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The Reds have completed their second signing of the summer as exciting Hungarian Dominik Szoboszlai became the latest player to join from RB Leipzig.

Chris Smith is joined by Stu Montagu and TLW Editor Dave Usher to discuss all things Szoboszlai. Where will he play, what does he bring to the team, who comes in next, who leaves? Plus the usual nonsense.

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Monday Jun 26:

I was thinking today, what the fuck happened to all the investment talk? Remember when we were getting daily reports about this company or that company looking to buy a piece of the club (or the whole lot)? It's been months since I saw anything. I think that probably means something is either agreed or close to being agreed. If it wasn't, we'd be getting all kinds of stories about potential investors. Whatever is going on, it was probably sorted months ago. 

FSG probably don't want anyone to know as they're worried it would put the prices up on potential signings. Far fetched? Maybe, but it seems more realistic than the notion that nobody wants a piece of us. It makes no sense that it's all gone so quiet, unless something is in the works.

Meanwhile, I watched Rocky 4 with Adrianna tonight. We’ve watched the other three movies over the past few weeks and she’s enjoyed them, but this one was her favourite. Mine too. I’m not saying it’s the best Rocky movie as that’s probably the first one, but this is by far the one I enjoy the most. It was interesting watching with Adrianna though, as she didn’t grow up with these movies so sees them from a completely different perspective than I do. 

She didn’t know Apollo died but began to see it coming. She asked me if he dies and I said no comment. Then she said “oh he can’t die as there are Creed movies” and seemed quite pleased with herself. Next thing ‘Young Sherlock’ is crying and demanding to know why Drago wasn’t charged with murder because he dragged the ref away and continued the fight after it had been stopped. I hadn’t ever considered that, but it’s a fair point.

Anyway, she loved Apollo so that was a tough one (for me too, always makes me emotional that) but she soon got back into it when Rocky arrived in Russia for his training. The funny thing is I’ve always told her that Rocky ended the Cold War, so without seeing the movie she just assumed that was the case. She’s been doing the Cold War in her GCSE History though and she mentioned in class how she’d heard that Rocky helped bring it to an end. The teacher made no comment, presumably as it was one of those things that sounds so outlandish that it might be true, so best steer clear avoid the risk of looking foolish. Thankfully she didn’t write about it in her exam paper.

Let’s be real though, he did end the Cold War. That “everybody can change” speech made everyone stop and think. It’s not a co-incidence things de-escalated after that. In fact, all this shit going on with Russia now could have been avoided if Stallone hadn’t been blackballed from the latest Creed movie. Which was fucking shit by the way. Making a Rocky movie without Rocky, yeah that’s gonna work. Fucking morons.

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Monday Jun 19:

So the Saudis look like they’re about to sort Chelsea’s FFP problems by signing some of their castoffs for over the odds fees. Why would they do that, you may ask? Because according to reports, Chelsea’s owners and the Saudis have a close relationship. In fact, some reports have the Saudis as a major investor in the company that bought Chelsea. No idea if it’s true, but there’s a reason why they’re paying £30m for Koulibaly when no other club in Europe would touch him and his 300k a week salary with a shitty stick. Honestly, football is utterly fucked and oil money and sports washing is the reason why. 

Chelsea are spending money like it’s going out of fashion and the Saudis have bailed them out of the FFP mess they were in, City do whatever the fuck they like and Newcastle’s owners have hands in so many pies around the sporting world now it’s impossible to keep track of what’s going on. United will be bought by Qatar and you can add them to this shitshow too. And where will it leave us? Scratching around for the leftovers after the mega money clubs have taken their pick of the big players available each summer. 

There's even talk that Neves is going to be loaned to Newcastle for two years. That can't happen, the other clubs would have to object as that would mean Newcastle signed a £50m player from a PL rival for absolutely nothing. The Saudi league would presumably be paying his wages too, keeping it all off Newcastle's books. They can't let that happen because it's completely fucked on so many levels.

One man the Saudis aren’t getting is Gerrard, who despite seemingly having agreed to go there (he flew over there for talks ffs) said tonight it’s not true and he isn’t taking up the offer. Either his conscience got the better of him or they didn’t offer as much as he expected. Either way, I’m glad he isn’t going as I would have thought less of him for it. 

On the international front, Virgil is taking more stick again from the Dutch pundits. They got stuffed at the weekend by Italy and Virgil is the one getting most of the flak. Of course he’s hit back saying some stuff about how he doesn’t mind criticism when it’s fair but some of it hasn’t been. I saw something about him taking issue with Roy Keane saying our defending was like a pub team at times last season. I didn’t actually see anything from Virgil himself referencing Keane so maybe that’s people assuming that’s who was referring to. We did defend like a pub team though for half of last season. Just own it, Virg.

Virgil is way too precious over this shit. Nobody was criticising him when he was playing out of his skin and was arguably the most important footballer on the planet. The criticism is there because he hasn’t been playing at that level. Maybe he thinks it’s unfair because he had a bad injury and that has impacted his form, and maybe he’s right. But if he plays like he can then nobody will say anything negative because he’s the best in the world. When you don’t live up to the standards you’ve set yourself this is what happens and you need to accept it.

Meanwhile, that manc cunt who wore the disgusting 97 shirt has been banned from football for four years and given an ‘indefinite’ ban by United. I could quibble here about why it’s indefinite and not life, but the real story is the four years. People have had life bans from stadiums for far less than that. He even laughed when the verdict was read out and tried to say the shirt was about his grandad who died at 97 and didn’t have enough kids. This despicable cunt is lucky he isn’t doing time. Everyone knows who he is now though so hopefully at some point he gets what’s coming to him. 

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Monday Jun 12:

That City parade was hilarious. I haven’t seen a single second of the game and hopefully I never will, but I did see a fair bit of footage from outside the Etihad at full time and then the parade today. I also saw some crowd footage from the final whistle in the stadium. They’re a joke. Everything is so empty and hollow that even their own fans don’t seem arsed. “Yay, we won”. Evertonians were setting off fireworks in town though, apparently. 

City though. No passion, no emotion, no joy, nothing. I actually feel that the thing that means most to them when they win is rubbing other fans noses in it (us and United mainly) and the whole thing just makes me cringe. They used to be a passionate fanbase so all I can assume is that with all the success they’ve had, and how easy they’ve made it look, they’ve either got complacent about it or they know they’re playing with a stacked deck and it just doesn’t mean as much as a result of that. Nothing else makes sense really.

When we were winning everything we still celebrated like fuck because it meant something. United the same. This City thing is utterly bizarre though. They make Chelsea fans look like Boca Juniors. Seeing their fans at full time in the Attaturk, after winning their first European Cup, and it looks like they’ve won a pre-season tournament. We’ve won six of these things and every one of them has meant the absolute world to all of us. Seeing these apathetic cunts getting their hands our trophy is sickening.

You know what else is sickening? Gerrard taking the Saudi cash. I don’t like it, but I see the rationale behind it. He’s not a good manager. He could take the Leeds job now, but when he fails that’s probably it for him.  He’ll be branded a flop and won’t get another gig. By taking this job he’s cashing in while he can. And if he flops over there it won’t even harm his reputation as no-one is paying attention and the league is seen as a circus. Failing there means nothing, just as winning there would mean nothing.

So he’s probably going to be there a year and make more than he did in his entire playing career, and then a job like the Leeds one will come up and he’ll get one more ride on the gravy train. So I get it, I just don’t like it because of where the money is coming from. That being said, it depends what he plans to do with the cash. If it’s to swell an already bulging bank balance that’s unpalatable, but think of all the things he could potentially do for Huyton with that money. We’ve all seen what Sadio does for the place he grew up, and I’m not saying this is the same thing as Gerrard wouldn’t need to be building schools or hospitals, but the general point is the same. I’ve got no issue with anyone taking money from the Saudis or whoever providing a) they don’t sport wash for them (like so many golfers have) and b) they use the money for good.

Not that I think that’s what is happening here, I’m just making a general point. The funny thing is, even though he retired years ago Gerrard would have more chance of succeeding over there as a player than a manager. He could still dominate games from the middle of the park in that league.

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Monday Jun 5:

That Spanish kid I’ve mentioned in here before is again being strongly linked with us. He scored twice in a 2-1 win over Barca at the weekend and cried afterwards as it was expected to be his last game. Other clubs are in for him too though so we’ll see what happens. It feels like we might be signing three or perhaps even four midfielders this summer though, which would suggest that Thiago will have to move on.

Maybe he’ll see out his final year but I don’t think he’ll play much even when fit as we’re moving on from him. I love Thiago, he’s top class and he’s been a top fella since he came here. But he plays less than half of the games and is on big wages. It makes no sense to keep him another year if we can let him find another club. We won’t get any fee for him but losing his wages and freeing up a non-home grown spot is beneficial.

The Mac Allister fee is meant to be around £45m which is a steal in this climate. Turns out he has a clause, which is no doubt why we’ve gone for him. We wouldn’t be signing him if he was £80m, not necessarily because Klopp & co don’t think he’s worth it, but it goes back to those reports when we dropped out of the Bellingham race because Klopp wants to sign a load of players and not just one or two. Look at the fees quoted for the players we’ve been linked to. £30m for Gabri Veiga, £45m for Mac Allister, £25m for van de Ven, £30m for Kone and £35m for Thuram. £165m total for five players, which will be offset to some extent by whoever we sell. Probably Kostas, Kelleher and Phillips. 

This is how we operate, which makes me feel really stupid for being taken in by all of their Bellingham bluster. We just don’t make signings like that, we never have and probably never will. The only chance we had at Bellingham was if we’d got him when he left Birmingham. More fool me for ever believing that for once we’d actually act like one of the world’s biggest clubs and flex our muscles on a transfer.

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The first signing of the summer has been made as World Cup winner Alexis Mac Allister has arrived from Brighton for what appears to be a bargain fee.

TLW Editor Dave Usher is joined by Paul Natton and Ian Brown to talk about the new man, where he will fit in, how his arrival might impact on the current squad and what it might mean in terms of other signings. 

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Monday May 29:

Some weird goings on with Carvalho today. Some reports say we’re looking to let him go permanently and we’ve had a bid from an overseas club. Other reports say we’ve had offers from Premier League clubs but we only want him to leave on loan, and Fabio himself has put out a couple of little comments on Insta that seem to show he’s fed up. Who can blame him if he is? 

Bellingham has a knee injury apparently. Hardly a secret, he’s had the thing strapped up for months. I’m not suggesting that’s why we pulled out, but you would have to be a little concerned by that I imagine. Paying a potential British record fee for a teenager who has played an awful lot of games in his career already and is strapped up like Stone Cold Steve Austin every time he goes out to play would have to give you at least some pause for thought.

Staying with the wrestling theme, I’m still struggling with Everton staying up yesterday and how this shit keeps happening. It’s like back in the day when I’d be watching the Royal Rumble and every time some fucker I wanted eliminated would be thrown over the top rope but his feet didn’t touch the floor and he squirmed back into the ring unnoticed. That’s Everton every year. It’s not enough to throw them over the rope, you need to fucking boot them to the floor too, the slippery shithouse fuckers.

A name I’ve seen linked us a few times over the last six months or so is Bruno from Newcastle. Now there are reports in Brazil saying we’re rivalling Barcelona for his signature. What absolute fucking bollocks this is. Players are no longer going to be leaving Newcastle to join us, or anyone else for that matter. Them reaching the CL puts paid to that, because that’s accelerated their development by a few years and no-one is prying any of their stars away now because they’ll pay them insane amounts of money to keep them there. 

Imagine that conversation if we tried to sign him: 

Us: We’re interested in signing Bruno, how much do you want for him?

Newcastle: We don’t need your money and we finished above you, so fuck off.

Us: Ok sound. Sorry to have bothered you.

We then go to his agent.

Us: Newcastle don’t want to sell. Can you get him to make some waves?

Agent: Sure, I’ll get right on that now.

The agent goes to Newcastle.

Agent: Liverpool want Bruno and he fancies the move.

Newcastle: Why? What do they have that we don’t?

Agent: Well they had a poor season but they’re a massive club with an incredible manager. They would give him a good chance of winning the Champions League and maybe the title.

Newcastle: They aren’t even in it. We are. 

Agent: Yeah but that’s just a temporary blip.

Newcastle: How much are they offering him? Tell him we’ll triple it.

Agent: Cool, nice doing business with you.

Is there a Brazilian footballer on the planet who didn’t go where he could make the most money? I always remember a quote I read from Bobby Robson about Ronaldo when he was at PSV. He didn’t really want to leave and his agent told him something along the lines of “you’re in Europe to make money. Save your sentiment for the national team”.

As long as Newcastle are relevant they aren’t losing any player they want to keep because they’ll throw so much money at them they’ll find it impossible to leave. For them to attract the kind of players they’ll be hoping to get though they might need to relocate down south and only go up to Newcastle for home games. Don’t rule that out either. I could see them setting up a training base near London and then flying up to play home games. And those sports washed fans will accept it because they’re the thickest fanbase on earth.

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So they escaped by the skin of their teeth again. While it’s beyond infuriating how they manage to circle the bowl every other year and somehow refuse to be flushed, they saved themselves by getting results when it mattered and I can’t say they were lucky. 

They did what they needed to stay up whereas those fucking losers Leicester and Leeds didn’t. Of course I still blame Brighton massively for what happened but that’s not Everton’s fault. It’s Brighton’s, the fucking bad shithouses.

I have no complaints about Bournemouth and their application on the final day. I had been concerned about how motivated they'd be but they weren’t on the beach that’s for sure. They gave it their best shot and on another day would probably have got something, but Everton seem to somehow become absolutely unbeatable in these situations. Better teams than Bournemouth would have lost. Everton didn’t even play well, but it’s all about not conceding and they did that well. Bournemouth were the better team but Everton's lives depended on getting a result and Bournemouth's didn't. That extra physicality and aggression was the difference, something Gary O'Neil even said afterwards.

Everton shithoused their way through the game and won it with a one in fifty strike from Doucoure. Ask him to do that again and more often than not it ends up in the upper tier, but it's Everton on the last day. Shit players do once in a lifetime things. Just ask Barry Horne.

After they got the goal though they were never in any danger. They saw the game out easily despite there being 10 minutes added on time due to all of their shenanigans. They raped it up even more in stoppage time, at one Pickford did his flop to the floor after claiming a cross and Mina then fell down on top of him and they both lay there. Stuart Atwell added on about 10 seconds and blew the whistle as soon as he was close enough to the tunnel to be able to run off before the orcs invaded the pitch.

The time wasting came after they'd scored, but before they got the goal they were just diving all over the fucking place, especially Demarai Gray who spent so much time on the floor he may as well have been a fucking carpet.

It’s kind of funny really. Saint Sean set himself up as the moral guardian of fair play when he was at Burnley but it only needed a few weeks at Everton for him to abandon all that and resort to whatever dark arts would gain him an advantage. Yerri Mina is one of the biggest cunts in the entire league but Dyche got him straight into the team as soon as he was fit. He’s everything that Dyche would rail against when he was at Burnley, but now look. Once you’ve been touched by Everton….

Mina actually bit Solanke but got away with it at the time because the ref obviously wasn’t going to be able to see that in the melee (started by Pickford, as usual), and VAR couldn’t find anything to conclusively prove it. Solanke’s word, the video footage and the teethmarks in his chest were obviously insufficient evidence. 

Pickford was being a massive tit as usual too, and of course we got the expected celebratory pitch invasion at the end. Sad, sad, sad cunts. Some of their fans actually know the score and instead of celebrating the escape vented their anger at those who have overseen this mess. That’s the approach they should all be taking. Staying up on the last day is absolutely nothing to celebrate for an established top flight club. It would have been understandable for the likes of Forest or even Leeds given where they've been in recent times, but Evertonians celebrating avoiding relegation is one of the cringiest things in football. It’s utterly shameless behaviour. They were setting off fireworks for fucks sake!!

I saw one cunt being interviewed by Sky, bragging about the fans behaviour and saying “You don’t get this at Anfield”. Yeah no fucking shit you don’t. We don’t run on the pitch even when we win something, so we’d defo not be doing it if we’d once again stayed up on the basis of one game. Because that’s all it is, yet again. If just one of the games they managed to win had gone the other way, they’d be down. Take away any of the solitary strikes in the five 1-0 wins Dyche managed and they'd have been down. That's how close this dream was to becoming true.

If we ever were in that situation there wouldn’t be celebrations or fireworks. There’d be a cauldron like atmosphere to get the players over the line, there’d be a massive sigh of relief and then there’d be embarrassment and recriminations. Big clubs do not celebrate staying up.

The thing is though, Everton have been so shit for so long that loads of their fans have never seen them win anything and therefore for some of them these high stakes games at the business end of the season are their equivalent of cup finals. It’s pure cringe, they have absolutely no pride.

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Well that was kind of fitting wasn’t it? A shit end to a shit season. It could have been worse, but it was still shit. The game I mean, although the season also comes under that description.

There was nothing at stake in this game other than pride and I’d say that what we saw suggests there really isn’t a great deal of that currently. Southampton have already been relegated yet we let them score four times. Fucking hell.

Of course we did have an under strength side and Van Dijk and Alisson had been given an early holiday. There was no Darwin either due to his sore toe and Robbo was missing with a knock he picked up the other day. Bobby and Milner were given starts, Kelleher was in goal and Gomez, Kostas and Matip all came into the back four.

I wasn’t expecting much to be honest, but this definitely was worth than I expected. To go 2-0 up and then end up 4-2 down is pretty bad like. Not that I was particularly arsed as most of my attention was on the game at Goodison. I was watching our game on the laptop on a shit stream that kept crashing, and Everton were on the telly.

I was more emotionally invested in the Everton game than this one but it was still pissing me off seeing the goals flying past Kelleher. The game didn’t really matter but it kind of did in that we’ve had a shit season and the players should have been pulling out all the stops to ensure they ended on a positive note.

You’ve got Mo tweeting about what a shit season it is and how they let themselves and us down, and then he goes out and plays like he’s won a competition to be there. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him so ragged with his control. Don’t get me wrong, there was no lack of effort from him. There never is. He just didn’t bring his game with him down to the South Coast. Weirdly, he’s been pretty shit in a lot of these bad performances we’ve had against bottom feeders.

That being said, we scored four goals in spite of how below par he was and the problems - as they have been for much of the season - were at the other end. You take Alisson. Konate, Van Dijk and Robbo out and I guess this is what’s left.

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A 4-4 draw with the worst team in the league? Of course; how else would you end a looney tunes season like this one? From very early on – maybe even half time at Fulham – I had it pegged as one we wouldn’t look back on with too much fondness. I know I’m not Mr Optimism at the best of times, like. 

How poor it often was may have come as a shock to the system, but there were signs immediately. Losing Sadio was already big, really big. You had hopes there’d be a proper replacement, but once Nunez began to struggle that bubble got popped a bit. Tiredness after an immense effort during the preceding, fabulous year was bound to be exacerbated by a shorter summer. That winter World Cup screwed everyone, but especially a Liverpool squad that had given everything and really needed time to recuperate properly. 
 

The flies began to drop. Diaz, Jota, Fabinho and Thiago were still there but in shadow form only, while we never could rely on Keita anyway. There were occasional smiles, Bournemouth at home and Rangers in Europe. It was all sparsely rationed. By the time we could sign someone else, Gakpo was in but was always going to take a while to settle -especially with everyone else already playing poorly. 
 

This was when Klopp started to annoy a few. With huge credit in the bank, that mattered little, but if you’re picking a midfield three, they have to be quality, and ready to run miles. God bless Henderson and Milner, but they no longer came up to scratch and others couldn’t be trusted, but he spent 100m on forwards and expected everyone to go wild on Carvalho, Elliott and Jones. 
 

Which some did, obviously, because belieeeeve etc. Curtis did look decent near the end, but with younger players some fans can never rein in their enthusiasm. They always see Fowler, not Ojo. 
 

Opponents finally got round to doing some homework on Trent, his defending almost coming apart at the seams. A debate about where he could end up playing has always simmered, once doused by Klopp claiming he’d thump anyone who criticised the lad, but near the end of the season (too late) a role was found to maximise his considerable gifts and minimise his defects. 
 

Games we lost to Leeds, Bournemouth, Brentford but especially Forest gave off whiffs of complacency, in addition to the reduced press through tiredness. That’s when top four was squandered. Other teams gave us their all, and it often came as a shock to us having sailed through previous seasons like we merely had to turn up. A rude awakening. 
 

Mo signed his contract, hitting absurdly high personal targets without ever seeming his old invincible self. Reduced appearances for Firmino meant he had to work out new partnerships, new stratagems, often unsuccessfully. He reminded me a bit of the John Wark season, when he scored loads, but the team never really gelled. Not sure what to make of his tweet about the Champions League; “come and get me” or “here y’are say this, the fans’ll love it”, who can say? 
 

We got draws in the cups that were too tough to overcome, maybe the Real pasting was a shock but nothing else was. 
 

Nunez may come good, but Klopp went public on his language skills, hinting at someone who already thinks he can just move back to the continent if this gig doesn’t work out. Half the time he was like Rosenthal, someone who could have a phase of hitting everything on the sweet spot without convincing you it was all on purpose. The chaos theory soon palled. He just isn’t clinical enough. Yet, he said hopefully… 
 

The highlight was probably 7-0 against Them, but while it might be an itchy scar they’ll scratch occasionally, they’ve had the better year and still have room to improve. Watching them in the Champions League instead of us is going to hurt. 
 

If Chelsea and Spurs hadn’t made an absolute show of themselves, our season might’ve been even worse. Spending tons of money didn’t seem to work for Chelsea, but that doesn’t mean FSG can wash their hands of the improvements needed here. 
 

That late run may convince them that not much needs fixing. They’re wrong. Their Miracle Man needs help, lots of it. 
 

The rebuild begins now. Like many I’ve been pathetically grateful for the brilliant seasons we’ve recently witnessed. A stumble was expected, and fifth hardly qualifies as a let-down except by dizzying comparison. The standards Klopp set are what makes the social media screech all the louder. Tough, but that’s how it is in the big leagues. 
 

I thought there’d be a couple of years before we had to worry about Newcastle, but they’re ahead of schedule and the huge spending hasn’t even started. What? The Premier League will block that? Yeah, right. 
 

Lijnders said we had to be perfect. I have no problem with that. Who wants to be successful by throwing so much mud some is bound to stick? What’s the bloody point? City have already injected an air of apathy into English football; Newcastle could be its final nail. 
 

Klopp’s Liverpool is back in the Europa League, where it all began. Who’s up for the fight, what funds he’ll receive, whether his magic touch on transfers can be kept up. That’s what we’ll be discussing for the next few months. 
 

We oldies can say we’ve seen it all before, and though it may take longer there’s never been a time in modern football when Liverpool Football Club were dead and buried. There may come a point when all hope seems lost, but that’s always when they surprise us and disappoint everyone else. 
 

Yes, too many players are leaving and all of them for free. There were few moans about the likes of Shaqiri, Minamino or even Divock going, but there was cash for them and modern football chews through footballers like a hungry shark, spits out the bones and is never satisfied. 
 

FSG’s public claim of looking for investment gave off the impression they may have had enough of fighting a lost cause against City. It’s what would replace them that worries me the most. 
 

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Or doesn’t. Barring miracles, this is the last time I’ll ever write about football. The paper’s gone quiet on me for a while, and I can take a hint eventually. 
 

I’ve had over 30 years of writing about the Reds, whether it was for Through the Wind & Rain or the Irish Examiner or a brief spell at ESPN thanks to Dave Usher. 
 

I’m not the go-getter type. Anything I ever did landed in my lap, from a casual remark in the dole office about fanzines way back in 1989, putting me on a course I couldn’t have veered off if I’d wanted to. 
 

The Examiner read my stuff on a website I didn’t even set up for myself, beginning an extra 20 years of writing about the (now only occasionally) mighty Reds. 
 

And not just humiliating puff pieces either; I got to say pretty much what I wanted. It was a bit stolid at ESPN, but still critical and not swearing was a small price to pay, even for someone with borderline Tourette’s. 
 

My last year produced a lot of silence from the paper, but the industry is going through tough times in the digital age and how I lasted this long remains a miracle. The ESPN gig ended abruptly too, but the bottom line is I got paid to give opinions that I was handing out for free all those years ago. Lucky doesn’t even begin to describe it. 
 

How it’s ended is a bit chicken/egg; was my increasing disgruntlement with the modern game seeping into my writing with undetected lethargy, or was a lack of columns making me care less and less? A bit of both. 
 

I was also getting oddly angry with people who complain all the time. That was a weird position to take, so much so that people often ask me if my Twitter account’s been hacked! Well, wonder no longer. 
 

Money’s a bit tight, which is my own stupid fault, but I’ve a great partner and family so no worries just yet. I thought I’d be doing this through to retirement, but sadly not. I won’t become one of those fund-me meffs, but if you see me on Lord Street with a plazzy cup, say hello. 
 

There are many people I have to thank for how long I’ve been doing this. The friends who sold and wrote for the fanzine, Colm O’Connor at the Examiner, Dave for getting me onto ESPN, but the people who were actually bothered about what I had to say meant the most to me. 
 

As a lifelong rule, I never think I’m up to much and can’t understand anyone who thought otherwise. That doesn’t make me any less grateful for everyone who read my interminable blatherings and got something out of them. 
 

Thanks for everything, and Up the Reds. Always. 

 
Steven

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A fitting way to end a season of disappointment, as despite leading 2-0 the Reds were held to a 4-4 by an already relegated Southampton side.

Jota scored twice, Gakpo also found the net and Bobby signed off with a goal on his farewell appearance, but defensively it was a horror show and Kelleher didn't make the most of a rare starting opportunity in goal.

Chris Smith is joined by Julian Richards and TLW Editor Dave Usher to recap a crazy game at St Mary's and to also take a look at events elsewhere. Specifically at Goodison where the Blues performed their annual escape act, much to Dave's disgust and frustration. 

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Monday May 22:

Leicester went to Newcastle and parked the bus for 85 minutes in a game they needed to win. They then went balls out to score late on and almost did. I don’t know if that was a great plan or rank stupidity, and I don’t know if this is a good point for them or not. We won’t know until Sunday. The two points we dropped on Saturday are looking worse now though, we’d still have had an outside chance at top four if we’d won that game.

So we’ve apparently asked PGMOL for an explanation into what happened on Saturday. I can help with that, as it’s really quite simple. Klopp needlessly yelled in the face of an official a few weeks back, and Howard Webb then gave him the opportunity for payback, which the official gleefully accepted. Whatever guff comes back to the club following their request for information, this is the real truth of it.

Klopp is being taught a lesson and I hope it’s one that he actually learns, because you simply can’t win this war. Webb holds all of the cards and he knows it. So do his little legion of busy traffic warden cunts. They’re going to fuck us regardless, but Klopp’s actions will determine how hard they fuck us. The last couple of home games have been horrendous and we can’t have more of that. Imagine that for the entirety of next season. I’d stop going, I couldn’t cope with it. That Villa game almost tipped me over the edge. I’m not sure asking PGMOL to explain themselves is going to help though.

Meanwhile, there’s talk that City and United both want Mac Allister now. They can fucking have him, I don’t care. My thoughts on this are well documented. For what it’s worth though I think we’ll sign him. Unless City genuinely do want him, which would make sense as he’s very much Gundogan-esque in style and they’ll need to replace him. They’d take great pleasure in fucking us over too.

I don’t think he’d go to United over us though. I like to think most people can see through that anomaly and realise we’re still a much more attractive destination than United are. We might have some problems if we were going head to head with Arsenal for a player though. 

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I suppose last weekend wasn’t a complete disaster. It could have been better but it definitely could have been worse too. The Blues could have saved themselves with a win but they didn’t. That said, Leeds and/or Leicester could have really put Everton in trouble had they won, and neither of them could, the shit bastards. 

Leeds teased us by taking the lead but couldn’t hold on, while Leicester parked several buses at St James Park and somehow almost stole a win at the death. Still, the point keeps the dream just about still alive going into the final weekend. We’re going into the last day with a possibility of an Everton relegation, and I probably would have taken that two weeks ago after the fucking Brighton debacle. I don’t think it will happen but at least it’s still possible.

It's still hugely irritating the way that game at Molyneux ended though. Hwang put Wolves ahead when he tapped in a rebound after Traore had ran the length of the pitch and brought a save from Pickford. That brought Wolves to life and they had plenty of chances to extend their lead but didn’t take any of them. 

The Blues had been doing ok until they conceded but when Calvert-Lewin’s hammy went just before half time they struggled to do anything. Nunes almost wrapped it up in stoppage time but was denied by Pickford and then right at the death, in the 100th minute that jabroni Wolves keeper flapped at a cross, Keane pulled it back and Mina scored.

Where the fuck is Jose Sa and who is this bum who replaced him? He looked a random lad from the crowd who'd been handed the gloves. He parried away a shot in the 2nd half by Gray and honestly, he couldn't have looked less like an actual goalkeeper if he tried, the un-coordinated bastard. As for the goal, that was some Peter Shilton style leaden footedness there. Getting out jumped by Tarkowski at the back post. Fucking dickhead.

Had Leicester not picked up a point there’s every chance that right now I'd be giving Wolves the Brighton treatment. Absolute fucking dickheads dominating the game but not killing it and then conceding a 99th minute equaliser. I'm not as angry as I could be just because I don’t think it makes too much difference, but if Everton draw and Leeds win and the Blues stay up on goal difference, then that point at Wolves will be thing that’s saved them and I’ll never get over it. The more I think about it, the more likely that scenario is and that spawns fucking goal by Mina looks massive. For fuck’s sake.

I’m tormenting myself with this shit and have been for months, but now it’s come down to one game and I know every possible permutation needed for them to go down. Basically we’re relying on Bournemouth and then hoping either of the other two fucking deadbeats can help themselves for the first time in weeks.

Calvert-Lewin’s injury is massive though. When he plays they’re a completely different team. If he’d been fit all season they wouldn’t be where they are so thank fuck he hasn’t been and thank fuck he’s probably out this weekend too.

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We’ve had a lot of low moments this season and plenty of games that I found difficult to process. Really in the grand scheme of things this one shouldn’t even register on that list but somehow it’s really got to me. My head was so done in that I left at full time and didn’t even stay for the lap of honour and the goodbyes to Bobby and Big Games James.

I couldn’t do it, I just needed to get the fuck of there as it was one of the most frustrating, unpleasant afternoons I’ve ever spent at Anfield.

There were three reasons for that. Our performance was a small factor as it was not good at all. I can deal with that though, and besides, it wasn’t even THAT bad. We’ve played far worse than this. The lads kept going, found an equaliser and they were absolutely not the reason my head was so cabbaged. I felt sorry for them if anything, because that game was a fucking abomination.

The conduct of the Aston Villa players all afternoon was beyond a disgrace. Hardly anything seems to have been made of it in the media but the carry on from them all day was fucking disgusting. This is a cancer in the game now and it needs addressing. Newcastle are the worst for it but this from Villa was every bit as bad as anything we’ve seen from Beheddie Howe and his Saudi shills.

I’ve got plenty to say on that and I’ll get to it shortly. The third factor that tipped me over the edge was the officiating. It could not have been more obvious what was going on. Revenge is a dish best served cold and John Brooks will have been laughing his tiny cock off after this. He really showed Klopp didn’t he? Again, I’ve got a lot to say and I’ll get to it.

The game itself was shit. We didn’t start well and it was a little disconcerting how Villa were playing out from the back and doing it really well. How can it not be a bit worrying when we’re not getting anywhere near Tyrone Mings and they’re popping passes through and around us?

Emery is a good coach and he clearly knew what they needed to do to shut down our passing lanes, as we struggled to get in between the lines and everything was in front of them and posing no threat. It was all way too bunched in the centre and they dealt with it easily. They also knew that the key to getting at us was to use Watkins in the space Konate was having to cover.

They got a penalty via that route. Mo lost the ball cheaply and a ball was played into space for Watkins to chase. He got there first but Konate looked like he had it under control. Then Watkins toed the ball past him as Konate made a challenge and down he went. The ref immediately pointed to the spot but with VAR you always think there might be a twist. From my vantage point I thought there was a chance that Ibou may have got a touch on the ball as he seemed to be telling the ref he did. This was going to be one of those rare clear cut ones where he either got the ball or he didn’t. It’s an easy call.

Having seen the replays since, he didn’t get anything on it and it’s a clear penalty. You have to wonder why players are so adamant about this stuff when the video is there to expose them. Konate didn’t get the ball and he knew it. Protesting isn’t going change anything when there’s VAR. He wouldn’t have even got away with that if the ref hadn’t given it, as it was so blatant that VAR would have had to intervene. There was never a danger the ref wouldn’t give it though, but I’ll get to that.

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Monday May 15:

Leicester 0 L 3. Comfortable enough. We could have scored more if we’d really committed to it but it looked to me like we were more concerned about control and game management than risking leaving the back door open, and that’s probably beneficial in the long term as we need to get back to being able to do that. In the short term it might not be such a good idea though when Newcastle have a much better goal difference than us. I doubt that will come into play, but it might and this was a chance to boost ours by another two or three.

Still, overall it’s a positive night and great for Curtis to really make a statement with a couple of well taken goals. His all round performance was boss too, but its goals that will be his passport to securing a permanent place. Klopp says counter pressing is the way into the team now but Curtis can do that probably better than anyone else we have currently. It won’t be enough to keep him in ahead of whatever new signings come in though, but being able to add a dozen goals a season from midfield along with all the other stuff he’s doing to just might.

Trent was sensational again tonight too. Nice to see the two local lads doing the damage against fans chanting about hating scousers all night. Blows my mind how Leicester fans just became massive knob heads over the last few years. They were no worse than anyone else prior to that, just your typical Midlands fanbase, then all of a sudden they started hating on us like they’re Chelsea or City. It’s just proper weird, but they can rot in the Championship now and we won’t have to deal with them for a while. They can have a God Save the King ‘sing off’ with Millwall.

On the transfer front, remember how recently it was reported in Portugal that a deal for Ugarte was almost done, but then our local press poured cold water on it? It all seemed a bit odd, but now there are reports in Portugal that Sporting are not happy that clubs have allegedly spoken to him without their permission.

There’s something in this, as Klopp made some weirdly unnecessary remarks about transfers and how he always has to wait until he’s allowed to speak to a player and then he finds out what makes them tick. Now it makes sense. Get our press to distance ourselves from the player, have Klopp talk about how he doesn’t speak with players until it’s allowed, and hopefully pacify Sporting so they don’t grass us up like Southampton did.

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Not what we were hoping for from the final home game. Bobby got a goal on his Anfield farewell but hopes of a top four finish are dead in the water after Villa pooped the party with some horrendous shithousing, ably assisted by a referee with a score to settle.

TLW Editor Dave Usher is joined by Julian Richards and Paul Natton to reflect on a massively frustrating afternoon as well as paying tribute to the legends Firmino and Milner.

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After the massive disappointment of last week, there was a glimmer of hope this weekend before the door was slammed in our face again. Leeds were winning, Forest were winning, Everton lost. Had it stayed like that I’d have been back on board the Blueshite relegation bus. It didn’t though.

Leeds and Forest both drew and we beat Leicester. I suppose it’s a small win as the Blues lost a bit of ground to Forest and Leeds clawed a point back on them. It just doesn’t feel like enough though. Fucking Brighton. Absolute shower of twats. Look at that how that table would look if they’d done their job last week. Everton would have one foot in the Championship.

It could still happen, but Forest need a win and Leeds would need to pick up at least four points. I’ve discounted Leicester but if they win both of their games that would change things massively. They won’t though.

Leeds gave it a good go against Newcastle and that result was good for us as it increased the pressure on the Geordies. Unfortunately they’ve got Brighton next so we know how that’s going to end. I should point out that I’m writing this an hour before that game kicks off, so I’ll discuss it later on. For now though I’m assuming Brighton will royally fuck it up again. They’re on the brink of becoming the new Aston Villa. I’ve said for years, never ever rely on Villa to get you a result. I'd 100% choose Villa over Brighton now though if I needed a favour. Villa have never done anything like that shit we saw last week.

Leeds did well against Newcastle but the game turned on a two minute spell with penalties awarded at both ends. Leeds missed the chance to go 2-0 up and then Newcastle made no mistake with theirs to draw level. Leeds had gone ahead through skipper Ayling and it was looking good when they were awarded a penalty to double their lead. But as soon as I saw my boy’s face I knew he wasn’t going to score. He looked terrified and it was a shit pen. Easy save for Pope.

It was a real Shot Through the Heart, some very Bad Medicine, definitely not a Bed of Roses and if it had been anyone else I’d have been angry, but he’s my boy and I just felt bad for him. He won’t Runaway, he’ll be there ’til The End. You can call it Blind Love but I’ll Always have his back. Keep the Faith, Patrick, I’ll Be There For You because I Believe.

Aaaaaannnnnyway, he missed and two minutes later some bum named Wober (literally never heard of him until this week) made a ridiculous challenge in his own box on Isak and Callum Wilson scored from the spot. It was a huge momentum shift and knocked the stuffing out of Leeds. Newcastle bossed it after that and that shit cunt Firpo inexplicably handled a cross to allow Wilson to score another pen. What's he doing? He stretched his arm up like a goalkeeper. Absolute dickhead.

Honestly, that Firpo is an total abomination of a player. I’ve written before about how horrific he is and John G called him the worst player in the league on the pod recently. It’s hard to argue when you see shit like this. He might be the worst. He’d been booked for a wild challenge and should have been booked again for the handball. He got away with that but ended up getting sent off later on anyway for dragging Gordon down inches from the edge of the box. Could so easily have been another pen. He’s a joke.

Thankfully Leeds had found an equaliser before he got his marching orders. Kristensen’s shot deflected in off the head of Trippier and it was deserved as Leeds were really pushing for it at that time. They were robbed of the chance of going for a winner by the shines of Firpo. Allardyce did the smart thing in dropping that shit keeper but he kept picking this bum. Thankfully he’s suspended this weekend so can’t do any more damage.

While the VAR check was taking place a Leeds fan got on the pitch and went over to give Beheddie Howe a piece of his mind. He even gave him a little contemptuous shove too before he was dragged away. Howe was asked what was said and he wouldn’t elaborate other than to say “it was personal”. I’m not one to condone that sort of thing, but I’ll make an exception in this case. I just want to know what he actually said. I like to think it was “You’d have made a great nazi, you snivelling cunt”.

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This was fairly routine and a nice little win to keep our momentum going. I didn’t think there was any chance whatsoever that we’d drop points here as I’ve watched Leicester a couple of times recently and they’re proper shit. 

We’ve lost to shit teams away from home this season of course, but not like Leicester. Take the Forest game for example. Or Bournemouth for that matter. They were in the bottom three when we played them but they were potentially dangerous because they can sit in, defend, make it difficult for us and ultimately frustrate us. And they did. 

They also got lucky too, we missed a pen at Bournemouth and squandered a hatful of set-piece chances at Forest. But the point is, those were games that had the potential to go wrong. I never thought this game fell into that category because Leicester are just terrible without the ball. They even made Everton look good.

We’d have to be really, really bad to not win this game, and we’re not in that place anymore. We might not be flying or playing at our absolute best, but we’re doing a lot of things right now and while I wouldn’t be massively confident of us winning every game we play, I was as close to being certain as possible that we’d beat Leicester.

We did it convincingly but I don’t think we really had to extend ourselves and there were a couple more gears we could have gone through if needed. We didn’t need them but there was a lot to like about this, not least the impact of the two local lads. It’s kind of fitting that they were the two who got the headlines here because in this recent ‘revival’ they’ve been the two most consistently impressive performers.

I’ll get to Trent in a bit - he was sensational - but let’s deal with Jones first. He’s been getting better with every game since he came back into the side and he’s gone from just working hard off the ball and doing the basics with it, to making a real impression now. He scored shitload of goals coming through the various Academy teams but his role in the senior set up changed and kind of handicapped him a bit. Now though he’s found a way to get himself into dangerous areas and the new set up has played a part in that.

With Trent giving that extra body in the middle there is a responsibility on the two ‘wide’ midfielders to be getting forward and scoring. There’s a bit more freedom for them and Curtis has capitalised with three goals of late. Forget the goals though, even without the goals he’d still be worth his place because he’s bringing a lot of other things to the table. He protects the ball, he leads the press, he sets the tone for it and he’s reminding me a bit of Lallana in that respect now. He’s brought energy and now he’s bringing goals.

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A win made in the Academy as Curtis and Trent bagged the goals to keep the Reds winning run going and maintain the pressure on the teams above.

Chris Smith is joined by Julian Richards and TLW Editor Dave Usher to reflect on a good night's work for the lads and to discuss the ramifications of the result at both ends of the table.

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Monday May 8:

What a fucking horrific day. Black Monday this will forever be known as. Or Bloody Monday. Or just Dogshit Monday. I don’t know, take your pick. It was brutal though. It started with Leicester waving the white flag at Fulham, then Brighton just didn’t bother showing up against Everton and although Forest just about managed to take care of business in the night game, it was irrelevant at that point anyway. Everton are safe now, and they deserve to be for the way they’ve performed these last couple of games. I can’t take that away from them, but I can hold a grudge against Brighton for the rest of eternity, and rest assured I fucking will.

One thing that did raise my spirits a little today was that Tranmere fans booed the national anthem and the travelling Evertonians sang “Spirit of the Blues” all the way through it, which is actually fucking hilarious. They could have just chanted “Everton” or something, but going the whole hog and belting that out, complete with the high pitched “whoooooooo” and singing the guitar bits too is next level. Well done, I won’t doff my cap to the national anthem or to the King but it’s off to the travelling Blues, as that’s genuinely hilarious.

Sunderland got into the playoffs too after Millwall conceded a late winner to Blackburn at the Den. Still, they staged a “spine tingling” (the words of their official twitter account) rendition of God Save the King so they’re the real winners today. Gawd Bless ‘Im and his big big sausage fingers. Made up for Sunderland and for my brother in law, who was there at Preston today when they won 3-0. He’s buzzing so I didn’t want to bring him down by letting him know how devastated I am about what happened in Brighton. That can wait until tomorrow.

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So that’s it then. Dream over. For another year at least. Getting so sick of this now, they circle the fucking bowl over and over again but when you flush they just won’t go. It’s infuriating. I can hear all of the “I told you so” comments from all of you joyless fucks who refused to come along for the ride, but you can fuck off. I regret nothing.

So you can take your "there's always three teams worse than Everton" comments and shove them right where the sun don't shine. There aren't three teams worse than them. There weren't last season either, but the table sometimes lies. The problem this time is that all the other teams at the bottom have had to play against Brighton whereas the Blues got to play the Dog & Duck instead.

They were going down and I had every reason to feel confident about it. It was all going according to plan but then Brighton fucked everything up. That’s what this comes down to. If Brighton did their job look at how the table would be looking right now. They’d be second from bottom and preparing to face Man City.

But Brighton didn’t do their job. They didn't show up to work. It was a gross dereliction of duty and I’ll never forgive the cunts. I didn’t take it well on the day but three days later I feel somewhat differently. I’m actually even more angry. Fuck Brighton, the bunch of absolute shithouses. Fucking smelling themselves after beating Wolves 6-0 and then turning United over. That’s what happened here. Pure fucking arrogance. They thought they just needed to stroll into the Amex, dicks swinging, and they’d roll all over Everton because Everton are shit.

Well Everton are shit but they’re fighting for their lives, which makes them dangerous. Match their intensity and there’s no problem because they’re shit. Brighton are a really good side, but only when they’re up for it. This was some Arsenal level smelling of oneself. Not this season’s Arsenal, the penny has dropped with them now and they don’t do this shit anymore. But for years this is what they’d do. Have a couple of results, get too pleased with themselves and then come a cropper. Arsenal don’t do that now, although come to think of it we do. Beat United 7-0 then lose at Bournemouth. Beat City and West Ham in the space of four days and then lose to Forest. Put nine past Bournemouth, beat Newcastle with the last kick of the game then draw a blank at Goodison. We never conceded five to Everton though.

I’ve written countless positive, respectful, complimentary, flattering, kind words about Brighton this season. I’d even go so far as to say I’ve been almost affectionate towards them at times. Allow me then to take this opportunity to retract every single one of them. Fuck Brighton. I can’s tress this enough. FUCK BRIGHTON.

I hope they get pillaged for all of their top players and end up back in League One where they were not so long ago. Just as long as we aren’t doing any of the pillaging, because I wouldn’t want to give them a single fucking penny of our money and I don’t want Mac Allister anywhere near Anfield as the stink from this will never leave him as far as I’m concerned. Leave him home alone with his stupid fucking brother Kevin.

I’m not doing a 'bit' here either. I fucking mean it. Every word. I don’t want us signing anyone who was involved in this debacle as any time I look at them this is what I’ll be thinking. I can do without reliving the day Everton saved themselves every time I look at Caicedo or Mac Allister. Keep them away from Anfield. I wish Brighton nothing but misery now.

As a gay mate of mine pointed out, “Everton were wearing pink so you should have known they’d have had no trouble scoring in Brighton”. No no no, settle down, it’s ok, that’s not me saying it, it’s him, and he’s gay. So we’re all good here. Any complaints can be directed to @rb14 and not to me.

I can’t give you any kind of analysis of the game as I didn’t watch it live and I’m sure as fuck not watching the highlights. I was out when it started but when the Blues went ahead so early and then kept increasing their lead I never bothered switching it on when I got home, and hopefully I can get through the rest of my life without ever seeing the goals. Similar to when we lost in Athens. I’ve still never seen those goals since, touch wood.

Credit to Everton though. They played well at Leicester and should have won, and they played well at Brighton and did win. They’ve found a couple of performances from nowhere when it really mattered and it’s saved them. My problem isn’t really with them. They’ve done what they needed to do and I’ll hold my hands up and say through gritted teeth "well done". My problem is with Leicester and especially Brighton. And Arsenal too actually, again. They’re the Blueshite Enablers extraordinaire.

But it’s mostly Brighton. Not because they lost. Everton are fighting for their lives and are playing some decent stuff. Losing to them can happen, but losing to them like this absolutely can’t happen, so fuck Brighton from now until eternity. They’re on the same shit list as that Iheanacho cunt, and once you’re on that particular list you don’t get off it.

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This was a good win. In midweek after we beat Fulham I didn’t really take much from it. The points were welcome but other than that there wasn’t much to feel encouraged by. This was different because it was a real test, the kind of test we’ve often failed. We weren’t at our best but how can you be when the ball is never in play for more than 30 seconds? 

This was an horrendous spectacle, stop start and full of needless free-kicks. I’ll get to the referee in a bit but even without seeing the stats for how little the ball was actually in play I already knew it was bad. That first half especially was a fucking disgrace. We started brightly enough and then just got completely bogged down through no real fault of our own. The game was just constantly interrupted by the referees whistle and Brentford taking an absolute age on every single set-piece. Goal kicks, throw ins, free kicks, corners. All of them took ages, and then there were the stoppage where they needed the physio.

It just completely killed our flow and we never got going. So that wasn’t good, but our defending of all of those set-pieces as well as in general play was largely flawless. Alisson had virtually nothing to save. He dealt with some crosses but in terms of shot stopping he had an easy afternoon. That’s a positive and Klopp was beaming about it afterwards. Calling it the best set-piece defending session he can remember, against the best set-piece team he’s ever faced. He’s right too.

Brentford are so well drilled in everything they do and they’ve clever and innovative on their set-pieces. It’s not just that though, they’re a great counter attacking side too. We dealt with all of that brilliantly and the only time it looked like we’d made a mistake was when Mbuemo ran through and finished brilliantly, only to be denied by the linesman’s flag. VAR upheld the decision thankfully, because in real time I thought it was a goal and that Virgil had been badly caught out. It turns out it was good defending because he slowed himself down just in time to catch Mbuemo off. Close call but having watched that a couple of times now it’s really good defending and Virgil knows what he’s doing.

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Monday May 1:

Klopp’s going to be in trouble after yesterday. Deservedly so too, you can’t celebrate like that in a 4th official’s face and the fact he pulled his hamstring doing it makes it even more embarrassing. You can’t say what he said about Tierney either, even though he’s right.

You have to be smarter, but Jurgen sees the red mist and reason goes out of the window. He’s a repeat offender too so he’s going to get a ban and so he should. If you disagree with that, ask yourself what you’d be saying if it was Guardiola or Arteta acting like that. We can agree with his sentiment and also point out that you can’t act like that and escape punishment.

What doesn’t add up though is him complaining about what Tierney said to him, and then PGMOL saying it’s fine. Klopp is many things but a liar is not one of them. Perhaps he’s not made himself clear and it’s more about the way it was said rather than the actual words themselves, but if it is that he doesn’t have a leg to stand on really.

Reports today that PGMOL are sending the audio of Tierney and Klopp to the FA to use against Kloppo in whatever charges are brought against him. It’s being described as a “smoking gun”.  I’m calling bullshit on that. Something about that conversation pissed him off but as I said yesterday if it’s the way Tierney spoke rather than what he said, then that’s not something you can prove and Jurgen is fucked.

Either way, they should let us hear the audio. And while they’re at it, let’s hear the VAR convos on the two possible red cards as well. And I’d like to know what conversation took place about the handball appeal we had at the very end of the first half. That was dodgy as fuck that there wasn’t even a check.

On the field tonight Everton picked up a point at Leicester and it was pretty disheartening because I can’t even say they were lucky. Ok, Leicester missed a pen but Everton played well and would have won but for the brilliance of the Leicester keeper. The draw keeps them in the bottom three, so that’s good, but Leicester looked fucking shit and I can’t take for granted now that they’ll get out of it. And with Leeds being in absolute fucking mess it now looks like one Everton win could be enough, and they have Bournemouth at home on the last day.

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A second 1-0 home win this week as once again the Reds edged over the line thanks to a Mo Salah strike, this one being his 100th at Anfield.

Chris Smith is joined by John Gallagher and TLW Editor Dave Usher to talk about an eventful evening in L4. Salah breaking more records, the defence standing tall against a set-piece bombardment, the vociferous booing of the national anthem and chanting against the Coronation. It's all in here along with a look at our gradually increasing top four hopes and more chat about the relegation situation. 

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You know by now my criteria for a successful weekend: Are Everton any closer to the drop after the round of results, and if so then it's a success. I'm not sure what to make of this week though. They got a point I hadn't been banking on them getting, and Leicester dropped two points I had been banking on. 

On top of that, Leeds got hammered, then appointed Allardyce, and Forest lost in stoppage time at Brentford after leading with less than ten minutes to go. So I think it was a bad weekend, but the Blues are still in the bottom three so I don't know. I'll get to their game in a bit, it was a cracker actually.

I'll start elsewhere though. I'll kick things off at Selhurst where there was a surprisingly rip roaring (my words, sadly not Roy Hodgson's as that would have been class) contest between Palace and West Ham. The Hodge and Moyesy serving up a seven goal thriller? Who could have seen that coming? 

Soucek put the Hammers in front early when he lashed in a loose ball from a corner. Remember when this fucker was scoring every other week? Feels like that's his first goal for about three years though. One man who you could never accuse of scoring every other week is Jordan Ayew, but he's managed a few since Magic Man Roy took over (if you take exception to that, take it up with Klopp, not me, he's the one who said it first).

Ayew levelled and then the returning Zaha made it 2-1. It got worse for West Ham when Schlupp took advantage of some dozy play by Soucek to make it 3-1 but Antonio headed in from a corner to get West Ham back to 3-2.

West Ham are good at corners like, but Palace have been bad at defending set-pieces for a few years now. They're like a Brendan Rodgers team. Or a Steve Cooper one.

Then came the biggest moment of the game when Palace were awarded a hotly disputed penalty. I hadn't seen this until now but I had heard a lot of people talking about it. Everyone I'd heard had said it was an absolute joke and it was never a pen. Everyone except Gaby Agbonlahor, who has never been right about anything in his entire life. He said he thought it was a penalty because the defender pulls his shirt and that's enough to make a player moving at speed fall down.

I expected to be firmly in the opposite camp to Agbonlahor but I'm not. I don't necessarily agree with him (hell will freeze over before that happens), but I'm on the fence on this. Eze does go down very easily and I'm sure he could have stayed on his feet. He wasn't pulled to the ground and the grab of the shirt probably wasn't enough to cause him to go down.

The thing is though, what the fuck is the defender doing reaching out and grabbing hold of the shirt of a forward who has gone past him? What's he hoping to achieve by doing that? He's wanting to impede him, to slow him down. So it's a foul, surely? 

I do think you're probably only getting a penalty there maybe two or three times out of 10, but I don't think it's some scandalous decision either because the defender grabs him when he has no business doing so. Usually you'll get away with it but if you do get punished then tough shit, accept the consequences and next time don't grab someone's shit when they've ran past you.

Eze converted the spot kick and although Aguerd pulled another one back (from a corner, of course, oui) Palace held on.

Moyes wasn't happy about the penalty. I know, I was shocked too. He's usually so accepting of decisions that go against him. He said it was "soft" and it was. He also referenced the Thiago 'handball' from a few nights earlier. He's only happy when he's unhappy. He loves decisions going against him, it's like heroin to him. 

West Ham are still not completely safe yet but Palace are comfortably in mid-table. Hodgson now has more wins this season than Lampard, and he's only been in charge for six games. What a guy. And he's got Palace above Chelsea too, which is hilarious given the respective positions when he replaced Vieira. 

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