Tourt

Chillax, before Call Me Dave makes a comeback.

The less said about Keita the better. The only thing he seems to do well is take the ball effortless past a couple of players in midfield, but there’s little point to that when he either runs into a third and loses it, or passes it to nobody. The fact he was probably our second best attacking player on the night tells you all you need to know about how bad the rest of them were. Enjoyed the report Dave but your criticism of Naby Keita is unfair. Naby was invisible in the first half but impressive throughout the second. I only counted two misplaced passes by Keita during the second period in which he was the most dominant midfielder on the pitch. In the season to date Naby has attempted too many difficult forward passes that have been easily intercepted. In the second half if a through ball wasn’t realistic he played it square, moved an opponent out of position, accepted a return ball and then passed it up the pitch. He played really well during this period of the match and was the most encouraging aspect of a disappointing performance. When Ginni returns, playing Naby in the center alongside Fabhino should make our midfield more productive. It’s not all doom and gloom, just a bit straw-clutchingly desperate at the mo.

Ray Houghton’s primary explanation on R5 for our stuttering attack this season is the attention the opposition are paying to Firmino. In the games where we have struggled to create chances, e.g. Brighton, Leicester, Chelsea, Roma and City, our opponents crowd Firmino as quickly as possible whenever we have possession. Houghton claims this is the principal reason our attack looks so sterile. His secondary explanation is the absence of a creative midfield player in the style of Courtinho, where Nabby has been a disappointing replacement for the Brazilian while his midfield colleagues are industrious but unimaginative. In the theme of this week’s Match Report, Houghton’s second point equates to replacing Pete best with Ringo. That turned out well in the end and fuck Bon Jovi.

Some cracking headlines on the above link, best laugh I've had in ages. I've hi lighted my favourites. Forget about Russian meddling or US companies pushing fake and ‘dark’ news on the internet to influence the Brexit vote. Fake news to influence the UK public to vote for Brexit has mostly come from our very own so-called professional journalists right here in the UK. Here’s a list of fake news by the UK press over the last 20 years. Every single story here has been debunked as fake news. It’s hard to pick just one but my personal favourites are ‘Euronotes cause impotence‘ by the Daily Mail and ‘EU puts speed limit on children’s roundabouts‘ from the always entertaining Daily Express. Read through the list and vote for your own ‘favourite’ in the comments section below – the most popular will win a ‘prize’for ‘Most Ridiculous EU Fake News’. Enjoy (or maybe despair): EC regulations to ban playgrounds – Daily Express Rolling acres outlawed by Brussels – The Telegraph EU to scrap British exams – Sunday Express Obscure EU law halting the sale of English oak seeds – Mail on Sunday EU may try to ban sweet and toy ads – The Times EU to tell British farmers what they can grow – Daily Mail EU ‘Bans Boozing’ – Daily Star Light ale to be forced to change its name by Eurocrats – Daily Mail EU fanatics to be forced to sing dire anthem about EU ‘Motherland’ – The Sun British apple trees facing chop by EU – The Times EC plan to ban noisy toys – Sunday People EU to ban bagpipes and trapeze artists – The Sun Children to be banned from blowing up balloons, under EU safety rules – Daily Telegraph Straight cucumbers – The Sun Curved bananas banned by Brussels bureaucrats – The Sun, Daily Mail, Daily Express Brussels bans barmaids from showing cleavage – The Sun, Daily Telegraph Rumpole’s wig to scrapped by EU – Mail on Sunday Church bells silenced by fear of EU law – Daily Telegraph Motorists to be charged to drive in city centres under EU plans – Daily Telegraph EU to stop binge drinking by slapping extra tax on our booze – The Sun Brandy butter to be renamed ‘brandy spreadable fat’ – The European British loaf of bread under threat from EU – Daily Mail Truckers face EU ban on fry-ups – The Sun EU to ban Union Flag from British meat packs – Daily Express EU seeks to outlaw 60 dog breeds – Europa News Agency Double-decker buses to be banned – Daily Telegraph EU bans eating competition cakes – Timesonline Now EU officials want control of your CANDLES – Daily Express 21-gun salutes are just too loud, Brussels tells the Royal Artillery – Mail on Sunday Brussels threatens charity shops and car boot sales – Daily Mail Plot to axe British number plates for standardised EU design – Daily Express Women to be asked intimate details about sex lives in planned EU census – Daily Express British cheese faces extinction under EU rules – PA News EU meddlers ban kids on milk rounds – The Sun, The Telegraph British chocolate to be renamed ‘vegelate’ under EU rules – Daily Mail EU to ban church bells – Daily Telegraph British film producers warn of new EU threat to industry – The Independent Kilts to be branded womenswear by EU – Daily Record EU to ban double decker buses – Daily Mail Cod to be renamed ‘Gadus’ thanks to EU – Daily Mail Brussels to restrict drinking habits of Britain’s coffee lovers – Daily Express EU responsible for your hay fever – Daily Mail, The Times Condom dimensions to be harmonised – Independent on Sunday EU wants to BAN your photos of the London Eye – Daily Express Corgis to be banned by EU – Daily Mail EU forcing cows to wear nappies – Daily Mail Eurocrats to ban crayons and colouring pencils – The Sun Smoky bacon crisps face EU ban – Sunday Times EU outlaws teeth whitening products – Daily Mail Domain names – ‘.uk’ to be replaced by ‘.eu’ – Daily Mail Brussels to ban HGV drivers from wearing glasses – The Times New eggs cannot be called eggs – Daily Mail EU to ban selling eggs by the dozen – Daily Mail UK to be forced to adopt continental two pin plug – Daily Star, Daily Mail EU targets traditional Sunday roast – Sun on Sunday English Channel to be re-named ‘Anglo-French Pond’ – Daily Mail Brussels to force EU flag on England shirts – Daily Mail EU orders farmers to give toys to pigs – The Times Firemen’s poles outlawed by EU – Daily Mail Euro ban on food waste means swans cannot be fed – The Observer Noise regulations to force football goers to wear earplugs – The Sun Traditional Irish funeral under threat from EU – Daily Telegraph, The Times EU to ban high-heel shoes for hairdressers – Daily Express Commission to force fishermen to wear hairnets – Daily Telegraph Brussels to ban herbal cures – Daily Express Bureaucrats declare Britain is “not an island”– the Guardian EU bid to ban life sentences for murderers – Daily Express New EU map makes Kent part of France – Sunday Telegraph EU tells Welsh how to grow their leeks – The Times EU to ban lollipop ladies’ sticks – News of the World EU plot to rename Trafalgar Square & Waterloo station – Daily Express UK milk ‘pinta’ threatened by Brussels – The Sun EU bans ‘mince’ pies – Daily Mail Eurocrats say Santa must be a woman – The Sun Now EU crackpots demand gypsy MPs – Daily Express Brussels to outlaw mushy peas – The Sun, Daily Mail, Telegraph, Times Brussels says shellfish must be given rest breaks on journeys – The Times Pets must be pressure cooked after death – Sunday Telegraph EU puts speed limit on children’s roundabouts – Daily Express 2-for-1 bargains to be scrapped by EU – Daily Mirror EU madness: chat up bar girl and pub will be fined – Daily Star Queen to be forced to get her own tea by EU – The Sun EU tells women to hand in worn-out sex toys – The Sun British rhubarb to be straight – The Sun EU to ban rocking horses – The Sun Scotch whisky rebranded a dangerous chemical by EU – Daily Telegraph Brussels ban on pints of shandy – The Times “High up” signs to be put on mountains – BBC Euronotes cause impotence – Daily Mail EU to ban under 16-year-olds from using Facebook – Daily Mail Strawberries must be oval – The Sun EU orders swings to be pulled down – Daily Express Tea bags banned from being recycled – BBC British lav to be replaced with Euro-loo – The Sun Unwanted Valentine’s cards to be defined as sexual harrasment – Daily Telegraph Bosses to be told what colour carpets to buy by EU – Daily Star EU says British yoghurt to be renamed ‘Fermented Milk Pudding’ – Sunday Mirror EU to ban zipper trousers – The Sun

A mate of mine works for the bar-fitting contractor on the new Spurs stadium. He said his firm fitted 8 miles of tubing to connect the beer pumps. A thirsty beast of a stadium.

Just announced on TS, Spurs are the only side in Europes top five leagues not to sign anyone during this window. TeeHee.

Talktwaddle just said Newcastle failed in their attempt to sign Klavan from Liverpool. Must say it’s the first I heard of that potential transfer. The program also pointed out if Spurs fail to buy anyone, they will be the first Premiership club not to sign a player during a transfer window since its introduction in 2003. The closest club to this achievement was Leeds, whose only signing was Jody Morris on a "free" some years ago. I could understand Man City not investing in their squad during this transfer window, but for Spurs not to strengthen is very surprising in this day and age. The cost of their new stadium scuppered Arsenal, it could do the same for Tottenham. Let’s hope so.

Completely agree with the opening comment. The storey has become dull and predictable with most of the villains being killed off and the goodies alive and well. There hasn’t been a single disfigurement or unexpected death, the qualities that initially made the saga so compelling. George Martin once said he loved reading about birthday parties in the Bible because they all ended with a murder. It’s a pity HBO appointed atheists to pen such dreary plotlines in the last two series. As for the final comment, wishing for the death of Cersei is pure heresy and needlessly malicious. I have no objection to Cersei having a leg amputated or something similar, but I would hate to see the vindictive bitch killed off. The poor woman has suffered enough with the untimely demise of the much-missed Jolfrey to be treated to an early death. For her sake and ours, let us hope she survives and prospers.

Look away now. Before Manchester United departed their angst-ridden tour of the United States, there was still time for José Mourinho to offer up one more utterance which sharpened the contrast between himself and Jürgen Klopp. The United manager was discussing transfers and attempting to explain why a tantrum is never seemingly far away while the window remains open. “In every pre-season it happens the same, with every club, which is that the manager wants more,” said Mourinho. “It’s our nature, you always want more for your team.” Klopp, however, does not want more. He publicly stated as much after the friendly win over Blackburn Rovers on July 20 and we only have to wait eight more days to find out if the Liverpool manager is a man of his word. It will mean no Nabil Fekir — the Lyons attacker’s failed medical put paid to that — and no late bid for Christian Pulisic despite the noise surrounding the American international. It is almost two years since Liverpool bid about £11 million for Pulisic, then a highly-rated 17-year-old. The offer was dismissed and the way his value has soared to £62 million, the reputed figure at which Borussia Dortmund would consider doing business, suggests a talent who has made remarkable strides in the interim. But if you crunch the numbers, then it becomes clear why Liverpool — and specifically Klopp, given his inside knowledge of the player and his former club — would baulk at making a bid at that price. In the past two seasons, Pulisic has scored seven goals and provided 14 assists in the Bundesliga. In some quarters that will not been viewed as too bad given that he does not turn 20 until next month (English team-mate Jadon Sancho, 18, scored once and produced four assists in 12 top flight games last term). Yet Liverpool would not countenance paying £62million for a player to sit on the bench and those playing statistics indicate that Pulisic, adept on either wing and also as a No 10, would be some way behind a regular starting place at Anfield. To pay that sort of money, Klopp would have to be buying someone whom he planned to start more often than not and Pulisic is not at that point in his career irrespective of what he, himself, might think. Mohamed Salah scored 32 goals and produced 11 assists in the Premier League last season, Roberto Firmino 15 and seven respectively and Sadio Mané ten and seven. The bar is set higher than it has been in a long time. For more context, Xherdan Shaqiri has scored 12 goals and delivered nine assists in two Premier League seasons at Stoke City. He is 26, of course, but cost £13.5 million. Scratch a little further and Pulisic scored once in his final 19 appearances of the 2017-18 campaign and completed 90 minutes on just four occasions. Still, Pulisic is a player that Klopp likes, so what happens next? On the one hand, he pushes on and improves his output and productivity because Liverpool have shown this year with Virgil van Dijk, Naby Keïta and Alisson that they are not averse to paying big money for players they believe will come into the starting XI. Alternatively, he sits tight on a contract which has two years left to run in the expectation that Dortmund would have to sell him for a reduced fee next summer rather than risk losing him for nothing. Liverpool will continue to monitor the talent, but unless the numbers start stacking up on the pitch then there is no guarantee they will lead the chase.

Clyne's been shagging around while his pregnant girfriend's expecting to give birth anytime soon. Front page of last weeks Sunday Mirror or the Star on Sunday. Very unprofessional to be found out during our pre-season fitness tour.

Top track Pal. Never heard of them. Repped for the harmonica blast half way through

I've just discovered Rebus. Bliss.

It's Tuesday Babe, our boy has reported to the French squad. What else is happening? (Bitch musta been picking her nose, not tapping it.)

Platoon. Rejoice oh young man in thy youth.

Just finished the Detective Sean Duffy quartet by Irish author Adrian McKinty. A dazzling read. The series is based in Northern Ireland during The Troubles. Each novel is woven around an historic event; the Bobby Sands hunger strike, The De Lorean affair, The Brighton Bomb, The Jimmy Saville boys home scandal. It features Sean Duffy, a Catholic detective in the protestant Ulster police force. The hero is a randy, Liverpool supporting, Tom Waits fan who hates his protestant, Man U supporting working class neighbour and enjoys listening to radio Albania if there’s nothing good on R3 when smoking weed supplied by his toothless-lion owning local dealer as he coasts through the Times crossword with ease. A clever cop, whose career is blighted by his inability to gain a conviction in court and the enmity of his superiors. Detective Duffy is an authentic head full. The novels need to be read in order. Apart from being mystery, “ who dun it’s”, they explain why the IRA had no option but to abandon their struggle and why, in the authors view at least, there will be a united Ireland eventually. A thoughtful, entertaining read and cheap as chips to buy on Kindle.

Throw plenty of mint on the coals. It does nothing for the taste of the food but it keeps the flies and mossies at bay.

Hostiles A Western that had a string of five star reviews and Christian Bale, who was awesome in 3 - 10 to Yuma Couldn't wait to see it. Bored to tears, it was dreadful.

I read recently the proposed move has been cancelled because the German club changed their mind. Hope it’s true.

Joyce made no mention of that in his article. I wondered what the catch was. It will be a real shame if Brewster leaves. Cheers.

Paul Joyce reporting today that Liverpool fear Rhian Brewster will sign for Borussia Monchengladbach in the summer. Brewster has never signed a professional contract at LFC despite offers when he was 17 and 18. There is also interest in Brewster from Spurs but the Germans are favourites for the youngster who the Reds signed from Chelsea when he was 15. If the move takes place, Brewster will follow in the footsteps of Jadon Sancho who left Man City for BM last summer. Sancho has made 6 league starts this season, creating 4 goals. The likely departure is claimed to be, “amicable”, but Klopp is said to be disappointed but hopeful Brewster will stay, having been promoted from the academy to the first team squad since recovering from ankle surgery in January.

A banner in the crowd at this fixture won today’s, "Quote of the Week award", in the Sunday Times. The banner read: Rome wasn’t built in a day – that would be Birkenhead.

Loan the Naymar chaining Gomez, our most versatile defender, is all the excuse needed to fire my first neg. The suggestion is an act of heresy and a crime against talent. Shameful.

Today’s Times report Trent has signed a contract extension that increased his wages to £20K a week. Doesn’t seem a lot for a youngster of his ability, I would have thought he was worth more. If he makes the World Cup squad and gets selected in place of Walker, I can well imagine another wage increase before next season starts.

Surprised you were unimpressed by Gorge. One of today’s rags claimed he had 100% passing accuracy. A rare achievement for a midfield player.

Lets see if it works. Never was a fan of this band but what a treatment of a Soul classic. Brilliant drumming, especially the crashing cymbal on key words.