Premier League Round Up (Nov 4-6 2023)

I don’t normally do this but I’m going out of sequence and I’m starting with the Monday night game, as it was completely batshit mental.

“Big Ange” *vomits* is being praised for not going after the officials in the way Arteta did. Now far be it for me to side with Arteta (I’ll be hammering Legohead shortly, rest assured) but he actually had some cause to be upset with the officials. Postecoglu should be thanking them for not sending Udogie and Romero off even earlier than they did.

In addition to the two red card escapes for Spurs, Chelsea had two goals chalked off as well. I’m not saying the decisions were wrong necessarily, just that it’s two more that went Spurs’ way. So what exactly were people expecting him to complain about? He had no cause for grievance, it’s his own fucking players who were the problem as the refs gave both of those two knobheads a second chance and they STILL ended up getting sent off.

But he’s flavour of the month and can do no wrong. He says afterwards “yeah mate we all need to respect the refs and stop being drongos mate, y’know mate” (I’m paraphrasing, but only a little) and everyone then overlooks the fact he got a yellow card in the game for having a go at the refs. Bottom line, he had nothing he could really complain about so he complained about being complaining, just so he’s seen as the good guy again. Fuck this prick. He’s the Son Heung Min of managers. Fake nice guy.

Spurs led early with a wickedly deflected shot by Kulusevski and they were looking like they’d destroy Chelsea. Then they Spurs’d it up. They just lost their heads. Udogie flew in two footed on Sterling who did well to get out of the way and avoid serious injury. That’s far more of a red card than most we’ve seen this season.

Now here’s the thing. I’ve been saying all season that refs should do all they can to not give out red cards unless there’s no choice, as it ruins the game. So I sort of get this. It was a wild, dangerous two footed lunge but he didn’t make contact so they’ve wanted to keep it 11 v 11. The problem I have is when other refs don’t do that. I could reference the Curtis red card but that’s an outlier for me simply based on the fact that isn’t a normal situation as Darren England was there acting on behalf of his Abu Dhabi employers. That game was rigged.

A better comparison is maybe the Havertz one at Newcastle, but I’ll get to that later. The point I’m making is that in theory I’m ok with refs taking a lenient approach when they can, but it needs to be across the board as without consistency you’re just going to have the fucking chaos we’re seeing now.

So Udogie probably should have gone but you can sort of see why they didn’t want to do it. Then you have Romero. He has to go, even though it’s nothing serious. A kick out is an automatic red, is it not? Or have I got that wrong? I was under the impression that a ref doesn’t really have a choice when something like that happens. Apparently they said it was “petulant not violent” or something. Sorry, but petulance is a red card. Ask Beckham. Ask Rooney.

So how are we defining petulance as opposed to violence then? When players go head to head like rutting stags and someone goes a little bit harder than the other and gets a red card, is that violence or petulance? They need to make their fucking minds up here.

That incident took place as Sterling was running through to score what he thought was the equaliser. It was ruled out for handball and it’s the right call from VAR. The rule is shit though isn’t it? Sterling hits a shot that is blocked by a defender, it bounces up and hits Sterling on the hand and he then finishes it off. They have to disallow it because that’s the rule.

But if a defender tries to clear it, the ball is blocked by the attacker and then hits the defender on the hand it would not be seen as an offence. So what’s the difference? Surely a handball should be judged the same either way? It’s a shit rule that needs changing.

That Romero is a fucking dickhead and a massive liability though. He’s like an Aldi own brand Sergio Ramos. The red cards and the cuntery without the talent. He showed his true colours when he was taunting Mac Allister on Instagram after what happened to us at their place. He clearly has no love for the players who carried him to a World Cup winners medal as in this game he tried to snap the shin of Fernandez which cost him a pen and a red card.

There was so much going on there as immediately after that challenge the ball broke to Caicedo who lashed it into the bottom corner. Fernandez was down in pain, Chelsea were celebrating a goal and then VAR got involved and ruled it out for offside against Jackson.

By the letter of the law that might be the right call (he may or may not be interfering with the keeper’s view) but that’s not what that rule was created for. He’s gaining no advantage, he’s not standing miles offside in the keeper’s line of vision and he’s only about an inch offside. The ball goes through his legs but the keeper isn’t impacted in any way. But the goal gets ruled out because the lines showed him to be a fraction off. It’s just shit. Compare that with the goal City scored earlier in the season when they had a player about six yards off who actually played at the ball and missed it, putting the keeper off. But then City aren’t playing by the same rules as the rest of us. Or any rules at all really.

It doesn’t sit right with me that a goal like this one is disallowed for that, but thankfully Romero had gone the full Romero so what VAR took away with one hand they could give back with the other. A penalty and a red card. As Romero left the field I really hope Fernandez told him “go cry at home”.

A quick point on VAR here. Not on the people involved, but the concept itself and one of the reasons I want it fucking off. We saw two goals disallowed for Chelsea which would both have stood before this fucking abomination was introduced to our game. Both were disallowed on a minor technicality and that’s the problem. Morally both of those goals should have stood and in the past they would have. It’s like VAR is there to just rule out goals and take the fun and spontaneity out of the game. It’s shit and I hate it.

Things that referees miss are often brought back and used to award penalties or to disallow goals. It’s removed so much fun, enjoyment and flow to games now and its shit. I think back to some of the great goals and moments of the past and it’s horrible to think what VAR would have done to them. Everything is under a microscope and it’s made the game ten times worse than it was.

Anyway, Palmer converted the pen to make it 1-1 and Chelsea got on top after that. Then came the second red card when Udogie made another wild challenge on Sterling and was given a second yellow. Fucking idiot.

There was so much time left in the time and Spurs incredibly decided to play a line so high it was occasionally in the Chelsea half. You do that when you’re two men down and can’t put pressure on the ball, and it’s basically football suicide. Many don’t want to say that out loud because it goes against the whole “Big Ange is the best thing to ever happen to football” narrative, but it was probably the single most stupid tactical thing I have ever seen in my life. Against most other teams it would have seen them concede double figures, but somehow Chelsea didn’t take advantage until deep into stoppage time. They should be ashamed of their performance.

I sat there watching this and honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. I don’t know what was worse, the crazy tactics of Spurs or the absolutely fucking clueless way Chelsea went about breaking it down. I’ve never seen anything like it. There were times when you had the Spurs backline holding on halfway, with the rest of their players stood about five yards in front of them, like statues. And Chelsea somehow couldn’t get in behind them. All it takes is one run and a simple pass lads, this shit is stuff even school kids know. I’m 50 now and haven’t broken out of a brisk walk in about six years yet I think even I could have got in behind that Spurs line.

Chelsea have won 4-1 away at Spurs and yet I somehow think even less of them than I did before the game. This was so bad I’d be hugely worried if I was Pochettino. The timing of the runs from the forwards (Sterling apart) was shit, but even worse was the inability of the defenders or midfielders to play a pass in behind. Lads, it isn’t difficult, what the fuck were you doing? Sterling must be wondering what the fuck he’s signed up for here. The City team he played in would easily have piled up double figures against that Spurs set up and he’d probably have scored four or five himself.

I wanted spurs to lose this game but Chelsea were annoying me so much with their ineptitude I was half wavering and thinking I wouldn’t mind if Spurs held out for a draw. Eventually Chelsea finally got in front when Sterling made a run and they finally played him in. He squared it and Jackson squeezed a shot inside the post. He almost missed that, which would have been in keeping with everything he did in the game prior to it.

Even with nine men Spurs looked like they could score, but that says far more about Chelsea than anything else. All of this “brave Tottenham” and “yeah we’re gonna have a go mate, y’know” bollocks is laughable. Spurts get no credit for any of this, it’s purely down to Chelsea playing like schoolboys. If this game had ended 2-2 it would have served Chelsea right as they were fucking shit at both ends.

This game was in the balance even deep into stoppage time, which is damning on Chelsea. Bentancur could have made it 2-2 but missed the target from a yard out. Must be a Uruguayan thing? Son went really close too but just couldn’t get his shot close enough to the corner and Sanchez was able to save.

Chelsea then went up the other end and Jackson scored a carbon copy of his first goal. He nearly missed this one too. After half an hour of not having a clue suddenly Chelsea realised that an early ball in behind was the way to beat the high line *slow handclap for Chelsea* and Jackson ran clear to complete his hat-trick, although he almost fell over before he went round the keeper. Most undeserved hat-trick of all time as he was fucking woeful.

Spurs fans though, they’ve been duped by that manager. Loads of them are praising the brave approach but it wasn’t brave, it was fucking idiotic and if Chelsea were any good you’d be looking at a Premier League record scoreline. “Even if we had five men I’d still have a go mate” Postecoglu said afterwards (I didn’t paraphrase there, its an actual quote). And just like that, any suggestion this guy might be the real deal was blown out of the water.

What he did in this game was stupid beyond belief. What makes it worse is he saw what we did with nine men against his team and he spoke afterwards about how difficult it was for them. So when it happens to him he goes and does THAT.

Seriously, what the fuck was he thinking? I’ve genuinely never seen anything as stupid as that, but it took Chelsea half an hour to figure out that a ball in behind to a runner from his own half will get in every time. It took Jackson half an hour to figure out how to stay onside and it took their midfielders half an hour to play a forward pass. As soon as they did that they scored three goals in about five minutes. Like I say, it’s not hyperbole to say a decent side scores ten there.

Their unbeaten record has gone which is only right. It would have gone weeks ago but for that cheating cunt Darren England. Spurs will revert back to the mean now, especially as they’ve lost Maddison and Van de Ven to injury. On there plus side, Richarlison is also sidelined. They’ll go back to being Spurs now though. Decent side, top five at best. Now go get your shine box.