World Cup 2018 Round Up (Final)

I’ll get to the final in due course, but let’s get the losers out of the way first. Belgium and England would rather not have been playing this booby prize game, but clearly they both wanted to win because they fielded stronger sides than they did in the dead rubber group match a few weeks ago. No Adnan Januzaj and Danny Welbeck on show here, no sir. 
 
I had expected Southgate would have just sent out everyone who didn’t play in the semi, but no, most of the starters were out there again, although he did replace his entire midfield and for reasons known only to himself brought Phil Jones in. That went as about as well as everyone other than Southgate expected. Phil Jones - the English Otamendi.
 
There’s been lots of talk that Kane hasn’t been fully fit, but if that’s true why was he playing in this one? Either he’s a selfish prick putting the Golden Boot above the good of the team or there’s no injury and he’s just been playing shit since beating up on Tunisia and Panama. Actually he didn’t even beat up on Panama, he scored two pens and one fluke he knew nothing about. 
 
He didn’t score in this one despite having two chances. I'm confused. I thought that’s all he needed? That's what he told us wasn't it? Clearly he must have just been talking about penalties that day at Anfield, because his finishing has had a touch of the Raheem Sterling’s about him ever since Tunisia. Somehow though he’s the top scorer. What a joke.

I feel as though all the other strikers at this competition should be embarrassed by that. Letting this fucking halfwit take home the Golden Boot, it's a poor show by them. It’s the most hollow Golden Boot win I can remember, even worse than the year that Stoichkov and some random Russian fella shared it with five apiece. 
 
And why the fuck was Trippier playing? He couldn’t even walk three days earlier and was injured so bad he left his team with only ten men in the semifinal. Now he’s not only made a miraculous recovery, but he’s playing the full game in what was regarded by many as an inconvenience. If that was one of our lads I’d want Southgate strung up for that. Spurs fans are probably made up though, queen and country and all that. If England had actually won the thing we’d have had to listen to those losers going the full West Ham and giving it “we won the facking World Cup”. 
 
It actually worked out well for us as neither Hendo nor Trent played so they can just rest up now and report back in a few weeks. The experience will have been great for Trent and because he hardly played he’s not going to be tired when the season starts. Hendo will need a bit of a rest but with Fabinho here and playing a full part in pre-season we can let the skipper have all the time off he needs. 
 
In summary though, England lost as many games as they won in this competition and were beaten three times despite only playing two good teams. Still, they’ve made huge progress, so I’m told. 
 
Belgium were worthy of the third place I’d say. Generally they performed well throughout the tournament and had they played Croatia instead of France they might have even reached the final. Unfortunately for them they were unable to lose a game they didn’t want to win (against an England side that has made 'great strides' don't forget) and ended up in the tough side of the draw. 
 
De Bruyne has had an up and down tournament but he signed off in stye. He was brilliant in this game and did all he could to get Lukaku the Golden Boot. Sadly Lukaku was having one of those occasional days he can have when he has the touch of a drunken rhino. He’s a top quality player most of the time, but sometimes, like this, he’s fucking useless. 
 
Belgium only needed a few minutes to open the scoring through Meunier and they could have scored more in a first half in which they were largely on top. England rallied for a brief spell after half time and Dier almost equalised, but Alderweireld got back to make a brilliant goal line clearance. Pickford denied Meunier what would have been the goal of this and perhaps any World Cup. Great counter attack, back heels all over the place and ended with a volley. Would have been an all timer that. 
 
Hazard got the goal he deserved late on when the hapless Phil Jones hilariously couldn’t sort his feet out and failed to cut out De Bruyne’s pass. I reckon De Bruyne deliberately played it that close to Jones just to make him look a twat. It's certainly possible as he's that good and Jones is that bad. 
 
Hazard’s finish was brilliant. Everyone thought he was going across the keeper to the far post and he disguised it superbly to go in the other corner. Probably been the best player in the tournament and he wasted no time afterwards saying he wants to join Madrid. Now we know why they sold Ronaldo. 
 
Madrid don’t have the cash to go throwing their weight around anymore, not unless they sell first. Ronaldo leaving was always going to be bad news for someone and it looks like it might be Chelsea. About fucking time they suffered the same as the rest of us have had to. 

You know what I’m sick of? Pickford’s scrunched up angry little face. He’s spent the whole tournament shouting and swearing at everyone, the mardy little prick. He’s got the same rage contorted grid you see in the stands at Goodison on derby day. Didn’t take long for him to be infected did it. I don't like him. I hope we buy Butland now just so he gets Pickford's place, as international coaches always roll with the lads at big clubs. 
 
But enough of these losers, onto the final. 
 
I’m pissed off about how this went down. I expected France to win it but I didn’t like the helping hand they got from the ref in that first half. Griezmann dived and the ref saw it but gave the free kick anyway. Pogba was offside from the free-kick, but he challenged Mandzukic and caused the own goal. Why no flag? That’s interfering with play. Probably the first time he's done so since he left Juventus.
 
Croatia equalised with a cracker from my boy Perisic but they got hosed again with a joke penalty decision. Fucking VAR. I don’t give a fuck how many correct calls it’s aided in this tournament, I hate it. It’s been especially troublesome on handball decisions that refs have not given initially, but because of the super slo-mo they've changed their minds.

I accept that the refs are the problem as they’re still making the calls, but however you want to justify it the bottom line here is that without VAR that penalty wouldn't have been given. Fuck it off.
 
It shouldn’t have been given anyway. The ball hit the hand of Perisic but this notion that it’s deliberate and he moves his hand towards it, sorry I’m not having it. Deliberate? How stupid would Perisic have to be to deliberately handle a ball that wasn’t even posing any danger? 

This is a World Cup final. You only give a penalty if it’s a stonewaller and you can't avoid it. Giving a penalty for that, in a game that’s in the balance? It’s a fucking disgrace really when you think about it. 
 
I hate this French side. I feel short changed watching them as they should be great but they’re dull as fuck. Pogba is an arrogant, charmless fucking prick and Griezmann can fuck off too, the self absorbed little shit with his fucking lame goal celebrations. The French Lingard. No wonder Pogba loves them both. 
 

This narrative about Pogba and his great tournament too. That can fuck off. It's marginally less inaccurate than England and their huge strides. Pogba has been alright, but he scored in the final and everyone seems to want to jump on that as the story of how he's shown his class at last and he's found this maturity and discipline.

I'll remember that next season when he's fucking webbing one from 40 yards into row Z of the Stretford End against Huddersfield and laughing about it with them 1-0 down.

Croatia kept plugging away but France know how to defend. They were rarely in any real danger and when Pogba fired in from the edge of the box that was game over really. Might have helped if the keeper had at least tried to save it like, instead of standing there like a fucking tailor’s dummy. Mbappe then fired one in from distance and it was threatening to get out of hand. Keeper wasn't great again.
 
Croatia didn’t deserve that. They’d had more of the ball and more efforts on goal yet somehow they were 4-1 down. Football can be such a bastard at times. 
 
Hugo Lloris took pity on them and presented Mandzukic with a gift to make it 4-2. Horrific error that, but would he have been so lax if they weren’t 4-1 up? He made a monumental cock up in a World Cup final but the next time a keeper fucks up people will still be saying he “did a Karius” rather than a “Hugo Lloris”. Rightly so too, I’m not blaming anyone for that, as Karius fucked up twice and ended up on the losing side. I'm just highlighting what Karius is up against and why he’ll probably never be able to leave this in the past. 
 
So, in summary, it was a good tournament overall but I’m not feeling these ‘best world cup ever’ vibes that so many seem to have. There weren’t many terrible games but there were very few great ones either. Most of it was just alright or pretty good. 
 
I do think watching the Reds these last couple of years skews things somewhat. Fans of most sides watch these games and think it’s great entertainment, but I’m watching them and a lot of the time I’m bored shitless. 
 
International footy is crap really. The Reds would smash every team in this tournament (and somehow find a way to lose the final).The French were the strongest team, even if they weren’t as strong as they ought to be with the talent they have. We'd batter them, it wouldn't even be close.
 
Croatia (and to a lesser extent Belgium) did as well as they did in large part because they’re like a club side. They’ve been together for years, they have a great spirit and they have a few players who are among the best in the world in their respective positions - Modric, Perisic, Rakitic and yes, I'll say it, Lovren. What? Come at me, I don’t give a fuck.  
 

Player of the Tournament 
 
1 Modric
2 Hazard
3 Varane 
 
Goal of the Tournament 
 
1 Pavard (France v Argentina)
2 Quaresma (Portugal v Iran)
3 Ronaldo (Portugal v Spain) 
 
Twat of the Tournament 
 
1 Neymar
2 Antoine Griezmann
3 Patrice Evra 
 
‘My Boy’ of the Tournament 
 
1 Diego Armando Maradona
2 Ivan Perisic
3 The Iran lads (for their shithousing and harrassment of referees against Spain and Portugal) 
 

Team of the Tournament: 
 
Courtois 
 
Godin
Lovren
Varane 
 
Trippier
Kante
Modric
Coutinho
Perisic 
 
Mbappe
Hazard