Dr Nowt

I'd prefer Morrisons own brand johnnies. Forever.

"A further period of pain." Perfect name for his autobiography, with the subheader "Forty years of being an owl-faced thunder cunt for lots of money."

Class riffage. I'm not suggesting it isn't true, but the style reminds me a little of Verbal. I used to be in a barbershop quartet in Skokie, Illinois. The baritone was this guy named Kip Diskin, big fat guy, I mean, like, orca fat. He was so stressed in the morning...

Being an avid supporter of Liverpool and knowing what's going on behind the scenes at the club, or even what you're fucking talking about, don't necessarily come as a package. Tony Evans is an embarrassment.

No flies on your missus. Not as many as there are on Joan Rivers, anyway.

You seem to be rather impassioned on this subject for someone who himself claims offence when it suits. Anyone would think that contradiction was down to you holding an instinctive bias simply because she's Jewish, and are now lashing out randomnly through prejudice. That's working on the ridiculously patronising proviso that people not finding her funny or disliking her are probably misogynistic anti-semites, of course. I'm sure you feel the street goes both ways on the matter, given your interests in taking a balanced view and even-handedness, and would similarly recognise you're by definition a joyless cunt who needs to fuck himself the vast majority of the time that you get offended, using the same principles? (We all know you'll claim to be part of the 1% justified in being offended, just playing along for the Punch and Judy knockabout).

Holidays with the special lady in your life are great aren't they. "I spent most of our holiday on my own, Ben was busy writing his fucking book" mine told our mates yesterday. And that's how we're near enough 8 years and counting, my sweet.

In my head Ted. If I could let you in to have a look around I would, but it may present you with a moral dilemma over how quickly to call the police.

10/10. "Infallible, heroic, masterful." Makes me blush really, as I'm not one to boast.

"My man".

So the ever reliable Tony Evans says the Chinese don't rate Mignolet, eh. Fair enough, who is anyone to doubt that lamentably sad pretender.

I'm with you Paulie. There's nothing worse when you've done all that work bringing yourself to climax staring at a cock.

Christ, Barbara took Johnny's comments to heart a bit didn't she.

Calvary, couple of nights ago. Superb, 8/10. Same director as The Guard, who's brother directed In Bruges. Talented pair of buggers, and Gleeson is tremendous in all 3 films.

Harmony and Fight, the new signature fragrance from Tony Blair.

This post is a thing of rare beauty. Who said that?

No-one is bigger than the Dub.

Was she a night storage heater?

Not married but been in it for the long-haul already and I'm staring down the barrel of that gun. Mother-in-law must be one of the most dependable, practical people going. The other half could ring her up at any time for anything, even something taking the piss like can you come over and do all my housework while I watch television, and she'd do it immaculately without a second thought. She probably worries too much about everyone else for her own good, can be a bit of a martyr and is stubborn beyond belief, all of which makes her stressed out and overly negative at times, but there's not a bad bone in her body and some of the stuff she's done for us is just amazing really. Hates pubs and has only had a drink 3 times in around the last 40 years. I witnessed one of these events several Christmases ago - absolutely spectacular when she threatened to clean FIL's clock after he made a particularly off-colour remark even for him. Nicknamed "SuBo" by the family due to a bad picture taken that day, laughs it off. Once pushed the junior other half aside and legged it when both trying to escape a hippo on safari in Africa, no pious "save yourself" bollocks from her. Big thumbs up from me for that sort of behaviour, even though it was completely out of character; drops a point for it not coming fitted as standard. 9/10. Father-in-law is the complete opposite. The most social animal you could wish to find, just wants to while away any free time in the boozer, constantly making new friends and having people latch onto him; been known to bring waifs and strays home from the pub on Xmas Day if they have nowhere else to go for their dinner. An endlessly amusing and easy going, intelligent bloke, who's impractical, openly irritated if required to do something that clashes with the pub, very selfish and repeats the same painfully long stories over and over when he's pissed, which is always. Did a continuous drunken fart that was well over ten seconds long when we lived with them after a trip abroad. Strong credentials. 9/10. As a two I'd be hard pressed to ever find better; a thoroughly decent, generous and honest pair who don't stick their noses in and are both discreet and understated. Enjoyed living with them more than I have most mates (sister in law and her husband lived with them until the birth of their second child, because they're so easy going) and if all else fails, their arguments have made me absolutely piss myself on numerous occasions. Good people, I'm very, very lucky.

Awful comment that Dog, just looking for a reaction from people. I'm guessing Paul's intention probably wasn't to turn this one into a thread about her political views or to score points.

Timing not right for his next fight, but Brook Khan in the post.

Stunning performance.

Not quite a fight of two halves, but Martinez has certainly turned the screw in the last number of rounds.

At times Martinez is trying to hit a puff of smoke. What's then coming back must be soul destroying.

Destiny calling.