Harry Squatter

Sorry Ant - you do know he marked Marco Van Basten once though? He did it again last season, they were on a shit run of form and then he started going on about Heysel saying Everton were denied a chance of competing at the highest level even though he probably never thought that when he was playing for Celtic in 1985. All the Blueshite lap it up and think Moysie is a true blue cos deep down he hates the redshite. The club love it too, when Benitez got shit over his "small club" jibe - their spokesman was very defensive about it and made a big deal over it. Benitez didnt literally call them a small club, he just said that they played negatively and this is what happens when you play the small clubs. Everton exploited it magnificently turning all their fans attention onto Rafa and Liverpool looking down on them.

Moyes was under pressure when Rafa had that "I must focus on coaching the team" press conference then he took the piss out of Rafa in his one, all the Blueshite thought it was hilarious then conveniently forgot about the piss poor run they were on.

Nighthawks, Sly Stallone and Lando Calrissian battle trrorist Rutger Hauer, 7/10.

That Micheal McIntyre is just shit - he prances round the stage in a stupid posh voice without really saying anything of any note. Russell Howard just looks like an annoying southern student who you'd just want to punch repeatedly if you saw him in a pub. There was some weird Irish comedian on BBC1 a few weeks ago on Live at the Apollo, his act basically consisted of talking in an exaggerated Oirish arcent, waving his hands around and talking about how he'd like to go to Sri Lanka on holiday because it sounds like a silly country.

It must be a piece of piss managing Everton, every time you have a bad run, just slag off the redshite and they'll all get behind you.

Some lad i used to hang around with got some bird who was 10 years younger than him and she totally bossed him about - ringing him up on his christmas night out to drive all the way to Southport from town to give her a lift home to Formby. She'd never let him do anything and he was scared that she'd bin him off. No one ever saw him out and you'd have to book 3 weeks in advance to go out with him, at the last minute his bird wouyld have some drama or something "came up" and he cancelled. I left him alone for almost 6 months and then all of a sudden he wanted to go out every week. After a few questions it was revealed that his bird had sacked him off and that many people had got fed up of his cagey behaviour whilst he was with her and being let down no one else would go for a bevie with him. I stupidly agreed to go out with him but he spent most of the night texting her and trying to get her back I might as well have gone out on my own. I told him never to contact me until he sorted his head out, hardly seen him since but last I heard he has 2 kids and lives in the middle of nowhere.

Just waiting for a story about HIV Positive Asylum seekers killing swans in Hyde Park and insulting the memory of Princess Diana whilst lowering house prices then I'll post a message.

Syriana, went the pictures to watch it and got fed up of waiting for something interesting to happen. If I want an intelligent insight into the middle east i'll watch a documentary or a news channel.

Big Bob Mugabe - although his wife wants him to spend as long as possible in power so she can go on her shopping trips to Paris while the economy is still fucked.

Elvis did a set of gigs in Trinidad after a guy over here had seen him and asked him to do a few hotel and bar gigs over there. He went over and this British based guy had sorted out his flights, accomodation and even put on a driver for him to take him anywhere. He had to do a gig in Port of Spain at a local bar and he shit himself when he got there because it was rough and some of the locals looked proper dodgy. Halfway through the gig 5 fellas march in with guns and casually walk on stage and nick his speakers and rob a few of the people sitting in the front row. As Elvis had brought his own gear he needed to report this to the local police station so has to walk out in his white jump suit. The driver tells him not to go to any police stations by the bar as they will probably know the people who robbed him and do nothing so he drives slightly out of town to a small police station by the beach. When he goes in it is basically one room with some stoned fella in a police outfit behind a desk, some guy was tied up with a washing line and had a dishcloth rammed in his throat to shut him up, Elvis asked to report the theft but the guy behind the counter says that the Sergeant is the only one who can authorise a report, he looks outside and sees some guy pull up on a police bike with a bottle of beer in his hand. He is teh Sergeant and comes in to do the report for Elvis, still in his white jump suit. Elvis gives a detailed description of what happened and gives a goood description of the 5 fellas who robbed him. It all gets written down and he gets a copy to submit to the insurance company when he gets back home. He started reading it in the car and all it basically said was "I was boogying with boys on stage, 5 gunmen come in and threaten boom boom boom and they stole me gear" - the insurance company still paid out!

My mate is Elvis Brettini who is an Elvis tribute act (funnily enough). He has been all over Britain and done gigs in Las Vegas, Spain, Portugal and the Caribbean. I remember him telling me about a gig he did in Kettering. He said he was booked to perform at the Kettering Lesbian Darts team's Christmas party. He drove down in his motorhome, he normally takes another guy with him incase there's any dodginess but this time he thought he'd be ok. He gets to the pub which a proper old mans pub with a makeshift stage out of milk crates and wood, only people in there are about 30 butch looking lesbians with shaven heads drinking pints of strongbow and a couple of al fellas playing dominoes in the corner. He starts his routine and he's halfway through his 3rd song Love me Tender and some fat 20 odd stone lesbian with a skinhead wearing a denim jacket invades the stage so he has to stop singing. She says "Fucking sing Suspicious Minds now" - he says - "It's my final song - my showstopper, I always sing it last" - the lesbian says "Fucking sing it NOW" - Elvis says "No, wait to the end" - The lesbian then punches him in the stomach on stage and boots him in the balls. When Elvis gets up he says "Right that's it, no one hits me on stage, i'm off" and starts to gether his gear, the lesbian chases him out to the carpark screaming at him saying he should have sung it and she'l going to fill him in, luckily he got in his motorhome and fucked off back up the motorway.

On my stag weekend 10 of us went to Warsaw, the second day we were all out at 11 am drinking. We walked around and saw some bar which had glass panel windows and it still looked busy as there was loud music blaring out and lights flashing, I said to my mates we should go in for a drink. Walked up to the door which was a cheapo makeshift one made out of wood with graffiti all over it. We walked up to the bar after avoiding about 20 people dancing like Bez out the Happy Mondays on the dance floor. All the windows were soaking with condensation due to people being in there all night. At the bar I asked for 10 pints of Tyskie but the barman just said in the most monotonous Terminator style voice “GET OUT”, looked around and we were getting some weird looks so we decided to leave as it was obvious we weren’t going to get served and we definitely weren’t welcome. We walked over to some Irish bar about 20 yards next to this shady bar and sat in the chairs outside, as soon as we sat down we saw some big guy getting thrown out of the bar, he came flying out and nearly knocked the makeshift door off its hinges. He must have been about 6 foot 5 but didn’t look the most fearsome of characters, then two little ratboys with massive gold chains ran out and started punching him in the face – it was quite funny because it was like they were punching up towards the sky, they managed to land 4/5 punches in his face then both smashed their pint glasses full of beer over his head, booted him in the balls and went back inside. This guy was rolling round on the floor with a cut head but then randomly got up sat at a bus stop next to 2 old dears for a couple of minutes, he then summoned the courage to go back in. He was inside for about 10 seconds when he got launched out again through the makeshift door and the 2 little rats came out and gave him a few more digs and tripped him onto the floor kicking him in the back. We carried on drinking our pints and didn’t want to get involved as there was obviously something dodgy going on. He then goes over by the bus stop for a few minutes then decides he’s going to go back in, all of us get our cameras and phones out ready for another round of entertainment but as he opened the door a glass was thrown and smashed near his face of the makeshift door, he decided against a third beating and walked away, we all sighed and turned our cameras off and carried on drinking. He sat down in the middle of the square trying to wipe off the blood on his head and 2 coppers came up to him asking what he was doing. He pointed at the bar but the coppers shook their heads and walked off saying “no, we’re not going in there”. The fella got up and walked off, still shaken and staggering everywhere, he walked into a glass panel in the bus shelter before disappearing down the road.

Went into some bar in Hamburg on my mates stag do, there was only 2 of us left out so we were bladdered and randomly staggered from bar to bar not fussed where we went. We got into this bar after the PR fellas outside said the drinks were 2 for 1, when we got in it was the lowest quality lapdancing bar you can imagine. All the women in there looked like Heroin addicts from Moldova. A few came over and sat next to us but couldnt speak English, we basically used sign language to say we weren't interested so they sat elsewhere. We then get a bill on our table for 35 Euros even though we paid for our drinks at the bar. I went and told the bar manager to fuck off and said we weren't paying it. He just called the head bouncer over who said we'd been charged for the girls time and that we had talked to them for 10 minutes. I said to the lad with me "Watch this, they think we are a pair of mugs, if we stand our ground they'll just let us go". I said to the bouncer "Listen mate, we aren't paying this joke of a bill, we didn't even talk to them or order them drinks, now fuck off" The bouncer then opens his long black coat to reveal a massive knife and says "Maybe both of you would like to meet my friend Stanley?" and two more knuckleheads blocked the exit. I said "35 was it? - is 3 tens and a five ok?" - gave the money to him and legged it.

The Weighing Machine needs Dalton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hazard, Sanchez, M'Villa, Sakho and Coentrao, hopefully John W Henry finds a suitcase with £75M quid down the back of his sofa.

I take it no one is arsed about the original topic of the thread.

Not so much a rough pub but a weird bar, went to a bar in Leeds on Call Lane called Oporto, i went to watch the Mancs play Villareal there on the Tuesday on my own cos i was bored sitting in the hotel, the next night me and my work colleague went out to watch Liverpool Vs Marseille there. When I got there all teh TV's were off and the big screen was not there, I asked the barman if they were showing the Liverpool game and he said that they never show footy in the bar. I said that I was in the bar last night to watch the Manc game and he was adamant that there had been no footy on in this bar for a year. After arguing with him for about 5 minutes we left and went to another pub in Leeds city centre. It was like the scene in Moonraker where Bond goes into the building with the head of MI6 and the defence secretary expecting to see a lab creating toxic nerve gas but Drax is sitting off having cucumber sandwiches, either that or the Shining.

According to Evertonians, we only began in 1959. My dad told me a story about a game against Newcastle where Liverpool came from 3-1 down to eventually win 5-4 and the entire ground threw their scarves on the pitch at the end of teh game. The game was also played at some random time like 3pm on a Tuesday/Wednesday afternoon - possibly because of floodlights and he sagged of school to watch it.

The Lion and Unicorn isn't that rough but my mate got filled in by a gang of 11-12 year olds there in about 2004. He was walking up past Waterloo train station and a gang of kids on bikes shouted "haha look at him with the blonde hair, he looks like a right gay twat", my mate confronted them and basically tried to pass himself off as some sort of hard case, they shut up and left him alone. He walked futher up to the Lion and Unicorn pub but then they all started charging towards him do my mate thought he'd leg it into the pub to get way from this angry mob of 11 year olds on BMX's - he got to the pub doorway when one tripped him up and they all dived on him punching and kicking him and ripped his shirt, then one came from the back and slammed a BMX onto his head which cut the top of his eyebrow open slightly. He managed to get away and into the pub after punching one or two of them in the face. When he got to the bar some of his mates and the regulars looked at his cut head and ripped shirt and were worried - he said "I've just been battered by a gang of about ten lads". The others in the pub rolled up their sleeves and slammed their pints down and said "right we'll all go out and do the cunts, there's enough of us to take them". My mate said rather sheepishly "no, er, you can't do that" - the others asked why and he said "Cos erm, they were only 12" - cue the entire pub roaring with laughter.

Couldnt believe it - he had about 12 pints and 3 plates worth from the buffet before scarpering at 1030 when the money ran out, he was a bad prick.

Gus, this sounds like such a lovely place!!! A PUB ruled over by armed criminals who keep staff in a state of fear is “a clear and present danger” to the public, police said. The Weighing Machine, on Wavertree Road, Edge Hill, remains closed more than a month after four teenage boys and a man were stabbed there during a vicious gang attack on December 3. But that is only the latest violent incident to hit the stricken public house. During a council review to see if the pub should be reopened Merseyside Police Licensing Officer Stuart Moore read out a list of shocking events including: An angry woman armed with a .38 Smith and Wesson revolver and dum dum bullets who ran at the landlady with a glass. A near riot which saw police bombarded with coins and a pint glass by drunken locals who refused to disperse. An innocent drinker hit over the back of the head with a bar stool. Drug dealers using the toilets to sell cocaine. Gangs of men fighting and then refusing to give statements to police. He told the meeting: “It has been and still is a badly managed premises. “I have no doubt that the management are trying their best within a difficult environment but I say the problems at The Weighing Machine are bigger than the people that seek to control it. “A significant section of the customers are known to be involved in criminal activity in the immediate area. “It’s an environment where staff are afraid to confront them and if they do are attacked themselves. “There is clear and present danger to staff and customers because of the use of guns and other weapons.” Referring to the woman arrested at gunpoint while wielding a pistol outside The Weighing Machine on October 13 2009, he added: “She had a Smith and Wesson .38 Detective Special, a double action revolver made in the US for police officers. “It was in full working order and fully loaded with flat nose ammunition made especially for it, not readily available to the public and designed to cause maximum internal trauma and instantaneous death at close range. “I can’t imagine the carnage if she started firing the weapon. This shows the type of people who frequent The Weighing Machine and their willingness to use weapons.” He went on to describe the December 3 incident in which underage drinkers were set upon by a gang of men wielding hammers and foot long knives. Describing CCTV footage, which was not shown to the licensing committee, he said: What took place there is one of the most sickening and unprovoked attacks I have ever seen.” Andrew Cochrane, a solicitor for the pub’s brewery Marstons PLC, objected as he had not seen the CCTV. The meeting was adjourned until Monday. Read More Wavertree pub ‘ruled by criminals’ is a danger to staff, police say - Liverpool Local News - News - Liverpool Echo Read More Wavertree pub ‘ruled by criminals’ is a danger to staff, police say - Liverpool Local News - News - Liverpool Echo

Gus, this sounds like such a lovely place!!! A PUB ruled over by armed criminals who keep staff in a state of fear is “a clear and present danger” to the public, police said. The Weighing Machine, on Wavertree Road, Edge Hill, remains closed more than a month after four teenage boys and a man were stabbed there during a vicious gang attack on December 3. But that is only the latest violent incident to hit the stricken public house. During a council review to see if the pub should be reopened Merseyside Police Licensing Officer Stuart Moore read out a list of shocking events including: An angry woman armed with a .38 Smith and Wesson revolver and dum dum bullets who ran at the landlady with a glass. A near riot which saw police bombarded with coins and a pint glass by drunken locals who refused to disperse. An innocent drinker hit over the back of the head with a bar stool. Drug dealers using the toilets to sell cocaine. Gangs of men fighting and then refusing to give statements to police. He told the meeting: “It has been and still is a badly managed premises. “I have no doubt that the management are trying their best within a difficult environment but I say the problems at The Weighing Machine are bigger than the people that seek to control it. “A significant section of the customers are known to be involved in criminal activity in the immediate area. “It’s an environment where staff are afraid to confront them and if they do are attacked themselves. “There is clear and present danger to staff and customers because of the use of guns and other weapons.” Referring to the woman arrested at gunpoint while wielding a pistol outside The Weighing Machine on October 13 2009, he added: “She had a Smith and Wesson .38 Detective Special, a double action revolver made in the US for police officers. “It was in full working order and fully loaded with flat nose ammunition made especially for it, not readily available to the public and designed to cause maximum internal trauma and instantaneous death at close range. “I can’t imagine the carnage if she started firing the weapon. This shows the type of people who frequent The Weighing Machine and their willingness to use weapons.” He went on to describe the December 3 incident in which underage drinkers were set upon by a gang of men wielding hammers and foot long knives. Describing CCTV footage, which was not shown to the licensing committee, he said: What took place there is one of the most sickening and unprovoked attacks I have ever seen.” Andrew Cochrane, a solicitor for the pub’s brewery Marstons PLC, objected as he had not seen the CCTV. The meeting was adjourned until Monday. Read More Wavertree pub ‘ruled by criminals’ is a danger to staff, police say - Liverpool Local News - News - Liverpool Echo Read More Wavertree pub ‘ruled by criminals’ is a danger to staff, police say - Liverpool Local News - News - Liverpool Echo

This pub has a torture den like the film SAW! Waterloo ‘Torture’ club faces licencing review Jun 25 2009 by John Siddle, Crosby Herald THE future of a Waterloo nightspot where a 20-year old man was battered in a sadistic attack is hanging in the balance. Sefton Council will decide whether to revoke Bar South’s premises licence after agreeing the club was “associated with serious crime and disorder”. On Monday, June 1, the victim was found near the bar with minor facial injuries and doused in paraffin. Further inquiries led police to a disturbing scene inside the South Road bar, including possible evidence of torture. Nobody was inside Bar South, but when officers forced their way in, they were greeted by a blood-splattered ground floor and kitchen. Crosby businessman Terry Riley’s Ascot property group owns the South Road premises where Lee Sheridan holds the licence to operate the bar. The bar has been shut since the incident and could be closed permanently unless “very serious concerns” can be rectified. In a report to be put before Sefton councillors at a full review of the bar’s licence next Wednesday (July 1), Chief Superintendent Ian Pilling said: “On entering the property, officers found a pool of blood, blood-soaked towels, a blood-stained knife, a bottle of Parazone bleach and a cooker lighter. “Blood markings and speckles were apparent on the wall areas of the kitchen and indicated a suspected struggle had occurred.” Police fear that the bar’s CCTV was tampered with to conceal evidence of what took place. Sefton Council’s licensing sub-committee will decide what action to take but have been urged by police to suspend the license until all matters are rectified. The options available to the council are to modify the conditions of the premises licence, ban the sale of alcohol, suspend the licence for up to three months or the revoke it altogether. Waterloo ‘Torture’ club faces licencing review - Crosby Herald

Also, one lad round by our sponsored Jaffa when we told him that he'd get bummed if he didn't sposor him, when we told him that Jaffa had his address on the sponsorship form he shit himself and told us he was moving to Leeds because Jaffa would break into his house in the middle of the night and rape him. He looks like Louis Saha did the other week when he dyed his hair ginger.

Last night I went to a party at a pub in town, two people from our work had taken voluntary redundancy so had got a decent payoff to leave. One was a woman and the other a man. The woman put £500 behind the bar and paid for a buffet, she also arranged the invites and booking the private function room in the pub. I asked her last night before I got off whether the other fella had given her any money towards it and she said she asked him about a week ago to go halfs with her on the bar money and the buffet and he point blank refused. This fella had sat there for the majority of the night swigging ale and eating the buffet paid for by the other woman and was bragging that he was going on a cruise in July, just a pity she never told anyone before 10.30 - when he got off and coincidentally when the £500 tab ran out as I think someone would have filled him in for being such a tightarse.