General Dryness

I've got no agenda Dennis. I'm just tired of having to tell you what a huge fucking bellend you are.

Its got nothing to do with faux moral outrage. I don't give a fucking shit whether he's racist or not Rico. A racist term is a racist term, and if one user gets banned for it, so should anyone who uses it. Dennis isn't a first time offender either. He just seems to get away with it because he's so mental its cool man.

They do fucking honk don't they. You should get her to see someone about that. A doctor. Or maybe a priest.

Funnily enough, in the real world a racist term is a racist term Dennis. In your fighting fantasy headspace it might be ok. The user that was banned for using it was using it in what he thought was a humourous way as well.

I'm pretty good at skim reading stuff (I certainly wouldn't waste much time on Dennis if I wasn't a fast reader), and that particular word stuck out at me like a sore thumb. I'll tolerate shitloads, but racism never. Casual or otherwise.

But when he sings it, he changes the lyrics to "I'm still Danny from up the elephant and rahhhhnd the castle innit"

I'm going to be honest and say I've had to report this. Regardless of the context, using that term (which got another user banned for a month not so long ago) is not acceptable.

His real genius is in how he bends and moulds a role to make it his, by playing exactly the same character in every film, regardless of storyline or setting.

Fact. He is also not human. He is constructed entirely of ants who nest in the exact same shape as a human being, inside a specially constructed human suit. This explains why you will never see Dave in water or near fire, and is the reason for his morbid fear of magnifying glasses.

If female genitalia was as prominent as male, there wouldn't be a female fascination with the male fascination in their penis. Having it constantly there flapping about in front of you, having to move it out of the way whilst dressing etc. does form a somewhat intimate relationship. You don't have the same interaction with your bits. If a woman had to move her fanny out of the way whilst dressing, or hold it whilst peeing, I would suggest medical assistance.

I said crying, not vomiting.

I'd do her. But in such a way that she'd want spend a fair bit of time in the shower afterwards. Crying.

I know its not monday, but I'm resurrecting this. Its the definitive anti-work post as far as I'm concerned. Says everything I want to say, only better. Work can fuck fucking off. I'm fucking ill as fuck (man flu), but I'm out of sick days (only get 5 per year paid in this country). I've managed to use them up between being ill myself and also a couple of days to look after the boy when he was ill and couldn't go to daycare. Our new manager has decided in his wisdom that rather than being allowed to use your annual leave as sick leave, any sick days additional to the 5 now have be taken as unpaid. With a mortgage and a renovation going on, I can't really afford to lose any money. Fuck 'em. I hope they all get it.

Thought this was quite amusing.

To counter this, we need to put the badgers on rhinos with packs of tigers. Each unit of badger cavalry to be led by a honey badger.

Yea, this. The older I get, my tolerance for fuckwittery is heading towards zero. Mrs Dryness pulled me up last night after I went on a fuck-and-cunt laden rant about some bad twat or other. Then I went on a rant about being pulled up. Then she didn't talk to me for an hour. I'm looking forward to being old. I'm going to be a miserable twat AND stink of piss deliberately into the bargain.

The one that pisses me off is the Stellers Sea Cow. Would have loved to have seen one of them big buggers close up. Think manatee but thirty feet long. Big, friendly, harmless seaweed-chewing monsters. And humans ate them all. See also Haast's Eagle and the Moa. A thirty pound eagle with a 10 foot wingspan that preyed on a 12 foot tall flightless bird, both endemic to New Zealand. At least it did until the maoris turned up in the 12th century and ate all the moas. Bye bye moa, bye bye Haasts eagle. Humanity - wiping shit out since a long time ago.

Coffee and biscuits? Does not compute. If you're going to eat biscuits with a hot beverage, it should be tea.

You are an officer and a gentleman, sir. I salute you.

Ooh, not biscuits.

You just burned about half a million quids worth of sales.

And to think we were worried. I'll take your endorsement, and will give it a watch as and when I can. Unlikely we'll get it on the cinema down here, so it'll be a wait for the DVD.

I'm not happy with that contents list. It seems somewhat grounded in reality on the face of things. I think leaving out something a bit mental is a mistake. If Icke had come out and talked sense, nobody would have taken a blind bit of notice. Pop in a bit of "the royal family are humanoid lizards" and bobs yer uncle. You'll never be short of a turquoise shellsuit round at Daves place.

I think he's a clever lad. Says so right there in my poem.

Cosmic alignment.