Jump to content
tlw content
tlw content

Premier League Round Up (Nov 2-3 2019)

Saturday was almost a great day for Man City, but not quite. At half time they were losing at home to Southampton while we also trailed at Villa Park.

 

They came back to lead 2-1 late on, while we were still losing. The gap was three points with them coming to Anfield this weekend knowing a win would put them top. Then in the blink of an eye we’d scored twice and the gap was back to six. We’ve been on the other end of that and it’s fucking soul destroying. 

 

No wonder Baldiola was so salty afterwards. Instead of worrying about what we’re doing, he should probably be asking himself how come his side made such hard work out of beating a team that had lost 9-0 at home in their previous game. I usually expect to City win regardless of who they’re playing, but at least in some cases I can talk myself into why the other side might have a chance (Wolves recently is a good example). Southampton though? I gave them a zero percent chance of winning and only a tiny percentage chance of not losing by at least three.

 

Yet but for shite goalkeeping from the recalled Alex McCarthy, they’d have won. Both City goals were easily preventable with a half decent keeper. Actually that’s unfair as I reckon McCarthy is alright usually, but he fucked up on both goals in this one. Mind you, Ederson was even more culpable for the Southampton goal when he fumbled a shot and then almost got kicked in the face by Ward-Prowse as he unsuccessfully tried to retrieve the situation.

 

Some would call that brave, but it doesn’t impress me as he looks like he’s spent his entire life putting his face into situations where it gets booted to fuck. If I had a face like I’d be the same, as what does he have to lose? He’s the only player I’ve ever seen who can get booted in the face by Mané, have a shitload of stitches and somehow end up looking less brutal did he did before. 

 

He was subbed at half time in City’s midweek draw with Atalanta with a minor injury. Hopefully he misses the game on Sunday, not because I see him as being much better than Claudio Bravo, but just so I don’t have to look at him. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m no Brad Pitt, but he’s just painful to look at and a lot of it is self inflicted. The horrible tatts and the Jaws from James Bond braces, just why??

 

I’m not reading anything into that Atalanta result though as it’s tough going to Italy and winning, especially when you have to play the final 15 minutes with ten men and Kyle Walker in goal. I was hoping that would provide some comic relief and it almost did when he made a pig’s arse out of a free-kick, but after that Atalanta just went backwards and never got near him. Fucking shitbags, a draw was no good to them whatsoever but instead of throwing everything forward, they spent the rest of the game trying to get City players booked and sent off. Normally I’d be all in on that, but not in a Champions League group game as there’s no benefit to us in that.

 

City come to Anfield this week and we’re supposed to believe that David Silva won’t be available. Not buying it. He’ll play. So will his racially insensitive namesake Bernardo, who has somehow managed to get his punished delayed until after this game. Fucking stinks that. If there’s any justice he’ll get a red card, the snide little shitbag.

 

Moving on, and perhaps the biggest surprise of the weekend was Newcastle absolutely fucking battering West Ham. Forget the score, as 3-2 flattered West Ham massively as they scored twice late on and by that point should have been losing by six. Newcastle murdered them on the break and if West Ham play like that against anyone decent they’ll lose by ten. They better hope they don’t have Leicester any time soon.

 

The speed of Saint-Maximin and Almiron just ripped West Ham apart. Neither of them can finish though, which is why Newcastle only scored three. Clark headed them in front from a Shelvey free-kick and Fernandez made it two with a header from a Willens cross. Shelvey’s brilliant free-kick made it three (he’d hit the bar with an earlier effort), but in between that the wasteful forwards had squandered a hatful of opportunities.

 

Steve Bruce is such a likeable fella that he provides me with a little shred of comfort any time Newcastle get a result. Unless they’re playing one of the ‘big six’ or Everton I always want them to lose, but when they don’t I can at least be pleased for Bruce. “I hope in time they might be able to get behind me as much as they got behind Rafa” he said afterwards. Yeah good luck with that, mate. You’ll need a much better PR guy if you’re going to brainwash the local press in the way only Rafa can.

 

Moving on, and Chelsea won again as Watford’s winless start continued. Kevin Abraham broke the deadlock with a deft finish from a world class pass from Jorginho. Alonso-esque that. Abraham should have made it 2-0 soon after but he was denied by Foster, who had one of those days he occasionally has when he looks like the greatest keeper the world has ever seen. We know he isn’t, because next week he’ll probably chuck one in, but he does have a few of these every season.

 

He made two more stunning saves in the first half and his heroics continued after the break, although he could do nothing about Pulisic tapping in from close range to double Chelsea’s lead. 

 

Watford pulled one back from the penalty spot after VAR over-ruled the ref when Deulefeu went down after minimal contact. That was even less of a foul than the one Sadio didn’t get at Villa, and Sadio’s wasn’t a pen either. Deulefeu himself converted the pen and then with the last action of the game Foster was denied by a full stretch save by Kepa. If Foster had scored the equaliser after making all them saves, it might have been the greatest game a keeper has ever had. 

 

Chelsea definitely deserved the points though, but they’ve got some problems at the back and Ajax destroyed them in midweek. Then they had two players sent off and Chelsea came back from 4-1 down to claim a draw. Their games are as entertaining as anyone’s at the moment.

 

At the other end of that scale is Burnley. They’ve gone a bit shit lately after initially looking like they were back to the form of two years ago. They got smacked around by Sheffield United and deservedly lost 3-0.

 

Lundstrom arrived late in the box to fire the home side ahead after a clever layoff from Mousset, and then added a second after another assist from Mousset, albeit this one was completely unintentional as he missed his kick in front of goal and was bailed out by the midfielder who was following in behind. 

 

Fleck made it 3-0 with a good run and finish. I like him, he’s a tidy player. Here’s a thought, if Scotland have Fleck, McGinn, Robbo, Tierney and McTominay (who according to Jamie O’Hara would get in our team as he’s better than Hendo), how come they’re so shit? I wish they were better as I’d root for them in major tournaments if they could ever fucking reach one.

 

The Blades now have the best defensive record in the league, but they’re not exactly a defensive side are they? They have a go and they get men in the box. They look like a mid-table side so far, which is quite remarkable when you look at their squad. Good for them. Anything that upsets Sheffield Wednesday fans is fine by me.

 

Norwich started the season looking like they might be the surprise package, but while they’ve fallen off a cliff it’s been Villa and Sheff Utd who have adapted better. The Canaries lost at Brighton and their away form is so bad they may as well play in Blue and call themselves the Toffees.

 

Substitute Brossard (never heard of him) got the opener when he glanced one in at the near post, and fellow sub Duffy made it safe late on. Can’t get my head around Brighton having a Peter Crouch double playing left wing back though. It just looks weird. Tall players don’t play out wide. He must be the only left footer they have.

 

Final point on this. When Tim Krul came on the screen doing the post match interview I instinctively found myself saying “fuckin’ prick” but I have absolutely no idea why. I know I’ve got beef with him but I’ve forgotten the cause of it. Pretty sure it’s from when he was at Newcastle. It might just be something as trivial as him not applauding the Kop, but I feel as though it’s probably more serious than that. Did he get one of our lads sent off or something?

 

My memory is shite these days, but my instincts are still sharp and if I don’t like someone then there’s usually a good reason.

 

It’s all kicking off at Arsenal of late. They didn’t start the season that badly but now they’ve fallen and they can’t get up. They keep going ahead only to throw it away and it happened again at home to Wolves and then in Portugal in midweek. Aubamayeng side footed them in front early on Saturday but they didn’t build on it and the longer it went the more you knew Wolves would equalise, which they did through Jimenez 15 minutes from time. 

 

Emery looks like a man feeling the pressure players are openly having a go at the fans. Mustafi scored in that midweek Europa League game and was giving it the ol’ hands to the ear ‘what have you got to say now?’ routine. Arsenal fans no doubt responded with ‘yeah, you’re still shit mate’. Thats if they were even watching, and at 3.50pm on a Wednesday who could blame them if they did swerve it?

 

Finally on Saturday, there was another defeat for the Mancs which now means Solskjaer has lost more Premier League games than Klopp despite taking charge of 104 less games. That’s one of the craziest stats I’ve seen in a long time. He hasn’t even been there a year and he’s already lost more games than Klopp. Presumably he’s lost more than Guardiola too. Incredible really.

 

I think a good indicator of how far United have fallen is that I saw they were the early kick off on Saturday and thought “I’ll defo watch that”. Not because I thought there was a chance they might lose, but because I was pretty sure of it. Be honest, who in their right mind now sees they have a fixture away at Bournemouth and expects them to win?

 

Bournemouth are more of a team and you can probably make a case that they have better players. I’m not even joking. Both Wilsons, King, Fraser, Lermer, Lewis Cook and Ake would all get a game at United these days. A d Eddie Howe is definitely a better manager than Solskjaer.

 

King got the only goal of the game with a smartly taken goal (terrible defending by Wan-Bissaka) but only a brilliant De Gea save prevented our Harry getting one and giving the scoreline a more realistic look. 

 

He was heckled by the away end all day with chants of “You scouse bastard” and “Murderer”. A lad who has never played a meaningful game for us and they’re yelling “Murderer” at him. They’re the fucking worst aren’t they? I tend to hate everyone and see the worst in most fanbases, but I’m probably guilty of taking for granted just what vile cunts these are. 

 

Every fanbase has it’s minority of twats, but the other week there were tens of thousands of them singing “the S*n was right, you’re murderers”. Fuck all is ever said about that, but it’s a Hillsborough chant. Scumbags.

 

Finally on this, I noticed that Eddie Howe had one of those pens where you click the button and you can change the colour of the ink. My daughter has one of them. It made me laugh seeing a Premier League boss using one of those. If he was watching MOTD, Brendan will defo have one of those next week. You just watch.

 

Speaking of Brendan, Leicester won again on Sunday. There wasn’t much in the game and both teams wasted chances before Soyuncu stooped to head Leicester in front.

 

Vardy then scored late and then flapped his arms up and down in a weird bird celebration. Turns out he was taking the piss out of the home fans by being an Eagle. That’s actually so shit it’s good. He absolutely loves a bit of needle with opposing fans, which I’m all in favour of. Not enough of this in the modern game. Well played Jamie Vardy.

 

Finally, the game at Goodison on Sunday was fucking mad. All sorts was going on and once again Martin Atkinson was at the heart of it. Unlike the day before, he was actually the on-field ref and not working the VAR. Mind you, the VAR (Anthony Taylor) was as bad as him as it just re-enforced every decision he made.

 

Firstly, Son thought he should have had a pen when Mina caught him. Atkinson waved it away and VAR agreed. Then VAR had second thoughts and wanted to check it again, but came to the same decision anyway. No pen. I’m ok with that call but I’d have been fine if he’d given a pen too, as there was clear contact even though Son made a banquet of it.

 

Next up it was Richarlison’s turn to take a tumble in the box. Again, no pen and again it could have gone either way. I reckon it was a foul but because Richarlison is as bad a diver as there is in the league that may have counted against him. He was at it all day, so much so that I actually saw a number of Blues on Twitter ripping HIM, and not the ref. He’s hitting the deck more than a Vegas cards dealer.

 

Neither of those were clear penalties but I’m not sure what was going on with that Alli handball that wasn’t given. He’d just scored to put Spurs ahead, but from a corner he had his arm raised above his head as he challenged Mina, and the ball struck him on the hand. Not an easy one for Atkinson to see and hardly anyone even appealed at the time. But VAR spotted it and stopped the game while it was reviewed. 26 replays from numerous angles and a three minute delay. It only needed one angle, it was fucking blatant. Evertonians were furious and rightly so really.

 

Then we had the biggest incident of the game, which Atkinson definitely got wrong and the decision has since been rescinded. I actually have some sympathy with him here though. No really, I do. Yes, he’s a twat and I’m sick of him screwing us over, but that was an almost impossible situation for him to deal with. 

 

When Son brought Gomes down it was a clear yellow card. Atkinson immediately went over to him with the yellow card in his hand, but then all hell broke loose when players from both sides saw the state Gomes was in. Son started crying, Aurier was on his knees with his head in his hands and there were Everton players (led by Digne) screaming at the ref to produce a red card. Which he did. 

 

In fairness to him, he probably saw Gomes lying there with his foot facing the wrong way and he (incorrectly) assumed the tackle must have been worse than he initially thought. So the fault doesn’t lie with Atkinson this time. VAR could have overturned that though, and given the fact that an independent panel has since done just that, it doesn’t reflect well on the VAR ref Taylor. It just seems obvious that those two had decided there’d be no over-ruling, just as Atkinson had done the day before with Fat Jon Moss.

 

Both sets of fans were now steaming at the ref and VAR. Then, seven minutes into stoppage time Tosun headed the Blues level from a lovely volleyed cross by Digne. That wasn’t the end of the drama though, as Richarlison robbed Sanchez and appeared to be brought down. He would have been clean through and therefore it would have been a red card. Atkinson gave nothing and Taylor again backed him up. 

 

I’ve got no sympathy for Richarlison as he’s the boy who cried wolf, but that was a foul all day. Sanchez kicked him on the shin as he was running.

 

The whole thing was a royal shitshow but it was funny if you didn’t have a dog in the race. It goes without saying that I hope Gomes makes a full and swift recovery. He may be massively over-rated but he seems like a nice fella and there are only a handful of players I’d like to see injured like that, and he’s most certainly not one of them.

 

The pity for Son was fucking nauseating though. I went on twitter afterwards and saw that ‘poor Gomes’ was trending. So was ‘poor Son’, except more people were talking about that. Yeah, let’s reserve the most sympathy for the little snide who caused the injury rather than the poor bastard who’s foot was hanging off.

 

Son can shove those crocodile tears. Based on the challenge itself he didn’t deserve to be sent off, but he can fuck off anyway. He saw his arse over being fouled by Gomes a few minutes earlier and he deliberately brought him down. He wasn’t trying to break his ankle, but there’s always a risk when you deliberately foul someone in that manner that they may land awkwardly. 

 

The next day we were hearing all kinds of shit about his mental state and how he might need counselling. Two days later he’s scoring twice away at Red Star and he’s all smiles. So spare me the ‘poor Son’ crap. He shouldn’t have been sent off because he was upset? Fuck off.

 

My Mum hates him you know, which probably puts her in a minority of one as everyone seems to love Son, or ‘Sonny’ as he seems to be known as these days. Not my Mum though. “He’s a dirty, sly little thing” apparently. She was saying it the other week after we played Spurs and was giving it the “I told you so” when I saw her this week.

 

Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t hate him as much as she hates Harry Kane, but she’s not a fan. It’s interesting to me because she’s usually right on this kind of thing (apart from the Lallana hate, that’s out of order) and I reckon I inherited my innate skill to identify knobheads from her. Still, Son has generally slipped under my radar so I’m gonna keep a closer eye on him now.

 

She doesn’t like Unai Emery either because “he looks weird, there’s something not right about him”. It’s true, he does. He’s two years older me but he doesn’t have a single grey hair on his head. Yet he doesn’t look like he dyes it either. How can anyone’s hair be that black, especially when they’re pushing fifty? He’s a fucking vampire or something. I mean come on, he’s three years older than Nuno Holy Spirit, but look…..

 

emery.jpg

 

nuno.jpg

 

Marco Silva summed up VAR afterwards when he said that “the fans go to games to enjoy the football but no-one enjoyed the football today”. Of course, that’s usually the case at Goodison anyway but this time it was nothing to do with Everton being shite and everything to do with this VAR bollocks. Just fuck it off and go back to the way things were.

 

If we get screwed by it this Sunday I might go to Stockley Park and burn it down myself.

Edited by tlw content


User Feedback

Recommended Comments

Highly entertaining roundup as always Dave. I particularly like your Emery observations. He's definitely a bit of a strange fish alright. Like a bastard child of Al Pacino and Robert De Niro

As for Scotland, Tierney's been injured a lot recently so I guess that's a partial excuse as to why they've been so bad

 

Finally as regards excessively tall wide players, I can think of Ian Ormondroyd and Jostein Flo (both for long ball teams) but after that I'm struggling. Surely Pulis had a few at one stage too

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, buster69 said:

Finally as regards excessively tall wide players, I can think of Ian Ormondroyd and Jostein Flo (both for long ball teams) but after that I'm struggling. Surely Pulis had a few at one stage too

 

Flo only played wide so they could launch high diagonal balls at him, so I don't count him. Ormondroyd is a good one though. He was in a long ball team but was more a dribbler wasn't he? Wasn't a physical player, more like Crouch than Flo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 minutes ago, dave u said:

 

Flo only played wide so they could launch high diagonal balls at him, so I don't count him. Ormondroyd is a good one though. He was in a long ball team but was more a dribbler wasn't he? Wasn't a physical player, more like Crouch than Flo.

How about Klas Ingesson of Sweden and Sheff Wed? Seem to remember him as a tall right winger (not lanky, though). 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your mum knows what's right.  Trust your mum.

Bernardo is a snide little cunt. No two ways about it.  I hope Lovren has a swing and a miss at the ball,  slips and boots that prick in his teeth. 

Superb summary. Really enjoyed it.  Probably shouldn't read it during monotonous meetings at work.  Tough to explain why I'm chuckling away when everyone else is losing the will to live. 

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 08/11/2019 at 21:13, DaveTucker said:

Great report Dave. Out of interest who annoys you more Newcastle or Villa fans? 

 

Have you or your Mum seen Son's ice cream advert? If not Google it. Proper cringeworthy stuff. 

I'd say Villa fans but it can vary week to week.

 

Haven't seen it, will google it and send it to her to wind her up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 09/11/2019 at 02:35, rb14 said:

He dyes it. 

I considered that, but I've seen blokes who dye their hair (you) and you can always tell because of the roots. Emery must dye it every day because it's jet black with no roots on show.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh my life. Dye? Hardly sweetie. That was 120 knickers worth of London's finest hydrogen peroxide. And, dicko, it was BACK IN THE DAY. As well you know, I've not "dyed" (my arse) it for two years now. And you fancy me even more. You were undressing me with your eyes outside the ground this afternoon. As was Joolz.

 

It was embarrassing. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


×
×
  • Create New...