morgan

We are looking disappointingly like the away side so far. Bournemouth are quicker to the ball and are showing more attacking intent

That goal came approximately 5 minutes after that football sage Townsend claimed that Novakovic had no chance of running in behind the England defence. How do you go about getting a job as a football commentator? Easiest job in the bloody world.

The name translates from French as 'shithouse'. Make of that what you will.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/dhjGXCk-RVU

Well, that depends. Legally, a child is yours until it has reached it has reached the age of majority - and since we're only talking about the legal ramifications here, that should be the consideration. And we're not talking in this case about a commitment to be made to a child - the kid is grown-up and the commitment and financial recompense is supposed to be going to a woman to compensate her for actions taken over a decade ago. Almost 20 years ago, in fact. [At the risk of repeating myself, it should be clear here that I'm only talking about the law, and am playing devil's advocate, slightly!]

Yes, I know. I'm actually appalled that a courts can (and do!) forced a woman to undergo a termination against her will at all - that level of intrusion into someone else's body and future sickens me. I find it abhorrent, although I understand the arguments for such a process to exist. However, from a strictly financial sense, it seems unfair to demand restitution for a liability involuntarily incurred 30 years ago. The argument that, because he didn't spend a lot of time bringing up the kid, he somehow owes the mother for childcare that he couldn't have paid for at the time is analogous to someone putting their child up for adoption and then having their tax bill hiked three decades later to pay for the social services that they couldn't have afforded at the time. If the state can't go after parents who have their children adopted if they are successful in later life, why should a private person be able to? Legally, there should be some statue of limitations on claims like these; trying to bring it to court thirty years after the birth of the child means that there is all sorts of confusion that makes a fair judgement almost certainly impossible. It seems like a mess.

Well, that's a very slippery slope. If he hadn't made money before the boy was 18, but did make contacts that allowed him to make money afterwards, would he still be liable? How much for? How do you judge it? What level of interaction and helpfulness given without prior agreement allows someone to claim a share of someone else's success? If I save you from certain death at some risk to myself, should the law compel you to give me a financial reward? If he'd put the kid up for adoption, would he then be liable for extra taxes on his earnings afterwards? What if he'd wanted the baby aborted? If we're trying to bring this down to some base financial calculation, then why should he accrue liabilities involuntarily that he could have otherwise avoided? I'm not claiming that he would have - this is all hypothetical, but given that cases like this can set social and judicial precedent, you need to think through the hypotheticals and all the possible arguments. If you're not trying to bring this down to base financial calculations, how can you talk about money? These are not things that *I* would do, I just don't see how to assign a value to such a nebulous thing. I think it's a phenomenally difficult thing to go through the courts at this stage, and I cannot see how they can possibly be fair in this particular case. There's a difference between what a decent person *should* do, and what the law can reasonably compel.

My neighbour on one side has four dogs. There is shit, and barking and howling all the fucking time, and that's just the humans.

Popular neighbourhood = you'll die. Very popular neighbourhood = robocop would die Extremely popular neighbourhood = no-one's made it out alive since 1973 Ample (parking/amenities/communal space) = there isn't any Spacious = nope Very spacious = nope nope nope Deceptively spacious = you can't fit two people in without them coupling Could do with some upgrading = there's no kitchen or bathroom Requires extensive modernisation = there's no roof Excellent opportunity to purchase = you won't get a mortgage Unique = unsaleable Suitable for first time buyers, young professionals or buy-to-let = no-one would realistically want to live here Main door flat = noisy Extensively upgraded throughout = 15% overpriced Fantastic new development = 20% overpriced Available under the help-to-buy scheme = 25% overpriced Yes, I'm trying to buy somewhere in Edinburgh. Yes, death to all in the property professions.

Have a look at reputable discounters like Drive The Deal, and consider taking an ex-demo car. I got about 40% off the list price of my 3-series by taking a dealer's 9-month old car, and Drive The Deal typically offer 30% off the list price for selected new cars. At the moment they've got a special offer on Seat Ibizas, which might suit you. You're in a relatively strong position if you want a good car at a good price and aren't too fussy about specific make/model. I agree with the above though - VAG, German and Japanese are the only cars worth looking at. Don't get tempted by French - you'll regret it in the long run.

And for those of us with XDrive and proper tyres, that describes 365 days a year.

I once worked at a 'local' supermarket, stocking shelves, serving on the tills and playing at being a security guard. In the space of one summer, I was threatened with being stabbed by three members of a family for stopping an old woman from thrashing another, a guy threw a bin at me through a plate glass window because I stopped him stealing a bottle of vodka and two old women spat on me after I caught them slipping tins of soup into their bags. The general public are cunts, especially the ones that think they can get away with it.

With Josef Fritzl rounding off a mighty-impressive top three.

I'm amazed that US corps can hold money off-shore and it remains untaxed, whereas US citizens must file tax returns in the US every year, regardless of where they live and can be taxed on income earned abroad.

I've got a old MacBook Pro that was leftover from work. I think it's great - it's got a free BSD layer that allows me to use the command line, it looks pretty enough and most importantly it's got the world's best trackpad. The machined metal case is solid and it's travelled with me to four different continents and a couple of major road trips in the last four years. I use iPhoto, GarageBand, and Time Machine. I'd readily buy a macbook (probably an Air) if I was going to buy another laptop. I was waiting until the new Mac Mini came out to buy a new desktop. When the mini was a disappointment, I looked at the tradeoff between an iMac and a Windows PC - I could get a fantastic triple-screened Windows setup for ~£1k, which would get me the most basic iMac. I went with the Windows PC, and while I prefer OS X, Windows 8.1 and Ubuntu are, between them, more than good enough to do what I want. However, Apple use the same suppliers as everyone else. There's no way that I believe that Apple are any worse (and I believe that they are slightly better!) than Lenovo, Asus, Acer, HP, etc. They're just an easy target, as a large number like to sneer at them.

If you have an 8 hour stop-over between intercontinental flights, it can be a life saver to have somewhere secure and quiet to nap in comfort and quiet. It's also cheaper, the food and drink are usually better and you'll generally get a nice view of the runway or similar. You'll also get somewhere to charge your laptop or phone and they'll let you know if your flight has been delayed. As for society slipping into decadence, have a look at what flying was like in the 50s or 60s and compare it with economy class today.

You can use Priority Pass - costs £69/year and £15 / visit or £260 for a membership with unlimited visits in the year. Although if you fly that often, you'l probably have access to a proper airline lounge, instead of the shittier servisair ones.

Have a look at Boccia watches. They make their cases in titanium and the leather-strapped watches look quite plain and formal. I have one that's modeled on the Mondaine Swiss railway clock and it looks great. Available on Amazon for about £50.

Rekjavik's lovely, but I don't know what you'd do there for five nights. It's pretty small, so you'd do one day golden circle, one day spa, one night northern lights and maybe one day on a glacier? But it's ridiculously expensive and pretty small for 5 nights. I visited Marrakech a couple of years ago in January and I didn't like it. It was warm-ish, but not hot. The city is very dirty and there wasn't much to do, but some people love it. I hate being constantly sold to as well, and most of the time I just wanted to get out the city because of the constant hassle to buy anything for 50 Dirham. The south of Italy would be good. Go visit a couple of Agriturismos and try local food and drink - especially fresh mozarella for breakfast in the morning. Or go on a skiing trip in the Alps? Berlin's pretty good too - great beer, loads to see and do and not an expensive place to visit. Vienna's pretty too, and loads to see and do there. Cold though. Have you thought about a flight to Boston? Should only be 7 hours or so, and you could take a day trip to the White Mountains.

'13 plate BMW 320d touring xDrive M Sport auto and a '08 plate Mazda MX-5. The BMW is great - fun to drive in sports mode if you want, easy to drive if you're commuting. Wonderfully comfortable and classy interior. Gets 45mpg. Big boot capacity. Favourite car ever. The MX-5 is a bit of a disaster. The drainage channels for the soft top get blocked easily and it develops electrical faults. Not a big deal if you keep it in a garage, but no good under a tree in the street. That said, it's like driving a go-kart in the summer and can go sideways wherever you like. Totally impractical though and rarely gets driven. I should probably sell it.

I like Maisel's Weisse if I can get it (not often). Otherwise, anything by the Williams Brothers brewery in Alloa, but particularly Caesar Augustus and Chieftain. They claim to have been the first people to have brewed Heather Ale for a few hundred years, but I find that Fraoch gives me a headache. Interesting backstory though.

Assuming that there's a 50ml 10% tincture of iodine in the first aid kit that I can use as a general-purpose anti-septic and water purifier... 50m paracord - can be used for tripwires or to improvise shelter. Strong enough to take body weight, but light enough to carry easily. Can be used to get up high, where there will be fewer zombies. Thermal clothing - stay as warm as possible while you sleep without having the heft (and enclosure) of a down bag. Waterproof trousers and poncho - in European climates, you need to stay warm and that means you need to stay dry. Poncho can be used to make a shelter with the paracord if necessary. Leatherman-style multitool - big enough blades for eating, bunch of handy widgets for opening tins, bottles, etc. Pliers also useful. Use the crowbar for self-defence at close quarters. Radio - safety in numbers if you can find them. OS Map of local area - figure out where the most likely safe routes are, if anyone broadcasts locations over the radio.

Nice to meet you too, Champ. Alpen can't be old-fashioned, they sponsor shows on Dave. Sign of a quality company that. Plus it's got raisins in it. If it's got raisins in it, it must be healthy. They're nearly fruit.

What did you think people did with it, Champ?

Tried turning up to play on them one afternoon when I was a teenager with a handful of pals. Told to get lost by the groundskeeper - apparently they weren't to be played on except on a Saturday for the structured clubs. Draw your own conclusions.