Trumo

Better performance than at the pit, but that's not saying much. We played with no tempo in the first half and lacked width down the right. Trent wanted to play central all the time where things were more congested, and Harvey has to come back onto his left too much. In the second, we started much much better and deservedly got an equaliser. Then we got the bounce of the ball to take the lead, and should have done much better with the subsequent chances we created. That we didn't is down to the team we are at present - war too wasteful in attack, and far too prone to getting punished for any sloppiness at the back. Mo's little fracas was totally unnecessary, whatever the reasoning or issues behind it. If that's going to become the norm when he doesn't start matches, and if the poor play we subsequently got is going to become the norm (the one good thing he did ended up resulting in a hospital pass that Darwin thankfully retrieved, and which could yet have resulted in a goal for Harvey), then honestly I would rather he did that shit in the club colours of some Saudi league outfit. If he wants to play in the Olympics would be of no concern to us then. I have to talk about the refereeing again. Taylor had actually reffed this one OK for the most part. The penalty that wasn't given due to offside was the correct call, and the fact he waited a little before initially giving it then declining it must be due to being in conversation about a potential offside in the build-up. Lucho was just offside so I have no beef with that. I did say he'd reffed OK for the most part. Unfortunately, he and VAR did nothing about Paqueta's late challenge on Macca. When you consider how harshly Curtis was dealt with at Spurs for far far less, of course this sort of thing sticks in the craw. The commentators even said that VAR had taken a look and OK'd it. PGMOL's lack of consistency coupled, rampant arse-covering, doubling down when they must know they've fucked up, and hitting back at any sort of criticism is why they continue to fail, and why people hate VAR so much. They focus on getting fussy things like marginal offsides 'right', and hide behind clear and obvious for stuff that should be looked at properly to arrive at the correct decision. Even more annoying were the 2 incidents late on. The first was when the officials gave a goal kick instead of a corner when a defender had clearly made an interception before the ball reached Darwin in the centre of the six yard box. Did they think Darwin had fluffed his lines yet again? And then when Areola caught the ball under the his own crossbar and partially collided with the post, it was still play on so if/when he releases the ball, our players are within their rights to contest for it. Something which Cody did and rightfully pointed out. Taylor decided Areola needed treatment even though no-one from West Ham (not even the keeper himself) had said anything.

No 'clever' wordplay now. This past month or so has been so incredibly deflating. A Saturday lunchtime game. Again. Yay. TNT Sports have had to make do with the unwanted time slot, and the problem would be solved if that rule about no live football on TV at 3:00pm on Saturdays was ditched. Whatever was the basis for that decision surely is of no relevance today, so sticking to it is like when Americans adhere steadfastly to elements of the US Constitution that were constructed for the conditions of the time but should have no bearing on society today. If they do, then that society has made no progress. The 12:30 time slot is for the benefit of the Far East TV market as it coincides with their peak time, but games in this timeslot tend to be vastly different to the Saturday 3:00pm, Sunday afternoon or any midweek evening slot. Eveything just seems more sluggish. The ONLY good thing about them is that if your team wins, you basically have a whole weekend to enjoy other things. The corresponding fixture took place almost exactly a year ago. We'd gradually started finding a bit of form, especially away from home, and looked more like the side that had gone close to a quadruple the year before. And yet it started in familiar fashion, with us being too easily opened up on our right flank. A nice move (aiding by very little in the way of closing down by us) saw Paqueta fire a fine effort past Ali from 20 yards. Trent was playing that hybrid role and picked up the ball in midfield, squeezing a pass to Cody in a central position 25 yards out. Again, very little in the way of closing down meant that he had time to turn, carry the ball and fire a low effort beyond Fabianski. Diogo had a couple of chances to put us ahead, but got underneath his shot for the first, and didn't quite have enough height to get a header on target for his second. Virg nipped in before Antonio at the far post when a goal looked almost certain. Early in the second half, Bowen was played in down the right, cut inside Virg and shot into the far corner. Virg hardly covered himself in glory with the way he tracked back, and we were fortunate when VAR came down in our favour for once, judging Bowen to be offside. Big Bird was denied a goal after a goalmouth scramble following a corner, but from the resulting corner, he absolutely buried his header into the roof of the net. West Ham argued that they shoulder have had a penalty late on for a handball by Thiago, but the Spaniard's momentum when winning the ball meant that his arm was where it was to check his fall. The ball just so happened to be under him at that very moment. Hardly the same as Odegaard at Anfield, yet that one got less attention by the VAR guys. 2-1 to us in the end. We've been so profligate in attack and so sloppy defensively in recent weeks, it's hard to pinpoint the catalyst. Some people (including Jurgen) have identified the FA Cup tie, and maybe that's true. Or maybe it goes back a little earlier, but was being papered over by the excellence of the youngsters called up. Whatever it is has totally derailed our season to the point where so many players are being questioned as to whether they are good enough. Cody might be available again for this one, and based on the lack of positive impact of both Darwin and Mo in recent weeks, Cody has done more than both to stake his claim for a starting berth. I'd have him in for one of those. I keep saying stuff about motivation, concentration, attitude and application needing to be absolutely on point from first minute to last. It's not me saying it for the sake of it, but because it is necessary. Without it, you let performances and results slip away, and it gets harder to wash off the stink. Whatever remains of this season, treat the games like there is something to gain. Winning begets winning. 3 points please. Get it done!

Null and void.

Over to you lot.

For whatever reason, Sky decided to show a mid-90s Goodison derby between Royle's dogs of war and Evans' talented but flaky pushovers. Or at least that what it looked like at times. Dave has written many times about teams shitting the bed against the blooshite at this time of the year, and being enabling twats. While it doesn't look likely that they'll go down this year, we still made sure it was our turn to look like the teams Dave slags off in his round-ups. * Slow hand clap * Some of the following is having a go at the players and the manager, which is something I don't like to do. We gave away a lot of set pieces and never dealt with any of them. We made stupid errors at the back (Ibou was catastrophic tonight, a headless chicken in open play and nowhere near the danger for the set piece aerial bombardment), and we couldn't finish for shit. Everton looked to rattle us, and rattle us they did. I've got to talk about our chances though, because we created enough chances to score at least once. Is Darwin ever going to show composure in a shooting position? Appearing to be both clumsy and brainless is not a good combination. Lucho probably should have scored when he hit a volley straight at T-Rex, and he was unlucky to hit the post in the second half. He was the pick of the forwards by a country mile though. Mo? Bloody hell, he looks like he's forgotten how to play football. His shooting in particular was dreadful tonight. If he has past his peak, take the Saudi millions and get the next break-out goal machine. Our title hopes are surely over because the other two would have to collapse completely, and we would have to get our shit together and string together performances and results in our remaining game worthy of a title fighting for the title. That is simply not going to happen. A shit night, an insipid end to the season, and a great manager who looks washed up and disinterested.

Simply don't know enough about him. Obviously Feyenoord have improved significantly under his watch, and he was one Covid lockdown away from potentially claiming a title with AZ prior to taking over at De Kuip. All the noises about his style of play, tactical acumen and ability to get through to players make him sound like a good choice. How all of that translates with the massive step up in level remains to be seen, if this comes to fruition. Whoever comes in will be filling massive shoes. Be it Arne Slot or someone else, I want them to have the same impact that Paisley had. The significant difference is that Paisley already knew the club inside out.

He sounds fed up with the game now. He would never be short of offers to take a job elsewhere, and he has never come across as a mercenary type, but he sounds like he wants to love the game for the sport he grew up knowing it to be, rather than what it has become. Also battling against a stacked deck has drained him. Hopefully the people around him, the players and the fans can galvanise him enough for the next month or so by giving it a real go despite the odds against.

Cardiff have been massive cunts throughout, painting themselves as the real victims in all of this.

Make this word singular and this sentence takes on a whole new meaning.

Adidas has always seemed like a more natural fit for Liverpool, but not only did they treat the club like shit off their shoe when they decided not to renew in 2012, they've saved some of their worst ideas for the years they've been our sponsor (1991 to 1995 being the worst examples). If the rumoured agreement is true, it is hopefully a similar arrangement as with the current Nike deal, only with bigger numbers, a shitload of Originals gear with trefoil logos etc, and absolutely no pissing about with the design and colours of the home kits in particular. It's weird how sportswear companies the world over aim most of their stuff at young people who apparently love wild and wacky designs and colours, and yet in US sports the stuff is always 'classic' both in terms of design and colours. I prefer classic and always have, even back when I fit the sportswear companies' target age.

Not a very Happy Tuesday. He falls like a melon, he's twisted his hip, man. Every game we play sees one of our players picking up an injury that sees them subbed early or keeps them out afterwards. Meanwhile Arsenal never seem to pick up injuries, yet everyone they play has key players missing.

You ask for sautéed potatoes with a garnish, they'll cook your eggs with a steam iron. It's the Chicago way.

'Achilles Heel' by Toploader. No idea idea if they were any good as a band (I suspect they were shit), and I know only of one other song of theirs, and that song was annoying.

Work-rate. Incisiveness. Nous. I don't ask for much. This is how it's gonna be. Build from the ground up. After a much improved display and decent result at Fulham, we move onto the second of 4 away games in succession (the first being the trip to Bergamo) when we visit the 'Grand Old Lady'. Like a grand old lady, it's seen better days decades ago and now stinks of piss. Countless times this season, Everton have come up against an equally shit opponent, dragged them down to their level and beaten them through experience. They and Ashley Young got a massive helping hand against Forest, who were denied 3 penalties. Forest's cry-arsing statement afterwards will not have helped their cause, as PGMOL don't take kindly to being called out for their shitness. They of course think they are doing a great job, and are backed up by Howard Webb's book of bullshit excuses. It seems as though every time Everton are staring at the abyss, there will either be 3 sides shitter than them, or they'll come up against an opponent having a stinker. We are absolutely not the former, and we absolutely must not allow ourselves to be the latter. Last season's fixture finished goalless, mainly thanks to the woodwork (the goalposts in this instance!) and the goalkeepers. For us, Darwin, Lucho and Mo all hit the frame of the goal, and for them it was Davies. The goalkeepers were kept busy, although the clearest opportunity fell to Everton debutant Maupay who somehow found Ali's arm when he had pretty much the entire goal to aim at. Bobby had a couple of efforts saved, and was still yet to score in a derby. Incredible really that for the best part of 8 years he was the central fulcrum of our attack yet never registered a goal in a derby. The blooshite were denied a late goal by VAR, who deemed Coady to be offside at the far post from a Maupay cross-shot. This was a far more clear-cut decision than the 'point of Sadio's elbow' decision by David Coote on VAR a couple of years earlier that denied Hendo a stoppage time derby winner (this was the game where Coote forgot that Virg had been recklessly crippled by T-Rex Arms). Fuck off Coady. We'd had a shit start to the season, especially away from home, so a point was better than nothing. Still shit though, considering Fat Frank was in the dugout for the blooshite. Our last game at Fulham saw an improvement in our general play, and more composure in attacking situations. We must do everything we can to get this game under control. Don't do anything that lets Everton off the hook or gives them a head of steam. Hopefully Everton's good fortune was used up against Forest. We should have everyone that was available for Fulham available again for the derby. I want maximum motivation, concentration, attitude and application from first minute to last. No excuses. Dominate them, control them, finish them. 3 points please. Get it done!

Not a great performance by any means, but much much better than what we've seen of late. If we can start to become ruthless going forward and cut out the sloppiness at the back, that will help us see out games with the minimum of fuss.

There is that, yes.

Judging by that photo, she's cooking up a massive shit. Mills Shatting Nisi Stig's Just Cum.

When you are a player that doesn't hit the ground running when you return from injury, it's crucial that your return coincides with a set-up where everybody around you is completely on it because it more easily masks the fact that you aren't quite there yet. He's come back to a set-up that is at its lowest ebb this season, and perhaps like several others has been brought back early because we have a lot of players in the so-called 'red zone'. On the latter point, I think the coaching staff have missed a trick by not involving the likes of Clark, Danns and McConnell more often recently. Though inexperienced, their enthusiasm and willingness to learn helped the team massively at different moments, and made us more unpredictable for our opponents.

Gary Mac had been very good for most of the season, but from his derby winner onwards, he was absolutely majestic for the remainder of the season.

Work-rate. Incisiveness. Nous. I don't ask for much. This is how it's gonna be. Build from the ground up. So now we focus only on the league, not only needing to make sure that we take care of our business, but also hoping the other two contenders shit down their own leg at some point. All 3 have made a right bollock-up of their European quarter finals. Our failure was the disaster at home to Atalanta. City did not put Real Madrid to bed at the Emptyhad. Arsenal showed 'inexperience' against one of the weakest-looking Bayern sides in recent memory. The first is entirely on us. The second is another example of an Ancelotti side being on the ropes but getting the rub of the green at the crucial time. The last is just making excuses to justify yet another European campaign for Arsenal ending on a damp squib. Taking care of our business starts with making sure we take all the points at Fulham. We didn't manage to do that on the opening day of last season. Fulham had just returned to the top flight, and had also been shorn of one of their key players in the previous campaign when Fabio Carvalho joined us. That deal had basically been agreed the previous January, but Fulham couldn't get a replacement across the line so late in the transfer window so the Portuguese stayed put, and continued to look like a player that might really impress in the top flight. They still had Mitrovic up front though, and he had been a true goal machine in the Championship. He continued that form in this game, proving to be a real handful all match. He opened the scoring with a towering far post header having outjumped Trent, and got a second via the penalty spot after the softest of fouls by Virg. In between, Darwin got us an equaliser following a nice move, when Big Game James' pass around the corner got Mo into space down the right. His cross was met by Darwin at the near post with a 'trademark Usher finish' (his words, quite literally, as I'm certain he said as much in his match write-up!). Following Mitrovic's penalty, we were chasing an equaliser again, and found it late on when a ball over the top was contested by Mo and a defender. The defender could only flick it to Darwin who mis-controlled the ball perfectly for Mo to fire home the loose ball. Both sides had hit the woodwork in this game already, and we did so near the death when Hendo fired a 30-yarder onto the bar after Harvey played the ball out to him. 2-2 it finished. Dropping points to a newly-promoted team was not an ideal start to the season, and it wouldn't be until our 4th league game of the season that we would register a victory. Fulham are a difficult side to call. They can look awful and really be got at in some games, and in others they are a real handful. We've had 3 tough games against them already this season, and Craven Cottage is a ground Jurgen has yet to win at. It's not like the days under Rodgers and Kenny when the likes of Sturridge and Maxi were netting hat-tricks. Earlier in the season they were struggling to replace Mitrovic's goals (he'd take the mercenary route and grabbed the Saudi oil money), and players like Jimenez and Muniz weren't looking like the answer. Muniz has slowly settled in, and behind him they have players like Wilson, Willian and DeCordova-Reid who all have an eye for goal. What we badly need at the moment is a return of our ruthless streak, alongside the ability to create something from open play. We need our players to play with tempo, and when we get bodies forward and in numbers, we need to start making the right decisions and be precise and composed at the critical moment. Everyone that was available for the Atalanta game should be available for this one. I would seriously consider putting Mo on the bench, with the idea of using him when the Fulham defence begin to tire later on. In recent weeks, he hasn't been able to make much headway when up against defenders who still have enough gas in the tank. The penalties make his stats look OK but the eye test tells a different story. He's still more than capable of making a telling contribution. We just need to put him in when the conditions are right to make hay with what he can bring. We play this game after City and Arsenal have played their games so we'll either be playing catch-up or have the opportunity to make a real dent in their aspirations. The focus should be each game though, not the bigger picture. Maximum motivation, concentration, attitude and application from first minute to last. 3 points please. Get it done!

Positives? We won the game and kept a clean sheet. The first half wasn't too bad, but after Mo's terrible miss we didn't create anything of note. The second half though? We were too slow to unravel Atalanta, and once Jurgen made the subs, we completely lacked anything resembling guile. For most of the season, the substitutions have galvanised the team and we've managed to score a lot of late goals. Tonight, the subs had the opposite effect, especially Darwin. He's more about causing chaos than game intelligence, but tonight he did not look arsed at all. We've made a right bollock of this European campaign. Not that anything the fans say on social media and so on has any kind of influence, but there have been too many thinking that making the final in Dublin was a done deal. Now we go hell for leather in the league.

Didn't know it was a thing for the same ball needing to be used throughout the shootout. Modric wellying it into the crowd after missing his spot kick added a delay before Silva's, who actually had to go and fetch it when the crowd behind the goal eventually returned it. Did Modric act out of frustration or did he know what he was doing?

The new Anders Limpar. Diving little shit on the wing.

Toast rack with sliced white bread in it, to top it all off. I hope the TripAdvisor review was a polemic.