I’ll start with Friday night’s game and another impressive assist by yours truly. I’m on reverse jinxing fire this season. Last week I talked up Villa and suggested they might actually be good. Less than 24 hours later my boy Patrick Bamford is banging in a hat-trick to inflict a 3-0 home defeat on them. I love it when a plan comes together.
Some slapdick called Struijk had to be subbed after 20 minutes as he was just charging around fouling Villa players. He was booked for chopping down Grealish and then booted someone else straight after. The ref was lenient but Bielsa hauled him off straight away.
Villa played quite well for a lot of the game and were the better side until Bamford broke the deadlock. Grealish had been brilliant up to that point and but for a save from the keeper he’d probably have already wrapped up the goal of the season award after a run from his own half that took him past four Leeds players.
The goal changed the game though. Bamford’s second was a fucking beauty and his third was classy as fuck too. Shocking defending by Villa though as three defenders stood still and watched his fancy footwork. It was a real 'Shot through the Heart' and gave Leeds 'Another Reason to Believe' they’re in for a good season.
It’s nice for Bamford to have got off to this kind of start because it seemed like everyone was talking about how “Leeds are good but they really need a striker”. That was the narrative even when they were in the Championship, so when they were promoted it intensified even more.
Paddy has dished out some 'Bad Medicine' to all those critics though and I’m happy for him. I am thinking that he’s probably going to be this year’s Timo Pukki though and the goals will dry up in a month or so. Hope I’m wrong though as I’m rooting for him. Any fan of Bon Jovi will do for me and I make 'No Apologies' for it.
Oh come on, you knew when he scored a hat-trick that I’d be bombarding you with Bon Jovi song titles. If you weren’t expecting this then you haven’t been paying attention. I could have made lame references to ‘Hatrick Bamford’ but come on, I’m better than that.
I can almost hear the collective rolling of eyes from you reading that, so I'll move swiftly on before I lose you all. It was a good result for us at the London Stadium wasn't it? Somewhat unexpected but not a complete surprise either. City usually roll over West Ham with the minimum of fuss but the Hammers are in good form at the moment and City are just a bit off.
The MOTD commentator nailed it when he said they look like a Manchester City tribute act at the moment. They look familiar but they just aren’t as good. That talk about tribute acts reminded me of when I saw Bon Jovi play at Old Trafford and then a few weeks later I saw By Jovi playing in Belfast. Great times, living the dream there. My boy Patrick would have loved it.
Aaaaanyway, my other boy Antonio broke the deadlock with a stunning overhead kick. Initially I thought Ederson should have done much better with it but the camera behind the goal shows just how great a finish that was. Ederson wasn’t expecting it because it looks like Antonio has his hands full trying to hold off the defender. To get shot away like that was brilliant and it was past the keeper before he even knew what was happening.
As I’ve said before, he’s as important to West Ham as Zaha is to Palace. He’s a right fucking menace and not many forwards have been better than him since lockdown ended. He went off with a tight hammy in the second half so hopefully he won’t be able to play against us this weekend. I’ll be honest, the idea of him against Nat Phillips or Rhys Williams fills me with dread.
He should have had a pen soon after when Garcia slid in and brought him down. I don’t understand how that wasn’t given because the defender didn’t get anywhere near the ball and he clearly brought Antonio down. Ederson was probably getting there first but what difference does that make? Clear penalty.
Foden came on at half time and quickly equalised. I know I say this all the time, but it bears repeating. I really fucking hate his little monkey face. Aside from Bernardo he’s probably the City player I hate the most and it’s 100% because of his face. It’s justified though because it is an absolute twat of a face.
Sterling had two one v ones and missed them both. No surprise there really. He’s probably the world’s shittest great player. Because he is a great player, yet he’s still somehow shit as well. That makes no sense but then it makes no sense for a great player who scores 30 a season to miss so many fucking sitters.
City look like they’ve got some problems this season. The defence isn’t good, they currently don’t have a centre forward and players who have been impressive for them in the past are not delivering currently. Bernardo and Mahrez immediately come to mind there.
On top of that, Guardiola’s expiring contract is bringing uncertainty and, like us, they’ve had some bad luck on the injury front. Whereas we’ve lost centre backs, they’ve lost both front line centre forwards.
Guardiola is catching some heat for not signing a forward but his argument is that it’s too expensive to find someone at a similar level to Aguero and Jesus, and then there’s the added complication of them not playing much. It’s rare that I’ll ever say this, but I have some sympathy with him here because it’s pretty much exactly the same problem Klopp faced when Lovren left.
You can’t spend massively on a world class player on the off chance that you get two injuries at the same time in the same position. What happens when everyone is fit? It’s not practical, even for Man City, who are now having to reign in their spending somewhat due to the scrutiny they’re under.
The other problem we both have is that Aguero is basically Joel Matip isn’t he? Great when he’s fit but spends half of every season on the treatment table. It makes it hard to sign someone else because of how good they are in the half season that they are available. There are few things worse than an injury prone star player as you’re almost in limbo really, not wanting to replace them but spending too much time waiting for them to be fit.
Anyway, I still expect City will get their act together and be our closest challengers but the more points they drop before hitting their stride again the better, so this was a nice little result for us.
Elsewhere, Fulham lost again, this time to Wilfried Palace. Standard Palace win really. They were second best for most of it but Zaha did some Zaha things and at the end you’re left wondering just how the fuck they’ve managed to go home with the three points. Nearly all of their wins are like this.
Riedewald opened the scoring when he ran onto a nice pass by Zaha. I heard on the radio that not only was that his first goal for Palace, it’s actually the first shot he’s ever had on target. Proper shite that. Shameful.
Bismark Ngissah was then penalised for a harsh free-kick on the edge of the box and he threw himself face down onto the ground and beat the pitch with his fists. It was glorious! Proper ‘kid having a tantrum in a supermarket aisle’ stuff. I loved it. There’s probably a sink like the Bismark joke in there somewhere too, but I’m not Stan Boardman so I’ll leave it.
Zaha made it 2-0 when he arrived at the back post to convert a cross by Batshuayi and it got worse for Fulham when substitute Kamara was sent off after standing on the calf of a Palace player. He lunged and was nowhere near the ball, so ordinarily you would have to assume that was deliberate. Problem is, so many of Fulham’s players lack any technical quality at all so he might just be a clumsy bastard? His tackling is as bad as his finishing.
In truth, Fulham weren’t that bad but it doesn’t matter as you just never think they’re capable of getting a win. They don’t score enough and they always concede. In between both boxes they play some decent stuff but it’s not enough. I’m actually amazed they got out of the Championship playing the way they do.
Lookman was lively again and was denied by the woodwork twice in the opening 25 minutes. I’m still not having him, but I really hope I’m wrong because it’d be funny laughing at the Blues if he turned out to be boss. I’m not wrong though.
Worryingly for Fulham, Mitrovic missed an absolute sitter again and he’s had a wretched start to the season. He’s boss in the Championship though. A Serbian Dwight Gayle if you like.
Fulham did grab a stoppage time consolation when Cairney lashed in a piledriver from 25 yards, but it was too little too late. Scott ‘Scotty’ Parker was frustrated that his players are passing the ball too much and not taking chances to shoot. I just can’t take him seriously. I don’t know why, it’s just the way he looks I think.
Remember when Stuart Pearce made him England captain ahead of Stevie? I may have mentioned that before, but it’s because I still can’t fucking believe that, a) it happened and b) Pearce has the nerve to even step outside his front door now.
An incredibly mental decision that he doesn’t get anywhere near enough shit for. Pearce has always fucking hated Liverpool though, he even admitted as much in his book. He hates the Reds as much as his brother hates non whites (google it).
I always remember a game against Forest when I was a kid and the ball rolled out of play as he chased it. It was well over the line and he just fucking leathered it as hard as he could into the first few rows of the Paddock anyway. What a cunt.
If it happened now he’d have been sent off and suspended. It nearly caused a riot even back then. Mind you, those games with Forest were always like that. Didn’t help when you had Aldo rubbing the head of Brian Laws after his own goal and then doing the exact same thing after scoring against them at Anfield in the next game. Funny, but again, he’d be banned for that now.
I enjoyed hating Forest though. I think I’d like for them to come back up again just so we can smack them about again.
Finally on this, I see Loftus-Cheek is at Fulham now. I like him, I don’t know why he’s never really established himself at Chelsea as he’s a good player. He’s not good enough to stop Fulham finishing bottom though. Mind you, unless there’s a way of transporting 1986 Maradona into the present day and putting him in a Fulham shirt, I’m not sure there’s any one player who could prevent that.
Speaking of my man Diego, it was his 60th birthday recently and he was asked what would be his idea present. Know what he said? He said “I’d like to score another goal against England. This time with my right hand”. What a man, I fucking love him.
Chelsea and United served up a turd butty at Old Trafford. The only talking point from this snooze fest was the incredible decision by VAR to not award a penalty when Maguire put Azpilacueta in a headlock to win a header. The ref couldn’t see as it was won his blind side, but why was he not advised to take a look?
Honestly, it blows my mind how an official can look at a replay of that and say it’s not a foul. What the fuck is going on here? United get pens when an opponent so much as farts in the direction of one of their forwards, yet Maguire is allowed to do that? Dodgy as fuck.
Cavani came on for his United debut. Over-rated Skeletor looking turd. Speaking of over-rated, Pogba was only on the bench again. Mind you, at least he eventually got on. Donny Van Der Beek can’t get a game at all. Why did they sign him when they have Pogba and Fernandez already vying for that one spot?
They probably thought Pogba was leaving, but who’s stupid enough to pay him what United do, as well as forking out for a huge transfer fee? Well, Real Madrid obviously are, but they’re skint.
Chelsea’s new keeper did alright, he made a few really good saves. Too early to make any judgement on him but they’d have lost this game if Kepa had been in goal.
Onto Sunday now and Leicester finally had a win at Arsenal. 27 games they’d gone since winning away at the Gunners. Arsenal had an early goal ruled out for offside. Everyone seems to think that it was a controversial decision and I see why they think that, as when Lacazette wins the flick Xhaka is not impeding the keeper or even blocking his view. He doesn’t touch the ball and he doesn’t prevent the keeper from reaching it.
I still say that shouldn’t count though because Xhaka’s sole intent on that corner was to get in the way of the keeper and stop him getting the ball. So when Arsenal win the initial header he is still in an offside position because he was blocking the keeper trying to gain an advantage. So yeah, offside, no goal, fuck you Arsenal.
Chances were few and far between due to how Leicester approached the game. Brendan actually managed to put his ego to one side and played more defensively than usual. Five at the back, four in the middle and just one up front. There was a time when he’d never compromise his principles like that, so that’s progress.
Vardy started on the bench and as he took his seat before the game the camera caught a glimpse of his shin pads. He’d written on them “Chat shit get banged” which is a reference to an infamous tweet of his from about eight years ago. He’s fucking boss. My favourite non-LFC player, as I’m sure you’re bored of me saying.
It’s true though. He’s great. He’s a genuinely fucking brilliant striker who doesn’t get anywhere the credit he should, for a number of reasons not related to his actual performances and goalscoring record.
He might be the most under-rated striker in Premier League history because he’s never played for one of the big boys and he was never an England regular. The second fact is a direct consequence of the first by the way, because if he was playing for a more glamorous club than Leicester he’d have played every game for England. Same with the likes of Maddison and Grealish. If either one of them joined a ‘big six’ club they’d play every game.
Vardy’s non-league background also counts against him I think. For example, he’ll never be regarded as highly as Wayne Rooney because he wasn’t the teenage superstar who spent almost his whole career playing at the very highest level. He’s a better striker than Rooney was though. It’s not an apples to apples comparison as they’re different types of players, but it’s a good example of what I’m saying. Jamie Vardy is a world class forward who nobody ever says it world class because he’s not fashionable.
He came off the bench with the game 0-0 and he was electric. The game changed immediately due to the threat he brought. He tormented Arsenal with runs in behind and got the winner late on.
That goal put him ahead of Crouchy and Ryan Giggs in the Premier League top scorers chart, this despite playing in the top flight for 35 seasons fewer than the Welsh Walking Carpet.
Thats three defeats from six games for Arsenal. I’d like to think the fawning over Arteta might stop now but fat chance of that. He’s hoodwinked people into thinking he’s the new Guardiola, which might not be a bad thing if people at Man City think that way too and actually appoint him as the new Guardiola when the old one either fucks off to another cushy job or ends up in the nuthouse. At this point I’d lean towards the latter as he’s defo showing signs of cracking up.
He’s either going to PSG or he’ll be sectioned, rambling incoherently about inverted full backs, Liverpool’s front three scaring him, bottles being thrown at buses and writing tactics on the wall with his own shit. It’s not that much different to how he came across on that Amazon doc to be fair, minus the shit smearing.
Speaking of shit smearing, Carlo’s been doing a lot of that this week hasn’t he? First it was that bullshit about “Hamez” being a doubt for the weekend after being fouled by Van Dijk in the derby. So, so transparent. Typical Everton but I thought Ancelotti was better than that. Koeman was, he’d never have pulled that kind of shit just to play to the galleries. That’s why they hounded him out.
Then we had more shite from Ancelotti after Digne was sent off for a nasty challenge on Walker-Peters. Apparently that red card was because everybody had spent the week talking about what Pickford and Richarlison did against us.
Now, even if that were true, just where do you get the balls to essentially complain that you’re being punished because you weren’t punished a week ago and that this “is not fair”. Fucking hell. I’d say it’s the very definition of fair. You got away with murder last week and if, IF, it was in the ref’s mind to make sure you didn’t get away with anything this time, then what the fuck have you got to complain about?
Thing is, last week had fuck all to do with anything. Digne was sent off because he deliberately stood on the heel of an opponent. It’s dangerous as fuck and could cause a serious achilles tendon injury. He deserved the red card and if Everton appeal it (they were saying they would, but I haven’t followed it since then) it should be doubled for wasting everybody’s time.
There’s no point in just showing the moment when Digne catches him because you can’t tell if it’s deliberate looking at it in isolation. If you look at the few seconds leading up to it you get the full picture, as he had already had two bites at him before connecting with the third one. You can see by his whole body language and how irked he was at losing the ball what his intent was.
He’d already elbowed Bednarek in the face just before that and escaped punishment, and it beggars belief that they can make out they’ve been hard done by. Dirty blueshite cunt. This is the same little rat who was joking with Richarlison last week after he tried to put the ref’s red card in his pocket following the wild lunge that has caused Thiago to miss the last three games.
Everton are getting a reputation for being dirty, cheating, horrible playacting cunts and it has nothing to do with us, it’s entirely about how their players are conducting themselves. Pickford’s a loon, Richarlison is the biggest cunt in the entire league and Rodriguez isn’t far behind him. Now Digne has shown himself to be a snide twat as well.
They were well beaten by Southampton and normal service can now be resumed. Someone described Everton being top of the league as like seeing an elephant on top of a Christmas tree. No-one has any idea how it got there but you know it’s coming down hard.
They’re still top on goal difference so they should enjoy it while it lasts. Maybe even bring out a DVD, with half an hour dedicated to how Pickford ended Virgil’s season.
MOTD2 had a few Blues talking them up before they showed the highlights. Absolutely fucking deluded bellends. It’s almost worth Everton doing well for a bit just to see how carried away they get, followed by the inevitable lashing out when it all turns to shit like always.
The Paddy Power Fan Denial videos aren’t really any good unless they feature Everton. No-one else even comes close to being as funny as Evertonians. I mean just watch this, it’s fucking hilarious….
FAN DENIAL: For Everton, the Invincible dream is over after defeat at Southampton. Their fans are not taking it well.
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) October 26, 2020
Subscribe to our YouTube Channel and watch the Fan Denial playlist there: https://t.co/JDVcRNdQoI pic.twitter.com/yyXo6T5iwv
Credit to Southampton for how they played and a big well done to Ingsy for the two assists. Good finishes by Ward-Prowse and Adams and they could easily have scored more. If only they could defend they’d have a genuine shot at the top six.
Prior to the season you’d have said that Wolves would be the most likely to join Leicester by breaking into the top six, but they’re just not getting the results you’d expect. They couldn’t even beat Newcastle this weekend.
They went 1-0 up with ten minutes to go thanks to a Jimenez strike from 20 yards, but they couldn’t hold on as Murphy fired in a low free kick in the last minute to give the Geordies a point. Keeper should have done better but he was taken by surprise as everyone thought the left footed Almiron was hitting that.
On that Jimenez goal, the Newcastle keeper should have saved it but went with his wrong hand. He was probably posing for the nearest camera. I marked his card last week. Just watch, he’s all about the flashy dives for the camera that cunt.
Podense looks like Jota mkII. Easy to see why they cashed in on Diogo when they’ve got him and Neto to step in. I don’t like how he operates but I have to say that Jorge Mendes is a better talent evaluator than most Premier League scouts.
Finally, Spurs beat Burnley on Monday night. I didn’t watch it but I’ve done my research and watched some brief highlights on youtube as I’m a pro. Lamela should have been sent off again but got away with it once more. He’s like the cunt in Lethal Weapon 2 getting up to all sorts and then mocking Murtagh and Riggs about “Diplomatic Immunity”.
Lamela has apparently never been red carded in his time at Spurs, which staggers me as much as if you told me Lampard has never had a Big Mac for breakfast. You just think ‘nah, that can’t be right’. There’s a sending off in the post for Lamela some time soon, you heard it here first.
It was a tight game but once again Kane came up with the assist and Son came up with the goal. Those two are in great form right now and Spurs look like they might have a genuine shot at the top four. Talk of them being title contenders is fanciful as, to quote Chiellini, “it’s Tottenham”, but they look better than Chelsea, Arsenal and United at this moment in time.
In fact, I’ve had one of my trademark changes of heart. Forget the top four prediction I made a couple of weeks ago. I’m now going with us, City, Spurs and United in that order.
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