Jarvinja Ilnow

Not this time

When they miss it, it is called the Steve Nicol '84 kick!

It's funny - I can get behind the England women (!) yet despise the men's team (even more so its supporters). If the England women win I'll be happy for them; if they lose it will be a little bit "meh".

69mph from Kelly vs 66mph Benrahama, apparently. I looked at Benrahama's goal and the ball is moving forward in open play when he hits it, meaning he will not get the extra force of it coming onto his foot. Kelly hit a deadball, so she never got that bonus either, however she was also not handicapped by the ball moving away from her. She also had more of a run up and was not in the motion of running forward with it like he was. Either way, a cracking penalty from Kelly.

Yes, it's just a question of how many.

Objective Nous. Total Halcyon Effort. Bravery Energy Aggression Commitment Heroics.

He's mediorce - Ramen Salted.

In which case, don't buy gold - buy weapons, and get your mates, to buy weapons. Next, form a gang of brutal raiders and roam the postapocolyptic wasteland; liberating all those softy gold hoarders from their treasures, critical resources and their women. Fucking gold. Amateurs.

It was definitely more emphatic than Mo's last few pens.

Not so sure about the penalty spot - wasn't it Kelly who whacked in the winning spotkick the other day? Peter Lorimer would have been proud of that power. Goal size, yes.

Shame so many were forced to be there by their brutal rulers.

I just put £1 on Everton to go down, at 3.5/1. Never bet on their relegation before, so maybe this is the charm. Winning £3.50 is the most Mortimer and Randolph thing, and the best win I would ever have had.

That dude with the beard, between the sticks?

Wife told me there's been a monkey with a knife causing havoc at Chester Zoo! Bear casualties are unknown. Can't send link on my phone.

Down with that sort of stuff.

Arrested for a public order offence in her own home?

You'll probably get some tonight, but expect a lot of donkey punches and slaps, Stig (unless that's the norm).

We don't ask for much, Trumo.

At least he has one left.

So you're saying we won't get relegated!

It's all about perspectives.

Badly manufactured. Like your spin bowling.

At least Henderson didn't have to suffer people in the crowd shouting "pass it forward, you cunt!"

I can see why JurgenKnows described it as a hot-bed of football passion. It echoed with febrile intensity.