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jonnybastard

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Everything posted by jonnybastard

  1. jonnybastard
    Chocolate salty balls by chef/isaac hayes. My kids love it, and it's probably more reflective of the childrens real feelings instead of adult induced guilt for something that was never their fault.
  2. jonnybastard
    Just pissed the bed laughing. jonnywad by the way.
  3. jonnybastard
    Tell you what that sounds like- "ooh poor me poor me, i'm so crippled boo hoo". Man up you fucking girl. If I was your parent i'd punch you in the nuts.
  4. jonnybastard
    Whilst taxiing, in the wee small hours, I picked up three young ladies in town, each going to a different address. All three were sporting the standard young lady about town/malnourished jaundice look of orange skin and small clothes. At the final stop, with the fare topping £20- the girl in the front passenger seat reached across, put her hand directly on my cock, and in a rather sexy east european accent said "how do you like to be paid?". So of course me and little jonny battered her twat blue is how I like to remember it whilst wanking. The truth is that I was so taken by surprise (and happily married) that I jumped out my seat, threw myself back against the door, pointed at the meter and said "cash. twenty quid" with a voice and look usually reserved for shitdicks who try to negotiate at the end of the journey. My only 'manly' justification is that she had really dirty knees, which made me wonder how she'd got into town in the first place.
  5. jonnybastard
    As I get older, I realise that I've seen all these new ideas before. Behind the spin and rhetoric the "big society" is in fact privatisation with free labour. Pretty soon the freshly swollen ranks of the unemployed will be expected to help this "big society" in order to receive benefits. Before the mongbaas say fair enough, let me point out that this actually means a handful of capitalists profiting from labour paid for by us. In order to help this free workforce- the greedy bastards who want paying for their work (us again), will be laid off (anyone remember Thatcher's Employment Training? well this is similar, but cheaper). The next step will be to allow private companies more control of the prison population to utilise a workforce as cheap as china's. You may disagree, but look carefully and you'll see that it's already happened, many times before. Either rise up, or learn to like the taste of shit.
  6. jonnybastard
    We are subject to european law and have been for many years. The only time the government refuses to comply is when brussels try and force human rights on us. Working time directive? Fuck off brussels- it's an englishman's birthright to be exploited. Prisoner rights? Not here froggy- give them rights and we'll never have a workforce as cheap as china. My favourite was the press uproar when europe passed laws about what could be sold as food. If an englishman wants brainstem in his chocolate who the fuck is johnny foreigner to say different?
  7. jonnybastard
    I think pride in ones country is akin to pride in ones family. There may be certain people that you are ashamed of, but they are not you and you are not them, and no collective guilt should be felt. So what if your grandad was a horrible bully who terrorised the neighborhood? It's not your fault, just be glad of the huge hands and physical prowess his genes gave you. You should take pride in the good things done by those who went before and and use that as your inspiration. My country right or wrong- my family drunk or sober.
  8. jonnybastard
    As opposed to using Snatch? And having fuzzy hair and thick lips is not a valid reason for a neg you racist cunt.
  9. jonnybastard
    As far as I remember from my days as a union rep, in england and wales they are classed as a race. This "race" includes romany gypsys, romas, and travellers of various origins- (hence the politically correct term 'gyprats') even though they have no common ancestry. Scotland does not recognise travellers as a race. Similarly, Ireland, the irish travellers country of origin, does not recognise them as a seperate race, and non travellers of irish origin are not considered a race. The only real advantage of classing them a race is that they are exempt from the hunting with dogs legislation, meaning you can chase them with as many dogs as you like.
  10. jonnybastard
    You mean ironic in an alainis morrisette kind of way? Because she nailed it with that song.
  11. jonnybastard
    Strawberry. But seriously, even though we now live in more enlightened times- we no longer burn gingers- if you were to shag a carrot top (shaggable ones are rare but do exist) ALWAYS wear a condom. It is of utmost importance that the ginger gene is not spread. I've heard tales of parts of scotchland where gingers actually roam the streets WITHOUT a hat- exposing pale blue skin to sunlight and terrifying children.
  12. jonnybastard
    Primary cause of tellys turning themselves off is sitting on the remote. If you've ruled that out the next most common cause is overheating, usually due to an accumulation of dust. Give it a blast out with a can of air.
  13. jonnybastard
    WHAT!! Why? Because I'm black? Ah fuck- you got me with the irony thing there, hey ho.
  14. jonnybastard
    Look at your last post, YOU are talking to me. And despite what they say i don't think they welcome us coloured folks in the bnp. TIP- look in the dictionary for the word IRONY- read, digest, apologise.
  15. jonnybastard
    Oh so you can't joke about the holocaust now? Ffs it's political correctness gone mad!
  16. jonnybastard
    Yer not understandin traveller ways, passed down thro da generations. Ya see dat stripe o brown in ma keks? Well mi dah he had da brown stripe and his dah before him. And da ladies- mi ma has da brown stripe but wid da red spot and her ma and mi sisters will have it too. Traveller ways ya see, its not all rape and incest. And did ya know hitler gassed gypsys too? They only went to tarmac his fuckin autobahn. How the fuck he got them to take a shower i'll never know.
  17. jonnybastard
    Surely in order to be racist one must be discussing a race. Irish travellers are not a race- they are a social group. Limiting your gene pool to family members does not make you a race, ask the royal family.
  18. jonnybastard
    Not sure bellend is the right word- fanny, softarse, cuck or even mug would more fitting. It's a cert that while he's home teaching violin to her kids, she'll be getting fucked ragged by her ex. It's how women are, they see weakness in a man and they have his balls. I bet a pound to a pinch of shit she comes home with bites on her neck, and if he dares to question her bollocks explanation she'll rip into him til he's sobbing like a girl. I'm afraid your mate has gone, a cunt owns him. It's not all bad though, let her know you're his best mate, and she'll be dripping fanny batter for you- looking for a sly fuck right under his nose.
  19. jonnybastard
    I pulled a muscle last night, and if the wife's aunt flo hasn't fucked off- I'm gonna be pulling it again tonight.
  20. jonnybastard
    I remember when I left school and started on the YTS (1980's)- my dad told me that when he did his apprenticeship (1950's) an 8 am start meant you were in position with tools ready to start at 8, and a 5 pm finish meant you stopped work at 5 and then cleaned your tools, washed your hands etc. If you didn't like it then tough shit. On my first day I discovered that nothing had changed in 30 years. When I read Ragged arsed Philanthropists I realised that nothing had changed since the dawn of capitalism. If you're not happy being exploited- tough shit.
  21. jonnybastard
    Total 3 Vehicle1 Other 2 All mine I think. Westmorland.
  22. jonnybastard
    Read it a few times over the years. I honestly believe that little has changed since it was written.
  23. jonnybastard
    I don't remember a curse affecting Peter Beardsley. Unless, of course, that's why, you know (pulls gurny face)
  24. jonnybastard
    Pretty sure it's fixed in one spot- doesn't move at weekends or anything fancy like that.
  25. jonnybastard
    Have you been dabbing at that whizz?
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