Special K

A lad called ivortheinjun had some bloke go round to a house in London thinking he was a woman. Had me in tears. This is epic but hilarious: Connecting to server... You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: 19/f/uk You: ? Stranger: whats ur myspace You: i don't have one Stranger: everyone has one You: not me You: got hacked Stranger: :O Stranger: oh no You: didn't bother making another You: who are you? Stranger: its me jamal You: I just showered You: In a robe here Stranger: should let me come over You: That would be awesome You: Talk is cheap though, man You: come in my ass and be on your way if that makes you happy Stranger: i dont do anal You: figure of speech You: my ass = me Stranger: oh lool Stranger: i knew that You: we can talk now if you like You: just tell me what you need You: I'm just here in this little robe You: ;) Stranger: :o Stranger: im embarressed now You: I'm just a girl looking to make her way in the world You: That's quite all right You: I'm sat here typing in an open robe You: I'm not big on embarrassment Stranger: where in the uk are u from You: london Stranger: lol same, kilburn :) You: Fucking hell, man You: I'm in Cricklewood Stranger: what Stranger: wow its a small world You: You literally could come round and fuck me if you wanted to You: Like, now Stranger: you could be a man for all i know so ill pass You: I'm really not You: *looks down* You: I'm really, really not Stranger: LOL You: Seriously I'm just on here to get off You: Nobody's quite got me there so far Stranger: o isit Stranger: i could be a 50year old man Stranger: or even a 14 yr old boy Stranger: then what would u do You: I'd prefer you weren't 14, but anything above 16 is fine by me Stranger: im actually 19 You: Very cool You: Me too You: What do you like to do with girls? You: Talk as freely as you like, very little shocks me Stranger: lol i can talk freely because you are a stranger You: Some people get a bit inhibited, even over the net Stranger: i like to do anything apart from anal (really) You: That's cool Stranger: yourself You: I've had anal, and it's not my favourite either You: I like threesomes You: With another girl and a guy Stranger: that is hot You: I love giving head Stranger: i love receiving :) You: I give pretty fucking good head Stranger: o really You: Just think, I could be giving you head in 10 minutes from now You: We are that close Stranger: thing is you could be really ugly Stranger: no offence You: That's true You: I'm really not though You: I have no pics online, but I can describe myself if you'd like Stranger: ok You: Brunette You: Shoulder length hair You: 5ft 8in You: green eyes (guys love my eyes) You: Slim/medium build You: Not skinny - I fucking hate skinny bitches You: Just a little to get hold of Stranger: can stand skinny girls aswell lol Stranger: u sound pretty hot You: 34C You: I have what are called "puffy" nipples You: you know what that means? Stranger: yeah You: They're pretty fucking awesome Stranger: i love them Stranger: u sound too good to be true You: Heh heh You: They grow in your mouth when you suck them Stranger: i honestly dont beleive a hot girl would come on this site to hook up You: Seriously dude, I'm just on a day off, showered and I want to get off You: The shower head got me most of the way there You: But there's nothing like a bit of company You: I just like to talk to random guys and have them tell me what they want to do to me Stranger: wow Stranger: what kind of guys u like white, black, mixrace what.. You: I'm white, sort of tanned complexion You: I've been with white, black, Indian guys You: I just love cock, to be perfectly honest with you Stranger: lool You: If the cock's right, the rest of the package is negotiable Stranger: your so cool You: It has been said You: So what do you like? You: What do you like to do to women? Stranger: i look like however u imagine me to You: That's vague, but cool You: I think you're mixed race You: I don't know why, but that's how I picture you Stranger: im black most girls say im pretty boy You: Black is fucking cool You: Africa or Caribbean? Stranger: carribean You: Kilburn, right? You: Of course Stranger: yeah You: Fuck. I really kind of want you right now Stranger: how do we go about this You: I have no earthly idea You: To be honest with you I'd be happy if you just came round and fucked me Stranger: do u promise you wont kill or rape me Stranger: i dont want to be on the news 2moro You: lol You: I promise You: shit man, my flatmate works until like 11pm, and she normally goes straight out anyway. You: If you're cute though, I could hook you up with both of us. Stranger: :) You: I'm all on my own until she's back, I promise You: Fuck man, even half an hour would be great You: I just so badly need to cum right now Stranger: ill come Stranger: should i just jump through my computer screen You: I am absolutely not fucking around Stranger: i was being sarcastic i kinda need to know where you are dont lol You: I'm at 62 Cricklewood Lane, opposite the station You: It's the second house after the bridge Stranger: yeah i know where that is You: Bring condoms, I'm all out Stranger: give me your number You: My flatmate has my mobile today Stranger: dont u have a house number You: No landline here You: Bear with me... You: Shit, she hasn't put it on charge - I was going to give you my flatmate's number Stranger: 07737847569 You: I don't have a working phone here Stranger: oh right Stranger: u got msn You: No, sorry Stranger: u have anything lool You: Listen man, my flatmate works in the Somerfield just off the Broadway You: So do I, just not today You: If you want to check me out, ring the store and ask for Anjali You: That's her, and she'll vouch for me Stranger: alright will do You: She's in the cigarette kiosk You: As of two nights ago, she's single as well Stranger: is she asian You: Yeah You: We make a pretty awesome team You: Come on dude, don't keep me hanging. You: Should I expect a cute black guy on my doorstep this afternoon? You: If you're not into it, that's cool, and I'll get my shower head on the case Stranger: hold on im looking for the number for the store You: Fucking hell dude you could be here by now You: These things are kind of like an honour thing, I like to think You: You got her yet? Stranger: ive never done anything like this before if i had more clarification that u are who u say u are i would be there before u could say sex Stranger: nah cant find the number You: Come to my house, knock on the door You: If I'm not a smoking girl in a robe, walk away You: That's it You: Shit man, you have my address Stranger: alright ill be there in half hour max You: Awesome You: Please, bring condoms Stranger: will do You: If you have any wine as well, that's cool You: There's a place a few doors down if you want to pick some up on the way You: Shit I'm so fucking wet right now You: Are we on? Stranger: yeah im getting ready now You: What music do you like? You: I'll get some tunes on Stranger: anything will do You: Right You: Please come You: My entire day is now all about you coming round to fuck me Stranger: ill leave the computer on and this window open - please don't be lying to me You: K, I'm not. You: What will you be wearing? You: Just so I can look out for you Stranger: blue jeans, white trainers, grey jumper with a shirt Stranger: Im leaving this window open. please pleaase please don't be fucking with me here. I want you so bad. You: Seriously, get on the fucking bus and fuck me already you fucking pussy. Stranger: Okay, okay I'm gone. I'm out the door right now. You: Awesome, man. Stranger: Last message before I leave. I've got condoms. I'm on the way. You: See you here shortly. I really can't wait. Stranger: im on the car on the broadway now wont be long babes You: How the fuck is that possible? Stranger: im chatting on my iphone You: iphone - cool You: am jealous :) Stranger: ill let u play on it. just gna go shop first, you want anything Stranger: ? You: Fucking hell dude You: You got condoms? Stranger: lool ok ill speed up proccess Stranger: yeah You: Maybe some Tic-Tacs Stranger: ok You: Where on the broadway are you? You: Shit dude, you'd best not be standing me up - you should be here by now Stranger: im outside now near the black golf You: Hang on Stranger: which house isit Stranger: 62 yeah You: 62 You: Where the fuck are you? Stranger: answer the door then You: I can't see you You: Have you got the right house? Stranger: the house im at has a messed up garden lol You: There's a 62a as well, which isn't the same building You: We have problems with the post You: Where the fuck are you? You: I'm at the window now Stranger: hmm You: Cricklewood Lane? Stranger: ohh yeah i see you im at the wrong house You: Come in for fuck's sake Stranger: You cunt I'm going to fucking kill you you lying fucking bitch. You: If it makes you feel any better, I'm actually a 31 year old man. Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Best pub in Liverpool by miles. Many, many drunken nights off bottles of Jever (and that's easy stuff) followed by whatever whiskey they have on offer. Just go in and ask for their choice from the 3 bottles for £9 fridge. You can't go wrong.

Me and my brother almost died laughing at the replays of that at the time. Fuck him. He had an in-her-prime-Jo Guest to kiss it better. Bastard.

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm TV Show Character: Gob (Arrested Development) Movie:The Matrix Actor/Actress:Robert Downey Jr Song: Everlong - Foo Fighters Band/Singer: The Beatles Comedian: Bill Hicks Book: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson Author: Alan Moore

Ha ha! Do it. People pay £200 for trainees, I pay £40 for a haircut. Get over it....

I was being facetious. I just didn't enjoy it as much as other people did. It certainly wasn't the second coming of Scorcese.

Nowhere near the best film of the month it came out never mind the decade. The original pisses all over it. "The rat stands for obviousness...."

Abi from The Zutons gave me a sweet while we waited to get our hair cut at Toni and Guy.

Predator is the most homoerotic film I've ever seen. Greased up muscle men with large guns? No subtext there, it's right in front of you.

I think this is EXACTLY why he hates English football so much. He's embarrassed by his celebrations that night and wants to gloss over them.

Hasn't hit puberty yet fathers a child? Story on the front of the S**. Hmmmm.....

Gay!

Whoops

Can't believe I've got to the end of this thread and no one's mentioned The Boss sliding crotch first into a camera during the half time show. Rare high quality....

Or maybe we'd have seen more from him if he hadn't missed so many sitters when he was given a chance......

Slumdog Millionaire. 10/10 An absolute masterpiece. A wonderful, wonderful film.

Just watch it. You won't be disappointed.

The camera was miles away from her face for that whole performance so's not to show she was so obviously miming, I thought she was going to lip sync her replies to Dermot O'Leary too! Sad really.

Bill Hicks' 'Rant in E Minor'. He knew he was terminal at this point and doesn't give a fuck who he offends (Jay Leno was a good friend of his and he destroys him just for doing an advert) Some parts are uncomfortable but it's an astonishing piece of work. Don't waste your time with 'No Cure For Cancer'

Fucking hate her. She is everything that's wrong with modern day Britain.

"Son of a bitch must pay". A fantastic line and one that gets an airing from me every chance I get. Mostly when my brother and I have an argument.

Scored a couple has he? He's shite. Like McManaman before him, a lower league basher. WBA is about his level. Still, we won so everything is good. Booze is great.

I needed that. Absolutely spot on mate. Good work.

Congratulations Rob. Made up for you.

Big Bottom - Spinal Tap