torahboy

What's all this 'work' shit? Fuck that right off! Get out of bed, get to some location at an unearthly hour (usually before mid-day), have some cunt tell you what to do all day - all fucking week - for an amount of money that a MP would write off on a wank from their gay 'researcher' during a vote on the abolition of wheelchairs for really badly crippled old people in NHS hospital, and pay fucking tax on the paltry sum? Then pay rent, water, gas, electric, weed and food bills out of what's left?! James Purnell can go and fuck his mother. his father and his children - I'm staying on the fucking Pat and Mick and he, and all those who support his policies, can fuck right off! Work? Cheeky fucking cunt!

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other then see which one fills first".

Collymore was (is) a petulant, spoiled, cowardly brat of a human being. Highly talented as a footballer but without the discipline and courage required to make it a huge club like Liverpool. His constant legging off to Cannock for a toke on his mother's tits suggested that the boy had a dependence on Momma that bordered on the disturbed. Fuck him, fuck his opinions and fuck TalkSport.

Even allowing for the time and the physical effort it would take, I would like to shove this whole child up Simon Cowell's arse. The child would die, Cowell would die and the world would be a better place. God should be reprimanded most severely for these examples of shoddy creationism, the complacent cunt.

I went to the Trafford Centre and thought that it had a weird smell about it, kind of old socks and curry-ish type of stink. It's a big place but the extractor fans must have been turned off the day I went and I just couldn't dissociate the pong from the people I saw about me. It might have been Eccles Day or something but all the women were fucking dog rough or, at best, bangable from behind with their head bagged up, while the blokes were all twatooed and earinged and sporting baldy perms. I hated the place and the people. I must admit I am biased as I hate Manchester and Mancunians anyway, but Liverpool One is odour free (away from Gregg's that is) and the quality of some of the women in the place is quite exceptional. I know it's all about freedom of choice but why would Merseysiders fuck off to Manchester to buy something that is available in Liverpool? Unless they're just ugly, smelly cunts who wouldn't look out of place in the Trappedfart Centre.

Aston Villa 0-0 Fulham Chelsea 1-2 Arsenal Liverpool 0-0 West Ham Man City 0-1 Man Utd M/boro 0-0 N/castle Portsmouth 3-2 Blackburn R Stoke 1-1 Hull C Spurs 0-1 Bitters S/land 1-4 Bolton Wigan 2-1 West Brom Piece of piss!

Don't think I can help: because of my ale consumption I always tend to be a bit fizzy gravy most days. David Moyes seems to have an answer, though, as he tells us that his team often has hard shit.

Who?

Stuff like what?

I'm fucked right off with our last couple of performances, worried about Keane and Babel, concerned by the seeming loss of invention from Gerrard and Alonso and frustrated by our dropping points to teams who are, basically, shite. Yet the greatest cause of worry for me is the reaction of some of our supporters on this thread; calling each other 'cunt' and 'mong' and trying to arrange straighteners is really poor quality stuff. It's as bad as being in The Wimslow after a derby game- not as stenchy and short on brain cells - but pretty fucking sad coming from Liverpool fans. Have a view and express it but don't get all fucking Peter Mandelson when someone disagrees and definitely don't come on like Brian Schumacher with The Chippendales when the bitching gets heated. We're top of the league and I'm turning into Terry fucking Waite. Fuck it - I'm off to the GF to check out some porn sites and enjoy some real cunts!

No Hollywood star, but Hobo Ricky Tomlinson as a doctor in 'Boys From The Blackstuff'. He looked like MRSA in a white coat. He even had that scruffy fucking beard back in the Eighties. Come to think of it, he looked like a young Harold Shipman.

Who are you talking to? You talking to me, uh? Are you talking to me? One day a real rain will come and wash all these dead toads off the streets.

Stu Monty, Enjoy your Beluga caviar and and chips. Get back to you later. My taxi awaits.

Wherever the 'centre' of Manchester may be - not even locals can agree on that one. The area may contain plenty of what passes as humanity around such parts but if you take a potted at the actual number of visitors for the Urbis you will see that it is hardly inundated with seekers of knowledge. I can sense your ignorance, Stu Monty, it seems profound! Enjoy your tea. What is it, pea wet again? You sophisticate!

I am absolutely stunned by the proposals to invest even more money in the Manchester transport system if the locals vote for a congestion charge. It is disgraceful that a proposed tram system, which was costed at about £250M, for Liverpool was blown away by Alistair Darling when he was transport secretary because he withdrew £170M of government input. Now this same government, with Darling as Chancellor, are promising BILLIONS of public funding for Manchester to develop further their tram system along with ring roads and trainlines. It is a fucking disgrace! I really could not give a fuck about the ease of movement and availability of transport for the folk of fucking Manchester! That fucking city has enjoyed nearly twenty years of government investment, being favoured outrageously by the cunts at the NWDA as they filtered money away from the rest of the north west, as the fucking dump attempted to become Little London. Even the fucking BBC are moving more radio and television production to what they wish to call 'Media City' in Salford. Other places in our region again will miss out on any investment by government funded bodies as Cuntchester swallows up the money from suspended or cancelled projects in the towns and cities that comprise the rest of the north west. Nothing has ever or will ever 'trickle down' to other parts of the region from all this investment in Manchester. Remember what good the Commonwealth Games did for places other than the host city? No, neither can I. So fuck them over this transport 'initiative'. The Mancs will probably vote against a congestion charge anyway; my experience suggests that the cunts are too tight to part with their own cash, even if it does mean getting an improved transport system. So....fuck Manchester! By the way, I have a brother who lives in Salford and he drives to work on the Trafford estate. He's opposed to the congestion charge as well. So, I suppose, that makes him a hinge too. But he fucking hates Manchester and Mancunians and sees at first hand how much money is wasted by the government on Manchester. Whether it's public money being thrown at deserted places at the Urbis Museum and National War Museum (north) or private cash like the incongruous white elephant of the Beetham Tower, it all seems to be pearls to swine in Manchester. Vote against the congestion charge........you Manc dwelling cunts!

I thought 'Magnolia' was ok: linking up seemingly disparate characters' lives is difficult in a movie. 'Crash', I thought, had a similar problem with the series of coincidences we were asked to accept to reach the denouement. But that's the movies for you - mostly shite and Hollywood bollocks. The soundtrack of 'Magnolia' is quite good, mostly stuff by Aimee Mann. I also disagree with Sammy Aftershave's description of Tom Cruise as a "wee, overhyped, spaceman worshipping cunt". I know Mr Aftershave and he is merely allowing his own anger at being kicked out of the Scientologist Movement to cloud his judgement. If he had seen Mr Cruise's performance as the midget in 'In Bruges' I'm sure Sammy would be willing to revise his opinion.

I am at an age when I occasionally and accidentally, but unavoidably piss on myself. Don't understand what the turn on is.

I didn't have a hangover. I have now. I thought it was going to be Pan pipes or whales singing or something.

Went to Old Trafford the following day. Got a Home James coach on Scotland Road, opposite St Anthony's, and took my first trip to the shit bin on Trafford Park. We won 1-0. Harry Gregg got smacked about at a corner by Ron Yeats and it resulted in Greeg getting his collarbone whacked. David Herd went in goal (pre-sub days) and Gregg, wearing a sling to support his arm, stayed on the wing. Then in the last minute we got another corner and this time Big Rowdy butted the ball into the Stretford End goal. Fucking great! I lost my duffle bag in the general mayhem - I was only eleven and had to have something to carry my fucking sarnies in - and was threatened by some old, big nosed, skinny Manc cunt when I knocked his hat off after the goal. Me and my mate were in the old main stand paddock side of the tip. They'd just bought a guy from Cardiff called Graham Moore and he was going to do all sorts to us. As it was he stunk the gaff out and did fuck all. Happy days! Shame about Kennedy. Well, not really - he was a bit of a cunt. Got a minute's silence all the same.

It's the bluster of Terry Butcher that I find puzzling. You know, he's carried this grudge with Maradona with him for years and now, when he has the opportunity to front the guy and assuage his inner demons, the best he can come up with is that he won't shake hands with dodgy Diego. What an absolute cacksack! If you feel that bad about a person for that long then you might be forgiven for giving him a crack the moment you met up with him. Butcher is a big, sloppy, dripping, diarrhoea wracked, steaming arsehole! Along with Stuart Pearce, Butcher is the sort of twat, monkey-brained, chicken hearted, 'nationalist' that makes me proclaim my Scouse identity with such pride. Anyway, I think Maradona would knock fuck out of the big gobshite. I suspect Butcher does as well.

The chap responsible for 'comedy' across the BBC is Jon Mountague. He is responsible for accepting and approving scripts that hopeful writers send to him. From what I've seen of the BBC's latest offerings I think he needs some help with quality control. BBC Manchester is where most of this crap is pumped out and is where Mr Mountague is based. You can help him by giving him your views at jon.mountague@bbc.co.uk. I'm sure he'd like to hear from you.

Gray and Keys are Sky's equivalant of Burke and Hare - they find something that's been dead for 24 hours, dig it up and dissect it. (Ok, I know Burke and Hare only did the digging up but there's no one employed by Sky who you would trust to wield even an imaginary scalpel, so I'm stuck with Twit and Twat).

Peter Bowles as 'The Irish RM'. Just sounded fucking English to me. Thought Tommy Steele in 'Finian's Rainbow' was excellent - real Kilburn.

The best acting I ever produced was when I had to go for one of those medicals the DSS insist on when you've been hammering the sick. I had to go to their doctor at Mann Island and, without wishing to boast, I was so convincing as a depressed alcoholic that I had the doctor helping me to the exit and asking if I was alright to travel home alone. I assured her that I was before I skipped off to The Pumphouse to wind down with an 'after show' relaxant. Hoffman may have gotten an Oscar for Rainman but I think my performance that day transcended anything Hollywood has ever produced. Fuckers have signed me off since, but I did have my day in the spotlight.

She kissed a girl - she liked it, the taste of her cheesy chap's dick. Well, I think that's what she said!