Josef Svejk

From the Offal, my friend - which makes it official: Striker David Ngog arrived from Paris Saint Germain in July 2008. The hotshot is one of the brightest young talents in French football. His tally of just one goal from 18 league appearances in 2007-08 was largely down to PSG's disappointing form - a contention backed up by his prolificacy on the international stage. Ngog has scored goals at every youth level for France, including two absolute corkers against England U19s last season. He made his Liverpool debut as a substitute against Aston Villa on August 31, 2008. A first goal followed away at PSV on December 9. The lightning quick forward is the cousin of former Newcastle United defender Jean-Alain Boumsong.

A week of frustration, eh? Bloody women.

Because he wanted to insert his penis in your rectum. In a loving, parental manner.

Michael will always live on. In our hearts. We love you, Michael. Thank you for bringing so much joy to the world. And for bridging the gap between black and white, young and old. You honky paedo.

Wenger likes 'em young.

Football and Catholic nationalism - or any such repulsive ideology (including royalist nationalism of the Rangers variety) - don't mix. Simple as that. And that ideology is prevalent among their fans. Should I be nice about it?

Ostrava? Ah yes. Shit town with one fantastic street of pubs and clubs. I remember it well...

10%? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not basing my opinion on prejudice. I'm basing it on experience. Take the fact that a substantial proportion of their support think supporting them and Ireland to be equivalent. It's not. Fuck them.

Please don't mention Didi and Judas in the same breath.

Did the ITV commentators criticise it? Anyway, I felt sorry for that fucker with his broken leg. But he can go fuck himself...

He didn't, in fact. But, facts are facts, Celtic were out of their depth.

I hate Celtic. Utterly pointless bunch of bigots.

Ah, I do my best... ... but nobody (with the two exceptions above) appreciates my work.

Bad '80s films only, please! (Never seen that one, though...)

The Mail is wrong about everything always.

... for all you youngsters out there. Pay close attention and learn well. [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

Ah, my mistake. Picnic it is.

While looking for sexy Toblerone images, I could only find the following: Warning! The following content is NOT WORK SAFE. Click the Show button to reveal. That's a Toblerone, right?

Buy. Then eat. Simple.

Tomkins sounds like an expert on The Greek. So I assume he's bullshitting.

Beer goggles to the left. Sad reality to the right.

We had so many flukey wins early last season (that most have forgotten), so I don't feel that I have any right to complain. Last season will be as good as it gets for this regime, I fear...

The name of my local off license, which is pretty embarrassing place to frequent: