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Captain Willard

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Everything posted by Captain Willard

  1. Captain Willard
    Mrs Willard got a proper well paid job after 17 years of being at home bringing up our 5 kids. Took her out for lunch to celebrate.
  2. Captain Willard
    Hyperbole is spelt completely wrong. I can’t pronounce it either.
  3. Captain Willard
    “The thing is” I say that too much
  4. Captain Willard
    Blue Ribanns - no D
  5. Captain Willard
    I think the D is silent. You’re both wrong.
  6. Captain Willard
    Nuclear is another one. 2 syllables or 3 ? I have heard both.
  7. Captain Willard
    Hopefully self explanatory and maybe cathartic. All you have to do is write the word that you struggle to say out loud. I’ll open the batting with “specific” just can’t say it.
  8. Captain Willard
    It’s over. It’s a filler word now that can be taken out of sentences without losing any of the meaning. Literally meaningless.
  9. Captain Willard
    I have fought a pointless one man battle for years against this, like a Japanese soldier on a lonely pacific island in the 1950s. I’ve given up now. There’s probably someone on a neighbouring island fighting the same futile war of “like” instead of “said”.
  10. Captain Willard
    I'm making a conscious effort not to start sentences with "So...". It's very hard.
  11. Captain Willard
    I’ve eaten a pigs ear. It’s tasty but a lot of gristle.
  12. Captain Willard
    A terse e mail is the English middle class equivalent of a horse’s head in your bed.
  13. Captain Willard
    As an update on the shed, I’ve sent him a terse e mail saying I will acquiesce. No hello, how are you or thanks or have a nice Easter, none of that. This alone will convey to the cunt how much I hate him.
  14. Captain Willard
    He’s got a BSC - bloody stupid cunt
  15. Captain Willard
    I built a shed on my allotment. The fucking jobsworth cunt at the Council is saying it is too big by 2 feet and wants me to demolish it. He’s got his pathetic qualifications on his e mail address. I fucking hate him.
  16. Captain Willard
    Oh my. Those sausages.
  17. Captain Willard
    “Lennon read a book on Marx” in American Pie, a Beatle and a writer in the same song.
  18. Captain Willard
    Today’s breakfast. No beans.
  19. Captain Willard
    Apart from pro beaners obviously.
  20. Captain Willard
    Somebody once called him Squeeler from Animal Farm which is a brilliant spot.
  21. Captain Willard
    Stronts would be there chucking grenades at the mourners.
  22. Captain Willard
    Yes I think that’s a reasonable assumption. The yearning for control over things that are fundamentally uncontrollable maybe. Obviously you get exceptions but generally the state of the front garden is a pretty reliable distinguisher between Tory and Lib Dems voters. It’s less clear re Labour voters.
  23. Captain Willard
    There’s definitely a pattern. Tory voters tend to have tidy gardens with an immaculate but old Honda accord on the drive, Lib Dems don’t prune their roses and drive Citroens.
  24. Captain Willard
    In my experience of political campaigning for Mrs Willard, front gardens are a pretty reliable guide to voting intentions. A scruffy front garden with a French car on the drive is invariably a Lib Dem.
  25. Captain Willard
    Yes you get some great stock from Farmer Gracy. I also travel to Amsterdam a lot with work so buy tubers there and sneak them home in my hand luggage.
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