Babb'sBurstNad

I like his jacket.

No one comes into the starting eleven to be fucked at.

I've only just reluctantly bagged up my copy of that with a bunch of books to give to my local charity shop. God knows how many years I've had it.

Yay! I'm going to read these later whilst having a nice relaxing poo.

The only question mark around Mahrez is whether he's got the work rate. We've had far lazier and weaker tacklers who've benefitted from Klopp's kick up the arse, so I reckon he'd be alright. Particularly in a midfield with Keita's work rate next season. The big plus point for me is his ability to spot a run and work with fast, counter attacking players. If him coming in means we finally get a decent keeper then I'm all in.

We're quietly building an African All Stars team, and I like it.

Gotta feel for a bit for Holgate; yes, he's a blue, and possibly a cloth-eared one to boot, but to think someone's abused you in such a way in one of the biggest games of your life, well I doubt many would react differently. Like the Adeyemi claim, which turned out to be untrue IIRC, his reaction is based on sheer shock. I reacted similarly when a family member described my beard as "hipster".

I, Partridge: We Need To Talk About Alan Not very funny if you don't like Alan Partridge though.

Beyond parody.

That all sounded great, until I got to Butland. It's going to be Butland, isn't it?

Tried one for a while, but I found the whole helmet and gear thing a bit of a hassle. Plus I could never get out of the cycling urge to mount the pavement.

I wouldn't be shocked if we'd told Coutinho in the summer he could leave if Barca met our valuation, but they left it too late. Now they want a do-over, but this isn't the window for all that. For anything to happen in January it needs to be fast and with the nod from the selling club that they can get their targets. Barca are likely playing the "It's now or never" card, twisting his tit like they did last summer, convincing him that they can't leave it until after the WC as they'll get dragged into a bidding war and fees will go up again. Bit of a stand off then - Barca tell Coutinho we're being unreasonable; we tell Coutinho Barca aren't stumping up fast enough, meanwhile Coutinho is wheeled around in his wicker bathchair by his agent with a blanket on his lap, coughing into a hankie, pretending to have consumption. At least he isn't staring out of a window at Insua.

I say give more indirect free kicks; haven't seen one of those in ages. There was a comical value to seeing everyone standing on the goal line, hands in front of bollocks, and someone blasting it at them from all of three yards out.

Bugger, so Woolster still won.

The issue for me is Lemar being cup-tied for the CL. I don't begrudge Coutinho wanting to go - all players are transient employees and we benefit more than most from that - but after the damp squib of our last CL campaign this feels like the comeback we all wanted. The chance to ruffle a few feathers in the latter rounds and make our mark is potentially season-defining for a young side developing under Klopp. Sell now, tie up Lemar, but both players stay at their respective clubs until the summer. Klopp's worked with players he knows are leaving six months later before and got good performances out of them.

"There was contact, so he had a right to go down" is up there with "He touched the ball, so it isn't a foul". I associate both with the phrase "for me, Clive". The problem is referees don't tend to look for illegal contact anywhere on the pitch - it's far too hard to discern - they go largely by body language and the aftermath of a coming together. The stride pattern, posture etc. are far easier to read from twenty yards away than whether two knees, for example, might have collided at speed. Hence why a player fouled who goes down theatrically will get booked and one not fouled but convincing enough can get a pen.

Books that don't have what they're about written anywhere on them. "Praise for the author" doesn't help me, as it could be a biography of Loose Women for all I know.

Repped for pedantry.

My resolution is to finally learn to drive this year. I'm in my thirties and have managed to get by using public transport, cadging lifts, cycling and walking. However, as much as I enjoy walking places, a bus driver went straight past me the other day and I thought "I'll teach you, you cunt".

Anyone else read this to the tune of Tina Turner's "We Don't Need Another Hero"?

The question now seems to be one of timing. I suspect in the summer Klopp wouldn't have minded had we entered negotiations with a view to getting Lemar +1 in, but Barca fucked about until the 11th hour and Monaco were picked clean by then and unable to find a replacement themselves. Now, Barca don't want to wait until the summer, as he could have a barnstorming WC and the price will go up again. We, on the other hand, will see that as the ideal scenario if indeed he is going to leave. Back to brinksmanship then, and the slow drip feed of pro-Barca news outlets claiming they're preparing a bid. Fuck me, they're even worse than us for "preparing" to swoop.

He'll rise again.

Is that an old list, as I'm pretty sure Fats Domino and Charles Manson are dead on mine. Recount!

In a way, I'd almost respect him more if he wasn't actually injured, but was willing to follow the method like this, walking around limping. By next week he'll turn up at Melwood like Eddie Murphy at the beginning of Trading Places with his legs tucked under him.