Harry Squatter

Celine Dion is getting banged by Gary Glitter????????????????

Strange game that the other night, the ball was pinging round everywhere and very hard to control. Luckily I didnt catch a cold like some others did. Thought Mark did well for our team, by the way, we won by 1 goal.

Are there a bigger set of cunt "fans" than Evertonians?. They have loved the whole Gillett/Hicks thing, Woy and now all the shit about Luis Suarez. They seem to take watch everything LFC related and pipe up being all holier than though about racism and call Suarez a cunt. All the bitter bastards I work with sent round the footage of Suarez's two footed tackle when he played for Ajax, saying "horrible, horrible twat, how can any fan idolise a cunt like that?". They make out that all their supporters are Equality & Diversity representatives when some of them are the most bigoted twats ever to walk the planet. Every Facebook update from an Evertonian always seems to be about Liverpool, apart from when they win the odd game then they are fully operational Evertonians again (like today). All of them act like superfans who have stuck with the club through thick and thin yet they never sell out their games despite tickets being easier to obtain than lottery scratchcards. I'm not really arsed about Everton as a club but I absolutely fucking hate their bell end fans. I hope this Derby Suarez scores a hat trick to wipe the smug smiles off their face, then Big Gay Bill's refusal to sell either drives Moyes away or sends them to the wall. Hopefully they'll end up as nondescript as Preston or Bury. Fucking stupid obsessed bitter sanctimonious bastards.

12. Doctor troy

good game last night, 7 a side was tough considering the size of the pitch. Our team put in a decent shift and generally defended well. Dont think there was a goal for the first 25 minutes. We should have been a few goals up but managed to be losing 4-2 at one stage. Great fightback to get it to 5-5.

Enjoyed that game last week. I thought that the sides were reasonably well balanced but our team played really well together keeping possession and two of our players, most notably Mark and Cain played out of their skin, Dave staying up gave us a bit more structure than the other team. Our defensive line of Me, Mark, John and BDD were well organised. I really enjoyed playing further back than usual as i saw more of the ball and got involved a hell of a lot more, starting to get my fitness back and my touch. See you on Thursday for more sublime spherical activity.

good game last week but my touch was awful, i made andy carroll look like zidane. Might actually score or pass to one of my team mates. Last i heard about darry he was presenting a daytime cookery show in Ghana.

It will be sublime

Worst year of my life, lost a baby, house got flooded and had to battle the water company for 3 months, work was tough, stress levels went sky high, lots of family arguments and my son was back and forth to doctors. Did my knee ligaments in august which stopped me playing footy and losing weight. Only saving grace was that i kept my job and my friends got me through some tough times. 2012 cant get any worse.

Seen a hell of a lot more scally birds recently walking round in their pyjamas with their hair in rollers. I feel like setting fire to them. I blame Amanda Harrington for this.

I've started so i'll finish - how much do Iceland sell frozen tomato and basil chicken party kievs?

i know most of the worlds airport names and the routes to most remote african cities. I also know far too much random information about Falun Gong, Somali clan structure and Zimbabwean elections. I need to dump it out my brain to make room for interesting stuff like what size katy perrys' tits are.

DID I MENTION THAT THEY ARE ALL A BUNCH OF CUNTS BY THE WAY?

Biggest bunch of bullshitters and self promoting twats ever. Probably put on their cv that they did 'pr' in ibiza which translates to 'stood outside a bar and tried to get people to come in'. The orange slag who turned up at Lime Street was the worst. Said that she was going to take life and Liverpool by storm but just gets a job doing nails and scouse brows for 2 benders in a shop in Anfield.

like a cross between Bread and a Chubby Brown video from 1989. Bet most Irish people find it fucking embarassing.

Everton aren't racist, just ask john barnes, john fashanu and les ferdindand. Our misfortune and failures are evertons' victories.

Worked on the sales department at the Echo - basically the obituaries column which entails loads of scallies phoning in and paying to put messages in the Echo of gangsters they were shit scared of or thought they were mates with. The section was full of women between 45-65 who had all worked together years - they would deliberately ignore you and just go on about something "hilarious" that happened in 1987. It was like Loose Women but ten times worse. They were also allowed to get away with the most sexist comments about men and just moan all day about their husbands. Most of their husbands had well paid jobs yet they would just whinge about them constantly and go on about diets. One woman did the Welsh Daily Post version of the adverts yet she passed herself off as this unique intellectual talent because she was able to speak in a language no one could be arsed learning. The way she went on about it you'd think the Stargate team were going to phone her up to translate some ancient alien language. I was quite happy to go in for about 2 weeks not talking to any of them

I worked for a shite tinpot sales company near town about 10 years ago. I was selling safety equipment to factories which was about as exciting as being in a 20 year coma. One of the lads was universally hated by everyone, he thought he was the top salesman in the place, his phonecalls were excruciatingly embarassing, it would be the same conversation with every person followed by a few minutes of complete and utter arselicking and in the end he would never get anywhere. He used to grass up the lads in the store to the bosses when they went off and read porno mags in the bogs and shout over the tannoy if he saw any of them sitting off. He was the only one out of the regular salesmen who had not secured a big contract. To put this right he went in and checked the prices of all the items that the others would sell and told the bosses that they were giving them away for virtually fuck all. The boss decided to put the prices up and two contracts got lost when they came to be renewed, even though the original price was competitive. He stopped being a cunt once someone managed to get a photo of him coming out of a shower on holiday displaying a microscopic penis. Once it was photocopied and left in his desk saying "I know" like out of Scary Movie he never said boo to a goose again.

If you ever want to meet a bunch of wankers who you would want to kill you should try the British Civil Service. I have had several dealings with a person who has point blank refused to do things that I have told him to - even questioning my career background and whether I am "qualified enough to hold a completely different opinion to him. I made several complaints about him to my manager and his complete lack of respect for my authority yet he was never disciplined. He even talked to one of the regional directors like shit when he did a presentation yet no one disciplined him again. He's been quiet recently but is now staring to annoy me and a few of the others who are my grade. I think the easiest thing is just to take him outside and shoot him. Had one woman boss who was nothing more than a bully who made 3 women on my section go home in tears. She put me on a work plan objective for virtually no reason and wouldn't take me off it for 3 months, even blocking me going for promotion. I ended up moving away from Liverpool to get away from her and then got promoted. She was fucking gutted. She was moved onto another team yet straight away she did exactly the same thing to 3 women and a lad on that team yet no one questioned why every team she managed had half of them on work plan objectives (civil service speak for "you're shite and this should buck your ideas up").

they defo need more gayness in them like the old series, oh and more fake sharks.

Is the correct answer. All her and her nieces have been going on about for 4 months was the release of the latest film and going to a midnight showing on the date it was due to come out. I straight away offered to mind the kids rather than be anywhere near it. She said "why don't you like the films?" Me "well, the 2 lead actors are probably the most bland people on the planet, its just full of gay shirtless werewolves who never eat people or chase people in Tube stations. Why the fuck do vampires exist but not bother killing anyone and spent 40 years in the same school?, why are they allowed to walk round in the daylight and i'm not buying that shite convenient excuse that they live in a town with the dullest weather, if that was the case Manchester or Carlilse would have loads of them. Even when someone does get bitten you never see anything, it's completely and utterly shite, written by a middle aged woman or a gay man"

Literally nothing happened on our one, big let down, we paid £15 a head for a private fuction room and "food". This translated into "you can have one area of the bar and we'll bring some Iceland style food out for you every so often". The mad bird i mentioned was too paralytic to do anything and spent most of the night asleep in a chair. Me and my mates went about 11 and went to a few other bars populated with knobheads who go out only once a year. To top it off I slipped on some ice at the top of my road and twatted my face on the pavement. My wife thought I'd been filled in by someone and didn't by my story.

managed to sit through one of these films the other week with the wife. Possibly one of the most boring films of all time. There are periods of 20 to 25 minutes where literally fuck all happens. Even when the vampires actually kill people you dont see it. Most of the film saw the main female character sits in her room feeling sorry for herself and crying. This may be why it is popular amongst teenage girls.

tiredness is the killer for me. I am generally ol as long as i dont mix my drinks. Having 2 two year olds is a killer if u go out then wake up at 5.30 - my kids dont differentiate between weekdays and weekends. Fell asleep in the taxi last week for the first time but had to get up at the usual time the next day. When i was single i'd lie in til 11 and always be ok.