Mourinho’s Mancs continue to hog the headlines but I’ll save all that until the end and start with the other under-performing ‘big six’ club, Arsenal, who were looking to get themselves off the mark this weekend with a home game against hapless West Ham.
In the situation they were in, Arsenal couldn’t have wished for better opponents. I’m fairly sure West Ham will be safe enough in the long run but now is a great time to be playing them while they get used to Pellegrini’s style and their new signings bed in. Arsenal couldn’t possibly lose this game, right? Well they sure as hell tried.
West Ham started much better and deservedly led through Arnautovic. Monreal levelled when he collected a cross from fellow full back Bellerin and blasted it into the roof of the net, but it didn’t settle them down and Snodgrass blew a great opportunity after strolling unopposed through the Arsenal backline. Wasn’t he my boy once? I know it’s hard to keep track, but I think he was. He’s a much better player than he’s given credit for I think, but joining West Ham really set his career back.
Arnautovic also wasted a fantastic opportunity to restore West Ham’s lead and Arsenal took full advantage of those let offs, although their goal was a total fluke as Lacazette’s cross struck Diop and flew past Fabianski. The Hammers blew another glorious chance when the lively Felipe Anderson ran past everyone and teed up Perez, but he made a complete hash of it.
Is he that same Perez who completely flopped at Arsenal? *googles* Yep, the very same. Arsenal fans won’t have been worried when he went clean through as they’ve seen that countless times and know it ends in disappointment. Mind you, the sun even shines on a dog’s arse sometimes, as shown when Danny Welcrap came on and scored deep into stoppage time, so you can never be too sure.
The Gunners are a fucking shambles defensively but in fairness to them they’ve created loads of chances in every game so far (unlike United) and there doesn’t look to be too much wrong with them going forward. Certainly now that they’ve ditched that waster Ozil anyway. The official line was that he missed the game because he had “a cold” but it seems like common knowledge that he had a bust up with Emery. No-one misses games with a cold for fucks sake.
I’ve got an irrational hatred of Ozil. He winds me right up, the fucking waster. He’s been swerving Yogi Low’s texts and calls since retiring from Germany. So it was Low’s fault that he’s been shit since the 2010 World Cup? Arsene Wenger couldn’t get anything out of him on a consistent basis either, and now Emery is struggling too. You know something, Mesut, maybe it’s not them? Maybe it’s you, you fucking lazy, flaky bastard. Arsenal are the biggest mugs in Europe for giving him that contract.
Moving on, and what about Wolves eh? They had a right go at City and although they rode their luck a little, overall they deserved their point. Obviously it was a good result for us because City dropped two points, but it’s also good for us in the sense that hopefully other teams will see this and think that City aren’t invincible.
Their weakness is their defence. It’s really not very good, I’ve been saying it for ages, but if the opponents don’t want to attack then it wouldn’t matter if they brought Richard Dunne and Joleon Lescott out of retirement to play together. They can be got at though, especially if you have pace, which Wolves had with the likes of Helder Costa (the lad who ran all over us in the FA Cup a couple of years ago) and Adama Traore when he came on..
Of course other teams will try to do what Wolves did but they won’t be fortunate enough to catch City on an off day and many of them will get slaughtered, but it’s better to go down swinging than take the Newcastle approach, surely? I’ll get to Rafa and his bus parking shortly though.
As you’d expect, City had plenty of chances but they never really looked like they properly got going especially in the first half. Rui Patricio did need to make the save of the season to keep out Sterling’s long range effort though. The save itself was top notch but he gets extra brownie points for not being taken by surprise. I mean fucking hell, who knew Sterling was actually capable of kicking the ball 30 yards?
The lively Costa had a couple of decent openings before Wolves took the lead in contentious circumstances when Boli missed with his head but the ball struck his arm and went in. Neves could have made it 2-0 but dragged his shot wide. Laporte thundered in a header from a free-kick to draw the Champions level and I think we were all bracing ourselves for the inevitable City winner.
It never came though. The closest they got was a Jesus header straight at the keeper and a late free-kick from Aguero that hit the bar (keeper had it covered I think). Wolves had been a bit underwhelming in their two previous games but they looked good in this one and will probably push on from this now. And hopefully they’ve provided some inspiration for everyone else outside of the top six.
Next up, the extraordinary events at Dean Court. Oh Everton, we’re all laughing at you (we’re all laughing at you). They must really fucking hate playing at Bournemouth. Remember last year when they scored what they thought was the winner in stoppage time and a load of knobs invaded the pitch in their Lonsdales only for Bournemouth to equalise in the time that was added on for the pitch invasion?
This wasn’t quite at that level of hilarity, but it was still funny as fuck. Richarlison was sent off for stupidly sticking his head in Smith’s face, but Walcott fired the Blues ahead soon after when he beat Begovic at his near post. Bournemouth’s task was made even more difficult when they too had a man sent off after Smith brought down Walcott. Really harsh that.
Keane headed the Blues into a 2-0 lead (the keeper was again found wanting) and that looked to be game over. You can’t write Bournemouth off at home though, the amount of late goals they score is fucking mad, and they came back to get themselves a point. First, Wilson won a penalty that was converted by King and then Ake fired in from close range to complete the comeback.
Leicester had a really good win at Southampton, especially as they were without the suspended Vardy. The Saints played well and looked the better side for much of the game, but once again they had nothing to show for it. Bertrand leathered one in from 20 yards to give them a deserved lead but Demarai Gary fired in an equaliser after a gross misjudgement from Cedric.
Hoijberg dived in the box and was sent off for a second yellow. The correct decision from Fat Jon Moss. Not something you’ll see me writing very often. Harry Maguire hit the winner in stoppage time with a speculative low shot that squirmed through a few players and unsighted the keeper. Mark Hughes had a moan about the sending off afterwards. Of course, oui.
I’ve already nailed my colours to the mast and declared Cardiff and Huddersfield as this year’s bottom two, and nothing I saw when they met this weekend has changed my mind. SHITE.
Cardiff aren’t going to score a goal this season are they? They haven’t scored since April, but as I’m sure you’ve seen they still have a better goal difference than the Mancs. Love that.
Hogg was sent off after an altercation with Harry Arter. Hogg is a hothead and Arter is a master at shithousing so that was only going to end one way. Yellow card for Arter and a red for Hogg. Arter is the English Ander Herrera. Absolute twat he is. I reckon he’s an illegitimate Redknapp. Looks like Jamie but has the morals of ‘Arry.
In other news, Neil Warnock reckons Sol Bamba (who?) is a better defender than big Virgil. What did I tell you last week? I love this guy, he’s just great entertainment.
Fulham have been playing alright but not had anything to show for it, but they had a nice home win over Burnley to get themselves on the board.
That Seri lad might turn out to be one of the signings of the season if he’s as good as the reputation that preceded him. He blasted them ahead with a screamer from distance but Hendrick equalised at the second attempt on the counter attack. Mitrovic headed in a couple of quick goals but Tarkowski pulled one back at the end of the first half. Five goals in one half? When was the last time that happened in a Burnley game?
It’s been raining goals in their games this season, with most of them going in their net. I couldn’t understand it, then I saw Joe Hart and suddenly it all made sense. Look, I’m not saying he’s shit, he still makes a lot of saves (and pulled off some good ones in this game), but there’s just this bad stink that follows him around these days. He’s got bad mojo, why would you want to bring that into your club?
I feel bad for the guy, it’s like he’s cursed. I mean look at the fourth goal; he makes a brilliant save to turn the ball onto the post but it ends up going straight to Schurrle who buried it. Just really unlucky. If that’s Tom Heaton or the other lad, Cleatus the Slack Jawed Yokel, it hits the post and rebounds to safety.
Onto Sunday now, and Newcastle were fucking embarrassing against Chelsea. It’s hilarious to me though, as those Geordies have always gone on about the type of football they ‘expect’, nay ‘demand’, and any manager who didn’t produce it was hounded out. Rafa though, he can do whatever the fuck he likes because he’s got the protective shield of everyone’s hatred for Mike Ashley to hide behind.
19% possession at home? Are you fucking kidding me? Chelsea are a good side but they’re not Man City. 19% possession? That’s shameful. All this ‘poor Rafa, doesn’t he have it so bad up there’ talk is nonsense. He’s in his fucking element up there. He loves nothing more than some good political infighting so that keeps him nice and busy. And when they win it’s down to him, and when they lose he gets a free pass as it’s all Ashley’s fault. If he was as unhappy as people suggest, why stay there? Loyalty yo the fans? Please, that might wash with the gullible Geordies but not me.
Carra asked on Monday Night Football why he wasn’t considered of the Arsenal job as he’s better qualified than Emery. Maybe because the Arsenal board don’t fancy a civil war and a manager who will have the fans turn against them? Newcastle is a great job for him. He’s got a free swing at it. If they go down no-one blames him (and nor should they, because Ashley IS a fucking leech), but if they stay up he’s a genius.
The other thing that suits him is that because there are no expectations he can treat every game like a chess match and be as defensive as he likes. Poor Rafa? No, he’ll be like a dog with two dicks.
Anyway, as for the game, Chelsea took the lead from the spot through Hazard. Harsh decision I thought, as the lad got the ball first before catching Alonso.
Having fallen behind suddenly Newcastle came out of their shithouse shell and lo and behind they equalised when that bum Joselu headed in at the near post. Amazing what happens when you venture out of your own half isn’t it?
Chelsea restored their advantage almost immediately though when Yedlin turned a shot into his own net. Karma that. He’d elbowed Giroud in the face before crossing for Joselu’s goal. Wasn’t malicious, he was just protecting himself but he landed one right on Giroud’s magnificently chiselled jaw. Yedlin got away with that but the football Gods levelled the score with the own goal.
Going to be a long season for Newcastle, but Chelsea are a bit of a wild card. They might end up being way better than people expected. Hope not. Imagine if City had a down year and we overtook them only for Chelsea to do what they did a couple o flyers ago and surprise everyone.
So, last but not least. Mourinho. I didn’t watch the Spurs game (you know the drill by now) but I might have to start tuning in as it appears I’m missing out on some great fun.
Before I get to the mess that is United I should probably compliment Spurs on an impressive win and performance. They’re a good side and the only thing that will probably undermine them this year is a lack of depth when the games come thick and fast. They were far too good for United from what I’ve been told. Organised, strong, resilient and threatening in attack.
They’ve not really had the credit they probably deserve because everyone has been talking about the mess United are in and how Mourinho is losing his marbles. What’s really mad is there are people saying that’s exactly what Mourinho wanted when he went off on one.
I really don’t get it. If he was being clever he’d have just praised Spurs, bigged them right up as being far better than most people realise, and say that his players tried hard but didn’t have much luck. Of course he’d still have taken some stick but it wouldn’t be anything like as ferocious as it has been. If people are talking about how good Spurs are they aren’t launching an inquest into how shite United are.
“He always makes it about him”. Yeah he does and at times in the past it’s worked. Let’s face it though, the last thing he needs right now is the focus to be on HIM. What he did after the Spurs game was not part of some ‘Mourinho masterplan’, he was just acting like a cunt. The reason he’s wigging out like that is because people are wondering why his team are shit, they’re asking him about it and he can’t cope.
This “Jose’s just deflecting” narrative is the biggest load of footballing bollocks since the whole “ho ho ho wee Scholesey cannae tackle”. It wasn’t that he couldn’t tackle, it was that he was a dirty little ginger manc ballbag.
Jose is not being clever and this isn’t some well thought out tactic. He’s just an egotistical, small, petty twat who doesn’t react well to pressure or criticism. It’s that simple. It really is. Sometimes if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a fucking duck. Don’t read too much into it.
It’s really funny when you think about how that must have played out. He’s been fucking seething at the amount of negative press coverage he’s been getting. He must have been sat there reading it all, his blood pressure rising with each sleight against him. What makes it worse is that Klopp, Guardiola and Pochettino are being (rightly) lauded, despite not having his CV.
He’s spent so much time stewing over it that he even researched how many Premier League titles the rest of the top flight managers have, and when he realised it was less than him he knew there and then he was going to use that the next time he was getting shit in a press conference.
“What was ze score? Sree nil. You know what else is sree? Sree premierships. Sree for me. Ze other 19 managers have two. Respect. Respect. Respect. Respect.”
Just amazing that. And hilarious. Not least because of the blatant hypocrisy of it. Three premier league titles deserves respect, apparently, unless you’re Arsene Wenger in which case it’s ok to call him a ‘specialist in failure’. What happened to respect there?
You all know how much I hate him, but I’ve realised that I only hate him when he’s winning. Right now, I think he’s fucking hilarious and I can’t get enough of watching him talk. Doesn’t even matter when he’s taking shots at us, right now they are in such a state there’s nothing he can say that’s going to get under my skin.
I just hope they don’t go and spoil it all by sacking him before the real entertainment starts.
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