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Scal Capone

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Posts posted by Scal Capone

    Depression

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    38 minutes ago, 3 Stacks said:

    I don't think I'll get over it unless I can reliably find the root of my symptoms and that realization scares me as well. Something's gotta give eventually, I guess. 

    You will eventually rule it out via the correct diagnostic tests. But, if my experience is anything to go by, it will morph and you will focus on other health related symptoms in the future. I've had this on and off for 17 years. 

    Depression

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    1 hour ago, Seasons said:

    Imposter syndrome is something I feel may of us face but don't admit it. I think it's important to reflect back on your experience and celebrate your small victories but also your incredible ones too. Getting to the point of starting a PHD is incredible pal, absolutely incredible. A massive achievement that you should be proud of. 

     

    You can spend a lot of time looking at your failures but I'll put this to you (from my entire experience of working with people). You'll never celebrate a victory as much as a failure. And it's those failures that allow us to learn, develop and push on to bigger and better successes. 

     

    Take some time to think about what you want to do in life. Do you want to complete that PHD? Do you want to try something new? What's the next chapter of your story going to be? You've proven you can achieve so much and therefore don't accept something that doesn't make you happy. I've got 100% belief in you. 

     

    Just a note on that, and one I've found is always missing from motivational talks/messages. Find your anger and find your peace. If you're angry about that PhD, go and tear the fucker up but find your peace along the way. Accept that it may not have been the right time previously, accept that you didn't focus on a life balance of your work, your life and your relationships, be open to new activities etcetc.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Fucking hell, I hate that I can't turn this voice off. LET ME BE SAD.  

    Thanks, mate. I finished it then bailed out. I have no idea what I want to do, which is obviously a massive obstacle to even exploring a future. I worked intensely during my PhD and, even though I completed it, I felt like it was a waste of time, and it took an incredible investment of time and effort to complete.  I was ruined by the end of it and I became terrified of getting involved in anything high level afterwards because I was fearful of being a failure, of wasting my time, of wasting other people's time, of burning out, of never achieving what it is I want to achieve, even though I don't know what it is I want to achieve. It's all noise, like a maelstrom of cognitive noise weighing me down. I never enjoyed any of it: I graduated 1st class and received an academic award, and I didn't derive any satisfaction from it, none. I was immediately in the mindset of "what next?" and threw myself into my MSc, which I graduated from with distinction, and I took no satisfaction from that too, I couldn't even be arsed to go to the graduation for that one. I then threw myself into finding a PhD studentship, which I found, and  we (me and my missus) moved down South for 3.5 years. I made some amazing friends during my PhD, and we loved living on the South coast,  but I was crippled with self-doubt and this suffocating, perennial sense of working class inadequacy for the duration of my doctorate. I finished it and didn't feel a sense of accomplishment, I felt the opposite. It's bizarre. 

    • Upvote 1

    Depression

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Seasons said:

     

    Cheers mate, I've just overworked myself at the end of the day. I've been trying to push the service into the community more of late. I wanted to really make a stamp on mental health, spent my weekends researching, attending events and ended up putting together a plan of how we'd make the place I work in the best in the country for MH. It ended up in my wages getting docked, getting questioned as to why I was working in my weekends and essentially the plan getting chucked in the bin. It's just really disheartening and a little crushing having really taken that extra care and attention. 

     

    Counselling isn't really something that would help. I'd need CBT but I know all the strategies and I know where I'm going wrong it's just something that's refusing to entertain my own advice. I guess it's the nature of stress: work hard -> not good enough -> work hard -> neglect other things -> work harder -> break down. 

     

    I need another employer is the bottom line.

     

    This neatly captures the predicament I have found myself in, but with the added problem of having to deal with imposter syndrome, which is partly why I bailed out of academia after doing my PhD, and now find myself in a job I don't like. I worked myself into the ground in this job, probably as a way of escaping from the emptiness and the sense of failure i felt after finishing my doctorate. 

    • Upvote 1

    Do you like Christmas?

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    It's a time of year that has the capacity to be either spectacularly brilliant or shit, depending on various external factors (e.g. finances, health, whether it is spent alone, in good company or in bad company (though if it were spent with Bad Company, I think that would be dead boss), and other stressors)). But, if everything is smooth leading into it, I love Christmas; family, friends, food, footie, festivities, fan-fucking-tastic!

    • Upvote 1

    Boxing 2018

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    On 12/24/2018 at 10:57 AM, Elite said:

    He's disliked because he doesn't show his true personality, he's incredibly false and every single line out of his mouth has been orchestrated, when he has momentarily lapses like after the Whyte fight the other night you getting to see a glimpse of the 'Real Joshua' who isn't the humble, national sweetheart that they want to portray. I'd prefer him to be himself, he can be nasty, crude or anything but I'd like him a lot more than this current production line version.

     

    Fury is more liked because he isnt faking, you get what you see without all the bullshit.

     

    Man who gets paid hundreds of millions to repeatedly punch somebody in the face as hard as he can in not being a very nice person shocker....

    The "Say something positive about a fellow forumite" 2018 thread.

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    On 12/24/2018 at 3:04 PM, Numero Veinticinco said:

    @Fowlers God For his dry spell. Some going, that. 

     

    @dave u Because I know how much effort he put in getting the site upgraded. 

     

    @Scal Capone For just being ace. A kinder guy you’d struggle to meet. 

     

    @moof A good soul on this fucker. Someone I can disagree with and I know won’t get his knickers in a twist. Doesn’t take unnecessary negativity with the team. I love that. 

     

    @Sugar Ape Stylish mother fucker. Shaving God. TV show aficionado. A top bastard. 

     

    @lifetime fan We disagree all the time but he was the first person to offer help when I was going through a rough patch. I’ll never forget that. Took his breakfast ribbing like a fucking champ. 

     

    @suzy For her upbeat view of footy and knowledge of the game. 

     

    @aRdja Nothing yo do with his breakfasts or trainers. He’s just a good dude, isn’t he? 

     

    @Dr Nowt Funny cunt. 

     

    @KMD7 I just really like the fucker. 

     

    @Anny Road For spending about 50 quid to blow the doors off the brekkie thread with a monumental fry up. 

     

    @Captain Turdseye IPTV as fuck. 

     

     

     

    Thanks, mate, but I'm an irascible dick head really.

    • Upvote 1

    Should Corbyn remain as Labour leader?

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    My interpretation is that Corbyn and Starmer are playing out a choreographed good cop bad cop routine with regards to Labour's Brexit position. And, let me be clear, I want to remain in the EU, although I am not ignorant of its failings. I'm broadly supportive of Varoufakis and Diem25 in relation to reforming the EU.

    • Upvote 1

    Should Corbyn remain as Labour leader?

    in GF - General Forum

    Posted

    I wasn't convinced he could win an election, but the way he reduced the gap between the two parties in such a short time during last year's election indicates, to me at least, that if the starting point between the two parties is narrower at the commencement of the campaign, that he could win. Labour are much better organised from an activist perspective than they have been before, and their manifesto is much better than the Tory's was. Corbyn is simply a figurehead for a movement, but I suspect McDonnell is the real brains behind it all. 

     

    It's like all this nonsense about Brexit, and  the tedious screaming you hear from people about Corbyn's Brexit position; he's following the position that was established at conference. Labour are saying they want to renegotiate Brexit - it's obvious that would fail as the EU won't agree to it - but they can at least appease some Brexiteers by saying they tried their hardest to make it happen, and when that fails, they would seek a second referendum. 

    Nintendo Switch

    in TNF - Techy Nerd Forum

    Posted

    On 11/19/2018 at 10:45 AM, johnsusername said:

    Got Rocket League form the online shop for £9. Good fun. Got battered a few times mind. 

    I am so desperately shit at this game, it's a good game, especially for the price, but I am embarrassingly poor at it.

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