Babb'sBurstNad

Watching us convinces me that we don't live in an artificial reality, as no computer program would be that predictably shite.

There is no one available in the whole of world football that could improve either this defence or this midfield. No one.

Bring on Grujic. At least he's got a pair of testicles.

I reckon it'll be a high scoring draw. Klopp'll have them fired up for this, but Gray and Deeney (assuming he plays) will cause us problems, particularly from set pieces.

Yep, and Salah.

What's ridiculous is that his second choices have thus far been excellent, and had he trusted his gut and gone the extra mile for Zielinski last season we'd have been in a better position with the midfield. Like the summer of 2014, the narrative has become that there's no one capable of improving this team, no one in the whole of world football who inhabits the gaping chasm between the polar opposites of absolute dogshit and ridiculously unobtainable. Y'know, someone who might just be a bit good.

Give him the captaincy, then strip him of it. That'll learn him.

£100m, £120m, £200m, it's all irrelevant as we can't spend the money we already do have. Only we could fuck up playing Brewster's Millions in the world of football transfers. Having said that, Barca are doing much the same, so hey ho.

It's not the fact he wants to leave that galling, it's the fact that we must've known this was on the cards, and yet have done the sum total of fuck all to find his replacement. Were we really going to wait until next summer and hope we could strike a deal for someone?

He can say it all he wants, but I'm still not buying this narrative of only having a Plan A. No one's going to intimate targets they're pursuing are second choice. If we suddenly got the lad from Ajax he'd be paraded as being a primary target that no one cottoned on to. We're playing chicken with Southampton and RBL, and to do that we have to continue making the players think they're the only ones we're interested in. I guess only time will tell whether we're smart, misguided, or just plain dumb though.

Relax, as long as we figure out how to harness Wolverine's healing ability and adamantium skeleton I reckon our squad will be fine as is.

I'd give Grujic a crack against these, but take him off just before he gets a red card.

I forget where I read it, but there was something about Conte wanting to add some home grown talent to his squad as he felt it was important. £35m seems a bit much, but I think someone's going to have to pay over the odds for either him, Ozil or Sanchez, as Wenger will want compensating for his mistake of letting them enter their final years and having to sell to a rival.

Lads, lads, they're both shit analogies. It's like a pig that's chosen to wear glasses, and the frames are too big, but the lenses are just right.

Why does male camaraderie always have to be considered "gay"? It's just a great film about fighter pilots who enjoy sucking each others dicks. No need to look for a hidden subtext that isn't there.

Yeah, but if the younger brother had a gun too none of this would've happened.

They'll be throttled by Sportbigdunc.

Giving an interview to the s*n to agitate. You stay classy Danny Rose.

I can only imagine what he would've written about Joe Cole. It'd be like a Frankie Boyle monologue.

I don't think the owners would be dumb or even avaricious enough to sanction a sale over Klopp's head. They reckon he's the goose that'll lay the golden egg. He got top four on a shoe string and they hope he'll win more, that's the kind of thing that adds real value to a club and therein lies the endgame for them. Coutinho goes if Klopp thinks it's better for him to go, and that's unlikely for two reason - firstly Coutinho's a great footballer who's unlikely to cause a fuss; and secondly, even if Klopp were to assume he could replace his skills with other signings, we're coming towards the end of the window and he's now seen first hand the problems we have closing deals. It'd be a huge risk to OK a sale and assume we'd get the replacements in. No one wants a repeat of the Carrol loan and Dempsey fuck up. He stays for one more season. If somehow we magically manage to get Keita or another top quality CM this window, I think we can transition next season far easier, and Coutinho will go on amicable terms.

I've always liked Peter Moore, he makes me think that's what Satan will probably look like when he returns to earth.

No idea, but I find an excess of mango juice has the same effect. On him. Eating too many macaroons as well.

Go easy on the Capri Suns. I once *cough* knew someone who drank about four of them and then shat themselves.

Now you're gonna believe us Now you're gonna believe us Now you're gonna believe us We're gonna win the Deloitte Football Money League

Best of luck to whoever picked Coutinho.