jonnybastard

The lone ranger. Got a bit of a kicking from the critics, but what the fuck do they know? I enjoyed it. 7/10

That was a harsh neg for an opinion widely shared by those 'in the know'. It is an established fact that after beating Creed (who had postponed retirement for one last payday, despite being of pensionable age) Balboa was fed a series of stiffs in order to realise maximum profit from minimum risk. His first opponent of calibre (Lang) beat him like a bitch. Balboa then secured the services of Creed for the re-match, who used his considerable influence within the black Muslims to ensure that Lang did a Liston, despite being ahead on all judges score cards. You can't argue with facts stig, not when I'm making them up.

Fuck that. The whole point of the internet is to allow gobshites an opinion.

Hype and hyperbole created the illusion of a "7ft machine". Real boxing officionadoes saw it for what it was- a retard (with retard strength) beating a promising Russian amateur before he'd gained the skill and experience necessary to fight at the top level. Far from knowing nothing, I think you will find I know everything. Now that age has robbed me of the innocence of youth, I see the 'Italian horse cock' for what he really was- a big boned simpleton exploited by all who met him.

The correct order for greatest Rocky films is- Rocky III at the pictures, followed by Rocky III on VHS, and finally a nostalgic look at Rocky III on DVD with the kids- where you finally appreciate that boxing was robbed of a true champion in Clubber Lang, by a retarded punch bag who fought nothing but bums, has-beens, and never-wases.

I got a pair of trimm trabs. Which is a marked improvement on the year I got a fucking good hiding for Xmas; apparently, when a woman says she wants some new pans for xmas, she doesn't mean she wants some new pans for Xmas. What the fuck? Ungrateful bitch.

My mate once snatched one out of the air, ninja style, in the middle of the school yard. It was actually quite impressive. And funny as fuck when he started screaming.

At a works Xmas do some years ago, one of the lads turned up a bit late citing 'come straight from the match' (this was Torres era). He mentioned his 'season ticket, lifelong fan, started going as a kid with 'the arl fella'' bollocks at every opportunity. The ladies were dribbling snail snot over his 'scouse' accent, and despite the fact that he was barely a wool he never corrected them. During one of his little talks he claimed "the atmospheres not what is was", I said I'd noticed a change when the old (standing) kop came down. He said "fuckin' 'ell la, me grrandad used to talk about standing at the match, how old do you think I am?" "less than two years younger than me" I replied "so early twenties when the seats went in" He shut up for a bit after that, until his next trip to the toilets anyway.

Hippy bifta

The only time in recent memory was when I took the wife out for her birthday. The problem arose when, despite the blurb on the menu about 'all our food is freshly prepared etc', the dirty scummy fuckers brought me frozen chips. If the wife pulled that shit at home I'd fucking cunt punch her, so there is no way I'm paying £25 for a steak (which was excellent, by the way) and soaking up the bloody gravy with frozen fucking chips. I nearly cried when I saw them and sent them back before they'd even touched the table. I didn't get fresh chips, but did get extra mash and a round of drinks by way of apology.

Filth- very good film. Best Irvine Welsh adaptation since Trainspotting. Great performance by McAvoy, of whom I'm not a huge fan (he has the mark of shameless on him, though he did leave before the corpse really stank). I'll give it 8 cuntybaws out of 10.

3. jonnybastard Another benefit of membership taken from us.

I was driving home the other day, nice A-road, leads straight through the village, approaching the car in front which was going significantly slower. Woman driver, she appeared to be searching her glove box, probably looking for her make up or a tampon or something. As she saw me pulling out to overtake she floored it, luckily I was up to speed and went past despite her best effort. She then followed me home about a foot from my rear end, nearly going into the back of me when I pulled onto my drive. She stopped and reversed at speed onto my drive, jumped out and said "well that was clearly unsafe, wasn't it?" "it was that love, good job one of my kids wasn't out, you'd have killed them reversing at that speed" Ignoring my rather pertinent point she continued "I'm a police officer, and luckily for you I'm off duty at the moment (she was pregnant) you overtook two vehicles in one manouvre back there" "what, you and the cyclist you mean?" (there had been a cyclist ahead of us, I'd overtaken her then continued past him). "yes and if I wasn't off duty you would be in a considerable amount of trouble right now" I was almost speechless at the stupidity of what she was saying, but as my Dad used to say 'never argue with coppers, bouncers or women, it's a hiding to nothing. "so you're a police officer?" I asked "oh yes" she replied, proably thinking I was now shitting my pants "but you're off duty?" I continued "for the moment" she answered "well fuck off off my drive, you're trespassing" I told her before walking into the house.

I don't know about his coaching credentials, but I think John Barnes would be great in an ambassadorial role- he's knowledgeable, has a good understanding of football and footballers, and he's eloquent. On the coaching side, I'd like to see the return of Roy Evans, Phil Thompson and Sammy Lee. I always had Lee down as future manager material, once he's learnt his trade at the club. I always rated Tommo as an assistant. It's good that a manager can be a nice guy, as long as he's got a right bastard as his right hand. I think Evans would have benefitted from having Thompson as his assistant.

always worth an airing

Even the Grand Canyon is shut. Good luck with that one you mad cunts.

They hate me! What the fuck have I ever done to them?

Yes, it's an English school. One parent did question the legality of forcing parents to use one supplier (anti competition laws and all that), the school got round this by saying it was available from two sources- the prescribed retailer or the school itself. It wouldn't be so bad if the quality was superior, it isn't. And there are small design changes every year or so to stop uniform being passed to siblings. The price we pay for academy status, I think.

I agree about uniform (must be an age thing, I thought it unnecessary when I had to wear it). I just don't think we should have to pay a £20+ premium to have the school logo in a place it can rarely be seen, especially when it's already prominently displayed on the shirt and jumper. Surely black trousers are black trousers.

You're a teacher aren't you Paul?

Pre- fillet steak, because it's usually a saturday. Post- Kebab, it's tradition. It also makes me thirsty as fuck, which means I drink loads of water when I get home, which is good for hangover prevention.

Have you heard about John Lennon? Apparently he's married that Cynthia bird.

The world runs on debt, it's how the system works. Personally, I don't lose a moments sleep over debt, in fact I'd like to die with a debt so big my bank manager loses sleep.

It was unfair to say the majority, but it's more than a minority, in varying degrees of cuntiness. I don't mean physical abuse (none of them touched my willy), although corporal punishment was being phased out whilst I was at school it hadn't been banned entirely and I did get my arse whacked with one of those massive plimsolls a few times, and to be fair I could be a bit of a cunt at that age. But, as I said, that wasn't really an issue, it was more the verbal shit. They'd stop short of saying anything they could actually be pulled for (except one time), but it seemed to me that I was taking their shit because some other kid had made them look a cunt and they were passing it on, classic sign of a bully. When I hear some of the petty shite my oldest boy has to put up with at school- for instance he recently got a detention for not wearing the correct uniform, his trousers didn't have the school logo near the belt line, the teacher needed him to lift his jumper to notice this- I see how the job still attracts the same sad pillow biters that I had to deal with. It's not as if he's a bad bugger either, every parent's evening at least one teacher will tell us what a polite, well behaved young man he is. Wait til they get his younger brother, Jerzy, now he is a proper little fucker, he'll be on 10 hour shifts the amount of detention they'll throw at him.