That was the week that was (Oct 11-15 2021)

Monday Oct 11:

Ox is linked with a move back to Arsenal. What the fuck has he done to deserve that? I can see why he might think he needs to move on, but going back there is a fate worse than death. Ok, slight exaggeration, but he got out of there because they were shit, he tasted the high life here, going back there when they’re even more shit than when he left, I mean, how can you rationalise that to yourself? Honestly, if I’m Ox I’m going to any other club in London before I got back there. 

You know what that would be like? When you’ve done a load of work and not saved it, and the computer crashes and you realise you’ve got to do it all again and you just can’t face it. If I’m Ox I’d rather retire than go back to Arsenal.

Gini isn’t happy at PSG. He’s been no more than a squad player there so far and he says it hasn’t gone the way he expected. I take no pleasure in that but I don’t particularly sympathise either. He went there for a massive pay cheque and he’s still getting that whether he plays or not. If he’d gone there for footballing reasons then I might feel differently, but he’s got his cake so he should just eat it and enjoy it. Don’t complain about not being allowed to sit at Messi and Neymar’s table while you eat.

Messi is probably the reason he isn’t playing. He 100% seems like the kind of petty, bitter little twat who would hold a grudge against a player who embarrassed him. Probably had it put into his contract that he has the power to drop Wijnaldum any time he likes. Little shithouse.

Tuesday Oct 12:

Trouble at Wembley during the England / Hungary game. The Hungary fans were kicking off during the taking of the knee, the police went in and just as quickly then the police got out again, tails between their legs. Those Hungarian lads aren’t to be messed with. Half that away end were big bald nazi cunts who looked like MMA fighters and they beat the fucking snot out of those coppers and chased them out of their end. Probably should have sent the army in. Or Millwall.

There was one fella who decked two baton wielding coppers in the space of a couple of seconds. Just flatted both of them with left hooks. Usually you’d be able to identify him using CCTV, but the description of “big, bald and mean as fuck” applies to half of that away end. 

I saw one wag on twitter suggest that “someone should have told the coppers there was a vigil for a murdered young woman in there. They’d have waded right in then”. Harsh but not wrong. I can only hope those that got their heads kicked in were the bad apples and not the good coppers.

The most jaw dropping thing was England fans singing “you racist bastards, you know what you are”. Yeah I got nothing to add. Speechless. 

John Arne Riise says we need to sign Haaland because if he ends up at City they’ll be unbeatable. Great insight there ginge. Now can you also tell us how we can match whatever crazy figure City will throw at him and his cunt agent? I’ve been saying it for ages but Haaland to City is the most nailed on transfer in years. The only thing that can stop it is if the Saudi offer him £2m a week or something, which you can’t rule out.

Wednesday Oct 13:

You have to hand it to the LFC TV crew, they put out some fucking boss content. The Kop Kids today with Curtis and Neco going back to the Academy and being grilled by a pair of 9 year olds was really funny. Curtis has come a long way in a few years because it wasn’t that long ago he was a nervous wreck in front of camera and could barely even string a sentence together. Now he’s fucking hilarious and looks completely relaxed. 

So the Madrid clubs are getting the weekend off because some of their players won’t be back from international duty. This also helps them out ahead of the midweek CL games. Must to be nice to have a league that gives a shit about its teams. Our league are too busy sanctioning deals to allow some of the worst people on the planet to buy one of its teams behind the back of the other 19 clubs. 

Meanwhile, I saw a photo of Thiago today. He was out shopping and he’s grown his hair back. It looks like he has a healthy head of hair too, which is a huge slap in the face to the bald community. I really don’t like it when fellas who aren’t bald shave their heads to give the impression they are. It’s not fair on genuine baldies. They’ll see the likes of Thiago and Fabinho as role models. Proof that a lack of hair need not be the handicap it once was. Back in the day, shaved heads were for bikers and neo-nazis. Everyone else would cling to that last strand of hair for dear life, like Bobby Charlton and his comb over, living in denial that as long as there were still some strands of hair covering the dome they could pretend it wasn’t happening. 

It wasn’t so long ago that being bald meant you only had a few career options. Oddball science teacher, sadistic PE teacher or creepy driving instructor. Now all doors are open and it’s great. I actually have a bald friend who is a deputy head at a school. No, really. My bald cousin has recently had a big promotion at work too. Times have changed and I love that, but it’s bad enough for baldies when you have Rooney, Klopp, Shaq and others paying for hair transplants, but now they also have to deal with the body blow of bald role models like Thiago dropping the bomb that they aren’t actually bald. I can’t relate to it but I sympathise. I stand with you, my hairless pals.

Thursday Oct 14:

Fabinho says he was hoping we would sign Raphinha but he stayed at Leeds. They’re both with Brazil at the moment and Fab seems to be a big fan. Should we read anything into this? It is quite unusual for any of our players to say something like this so there must be some interest there. He plays in Mo’s position though, so is this connected to that? There’s no point signing him while Mo is here as he’ll never play.

Piece in the Mirror today by Brian Reade on the Newcastle takeover. He says fans are conflicted about it. I’ll take his word for it, he’s probably researched it more than I have. The only conflict I’ve seen between the cunts is that some think they’re signing Mbappe, others think they’ll sign Haaland and the rest are convinced they’ll get both. This whole situation is disgusting though and I still can’t get my around the fact it’s been allowed to happen.

Roger Hunt’s funeral today. Cally gave a speech and one of the things he said was “From the moment I met him in 1960 to the last time I spoke to him, we never had a cross word. It was a privilege to know him as a colleague and friend. So sad to have lost both him & Saint this year”. Must be horrible for the likes of Cally as he’s seeing loads of his mates passing away now. He’s younger than them because he broke into the team when he was a kid and they were all grown men. Don’t really know where I’m going with this, it just makes me feel sad really.

Friday Oct 15:

Steve Bruce faces the media ahead of Newcastle’s game this weekend even though he knows he’s only there until they find his replacement and send him packing. There must be a part of him that wants to tell them to shove the job and just walk, but if he does that he won’t get his pay off so he needs to stay until he’s pushed.

Tell you what though, if I’m him I’m sabotaging the fuck out of it while I’m still there. I’d be playing Jonjo Shelvey in goal and Saint-Maximin at centre back and making sure they lost every game. Mind you, they’ve been doing that anyway with players in their right positions so probably no need.

Desperately want them relegated now. Not because it will change anything, but at least it will delay the process a little. If they stay up then next season Mourinho will be in charge and Gareth Bale will be playing there. Nailed on.

Klopp had his presser too and was a little salty. He threw some shade at Southgate for not picking Gomez, but then also had a dig at the u21s because they did pick Curtis. Ok, so it’s a little more nuanced than that, but fucking hell, I don’t ever want to hear him complaining about one of our lads NOT getting called up, especially when its a lad who has picked up at least one serious injury when away with England (I’m thinking it’s happened more than once but I’m not sure). 

It looks like they treated Curtis with scant regard though. He missed training with a knock that caused him to miss a game, then they played him against Andorra and he aggravated it. Klopp was dripping with sarcasm when he said “They played Andorra. Really important he played there”. He’s got a point but you can’t complain about a player not getting picked and then in the next breath moan about one who was. Needs to pick his battles better than this.

We’re struggling for midfielders for tomorrow though. Three from Hendo, Milner, Keita, Minamino and Ox. Not ideal, but its rich people problems. All five of them are experienced international players, and considering we also have four midfield lads unavailable it’s not bad still having those five to choose from. Personally I’d give Taki the nod but it’ll probably be that fraud Keita.

Finally, Solskjaer says Rashford needs to ‘concentrate on his football’. What a twat. There might actually be something in it for all I know but that’s not the point. Imagine Klopp in that situation. He’d never, ever, say that publicly. He’d praise the player for what he’s done and if there was anything else that needed saying he’d do it privately. What this has done is given more fuel to the trolls who reply to every Rashford tweet with “stick to your football”. He’s such a snivelling little bellend that Solskjaer. 

Finally, just what the fuck are Trent and Robbo playing at with this 'Wingmen' fiasco? They've shit all over what was a great thing. I tuned in for the first episode of season two all excited, and it didn't disappoint. Not until the very end anyway, when they dropped the bombshell. 

They'd hinted a few times about how they was going to be some new blood but I thought that just meant one of them would sit out and we'd have Kostas or Matip or someone filling in. But no, the next episode is.... wait for it.... Jesse fucking Lingard and Bruno Fernandes. What the fuck???

They don't even play on the wing. And get this, the one after that is two women! The show is called wingmen because it was two men who play on the wing. Then KFC got involved and the whole thing has turned to shit. Kentucky Fucking Cunts.

….and that was the week that was.