General Dryness

Behave you, Jafa. IOM is swings and roundabouts really. On the one hand you pay next to fuck all income tax, on the other you have to work with people whose brothers are also their wives. Plus its full of placcy scousers who'd think they're nails, but who in reality would last about 30 seconds in Liverpool before having their head stuffed up their own anus and then beaten to death with their own severed arms.

Did you have to buy her two seats? Thats all good, the fat ones put more effort in because they appreciate the attention.

Especially you. You're the worst one.

I've told Dave on all of you.

Oh I'll look alright Barry. I'll play fanny roulette with the stars. These are the risks the purveyors of filth must take. I've been on suicide missions before now. Places where there was never going to be any happy hunting. I've seen Pam St Clement full frontal. I've seen Germaine Greer with her ringpiece on display. Not just the cheeks, the fucking ring. There are other horrors, but I grow weary. I cannot talk more today. Leave me be.

Thank you! I've been telling him that for ages, all I get in return is accused of wanting to bum him. Which I don't, obviously. A hummers not out of the question, like.

You wouldn't get thrown off for openly masturbating on the trains you use? What company would that be then?

Can't help but feel its going to be disappointing. You want to see a mouses ear, but it'll end up being a sweaty bacon sandwich. Celebrity vulva is something I approach with trepidation since Spears and Lohans fanny flashes. Both disappointing. Sometimes the fantasy is better.

Barry knows. The voice of the common (middle aged) man.

He could play "Railway Rodeo". Simple game, you just start masturbating in your seat, and see how long you can stay on the train for before you get thrown off either by embarrased staff or irate fellow-travellers.

I'm surprised simon hasn't popped up and suggested a molnkey.

But keep an eye on it around your nuts. Ba dum tish.

Now you're talking.

Better to start off with a gerbil, then graduate to larger things. Richard Gere can do a Llama. True story.

Yeah, Guinea Pigs are so amateur. Don't be a wet willy, get an extreme pet. Saltwater Crocodile. Make it so.

First pet! Its a special moment. Get a tarantula.

The northeast accent is the accent of filthy sex, for me. I can't stand the accents, and I've never boned anyone from there, but for some reason when I hear a woman talking in that accent it makes me think of her saying things like "give it us up us arse like pet".

I'd be more worried if his surname was Bickle.

Scheduling on career mode is still shit. It moved the Utd game from Sunday 1st for no apparent reason. So I had Swansea on a Monday night after the international break as per reality, with Southampton on the Saturday. The Utd match has been sandwiched between these two on a wednesday night. Right, because Prem matches are often played midweek, one day after the previous match. Fucking hell, the reality is frightening. Cunts.

ULM?

Unemployed Lesbian Muslims of the world unite! ETA : If I ever get another band together, I'm calling it The ULM. If anyone asks, I'll tell them it stands for Unlimited Legal Marijuana. But we'll all know.

Apparently Moctezuma hates you too. Thats what you get for being a woman.

If you had a dog, would you bark yourself?

Are you on the highway to the time of your life?