So they escaped by the skin of their teeth again. While it’s beyond infuriating how they manage to circle the bowl every other year and somehow refuse to be flushed, they saved themselves by getting results when it mattered and I can’t say they were lucky.
They did what they needed to stay up whereas those fucking losers Leicester and Leeds didn’t. Of course I still blame Brighton massively for what happened but that’s not Everton’s fault. It’s Brighton’s, the fucking bad shithouses.
I have no complaints about Bournemouth and their application on the final day. I had been concerned about how motivated they'd be but they weren’t on the beach that’s for sure. They gave it their best shot and on another day would probably have got something, but Everton seem to somehow become absolutely unbeatable in these situations. Better teams than Bournemouth would have lost. Everton didn’t even play well, but it’s all about not conceding and they did that well. Bournemouth were the better team but Everton's lives depended on getting a result and Bournemouth's didn't. That extra physicality and aggression was the difference, something Gary O'Neil even said afterwards.
Everton shithoused their way through the game and won it with a one in fifty strike from Doucoure. Ask him to do that again and more often than not it ends up in the upper tier, but it's Everton on the last day. Shit players do once in a lifetime things. Just ask Barry Horne.
After they got the goal though they were never in any danger. They saw the game out easily despite there being 10 minutes added on time due to all of their shenanigans. They raped it up even more in stoppage time, at one Pickford did his flop to the floor after claiming a cross and Mina then fell down on top of him and they both lay there. Stuart Atwell added on about 10 seconds and blew the whistle as soon as he was close enough to the tunnel to be able to run off before the orcs invaded the pitch.
The time wasting came after they'd scored, but before they got the goal they were just diving all over the fucking place, especially Demarai Gray who spent so much time on the floor he may as well have been a fucking carpet.
It’s kind of funny really. Saint Sean set himself up as the moral guardian of fair play when he was at Burnley but it only needed a few weeks at Everton for him to abandon all that and resort to whatever dark arts would gain him an advantage. Yerri Mina is one of the biggest cunts in the entire league but Dyche got him straight into the team as soon as he was fit. He’s everything that Dyche would rail against when he was at Burnley, but now look. Once you’ve been touched by Everton….
Mina actually bit Solanke but got away with it at the time because the ref obviously wasn’t going to be able to see that in the melee (started by Pickford, as usual), and VAR couldn’t find anything to conclusively prove it. Solanke’s word, the video footage and the teethmarks in his chest were obviously insufficient evidence.
Pickford was being a massive tit as usual too, and of course we got the expected celebratory pitch invasion at the end. Sad, sad, sad cunts. Some of their fans actually know the score and instead of celebrating the escape vented their anger at those who have overseen this mess. That’s the approach they should all be taking. Staying up on the last day is absolutely nothing to celebrate for an established top flight club. It would have been understandable for the likes of Forest or even Leeds given where they've been in recent times, but Evertonians celebrating avoiding relegation is one of the cringiest things in football. It’s utterly shameless behaviour. They were setting off fireworks for fucks sake!!
I saw one cunt being interviewed by Sky, bragging about the fans behaviour and saying “You don’t get this at Anfield”. Yeah no fucking shit you don’t. We don’t run on the pitch even when we win something, so we’d defo not be doing it if we’d once again stayed up on the basis of one game. Because that’s all it is, yet again. If just one of the games they managed to win had gone the other way, they’d be down. Take away any of the solitary strikes in the five 1-0 wins Dyche managed and they'd have been down. That's how close this dream was to becoming true.
If we ever were in that situation there wouldn’t be celebrations or fireworks. There’d be a cauldron like atmosphere to get the players over the line, there’d be a massive sigh of relief and then there’d be embarrassment and recriminations. Big clubs do not celebrate staying up.
The thing is though, Everton have been so shit for so long that loads of their fans have never seen them win anything and therefore for some of them these high stakes games at the business end of the season are their equivalent of cup finals. It’s pure cringe, they have absolutely no pride.
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