splash all over your balls. The itch was murderous and I couldn’t even scratch because it was still all swollen and sore down there. Avoid.

I love the dispensary having first gone in there out of morbid curiosity from the trip advisor reviews. Was always genuinely hoping to see a legendary meltdown from Dave but it's just never happened. We've tried a couple of times as well to set up an unknowing member of the group by getting them to ask for a Diet Coke or a sample but it's never worked. The closest we got was when my mate changed his order from White Rat to Guinness and black and was derided as a 'poofter' but it didn't really cut the mustard in terms of the reaction we were looking for.

Reminds me of the greatest put down I've ever heard. Mate of mine decided he was going to leave his job and become a musician despite being shit at both singing and instruments. He became a proper scruff over the next year, looked and smelled like shit and justified it by saying he was living the dream or some bollocks. He made us all go out for his birthday and we got talking to some girls, one of them says 'what do you do' to him and he says he's a musician. She then goes 'well you do look like a Gallagher' he gets all full of himself and is like 'oh yeah, which one'? She just goes 'Frank' and walks off. Fucking comedy gold. Still have a grin like a Cheshire Cat when I think about that one, cracking.

It would be too impractical and take too long for people to get right. Usually when I see a swastika daubed on a wall there are usually 2 'crossed out' versions next to it where the biff racist has managed to draw it incorrectly. Sums them up really.

Don't get the 'Brucie' love. Jokes were appalling, hung around long past his sell by date and basically extremely creepy. 99% of the people bleating over of him he would have spat on if he ever came into contact with. Clarkson with better PR.

Sometimes footballers come across as cretinous to an absolutely unreal degree. When I saw the statement about him not getting on with Klopp because sometimes he gets asked to play in a slightly different position it just drives home the kind of bellend people are handing over their hard earned money for. I know in this case it's from a 'family member' and could be taken with a pinch of salt but it's not the first time a player has come out with this kind of bollocks and this just doesn't apply to Coutinho. Crying because they get asked to stand on a piece of grass 15 feet away from where they normally do whilst kicking a football about. For hundreds of grand a week. I'm sick of hearing the whinging, self important pricks moaning about their difficult lives. Danny Rose - prick, Van Dijk - prick. Nobody forces them to sign the deals they do and then being outraged when a club doesn't just let them go when they think the grass is greener somewhere else. Still wanted paying when they were injured though didn't they? Rose moaning the other day about having to google their prospective signings. Cheeky cunt, he's crap. And apparently expected to survive on a paltry 65k a week. Like with Rooney a few years ago 'demanding' the mancs sign better players. If they themselves are so fucking good why aren't they single handedly winning cups or leagues? Special ire reserved for the pricks who insist on relegation release clauses - what kind of prick would even think about that, there should be a clause that they have to stay if the clubs get relegated, then watch them try. In short, I hate them and they can all fuck off. None of this excuses FSG. They're cunts and have basically made me not care any more but the lowest point for me last season was Lovren getting a new 100k a week contract. It's a fucking joke. As much as anything that's gone on over the last few years that made me realise what an absolute sham it's all become. Can you imagine being as bad at your job as he is but getting rewarded with riches beyond your wildest dreams. Obviously veered away from Coutinho but it's what's gone on with him that just puts another nail in the coffin. It's just full of selfish, greedy cunts and the fans who get shafted year after year are the ones who have to pay for it.

No idea, it was an Alan Partridge reference when he was talking about his ex wife's 'narcissistic sports pimp' lover

They drink that green stuff in tins - they're idiots

Feels slightly better because at least the itch has stopped but still feels constantly like the first 10 seconds after when you play 5 a side and the ball sails between your legs and dings the sack. Should add a description that during the op you can actually feel the tugging on the tubes. It's a new low that only gets worse when you hear them say 'that's all done' you breathe a sigh of relief, get ready to roll half dead off the table but then hear the fateful words 'now for the right hand one'. I almost tapped out.

Vasectomy anyone? I'm lucky enough to be able to consider the family complete after the wife has given birth to 2 bundles of joy but after very worrying health issues as a result, had the snip on Sunday after all kinds off reassurances it would be painless during and then 'a bit uncomfortable' afterwards. Complete fucking atrocity. Hurt during, and after more than I ever thought was possible, complete fucking agony. Swollen like I've got elephantitis and the burning itch like nothing I've ever felt before, which I can't scratch because it's too tender and sore. Worst decision I ever made. And to top it all off I can't even have a wank to cheer myself up. Do not, ever, ever have this done under any circumstances. It is not worth it.

Chat shit (or touch people in a condescending way) get banged

I think we all need to step back and just be grateful that we have Lucas playing centre back instead of Sakho. I for one am ecstatic that he won't be able to be late for dinner under our watch again.