Hectic week with loads to get through, so I’ll get stuck right in. Things went pretty well for us on the whole considering that bad result and performance at Fulham. Even after dropping two points there we’ve still done better than all the other clubs at the top.
City had two draws, Spurs had a draw and a loss, Chelsea had two defeats, Leicester lost a game and Southampton were held to an embarrassing draw by lowly Arsenal. The only side to do better than us were the Blues who have won two on the spin. In other words, that’s two more away from them flooding itunes again. Maybe they’ll have the Christmas number one this year?
I’ll start with their win over Chelsea. They’ve been without that Rodriguez tit and it’s not a co-incidence that they’ve done better without him. He’s a talent but he’s one lazy cunt him. His replacement is Iwobi, who’s shite but will at least set foot in his own half of the field and help out his full back.
Chelsea continue to be less than the sum of their parts and for that you’ve got to give credit to Fat Frank. It takes a special kind of ineptitude to have so many class players and still not be very good.
That new keeper had been good up until this week but he’s been ropey these past couple of games. He gave away a penalty at Goodison when he came out and clattered Calvert-Lewin. Just really poor that. It looked like he was there in time and could have gathered the ball but then he hesitated, allowed the striker to get a toe to it and then he wiped him out.
Good play by Calvert-Lewin though in fairness. He won the initial header and then chased after it. He’s a handful him, because he battles for everything and he loves a flop to win a free-kick or pen. He’s a Poundland Harry Kane except unlike Kane he can only score from inside the six yard box.
Gylffi Fernandez converted the spot kick after a little stutter (they even have that in common) and that was enough. Chelsea did have chances and Reece James and Mason Mount both hit the post, while Mount also clipped one inches over after Pickford had gone walkabout yet again.
Pickford also nearly knocked Mina into the middle of next week when he came flying out and smashed into him. He’s a little too fond of endangering centre halves for my liking, but as long as it’s his own and not the oppositions then that’s fine.
The Blues thought they’d won another penalty late on when Calvert-Lewin ran into Chilwell and then hit the deck. It was never a foul in a million years as it was shoulder to shoulder and there was fuck all else Chilwell could have done, but thankfully justice was served as VAR ruled that he was offside anyway.
Final thought on this one. There are no words to express how much I despise Richarlison. Diving, dirty, ugly, shit haircut, fucking cheating cunt.
Next up, Newcastle edged out West Brom with goals early and late. Almiron scored inside 20 seconds. Well worked by them but terrible from West Brom. Wilson outmuscled a defender on the touchline and then Joelinton teed up Almiron who finished well.
When they showed the replay I heard the commentator say “Ivanovic was sent sprawling” and when I looked, it is actually the ex Chelsea Ivanovic, the one was bitten by Suarez. Jesus Christ, he must be pushing 50 now, surely? West Brom are in more trouble than I thought if he’s getting games for them. Bilic may as well have put his own boots back on than send this pensioner out there.
Joelinton almost made it two when he put Ivanovic on his arse with a dummy but was denied by he keeper. Branislav, mate, if Joelinton is sitting you down with a trick then it’s time to hang them up, lad.
Bilic made changes at half time and they paid off quickly as Furlong volleyed in the equaliser from a Phillips cross, but Newcastle won it late on with a brilliant header by Dwight Gayle from a great cross by Murphy.
Newcastle have been riddled with Covid lately and had to shut the training ground, so they’ve done well to win back to back games.
I was actually up there last weekend and made sure I went in the big Sports Direct near the Metro Centre and spent a few quid just to help out Mike Ashley and ensure he keeps hold of the club a bit longer. I hope he never leaves.
Elsewhere, Wolves lost at home to Villa. Could have gone either way this one but it was Villa who found the winning goal via an El Ghazi penalty shortly after they had Douglas Luiz sent off for two quick yellows. Mike Dean was handing out cards like a peado dishing out sweets in a playground and Moutinho also got his walking papers after two bookings.
Tyrone Mings went on the warpath afterwards, ripping into Villa fans and saying they owe El Ghazi an apology. The Egyptian had recently shut down his social media accounts after getting abuse from Villa fans. Mings might need to follow suit now as his rant didn’t go down too well either from what I saw in the replies.
Wolves are badly missing Jiminez. They’ve got good attacking players but he was the focal point who knitted everything together. The rest all played off him and now they are having to play differently because he’s not there. That 18 year old kid who they paid about £80m for (might be an exaggeration) in the summer led the line but he’s not the answer. Not yet anyway.
He’s talented and only the post denied him a goal in this game, but he’s not the physical presence that Jiminez is. In midweek they put my boy Adama there and he’s not a centre forward either. Wolves are long time admirers of Divock and they’re being linked with a January move for him. Hopefully they haven’t scouted him these last couple of seasons though or they’d know he’s about as useful in the air as a bat with no wings.
Leeds v West Ham was eventful. My boy Bamford won an early penalty that was saved by Fabianski. But he had strayed maybe an inch off his line so it was retaken again by Klich and this time he scored. Hate that rule, it’s shit. He was literally one fucking inch (maybe even less) off the line.
West Ham equalised through Soucek. Of course they did. I keep telling you, he scores every single week and it’s usually the exact same goal too. Back post header from a corner. Somehow he isn’t the league’s top scorer. If I was him I’d be demanding a recount.
The Leeds keeper made his customary worldy to keep the scores level but then he was beaten late on by Ogbonna. He made another great save to keep out an overhead by Haller and Valbuena hit the post as West Ham piled on the pressure. Good win for the Hammers.
The Manc derby was so shit that it was the fourth game on MOTD. Everton, Newcastle and Villa were all on before them and rightly so because this was fucking terrible. So much so that I have literally nothing to say about it.
The only thing that made this even remotely watchable was that Roy Keane and Micah Richards were in the studio together. I love the dynamic between them. Keane doesn’t want to like him, or at least he doesn’t want anyone to know he likes him, but he clearly has a massive soft spot for Richards.
They’re like an 80s cop movie duo. Like 48 Hours or Lethal Weapon. You’ve got the grizzled old veteran cop who is tired and hates everyone and everything. And then he’s teamed up with the young wisecracking punk. He wants to hate him but try as he might he just can’t help liking him.
Keane tries not to laugh at Richards as it goes against his old miserable persona, but you see him smirking and trying to hide it all the time. Richards is on every football show on every channel. He needs to find a way to get Keane on with him as they’re great TV.
Speaking of great TV, how about Arsenal eh? When they’re as bad as they are now, AFTV is absolute gold. Arsenal fans might not watch it but everyone else does. It’s actually funnier since lockdown as they do watchalongs now and there’s always something mental goes down when they concede.
Usually it’s DT or Troopz getting embarrassingly angry, but this week’s golden moment involved poor little Ty, who just sat there slow hand clapping. It was kind of disturbing really. He’s usually unnaturally positive to the point of complete and utter delusion, but he looked like a broken man this week.
Check this out…
Arsenal have broken Ty pic.twitter.com/f3p93jijF0
— Niall Moran (@niallmoran_) December 13, 2020
I can see why this might tip him over the edge though. Arsenal had been in a terrible run and were badly in need of a win. A home game with Burnley would generally be the perfect fixture to get back on track so not winning would have been bad enough, but to actually lose it…. Christ.
To lose it to an own goal from their striker who is in the middle of a massive goal drought is too funny.
Xhaka’s sending off was a little soft but everyone knows the rules whether we agree with them or not. He put his hand on Westwood’s throat and even though the Burnley man made a meal of it (you can bet Dyche will overlook this next time he’s on his anti cheating soapbox) it’s either a yellow or a red. In this case it was red, but it didn’t matter either way as he’d just been booked for a foul anyway.
Elneny should have gone soon after for putting both hands in Tarkowski’s face to block off a run from a set-piece. He got a yellow even though it was clearly more violent and dangerous that Xhaka grabbing someone’s throat for less than a second. The ref shit out because he’d already sent one off.
Xhaka is a fucking idiot but we knew that already. He’s also an easy scapegoat. Sure, let’s rip into Xhaka and Bellerin and Holding but say nothing about the 300k a week ‘superstar’ whose only goal since he signed his new contract was in his own fucking net.
Meanwhile, Southampton moved up to third with a routine win at home to hapless Sheffield United. The Blades defence has gone to pieces without O’Connell and given that they can’t score either, it’s a bit of a problem like.
Adams broke the deadlock with a close range finish and Armstrong made it 2-0 with a shot that deflected in off Jagielka. I’d forgotten all about that old turd. He must be even older than Ivanovic. Redmond wrapped it up with a nice finish late on.
If the Saints had held onto their two goal last week against the Mancs they’d be second and United would be 10th. Dickheads.
Leicester had an impressive win over Brighton. Maddison opened the scoring and Vardy added a second. Nice goal that. Good cross by Justin and Vardy held his run well to stay onside. That being said, if that was us they’d have found a way to make that offside as it was so close. Maddison then curled in a beauty with his left foot to wrap up the win.
Brighton were in the game early on though and had chances that they didn’t take. Welbeck misses at least one v one every week, the fucking bum. This is why he only scores three goals a season. If he could finish he’d be scoring 20 plus every year. And he wouldn’t be playing for Brighton. He’s nailed on to play for Everton one day. They love flops from United and Arsenal.
Spurs were pretty lucky to get a point at Palace. They started pretty well and led through a Kane strike that the keeper made a right pig’s arse out of. He made some fantastic saves but that one he let in was bad.
After that Palace were terrific. That Eze kid looks really lively and he gave Spurs loads of problems. He hit the post and then it was from his free-kick that Schlupp equalised. Poor from Lloris but he does like to throw in half a dozen clangers every season doesn’t he?
Spurs almost won it late but the keeper redeemed himself with two incredibles save to preserve a well deserved point for the home side.
Mourinho took no responsibility and just blamed his players. “I told them not to accept that kind of game but for some reason they were unable to do what I told them to do”.
He also dismissed what Palace did as basically just launching the ball in the box. That’s not how Palace play at all. What the fuck is he on about? The strength of Palace is Zaha and Eze and getting the ball into their feet. They’re actually decent to watch at times and hey, guess what, they’re actually more attack minded than Spurs. We’ve got our work cut out with them this weekend.
Hojbjerg’s post match interview was gloriously delusional. “When you are number one in the league, every team you play against, every individual you play against, for them it’s the game of the year. Its credit to us and it’s something we have to deal with. The players we face are keen to show their best side because they are coming up against, before today, the number one in the league.”
Mate, you’re Spurs!! You seriously think Palace players were ‘extra motivated’ because you’re top on goal difference? Fuck me. This is right up there with the Blues releasing songs because they were top after four games. This fucker is talking like everyone sees Spurs as some kind of massive scalp. I’m embarrassed for him.
Onto midweek now and another loss for Chelsea, this time at Wolves. Great stuff, I watched the last half an hour of this and it was great fun.
I did try to warn you all about no finesse Timo didn’t I? Maybe now you’ll learn to trust me from now on? I’m kidding of course, I don’t even trust me most of the time. So far though Werner has proven to be everything I thought he was and I’m glad we didn’t sign him. Jota is miles better.
Of course Jota isn’t available for a couple of months. What we should have done is kept that injury on the down low and slipped Wolves a few quid to let us have Podence fill the “Jota 20” shirt until he’s ready to return. No-one would know the difference.
He’s fucking boss Podence. He opened the scoring against Chelsea but big handsome Giroud equalised. Wolves were awarded a penalty when Neto went down in the box but the video replay soon showed he wasn’t touched and it was just a blatant dive.
This was one where the VAR could have just said to the ref “It’s a dive, you don’t need to waste time by looking as it’s as clear as anything”. Presumably they can’t do that anymore as the ref had to go and look at the screen, which delayed the game needlessly.
What was really funny about this was how Neto went fucking ballistic when he was told it wasn’t a pen. Anyone else would have just gone “yeah you got me, it was worth a try though” but this kid was utterly indignant that he didn’t get the pen. Proper Suarez behaviour that. He’s starting to win me over.
He’s got a long way to go yet though as I’m still annoyed at his antagonistic celebration in front of the Main Stand back when we were allowed in the stadiums. The goal was disallowed but I won’t forget what he did in a hurry. It’s not like he was getting any stick off the crowd, but he just went running towards us giving it the big ‘un. Tit.
That was temporarily forgotten five minutes into stoppage time in this game when he raced clear down the left and drilled a shot into the bottom corner. I was made up with that. He’s still a tit but he’s a good little player.
I started watching the City v West Brom game but switched it off even before City went ahead. I was just bored. The way City play bores me and West Brom didn’t look like they had anything to make it an interesting contest so I jibbed it. Soon after I heard City had gone in front (trademark City goal) but while I was busy congratulating myself on my decision, West Brom somehow equalised.
I say somehow because I then tuned back in for the second half and I don’t think the Baggies got out of their own half even once. So negative. They defended heroically though and City never looked like scoring until stoppage time when they almost scored twice only for the keeper to pull off two big saves with his feet. Good for him. That Fulham wanker wouldn’t have stopped either of them as he’d have been trying to get down and use his hands.
City are so predictable. They have two ways of creating chances. There’s the tried and tested triangle of passing that ends with someone getting the byline and cutting it back for a tap in, or there’s the ‘give it to Kev and let him shoot or cross’.
The performance of my boy Charlie Austin when he came on for the final half hour was hilarious. I was watching this while I was on the cross trainer and I swear I put more yards in than he did. West Brom would have been better off just sticking anyone up there who could run, because they couldn’t get out of their own half and any time they knocked it upfield Austin got nowhere near it.
One time they played the ball up to him and he had a clear path to the corner flag. All he had to do was carry the ball downfield and try to win a throw or a corner to relieve the pressure on his beleaguered defence. What did he do? He took about five steps forward, stopped and passed it backwards into the right back spot. Bet that right back wanted to fucking kill him. They’re dying for a breather and he puts them right back under the cosh because he can’t run.
The rest of West Brom’s players put everything they had into the game and it’s clear that Bilic hadn’t lost the dressing room. Why they sacked him I’m not sure, because I don’t think he’s the problem there. They just don’t have that much quality and I’d be surprised if anyone could get more out of that squad than he was.
I like Bilic, mainly because he is always great fun as a pundit during the World Cups and Euros. I think he’s a decent enough manager at a certain level and shouldn’t have much trouble landing another job. And I reckon Fat Sam is finally about to have his CV blemished with relegation. Mind you, I could see him quitting the week before they went down just to avoid that, the egotistical fuck.
It’s a mad season when I’m wanting Arsenal to take points off Southampton and Everton to get something against Leicester because of how it impacts us at the top of the table. I doubt it will be like this by the time we reach April / May but currently those two are right up there with us and therefore it’s in our interests for them to not win.
Leicester might be the weirdest team in the division. They’ve lost five games already yet they’re still within touching distance at the top. Sometimes I think they’re close to being very good, then other times they look proper shit.
They shouldn’t have lost to Everton though, they were screwed over there by Lee Mason. They were given a penalty when that fraud Andre Gomes tripped that loser Ayoze Perez but for some reason VAR then told Mason to take another look. He did, and overturned his decision.
What the fuck? This bald cunt took 20 looks at the Fabinho one before telling Andre Marriner it was a pen and he should take a look. Yet he looks at this one, a fucking clear foul, and overturns his own decision. What are these fucking clowns doing?
Final thought on this one. There are no words to express how much I despise Richarlison. Diving, dirty, ugly, shit haircut, cheating fucking cunt.
Leeds put five past Newcastle in a cracking game at Elland Road. Newcastle bagged two goals themselves but Leeds were brilliant. That Harrison lad who is on loan from Man City was quality. He made one goal with a brilliant first touch and even better cross for Raphinha, and then he wrapped it up himself with a magnificent solo effort to make it 5-2. Leeds’ other goals were scored by my boy Bamford (of course), Raphinha and Dallas.
Newcastle were denied a clear penalty when the game was still in the balance though. Fucking infuriating that we would have conceded that pen at Fulham (cheers 'Dre) yet this one wasn’t given. The Fabinho challenge needed about 10 replays to show he caught the lad a millisecond before getting the ball. This one needed one replay to show he didn’t actually get the ball at all and went right through the back of Callum Wilson. Absolute joke.
Speaking of jokes, Arsenal let Theo Walcott score against them. Was there anything more predictable this week than that? It was nailed on. Arsenal are pathetic. Their ineptitude and gutlessness continues to offend me far more than it should. They genuinely disgust me.
They did equalise through Aubamayeng but then had Gabriel sent off and were lucky not to lose. Southampton should be a bit embarrassed they didn’t win really.
West Ham and Palace drew 1-1. Palace led through Benteke who suddenly can’t stop scoring. Thankfully he was later sent off so he won’t be scoring against us this weekend. The sending off was a disgrace though, really harsh. Still, never mind eh? His shitty goal celebration alone is worthy of a yellow card if we’re being honest.
West Ham equalised with a thumping overhead kick by Haller. He went close with a similar effort at the weekend but this time it flew in. Moyes wasn’t impressed though complaining that he’d rather he was scoring tap ins.
He’s such a miserable cunt. Say what you like about Hodgson but that’s a man who loves football. If one of his players had scored a goal like that he’d have been delighted and would have been glowing about it afterwards. Moyes was taking like Haller had taken a big shit on his car bonnet.
Here’s a stat for you. In all the years that Bielsa has been in management, no striker has scored more goals for him than my boy Bamford.
Fulham and Brighton drew 0-0. Lallana scored, celebrated like mad with all his team-mates only for it to be disallowed by VAR because of a handball by Welcrap. It’s bad enough he misses his own chances but now he’s fucking things up for everyone else too.
Finally Thursday. Villa drew 0-0 with Burnley. Yeah I’m not wasting any more time on that.
So that just leaves Sheffield United losing yet again. They gave it a go against the Mancs and even took the lead through McGoldrick, but awful defending saw them go 3-1 down before McGoldrick scored late to set up a nervy finish.
The Mancs held on to move up to sixth and if they win their game in hand they’ll only be two points behind us, which as I said last week absolutely blows my mind. They’ve won ten away games in a row now despite going behind in more than half of them. I don’t actually know how this is happening but it needs to stop.
As for Sheffield United. They’re down. That’s it. Gone. Not a fucking hope of getting out of this now. You don’t pick up one point from your first 13 games and survive. They’re nine points from safety but they might not even get nine more points, never mind what they’d need to actually overhaul the teams above them.
Still, the three subs rule was approved again so that’s a win for Chris Wilder. It might be the only one he has all season at this rate. Imagine being Rhian Brewster now. It’s difficult to think of a move that could have turned out for worse for him. Poor lad.
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