Squabblefest

Just checked the back of the programme and he's not on there. It goes from 14 Henderson straight to 16 Kyrgiakos.

Apparently Michael Phelps has come out in support. The Daily Mail's reporting that the man widely recognised as the world's greatest swimmer has quit because, (and I quote), "water is wet." In his retirement address he recognised that the news would come as a shock to his legion of world-wide fans but said, "I'm just sick of getting fucking soaked. Seriously. Every time I jump in this huge pool of water I come out and I am fucking drenched. I mean, Jesus. Who knew? Do you not think somebody could have said something about all this before I fucking started.?" Duncan Goodhew was unavailable for comment.

It's not that easy I'm afraid. I'm an electrician and looked into it all last year because I was fucking fed up of lining Murdoch's pockets through my Sky subscription and it's actually pretty complex. In brief; You can't buy a dish and point it at some foreign satellite and get Prem footy. Every signal is scrambled. The 'Dreambox' won't get you subscription footy. You need to be in, (an illegal), 'card sharing' scheme. Basically this means that you buy the card for the footy, someone else buys the card for the porn, someone else buys the sky movies card etc, and then you all pool your resources and the dreambox will unscramble the signal with your combined card details. It's really difficult to join the card sharing schemes, especially if you're not contributing anything because no-one wants a fucking freeloader joining their scheme because the more people on it, the more chance there is of you getting caught. You can buy a satellite box and a big enough dish, point it at a satellite and then buy a card from that country to unscramble their signal but this is going to cost you. Basically you need to set up the dish so it hits the right satellite, make sure you've got a set top box that'll take the card you've bought and buy a years subscription. When I looked into it you were looking at around £250 for the dish and the box and then anywhere between £150-£300 for the right card. But there's another problem.. Sky can apply to the government to have satellite signals stopped. So if too many people end up buying foreign cards then they're entitled to shut off the signal. There's conflicting reports as to whether this has ever happened or not but the worst case scenario is that you buy your shiny new card and then 2 weeks later the signal goes down. You'll notice that all the people selling the cards, (there used to be a load on ebay, I don't know if there still is), all clearly state, 'NO REFUNDS'. There's a reason for this. In the end, I got rid of Sky. Got a freeview hd box, and with the money I was saving by not having Sky, (around £400 a year if memory serves), I buy tickets for as many home games as I can afford and upgraded my internet connection to Virgin's fibre-optic on 50mb and decided to take my chances with the streams. They've been well above average so far. Decent, (although never perfect), pictures and myp2p offer every single game and the only one I can remember being unwatchable was the Wigan away game. The rest of them were pretty good. Sorry to get so fucking geeky on yo' asses but I remember it being an horrendous pain in the fucking balls with night after night of checking what options there are out there so hopefully this'll save anyone on here having to plough through the same shit I did.

Good call by Section. We might challenge the top 4, we might fall short but as long as the team plays like they did last half of the season and puts a shift in for every game then I'll be well happy. The Premier League title feels like a devalued currency these days. Let's be honest, the days of a team like Clough's Derby coming up and sweeping all comers away just on the quality of the football alone are well gone. Shit, I don't even think we'll get a team like Mike Walkers Norwich challenging right up to the last few weeks anymore. It's money and money alone that'll dictate if you win the title. It's City's bottomless pit, it's Abramovich's filthy, (and I mean filthy), lucre, it's United's extra £6 million per home game, (£114 million a season more over the last twenty years or so, it adds up to fucking billions if you work it out). We won titles when they were worth winning, we won titles when it was a level (ish) playing field, we won them when if you're team was good enough and hard enough, (Yes Leeds, I'm looking at you), you were in with a fighting chance, (pun intended). Not any more. This season? The fucking bean counters are the most important members of your back room staff. United can crow about the titles they've won over the last fifteen years, but only in the same way that Westlife can fucking lord it over Paul McCartney for having more number one's than the fucking Beatles have lately. Let's all stand up and applaud them both for their recent success. Take a fucking bow lads. So where does that leave us? Taking a leaf out of everyone else's book, that's where. We don't make the rules but we sure as hell have to play by them. Ian Ayre and FSG seem to be doing exactly that and they should be applauded. They've put the best manager available to us in charge of the team and most importantly they've remade the vital bond between the players and the crowd. When the photos show up in the press of Dalglish supporting our young striker, who's just left his beloved hometown club and his head must be in pieces by spending time outside the club with him, (alright, it was a fucking Boyzone gig, but I won't mention it if you don't), when he's driving Charlie Adam to the club for his medical and when he's showing up at the hospital to check on his skipper then you know the club's in the right hands. Of course, none of that matters if it's not going well on the pitch. But it fucking is. Go ask Birmingham after they shipped five, ask Mick McCarthy if anyone scored a better goal against them than Miereles, ask Steve Bruce if anyone in that fucking stadium expected Suarez to shoot through the keeper. Shit, ask any one of the six United players that Suarez skipped round if they think we're fucked without Torres. Off the pitch we're in good shape, on the pitch we're in the best shape we've been in in fucking ages and in the dugout we couldn't be doing much better in my opinion and the people in charge have showed themselves to be honourable and willing to invest sensibly and support the manager. I'm with Section on this. I'm genuinely looking forward to the coming season although of course that's tempered by a healthy dose of knowing just how fucking chaotic and insane football can be, but we're seemingly in good shape. We haven't just lost a player of Alonso's ability, we haven't got a pair of cowardly, duplicitous fucking leeches in charge, there's apparently no financial hand grenade primed to explode in our fucking faces at any second and we've got a manager who we can fucking believe in. Only six months ago, if somebody would've said that we'd be in this position we'd have snatched their fucking hands off. So yeah, I reckon you can say I'm looking forward to the new season.

I've had two weeks off work with my 3 year old running me and the missus ragged so I cannot fucking wait to go the game tomorrow.. I hope to see; Pepe Johnson - Carra - Agger - Robinson --------Adam ---- Lucas ------ Henderson -- Aquilani -- Downing -- ----------- Carroll ------------- I'm looking forward to seeing Flanagan at some point as well. I fucking enjoy his tackling as much as some of Suarez' dribbling to be honest.

The holder of the 'Stupidest cunt at Old Trafford' award for the last twelve seasons running congratulates his surprise successor. City Fan : 'Can I touch your shirt Mr Aguero?' Aguero : 'If it wasn't for the two hundred grand a week, I wouldn't be fucking touching yours..' Flushed with his recent success, Lucas looked forward to not being the biggest arsehole in the photo for once. Wilson : 'Is it a bird?' Carroll : 'Is it a plane?' Dalglish : 'No. It's another fucking central midfielder.' In the Aston Villa away end, Gerrard's bodyguard blended in to the crowd surprisingly well for a 6 foot 8 inch bright orange retard with his fist in the air.

I, quite patently, am a racist and I agree whole-heartedly with this post.

*Picks up black plastic square thing in a rage* "What's this.?! (Pause), Can I smash it.?!" If it's his house, then he should at least have some idea of what that square thing is, surely? If it's not his house then he's a top bloke for having the manners to enquire politely before he starts smashing shit up. Basically I'm with Dave on this one, I like him.

Sign reads : "Hello to the most densely populated country in the world. From the most densely populated central midfield in the fucking world." Maxi struggled to forgive Pacheco for eating the last bowl of crispy fried dog rectum. Dalglish's opening gambit of "Don't bother locking up your daughters, we've not bought Ryan Giggs", proved unnecessary as most first born girls in China had already been hurled off the nearest cliff.

Joe Cole partially disproves the adage, 'If it looks like a spaz and sounds like a spaz..' KD: (laughing): 'So the official website runs an article where you have to pick a 5 a side team from any players in the world and throughout history...' JC: (in hysterics): 'And Poulsen picks himself..!' Poulsen gets in early to practise his 'heading the ball directly to an opposition player' technique. Konchesky preparing for another long season of getting the fuck back to the position he should have fucking been in in the first place. I mean Jesus, how hard can it be, really? Look at him, bombing around the place like a partially melted waxwork of that 'Hills Have Eyes' cunt after too many espressos. Fuck me. What? You really think that all it takes to be a professional footballer in this day and age is the ability to give it toes up and down the byline and twat the ball into row 'Q' of the Anny Road every ten fucking minutes. Who do you think you are, eh? Dirk Fucking Kuyt? Jesus, I've seen subbuteo players with better fucking footballing brains. Know how many times I saw him in vaguely the right position last season eh? ONCE. Fucking ONCE, and that was only because he was off the field of play tying his fucking bootlace while a winger legged it past him, the cunt. Paul Konchesky, the only man at Liverpool who was thrilled when we signed Poulsen because it meant there was someone here who was fucking shitter than he was. I mean, really, what the fuck? Look at him. JUST LOOK AT HIM, running around like a bellend, well I'll tell you what mate, run, run, run. Run very fast and don't fucking stop until you reach Wolverhampton, you twat. Get a load of this right, I'm a staunch Catholic and not supposed to gamble but I do the lottery every fucking night just so I can give the money to Mick McFucking Carthy to snap you up and I'll bet that the Great Lord God Jesus himself will fucking forgive me for it as well. And even then, Big Mick the long face cunt'll probably just put you in the reserves and the only first team action you'll get is when good ol' Mickey sends you all out at Old Trafford to gift Alex Fucking Ferguson yet another three points, the cowardly fucking shithouse.. Rrraaarrgghhhh!! (Sighs). Still, Definite improvement on Insua wasn't he?

Everything You Wanted To Know About Liverpool’s Charlie Adam (But Were Afraid To Ask) | Football & Sport | Sabotage Times Article from a Blackpool site reprinted in Sabotage Times this morning. Apologies if someone else has put it here already..

Great news. As it stands, we're now looking at a team that's going to have Carroll and Skrtel up for the corners, (if Adam ends up taking them), with Gerrard and Raul available for knockdowns. I seem to remember Nolan banging in a few from Carroll getting to the ball first, so I can see us being a real threat from set pieces from here on in. His forward passing and eye for the killer ball is another plus and coupled with Suarez being able to find space against any team, anywhere then I reckon he's a good signing. Kenny wanted him, Kenny got him and with a bit of imagination it's easy to see where he'll fit in and do well for us. I'm made up we've got him.

If we're making spurious comparisons, then can I throw Steve McMahon in? Decent range of passing, weighs in with his fair share of goals and Steve himself would've been happy with that 'tackle' on Bale when Blackpool where away at Spurs. If we actually sign him and if he turns into half the player McMahon was then I think we'd all be happy. Souness and Molby though? No fucking chance.

Maybe, maybe not. But this time last year I wouldn't have known that Arsenal would be on the brink of implosion, that Chelsea would sack a perfectly decent and well respected manager and replace him with a virtually unknown quantity in the Prem or that United would have to spend a huge chunk of their transfer budget trying to upgrade on Nani and Valencia whilst spending another £20 mill on a keeper. Meanwhile, we've got Kenny and Steve Clarke giving our squad a full pre-season, (and Clarke's already shown that he knows how to organise a team to defend as a unit whilst remaining fluid in attack), Carroll can be given a rigorous workout to get him to peak physical fitness, Gerrard's ready to come back after a lay off that any 32 year old professional athletes body would be grateful for, and we've got Suarez who's galvanised a top flight football club in a way unseen since United signed Cantona from Leeds and from top to bottom with Ian Ayre, Dalglish, Clarke and Keen, Carragher and Gerrard through to the new blood like Kelly and Flanagan, along with Sterling, Pacheco and the boys ready to make the step up, right through to FSG at the top who, at the very least after the way they re-invested the Torres/Babel money, deserve the benefit of the doubt, (for now at least). The point I'm making is that we just don't know. All we can do is try to shift the odds of success in our favour by having a clear idea of the next step we need to take and it seems to me that the people inside the club are doing exactly that and after the last two fucking seasons of crippling debt, being hours from insolvency, chaos within and without, apathy on the fucking terraces and some of the most tactically inept performances I've witnessed from a Liverpool team in recent memory, I actually feel that I'm entitled to look forward to a season with Kenny and Clarke in charge with a bit of fucking hope in my heart. Miereles' goal away at Wolves, him banging one in against Chelsea with Torres looking on from the bench, the demolition of Birmingham when we scored two and kept pouring forward, Suarez skipping through the Mancs defence that was so spineless that when Van De Sar spills a loose ball Kuyt is the only player within five fucking yards of it, Suarez looking to all intents and purposes like he's positioning himself for a deep cross and then lashing it through the Sunderland keeper.. The list goes on and on and you may well be right that we don't finish in the top four, but you simply can't write off a season on that basis alone, with all due respect, you just can't..

He's alright Morgan. Isn't in Brian Reade's (first) book about him being the editor of The Mirror and watching Jimmy McGovern's Hillsborough in tears and then agreeing to give over the front page on the anniversary to set the lies straight? He might be a bit of a tit but the fella's got a soul at least, that makes him alright I reckon.

"We are all individuals."

Russia celebrates Code's irony use.

A one footed Frenchman with bone density on a par with cheesy Wotsits. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

I've been saying that Dirk was better than anyone in that Barcelona team for years. Then again, I am a fucking arsehole.

Jordan Henderson Fact File. Fave Player: Ryan Giggs, "Such a talented man and just comes across as a really decent bloke. A true star in every sense of the word." Fave Fashion Designer: John Galliano, "Such a talented man and just comes across as a really decent bloke. A true star in every sense of the word." Fave Actor: Mel Gibson, "Such a talented man and just comes across as a really decent bloke. A true star in every sense of the word." Fave Pop Star: Gary Glitter, "Such a talent..." Etc, etc...

Man United aren't fucking skint. Berbatov'll be on his way out, but it's just Ferguson putting the fear of god into his starting eleven the way he does virtually every fucking season. He'll humiliate some player in front of his peers, (who he's already decided is surplus to requirements), just like he did with Beckham, Stam etc, and the players that are left will be shitting themselves and left in no doubt who the fucking boss is. He does it virtually every season and, if I'm being honest, I think it's fucking excellent man-management, (especially when you consider the cosseted, fuckwit millionaires that modern day footballers are). But there's no way that lot are fucking skint like we were. They'll have a reduced transfer budget undoubtedly, they'll have to cut some of the deadwood out their squad as well, and they'll be far keener to keep their above average but proven players than they have been, (otherwise both Carrick and Owen would have been out on their arses this season in my opinion), but they'll still invest, (and probably heavily), in some good quality younger players and they'll also be the team that you need to finish above to win the Premier League as well, so let's not fucking kid ourselves..

It just seems a bit strange to me. If you asked me yesterday what parts of the team needed strengthening there's no fucking way I would've said centre midfield and I'm not going to try and rationalise it now just because we've spent £13 million, (and whatever it costs to replace N'gog), on a player who will probably prove to be an upgrade on what we've got if he continues developing. I understand the argument that he's a long term replacement for Gerrard, (who we didn't miss half as much as I thought we would at the arse-end of the season, which surely tells us something about the strength in depth we've got in the middle of the park), but even so, this strikes me as a weird way to start spending the transfer budget. Of course, this all depends on who comes and goes between now and the end of the season, and I'm confident that Dalglish and Commolli have a far better idea of where we need to be, but as it stands right now this is a perplexing bit of business to say the least.

It's a good thread but let's see what a naked aborigine in a helicopter thinks. "Yes. Thumbs up. That good opening post. Bit exuberant perhaps. Me with Robbief, Babel have two good games in row and me nearly shit loincloth also. Ever since, me borrow Manegin tribe PC, (except when tribe elder need it to crack nuts), and come on TLW and act like sanctimonious prick 'cos Lucas playing better than Biscan ever did. This prove whatever point me choose to pluck out arsehole. Oh yes. Harumph. Um redmen get sixty six points from next twenty two games easy. It be um piece of piss me reckon. Although Bolton hit um good form lately. Owen Coyle keep ball on ground. Me and tribe elders approve. Him good man. Probably only get sixty three. Me agree with Robbief though, me want beat teams 'cos we score more goal than them. Not 'cos them give three points by sit in centre circle and pass round kangaroo skin while we score. Like them did in um Shankly days, obviously. Anyway, me off to trade sister for pouch of tobacco and try and be better Liverpool fan in future. Robbief is good man, him grow thick moustache like Magnum PI if him try. Believe."

Life Of Brian. That opening scene's got to put it on the list.

What? It's not like I've kicked off about how much it cost to post the fucker to Sweden is it? (£3.75 in case you're wondering.) Fuck,shit,fuck,Shit!