kingkenny78

'Play up Liverton!'

The reason I liked Saving Private Ryan so much was that it reminded of the classic Commando books I'd read as a kid. Like most Commando stories, it had a big start to introduce the main players, a quieter middle, some people who disliked each other grew to form friendships in the heat of battle, then a big fuck-off crescendo of a finale where one or two of the main characters were guaranteed to get killed. And not forgetting the educational value. Those books also helped me learn some nifty German and Japanese phrases: Uuurgh, Aaieeee, Donner und Blitzen, Hande Hoch Englander Schweinhund, Banzai and Jawhol Herr Hauptman being just a few.

From the 70s onwards: The Beano, Whizzer and Chips, Warlord, 2000AD, Battle, Victor, various Commando books, Roy of the Rovers, Scoop, Match Weekly, Flexipop, Smash hits, the Face, Viz, Mixmag, Blues & Soul, Arena, Loaded, Scootering, Q, FourFourTwo, Mojo.

George Michael

Caramel Chew Chew all the fuckin way in this house. You cunt Lurtzy. I've been on the birthday piss all day, just stuck away a load of chicken pakora, and now all I want for a chaser is some of the above. And we've none.

For years and years I liked Meg Ryan. Then I saw her on Parkinson and realised how great an actress she really is. Because in real life she's a right fucked-up, torn-faced cunt.

Paperback Writer Norwegian Wood In My Life Falkirk. Who just beat Rangers.

I remember doing a study on this at school back in the 80s. We found a case study amongst recorded UK cases of an occurence of this phenomenon in our home town, specifically, and bizarrely, in my mate's street. His family lived in a big Victorian house and we were winding him up that he could be next. We were all interested to know exactly which house it was ( especially my mate ) so we shot off to the library for a look at old newspapers from the time. (late 19th Century) After a bit of searching, we found an old local newspaper report on the incident, which didn't give the house number, but just said ' a house at the head of Booth Place '. His street was a cul-de-sac and his house was at the head of it. There was another house on the opposite side so there was a 50/50 chance that it had happened in his home. There was a right spooky photograph in the news report of the poor fucker who'd combusted. His shoes were on and his trousers were intact from the thigh down, but the torso was a charred mess and, strangely, the head was only slightly barbecued. As you'd imagine, knowing my poor mate was pretty spooked with all this we'd sing songs in his prescence like 'The Heat is On' by Glenn Frey, 'Fire' by Arthur Brown, and my fave adaption of Fat Larry's Band's 'Zoom' : 'Boom, up he went when he walked in the room...'

Sorry lads. You can list as many pros as you like, but they'll always be blown to fuck for me whenever that odious little ratboy cunt's bumfluff goatee beard appears on screen. Instant hand to remote. Sky are pro manc and have a history of positively salivating over everything OT. Now we've got one of their most beloved midget stormtroopers to put up with. So, as that wanker Duncan Bannatyne's always saying: ' Ah'm OWT '

Siouxie and the Banshees. Dear Prudence.

Bob Spunkmouse

I'd have Dirk take every penalty we get. Then Stevie, then Charlie Adam.

Those slow-mo shots of her right now are betraying a distinct air of evilness and a veiled propensity for sadistic violence. She hides it well in interviews though, the murdering bitch.

Edit: See Above.

Aye. Concurring here. Saw the cast list and thought a potential seminal gangster flick was on the cards. I mean, the cunt from Blue ' they keep pulling me back in........to Eurovision ' That'll teach me to bin off 'Homes Under The Hammer' in the morning televisual entertainment stakes.

The Heavy. 2 / 10. Utter shite. Gary Stretch's strange mumbling accent grates throughout. As does Vinnie Jones beard. Christopher Lee pops in looking like a trainee corpse, and there's cameos from the 'ginger cunt' from the Business, the Irish fella from the Crying Game, Sadie Frost and that wanker from the 'band' Blue. Lee somebody. Awful.

Centurion 7.5 / 10 Doomed Roman away fixture versus the Picts. Home win. Lots of violence and extreme blood-letting via sharp implements and large cutting tools, leading to revenge type of pursuit across the mountains and rivers of old Caledonia with Michael Fassbender and David Morrissey. With a gorgeous scar-faced witch and a foxy mute hellcat she-Pict ( last seen in Quantum of Solace wearing less fur ) to dilute the gore, this makes for a decent beer and pizza man-flick.

His indecision's bugging me.

This is nothing new. I remember writing ' Liverpool ' with a black marker pen on a wall near my school nearly 30 years ago. The following day, some cunt had altered it to read ' Liverpoofs '.

The Jam The Specials Madness Paul Weller The Beat Northern Soul UB40 Brand New Heavies Stray Cats Squeeze The Undertones Marvin Gaye The Lambrettas The Who The Small Faces Echo and the Bunnymen The Smiths The Happy Mondays Cymande Eric B and Rakim Massive Attack Toots and the Maytals The Style Council Grandmaster Flash Chilled Ibiza Classics Urban Classics vol 1 The Business soundtrack Goodfellas soundtrack Oasis

Back in the mid 90s the first Mrs KK78 and myself had a horror drunken late-night argument in our 'trendy waterside apartment'.( Basically a not very cheap, top-floor flat with a verandah and view of a canal.) In the course of a pretty vicious slanging match, I accidently knocked over some vase her granny had left her and it smashed. My observation that ' it was fuckin horrible anyway ' went down like the proverbial lead balloon and she went nuts. With a final ' away and fuck yourself ' I headed off to bed, but soon became aware of her moving (crashing) about between the living-room and hall and also heard what sounded like a window being opened, so got up to see if she was going to throw herself out. ( I'd never seen a suicide before ) Anyway, I went into the living-room and there she was, angry-drunk, frisbeeing my cherished Jam collection of records out into the canal below. Imports, rarities, singles and LP's. Few were spared from the murky depths. I said something like ' what the fuck are you doing you mad cunt? ' and grabbed what was left. I ran to get my shoes on, intending to save some of the records that had landed on the bank, but was stunned to find she'd also thrown a single shoe from every pair I owned out the window an all. I actually went down to the canal bank wearing a Timberland boot and a blue Adidas Gazelle trainer and managed to save a fair few items. Although the sight of a Japanese import of ' Start! ' and a beige Clark's Wallabee floating off downstream haunts me to this day. The following day, she tried to rationalize her behaviour by saying that because I'd destroyed something ( the vase ) that meant so much to her, she'd felt the need to even the score. Completely glossing over the fact that mine had been a complete accident, whilst hers was an evil act of wanton destruction. We were divorced before 1995 was out.

Orogarth the Cunt.

I'm no fan of the honours list, but even West Ham have been recognised more than us. Sir Trevor Brooking? For a header in the FA cup final in 1980?

' Tempted ' has always been my fave Squeeze track. But the lyrics in 'Up the Junction' are sublime. Ditto ' Labelled With Love'. Real British kitchen-sink drama: 'The Devil came and took me From bar to street to bookie'

Quick question. Do you think we all still link arms with those pesky Evertonians as we head across the park on derby day, before a rousing rendition of 'She Loves You' on the Kop? Probably not. That would be naive. Not, however, as naive as thinking that the mancs have won all those titles and trophies by purely employing the dark arts. For the most part Ferguson's teams play open, expansive football. Sure, he's a two-faced cunt, but there's plenty of them in the game, and it can't be denied that his players in the past have, putting it mildly, sought to gain an advantage. But do you really think ours don't? You're kidding yourself if you do mate. All players do. I don't like it particularly much, but it's sadly part of the game nowadays and to take the moral high ground in such matters is admirable, but not much use when the trophy cabinet's bare. We've been standing still for fucking years. A Big Cup, an FA cup or a flirtation with second place here and there: 'Next year's gonna be our year'. Aye, and next year Rodney we'll be millionaires. All the while the mancs have been there or thereabouts, slowly but surely dismantling our title as 'England's most successful' and consistently competing at the very top level. Like him or loathe him, you cannot argue with Ferguson's record, and I see nothing wrong with adopting his 'circle the wagons / if you're not with us you're against us' mentality. And please, spare me the condescending preaching on the Liverpool way. I've been steeped in it since my first Anfield trip 30 years ago. Funnily enough we lost that one as well. Not cynical enough against an average Southampton side.