Da Bitch

Some clothes for my holiday Hand Cream Hair Removal Cream 2 Debbie Macomber Books & A Week In December - Sebastian Faulks Fabric Cond Lotto Lucky Dip 4 bottles of Bloke Coke (Special buy 2 get 2 free)

I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection... but she did. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. F*ck me, talk about Dyson with death. Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. Two friends are fishing near a bridge. Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing. His mate turns to him and says, " Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen " Dave replies, " Well we were married for nearly 20 years " Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a labrador." "f*ck that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind" Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up! I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg" I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency. A man walks into a welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from? You sound English", "I'm from across the severn," replies the man nervously. "What do you do, just across the Severn?", "I'm a taxidermist." "What on earth is one of those?", "I mount animals." "Its alright boys," shouts the barman he's one of us. An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks have you ever been bedridden? she says yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists?

Mine Purse Comb (H/bag size) Hairbrush with mirror (H/bag size) Can of Deo (H/bag size) Note pad / 3 pens Tampons Heartburn Tablets 2 Pkts of gum (half) Book Oyster card Painkillers letter Small Screwdriver (for tighting screws on specs) Hand Cream (H/bag size) Antibac hand wash (H/bag size) Keep mobile in pocket of Jacket or Jeans.

What he said couldn't have put it better myself!

1st job Babysitting for local publican w/ends & Keymarket (long gone) after school. Now Price Control / tills in a small concience store for one of the big chains don't mind the job pays shite (was a supervisor but stepped down)

There are some things I will pay more for like coke can't stand pepsi or any of those nasty store brand colas, heinz baked beans, as cheaper brand have more sauce than beans, clothes middling buy mine from a mixture of places (including primark) as I take lunch in to work I can get the 2 for 1 offers on stuff that doesn't have a long life or can be frozen, money I save on that I can pay a bit extra for something else like shoes, Jeans I get from the catalogues as I'm short & most shops only stock them for people with legs up to their armpits most I've paid for jeans is £30. Bras I either go to La Senza or Primark as they are the only shops in which the size I take fits comfortably! My friend brought a trouser suit she paid about £200 for it, partly lined, couple of days later I brought a similar suit fully line for £15, 7 yrs down the line I've still got my suit it's in good nick considering I've thrown it in the mashine machine numerous times over the years, her suit which was dry clean only lasted about 18 mths!

Loaf of bread

Valhalla Rising 1/5 one of the weirest films I've seen in a long while didn't really understand it. Japan Is Sinking 5/5 really enjoyable, much better than 2012.

Jude Law, Sadie Frost neither can act & she ugly as sin to boot. Quinten Tanranto, stick to directing you Putz!!

Me!! I hate the fat unfunny slob Ricky Gervais Ben Afflack Hugh Grant

I have two tattoos one on my upper left arm with nan in chinese with her d.o.b & day she die above & below it (roughly about 1 & 1/2 inches high), my name in Tibetian on the inside of my right wrist. Have got plans for more next hoping to get YNWA in hebrew & a liverbird, but can't decide where to put it.

Got to have a root canal done this Thurs under conscious sedation!! awake but feeling no pain, get the same from a bottle of Wild Turkey....!!

agree with you about Kopparberg, St Helier & Bulmers, haven't had the other 2.

Why have you no fondness for Jews?? it's a religion not a race! & how WOULD you know IF you were passing the time of day or made friends with a Jew heh??? Apart from stating the oblivious the skull cap & nose! (actually the nose isn't that much of a give away I know a few people from the Indian sub continent, with big noses)

:lol: @ SKI great minds think alike!!

Some of the books I have read in the past couple of months Bermondsay Boy Tommy Steele autobiography mostly about his early years some bits are quite funny The Spartans Paul Cartledge Interesting if a some what heavy read. The Burnt House - Faye Kellerman sofar all the books I've read of hers have been really good. Bones to Ashes Kathy Reichs the books that the series bones is based on except I prefer the Brennan in the books to the tv one. Israel a history - Martin Gilbert very interesting & fasinating insight to the middle east. The Chocolate Lovers Diet, enjoyable chick lit.

I usually have a dream about a waterfall or trying to have a pee in a toilet with no privacy this is my early waring to get my ass out the bed & to the bog!!

Sex Is On Fire - Kasabian I'm Coming Home - Dusty Springfield Be My Baby - Vanessa Paradis Run For The Hills - Iron Maiden M.I.A - Foo Fighters Alguien Soy Yo - Enrigue Iglesias Friggin' In The Riggin' - Sex Pistrols It's My Time - Louis Cruz Beltran All Time High - Rita Coolidge Always Have Always Will - Ace Of Base

have the tooth out, last year I had an absess & it broke the back tooth in half, it took my dentist (who has bad breathe BTW!) a little under 5 mins from numbing the area to extracting the tooth. & it costs a lot less too £65 inc the instial check up/cleaning, 2 sets of X-Rays & the extraction.

Custard with chocolate on top!! yum failing that has to be Raspberry jam. Krispy Kreme one are major league artery cloggers, read the leaflet from kk about the cal contains of their doughnuts, there is more fat in some of the doughnuts than a Big Mac!!! Oh and they are sickly!

As do EAT & pret a mange, only Nero's & Costa do decent coffee.

Sink the Bismark 5/10 okish seen better war movies

Crave Her Name With Pride 7/10 not a bad war movie have seen better, some shite acting. District 13 10/10 Dispite being a french film , it's still none the less an excellent film to watch

You can also make a cake with them too!

:lol: Not as embarrassing as a guy I served, I had just serve someone who I had to ask for ID, he come up with some brooze & said jokingly asked do you want to see some ID, so playing along I said yes he showed me his driving licence I look at it & brusted out laughing he said what I know the photo is old but I don't look that bad???... Me: No but you've seem to have regressed in age & changed sex overnight!! for some reason he had his wifes one! (she's 10 younger) exit one embarrassed 50 something.