Saturday Mar 17…
L 5 Watford 0 Those two poor bastards on the left of the Watford defence will be waking in the night in a cold sweat seeing Mo’s smiling face after this. It was almost cruel what he did to them, especially Britos who was left crawling around the canvas trying to find his gum shield. Salah was just phenomenal today, but as much as I enjoyed it I couldn’t help thinking "fucks sake Mo, why couldn’t you have played like this last week?”
Four chances, four goals and a brilliant assist thrown in. Just half of that last week and we'd be second. He's incredible though isn't he? I wonder how many is he going to end up with? We’ve got a minimum of nine games left and if we can get by City that will be 11 or hopefully 12. Mo is 11 behind Rushy’s all time club record for goals in a season, but he will have played less games. It could end up being close though if he has another day like this somewhere along the way between now and the end of the season. Goodison would be rather fitting actually, seeing as though it’s Rushy and that.
Sunday Mar 18…
Lots of hand wringing on social media about the plans to 'greet' the Man City coach when they come to Anfield. It's basically going to be the same thing that happened to Villarreal a couple of years ago. Loads of Reds lining Anfield Road, singing, banging on the side of the bus, letting off smoke bombs and probably a few knobs lashing bottles at the bus. Yet the Manc press are talking it up like we're planning to blow up the fucking bus and crying about how 'illegal' it all is.
Then you have the City fans shrugging it off and downplaying the importance of Anfield. I love it when this happens. Someone mentions 'Anfield under the lights' or 'the magic of a European night at Anfield' and the rest of the country rolls their eyes and dismisses it as a load of clichéd nonsense. They do that out of jealousy. Nowhere else in England has that kind of power, and they all HATE IT.
"Ooooooh a bit of singing and a few flags, that's really going to intimidate (insert random South American who has played in Boca v River Plate) isn't it?" They don't get it. It's not just about what it does to opposing players (although it often does unexplainable things), it's more how it inspires our lads to almost superhuman acts. I mean fucking hell, we needed three goals in the last 15 minutes to beat Dortmund and we got them, and two of them were scored by Sakho and Lovren!! So don't tell me that Anfield doesn't have magical powers because clearly it fucking does.
We'll hear all kinds of dismissive shite before we play City. I know this because we've heard it all before. Remember Marca's front page "This is Anfield? So what?" on the morning of that 4-0 game? As Butch said in Pulp Fiction. "They keep under-estimating you. That's how you're gonna beat 'em".
City may well still go through because they're better than us. They might even come and win at Anfield, God knows they're due a victory here, but irrespective of what happens they'd love to have the kind of home advantage that we have, because playing at the Etihad isn't going to inspire or intimidate anyone.
Meanwhile, Chelsea are through to the FA Cup semis after an extra time win at Leicester. They just look shit though don’t they? I can’t put my finger on it. They aren’t useless, snivelling shitbags like Arsenal but it’s just not quite right with them. Hopefully they can put a couple of performances in and win the cup as I’d much rather they did it than the Mancs or Spurs, who will meet in the semis.
Problem is I wouldn’t trust Chelsea to beat either of them after seeing the way they approached those games with the two Manc clubs.
Monday Mar 19…
Interesting little snippet from the excellent Simon Hughes today in an article that was mostly about Mo. This bit in particular caught my eye:
“Liverpool’s players walked off the pitch to be greeted by Troy Deeney at the tunnel entrance. Not so long ago, Deeney was able to detail how this was a Liverpool team you could bully. Virgil van Dijk’s arrival has changed perceptions because of his height, his power, his grace and his calm. On this occasion, Deeney wanted to shake the hands of those responsible for overpowering Watford so convincingly. Liverpool’s defence did not give him a sniff.”
I know I’m in a minority of one here, but I like Deeney. I never used to. I know he’s a bit of a knob and he’s mouthy, but the more I’ve listened to him the more I feel like he’s misunderstood because of the era he plays in. He’s an old school pro in a game that’s moved on from his kind. It’s like he’s been transported from the 80s and dropped into the modern game as some kind of social experiment.
If he thinks you’re soft he’s got nothing but contempt for you. He ripped into us a few years ago for being shithouses, and although we don’t like to hear it (and his comment about Skrtel crying off was daft as he had pulled a hamstring and missed six weeks) we were soft as shite that day and he (and Ighalo) bullied us.
He was even more scathing of Arsenal’s defenders for the same reason earlier in the season. They didn’t like it either (especially Club Shop Ty!). Again though, he was right.
So for him to be waiting by the tunnel to shake everyone’s hands after he’d been utterly dominated shows you that he respects what our lads did to him and his team. Not exactly praise from Caesar, but much rather this than having him going on Talksport and calling our lads out for being big fannies.
Tuesday Mar 20…
Trent is training with the full England squad. He might get a cap in the next couple of games as that seems to be how it is these days. Anyone who is English and has played a few games gets a call up. I mean Nick Pope? Really? Personally I think it’s too early for Trent, he’s a hugely promising player but I hate this modern trend of players getting caps way before they’ve earned it. I mean, Dom Solanke has a full England cap.
Remember how long Steve McMahon had to wait for a call up? He was the best midfielder in the best team in the league and he still couldn’t get a look in for years. It used to mean something back then. It still means something now to the actual players who are called up, but so many of them get caps now I doubt anyone else is even arsed.
In other news today, Mourinho is still getting all kinds of flak from the press who have really started to smell blood now. Luke Shaw is being made into a martyr as he’s the poster boy for Mourinho’s twattishness towards his players.
A couple of weeks ago he called Shaw one of the best left backs in the world, before immediately dropping him. The funny thing is he was clearly being sarcastic but people took him literally and were wondering why he’d drop him if he thought he was one of the word’s best. Perhaps in future Jose needs to pop his head back into the press room, Homer Simpson style and say “In case you didn’t realise, Marge, I was being sarcastic”.
His continual ridiculing of Shaw continued last weekend when he subbed him at half time and then destroyed him when he was asked afterwards why he took him off. Some are now even calling it bullying. I mean it is, clearly, and has been for some time, but it’s football isn’t it? Managers can basically do whatever they like without impunity.
Don’t forget that Mourinho once subbed Mo Salah at half time and told him “come back when you can play football”. That should be on his headstone actually.
Wednesday Mar 21…
Mohamed Salah: "I don't have tattoos, I don't change hairstyles, I don't know how to dance. I just want to play football." Not gonna lie, I enjoyed those quotes even more than his four goals the other day. Not sure everyone will feel the same though…
"You got something you want to say to me, Mo?"
Aldo has annoyed the Manchester press by talking up the Anfield advantage and also rightly pointing out that the City fans don't create an atmosphere at the Etihad. “Some of their players will shake when they feel the atmosphere we create. They won't have heard anything quite like it” he said.
The Manchester Evening News' response was somewhat predictable. It's EXACTLY the kind of thing I predicted higher up the page.
"That will come as news to City players who, in the last two seasons alone, have played at Napoli, Feyenoord and Celtic in the Champions League – all of them far more intimidating atmospheres than Anfield.
You have to wonder which City players he meant. Was it one of the South Americans, used to playing in bearpits in Buenos Aires, Montevideo and Sao Paulo? Or maybe seasoned veterans of games at Europe's most hostile hotspots?
Not forgetting of course, that every player in the squad has played at Anfield before, most of them several times. And, while their record at that ground is poor – it remains the only Premier League stadium at which they have yet to win since the 2008 takeover – that is nothing to do with being afraid of a few chanting fans."
They don't get it do they? Napoli, Feyenoord and Celtic might be more intimidating than Anfield if we're talking a regular league fixture, but on a midweek night under the floodlights there's no comparison whatsoever. As I said, it's not just about 'intimidation' it's also about inspiring and it's about that intangible thing no-one can explain.
Dortmund's players had played in some of the biggest, most intimidating venues around Europe but ask them about Anfield. Ask Mourinho and his great Chelsea team about it. Ask Roma's players. Ask the 2005 Juventus side. Or Real Madrid's players who were spanked 4-0. I could go on, but I'm preaching to the choir here as you all know the power of Anfield. Let's just hope City find out about it the week after next.
Meanwhile, the other Mancs are considering handing out song sheets to improve the Old Trafford atmosphere. Why? I know Mancs are thick but they only have four songs and three of them are about us. If Evertonians can manage that without needing song sheets why can't United fans?
In other news, Big Sexy pulled out of Germany’s training session today after just 15 minutes. Here’s a question; why the fuck is he even there in the first place when he was clearly injured? We’re fucking mugs aren’t we? Luckily enough he’s not that important.
The u23s lost at Boro in some thing called the Premier League Cup. I think that means they’ve been knocked out but who knows. The arse has fallen out of them since half the team went out on loan in January, and the knock down effect is that Stevie’s team have suffered too as his best players were moved up to take their places.
I caught parts of this one but it was a difficult watch because Bogdan was in goal and I thought I’d never have to endure seeing that clown ever again. Even at this level he fucking stinks and he’s the main reason they lost. Pathetic on all three goals.
He's stealing a wage that lad, but it isn't his fault it's whoever gave him the contract. Hodge wasn't it? No, Brad Jones was his I think. The Bogbrush must have been on Brendan.
Thursday Mar 22…
“I have the self-confidence to say that my qualities are sufficient to play in a very big club next season. I’m doing great in England. The Spanish league is also attractive. The same applies to Germany, where tactics are concerned, and the Italian club football, which has recently caught up. Incidentally, the same applies to France, this league has now established itself as one of the best in Europe. Therefore, I do not want to exclude anything because I do not know what I will do from the summer.”
Talk about hedging your bets, Emre. Fucking hell. Surprised he never mentioned Turkey, Greece, China and MLS too. The French league is turd and the only reason he’d even mention it is in the hope that PSG might throw stupid money his way. I don’t think he’s agreed to sign for anybody and I doubt he even knows himself yet what he wants to do.
He’s flirting with everyone, letting them all think they’ve got a chance just because he’s enjoying being chased. My gut instinct is now telling me he’ll hold talks with about half a dozen clubs and then end up signing a contract here.
Fucking hell, every pundit out there seems to be trying to sell Mo to Madrid. Shay Given went out of his way to do it on MOTD last week and now we’ve got Ian Wright and Craig Bellamy discussing it on Sky. Bellamy spoke a lot of sense (as usual) but Wright was just… well he was Ian Wright. Don’t get me wrong, I like Wrighty, he’s entertaining, but he’s on the Moron Ladder, sandwiched on the rung between Paul Merson and Robbie Savage.
“No disrespect to Liverpool but Mo Salah didn’t grow up dreaming of playing for them” says Wrighty. Actually he did, he’s said it on numerous occasions, including before he actually signed for us. That doesn’t mean he won’t leave of course, but let’s not add unnecessarily fuel to a fire that shouldn’t even be burning in the first place.
He might stay here for the rest of his career, he might not. He won’t be going anywhere THIS summer though so this continuing narrative is fucking tiresome. Can’t we just enjoy a player without having this massive shadow cast over everything?
Meanwhile, Harry Wilson made his first start for Wales today. He scored his first goal too. And it was on his 21st birthday. Not a bad day that. Made up for him, I keep saying this but he’s a lovely little footballer. I wonder just how close he is to getting in Klopp’s plans. He’s been phenomenal in the u23s for two years now.
I’m not overstating that, he’s been the best player in that entire league, but for some reason it hasn’t been enough to convince Klopp. Maybe he was really close, I don’t know, but if he was then this spell at Hull and his impact with Wales might just be enough to tip the scales in his favour. Hope so.
He arrived with a roar and left with a whimper. Zlatan is no longer a United player as he signed for LA Galaxy today. He posted this picture on Twitter today.
He actually sees himself as Jesus? Unbelievable. Jesus performed miracles whereas this tit has spent the last 15 years beating up on shit teams and doing a disappearing act any time he faced anyone good. The injury he picked up last year was probably the best thing that happened all season as it meant we didn’t have to put up with his delusional bullshit. Fuck off, good riddance, you won’t be missed you big nosed shit muzzy'd fucking dope.
Friday Mar 23…
You know how I never watch England games? Well tonight I did. Why? I did it for you, of course. There is literally nothing else going on that I could write about today so I was forced into watching England play Holland. I almost switched it off within minutes when Joe Gomez picked up an injury. Has there ever been an international break when we haven’t suffered an injury? Can set your watch by it.
Almost as predictable as Southgate leaving the Liverpool lads on for 90 minutes while subbing most of the other top six players. Peanut headed goofy cunt.
Watching this reminded me exactly why I don’t normally bother. Dull as fuck. International football is appalling, it needs fucking off. Holland’s centre forward was a shambles. Spent the whole game getting knocked on his arse and giving the ball away. Patrick Kluivert agreed with me. He was saying at half time he should be dragged off, but I think my opinion carries more weight than his as unlike Kluivert I didn’t have a kid on the subs bench waiting to come on.
When that rat Lingard scored I immediately regretted the decision to keep watching. I can't think of a current player I despise more than him. His face, his voice, his name, everything. He's even come up with his own shitty hashtag trending. #JLingz Fucking hell, pass me the sick bucket.
The England fans had been typically fucking embarrassing with their behaviour throughout the day. Let’s see if they pull the same shit this summer at the World Cup. Bet you anything you like all these knobheads causing shit in Holland will be trashing boozers in their home town this summer because there’s no way they’ve got the balls to go to Russia.
Meanwhile, over in LA, Zlatan takes out a full page ad in the local paper that simply said “Dear Los Angeles, you’re welcome” and had his signature at the bottom. Listen soft lad, they’ve had Beckham and Stevie playing for them so you’re not the big deal you think you are. Good luck trying to fill Robbie Keane’s boots you big fraud.
and that was the pretty dull fucking week that was.
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