Geoff Woade

Missed a chance to cause maximum awkwardness there. Should have gone something like ‘I don’t really notice arses, I’m more into feet’

I’d chuckle now at the prospect of them even attempting to bring in conscription. Bit difficult when about 99% of people would just say ‘no’

Are you displaying the thermometer with your Athletes Foot?

There was also the Captain Tom branded polo shirts where I think the only time he wasn’t wearing his medals was so you could see the logo on the one he was wearing. The whole episode was utter cringe. I don’t care that he was well off or a Tory, I didn’t have an issue with the man himself but it was just so over the top. It was the absolutely ridiculous national response to what was an essentially an old man walking round his garden. It’s what old people do. (Plus he was doing it on one of those walker things which essentially meant cheating but that never gets mentioned.) The family being in PR and also seeming to be very keen on the limelight was massively evident from the outset and I’m sure this has been a very nice little earner for them. I think out of everything, what fumed me the most was that free holiday to Barbados and claiming it was on his bucket list. What a piss take that was. I wonder if British Airways were giving out free first class holidays to every old person who does charity work or if it’s just the ones with massive PR machines. If it was really on his bucket list they could have afforded to go at any time but the reality is that old blokes like him want to go to places like Torquay or Skegness, not sweating their bollocks off in a wheelchair on a caribbean island. I highly doubt he did much jet-skiing or parasailing but I’m sure the clingers on did. That’s turned into a rant. And again, it’s not the bloke himself, he seemed to enjoy it and fair play but it just seems like a carefully crafted PR and money making exercise.

Well colour me surprised. What a piss take from the start. ‘Old man potters round garden’ - everyone sucks how bollox off. Never had an issue with him himself but Christ did it sum up this country.

I prefer to imagine you helping burglars to carry your stuff out of your house whilst you commiserate with them over the awful childhoods they must have had and awarding yourself ‘world's bestest person’ points for doing so. Whilst also politely enquiring if they are from any other type of marginalised background or community so you can award yourself double.

You are boring and predictable.

I wonder how many of the people who smugly tell others not to use terms like ‘pikey’ and are clutching their pearls over what Jimmy Carr said would be amongst the first to mobilise a petition and go into full panic mode if gypsies pitched up in the near vicinity. I imagine the hypocrisy levels would be off the scales.

That’s how I took it

This is my first valentines with the new mrs. I knew even when I was asking the question the other week ‘are you into valentines?’ I was basically setting myself up for trouble as even thought I’ve never bothered, it’s clear she’s the type. The death stare was a pretty solid one and you could cut the air with a knife. She’s certainly not demanding but loves any type of event so it was daft to not just make the assumption. Anyway, I’ve used it as a good time to let her know exactly who wears the pants in the relationship. It’s her basically, and I’m down the cost of a spa hotel and an overpriced restaurant.

It’s a guilty secret that I’m still conflicted now as to whether I’d preferred we signed Johnson or Downing.

We had to queue up outside the doors to the changies for PE, the door opened into a long, narrow corridor and then you turned and it opened out into the massive actual square room. Used to be a nightmare as the bully cunts would get themselves to the back of the queue and shove everyone the second the door opened, causing a crush. The best day ever was when the drains that ran under the corridor were blocked and so the cover was off ready to be fixed. The usual happened with the shoving but the nobheads didn’t realise that people were jumping for a reason because they were so excited to be doing the shoving. The worst prick of them then fell straight down the hole and was chest deep in shitty water. It was fucking mint. He was there just looking up and going ‘stop laughing or I’ll fucking twat you’ while trying not to cry. Genuinely regret that camera phones weren’t around then as it would have been a viral sensation.

Is it considered one or the other when it comes to the vaccine and Ivermectin? I’ve had 3 jabs but also do take the horse paste. All I can say is that I’ve tested positive for nearly 2 weeks now but my symptoms have been practically zero. I only tested as a precaution as was having elderly family over. Might well be that they both help? I would never advocate for others to go one way or the other but I was genuinely worried about getting it so took everything I could get my hands on. Maybe both sides have a bit of truth?

I agree with you. I’m PAYE and feel sick when I see what is removed at source but the socialist in me acknowledges that it’s only fair. Rise in NI is rough as well and won’t help. Pensions / other incomes etc should be taxed the same as earnings. This is the height of laziness as I haven’t looked but I’ve heard that Estonia have got an excellent tax system. Someone should definitely research that. Someone who isn’t as lazy as me.

In a lot of cases they’ll be paying for private healthcare and not accessing the NHS, likewise paying for private school. This is going to sound like a defence of the ‘rich’ but if income taxes go up then disposable income goes down. So say that means the cleaner goes, gardener etc. how does that help them? Less money for luxury items etc so those businesses don’t get the income. I’d much prefer a system where it’s the savings that get taxed, more than happy for people to make plenty but get it spent and back into the economy.

I suppose it depends doesn’t it. If you’re a single lad in your own place and you catch someone robbing your tv then that’s one question. If you’ve a family and they’ve been terrorised by someone breaking in and threatening them then you’re probably going to feel more strongly and inclined to commit ‘an atrocity’.

To be fair it’s been going on a while. I used to play football in a team where a couple of the lads were mates who’d been inside because they caught a burglar in one of their houses and tortured him. They did loads to him but for some reason ‘branding him with a fish slice’ has always been the bit that stood out.

Just ghastly. It was always coming. Somehow even the Katona woman is making a handsome living off it. Surely there are actual attractive women on there that the desperate can pay to lust over?

Reformed alcoholic.

Finally struck down after 2 years. Very strange as I’ve had it for a few days now as per the tests but felt much better the whole time than in the preceding weeks (sick but testing negative). In fairness I’d hedged my bets by getting triple jabbed and also banging down the horse paste. I feel very lucky, girlfriend had it a couple of weeks ago and she is an absolute trooper but got smashed to bits by it so I’ve seen the damage it can do.

Should at least have had the decency to have ended the call with ‘rubber dinghy rapids’

He’s class. Going to be a top player for us, you can tell how much the other players rate him already.

Fans are too emotional in general. ‘He disrespected the club’. It’s a job to them. Because we invest our time and affections into a club we expect the players to we expect them to but deep down we know it’s bollocks no matter how many forced interviews they give. The top players go where they will get the most money and where they think they’ll be happy living. I’ve a problem with the ones who sign long term contracts and then kick off about leaving if a better offer comes in but we don’t know what agreements were made behind the scenes. Either way you cut it, everyone was gutted to see him go but it was an absolutely fair price and everyone was happy at the end of the day. Ironically, apart from Barcelona.

I’m with you, it kills the germs.

Hasselbaink is looking seriously old these days. In between his pundit bits on that game he was definitely sat in the stands with their most rabid fans. If you want an example of bias then look no further.