jonnyp

Now yes, at the time, No.

Prison experience for me was from when I played a lot of rugby when I was younger. The league we were in had a game against a maximum security prison team in the north east somewhere. I remember as a young fella what a sobering experience the whole episode was, from having to get all your details checked out by the government, far in advance of the game, being searched, then the reality of the numerous checks as each iron barred gate opened, closed loudly and locked behind you. A real weird atmosphere and briefing on what to expect, what-if scenarios etc., before finally getting escorted out on to the pitch, which was double fenced all the way round, in the middle of prison. From the cells ‘fortunate’ enough to have a pitch side view, there were prisoners faces screaming dogs abuse from the barred windows! The pitch itself was pristine, but the shock of seeing there were overhead wires to prevent helicopters dropping in for rescue attempts, was soon replaced by the horror of seeing about 150 prisoners stood around the touch line. So, the game kicks off and immediately it was clear that the overhead wires would restrict the kicking game and/or add to the excitement of the game, as the ball dropped straight back down with no territory gained. Their team was mostly prisoners but with some guards in it too and we were obviously expecting some sort of Mean Machine script to unfold. Motivating comments from the crowd of “rip his fucking throat out”, and “you look good in those shorts son”, meant the full width of the pitch wasn’t utilised that frequently. To this date, I would say that this was the physically hardest but fairest game I’ve ever played in, with zero foul play. One of the guards who played explained to us afterwards when we mentioned it, that it was because if any prisoner crossed a line, they would lose their hard gained privileges for themselves and the whole team. So, in short it gave them a ‘fair’ outlet for their anger and frustration, a break from prison routine, as well as better facilities and food. A great game, both teams played well and it finished as a good scoring respectable draw, but when the final whistle blew, there was a pitch invasion! I figured it was literally my end of game, as prisoners swamped us all, but to my great relief and then joy, they were all patting us on the back and saying things like “Thanks for coming here lads”, “Thanks for coming to play”, “Really appreciate you coming”. A humbling and rewarding feeling. Again one of the guards later explained, that many of the teams they were drawn against would forgoe the game and points, so they’d train without getting a game. The more trusted prisoners didn’t get their two hours standing round a pitch for entertainment and the rest of the prisoners didn’t get their break in routine and probably no opportunity to gamble. The after beers session in the officers mess was also the strangest after game drinks I’ve been to, as the opposing team wasn’t there to get pissed with, save for 3 or 4 guards. Full rollercoaster of emotions that day, and certainly both an eye opener and deterrent to ending up in somewhere like that.

Swimming out to their Z Boats theme music.

Bruce Lee’s least acclaimed film.

Beat me to it. Was just going to write the same but with the proviso that if he lasts one round, we will consider his application.

Top trolling if true.

Come On!!!

Get In

Let someone else take a free kick.

Get In!

You obviously jinxed him today.

Milner’s role is only to channel them in to Konate.

A win when not playing our best is a good win.

They held out well. Better finishing by Milan would have turned this on it’s head second half.

Good Win!

Fairly even, but nervy.

That’s Funny Then.

That’s that then.

The Haughton Weavers

Was on a video conference call when I read this. Well played sir!

Beat everyone put in front of us. Lift the trophy.

Dangerous ground.

A dive not rewarded followed by a goal against. Commence operation Whining Hissy Fit!