Toxteth O'Grady

Raging Bull, The Lost Boys, Barfly and Mississippi Burning are all grand shouts. For 1987 it's either Barfly or Angel Heart. Barfly wins. "Drinks for my friends".

Would you rather have a tug off Mary Magdalene or Steve Bruce's head full of pound coins? If you had to be allergic to one, would it be bread or beer? Would you rather have had a Raleigh Commando, a Grifter or be a bender and have a BMX? And which colour?

Smurfs, are they cunts. yes or no? And if not, would you rather be the astronaut or the one in green waders holding the spanner? That was grand.

In no particular order... Which week in late August/early September does your Lime tree start shedding its leaves? Which biscuit is the best indicator of deviant behaviour, Pink Wafers or Fig Rolls? When your hair starts thinning, which colour boot polish do you prefer, Tan or battleship Grey? Were Kajagoogoo or Men At Work the better band? Who had the best XI Monty Python's Philosophers or The entire crew in The Wrath of Khan? And who had the best kit? Which male bird has the bigger bollocks...a Chaffinch or a Greenfich? They were all thought provokers.

And said "Can't you take that fucking bandit Edward with you next time, seems a bit too fond of Rollerskates for my liking"

The played well at Wolves this afternoon and were unlucky not to take all three points. I'm expecting a tough game there.

But Dave 'Davoth' Kelly though. Even his old regiment, the Blackburn Salvation Army have had a whip round to get him a taxi home.

On Xmas day, while the rest of his family and the country is enjoying the festivities, Tone sits on the shitter and writes lists out of topics for best XI's, best kits, best pets, best biscuits, best woodland birds and best trees in gardens and pins it to the back of the door. Then, one by one he ticks them off during the year.

Imagine if they won without conceding. Top of the League lad. Best defence in the country if not Europe lad. Tide has definitely turned lad. The inevitable fall will be even more hilarious. Lad.

Get Brearley back in for the last 3 tests. Mike or Amos.

Looks like it's down to Stokes to pull us out of the shit again.

Roy is never a Test opener while he has a hole in his arse. Which means that Root, who should be at 4, is constantly batting as virtually an opener every innings.

According to the BBC website, AOC has just signed a new 4 year contract.

COCK PISS PURSLOW

Having watched 37 minutes of Zouma today, he's definitely shit enough to go back to Everton on a permanent basis.

0-0 and a player off on the opening day.

anybody got an unreliable stream for this so that I can report it to the Feds? Thanks in advance.

I look forward to us loaning this cunt out until all his contracts have expired, then wishing him good luck at Leyton Orient.

It's OK, we didn't have Clyne for most of last season, so no need to replace him. We've got this shit down pat now. It's like when your Boss says to you "look now, it's the Summer, I know it's hot and I know loads of people will be on leave and you will have to cover 7 jobs with three people and I know it's a bit arduous, but we did it last Summer, so we can do it again this year, no problem. Nobody went sick with stress and heat exhaustion then, and they won't this year either".

Gordon mate, they aren't incompetent. They will do exactly what is expected of them. Hand picked to do so. Had you said 'terrible cunts' then I would agree.

"Nobody I wanted to join came in for me. Out of all the teams I didn't want to play for, Everton offered me by far the most money"

The older Brother of N'Fingera I'd say. Possibly.

Fucking Gorst, the Pearcing, joyless cunt.

All the best Alex, have a grand day.