TwelveMonkeys

becomes... Fucking Jihad on you...Jihad on your mother...on all your family....on your pets....I'm going to fuckin Jihad your arse for this.

I am no expert. I am just the guy in the middle trying to avoid upsetting anyone one way or the other. This shouldn't be a place for stating extreme opnions just to provoke response. Around 84%. Fact.

"I believe the children are our future" becomes "I believe Western European children have no future".

Not ALL of them.

You make a good point Aveez. I believe this is the same argument used by Paedos the world over...."I explained to the child what was happening and they were happy to go along with it"...because the child has shown some recognition of the siutation, they are making an adult decision to blow the fucker...literally in both cases. We should look at reducing the age of consent to 8.

Well...you'll need a child, some explosives, some gaffer tape, and a fucked up mind....the rest is pretty straight forward.

What lies ahead WR? What have you been studying?

Nicely done. Good luck with the call centre job.

Halliwell does have a very annoying voice...but she would get it....and it would hurt.

....is the right answer. I believe when Tom says don't strap it up, he means with a splint. It's important your finger keeps its mobility but you can strap it to the next finger to prevent catching it, just don't strap around the knuckles. As for playing, if you can handle a bit of pain you could play tomorrow. If it is broken it will cause discomfort for anything upto 8 weeks. Keep the frozen peas on it and it-be-reet.

I wasn't there...but Lee Chapman flaking out mid air just before his face hit the gravel...MOTD must have showed it 20 times in slow-mo that night. Pissed myself every time.

The recent spell of windy weather has led to the death of a family from Africa when a tree blew down. A spokesman from Bradford council said "we didn't even know they were living up there".

You want more money than you earn, you pay the fucking price. Live within your means and enjoy free banking - in fact the bank will gladly pay you for the business of managing your savings. More bleeding heart bollocks "..I spent money I didn't have...and the fuckin robbin bastards charged me!!". The charge is there to make the bank money, but also to act as a deterrent to prevent thick nobheads from overspending. Not all banks are wankers with their charges. If your bank will not refund a charge incurred because you salary went in a day later than it has for the last year then move fucking banks. However, if the charge incurred is one of many over the last year then tough shit - sort your fucking finances out. Amongst other things, I have been responsible for the strategy of automated bank charging and refunds for a bank- put simply - if it's your first offence it may be refunded - if not fuck off.

Whilst I am confident in Weeksie and his sound advice, I do hope you fuck this up and have to call me tomorrow. Me and my hammer are waiting by the phone.

Have you any interest in quality of service from the bank or is it all about the dollar? If service comes into it, stay away from NatWest and HSBC....in fact stay away from any of the top 5. Talk to firstdirect.

This is nothing to do with the Queen. This is to do with your right to vote and how best to use that right. This is also a different argument to swearing allegiance. You swear allegiance to show your support and fundamental loyalty to your country and a common cause. This is not a political statement supporting govenment policy. However, as you brought it up, where do we draw the line on calling someone 'an elite'? Earnings over 500k per year? Earnings over £100k per year? Earnings over £30k per year? House owner? Minimum wage worker? Not living on the streets? I am all for helping those less fortunate than myself - people that never got a chance in life (usually children) but this country is filling up with nobbers that think the country owes them a living, bleating about how the govenment is doing nothing for them...do it for yourself like the rest of us you scavaging bastards.

Neee. You about tomorrow morning for a bacon butty and a crash course in fixing fucked up e-mail?

...best to keep the allegiance simple...

The Queen is Head of State in the United Kingdom. Her official title in the UK is "Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith". The monarchy has over 1000 years of history. Defender of the Faith. You can't fire that. Whether you are are royalist or not, this is something real and steeped in traditions that other countries would die for. Can't think of anything better to swear allegiance to.

Come to think of it a 30 ft flag pole with St.George blowing in the wind would be pretty cool. ..Fuck-it....I pledge allegiance...

I would have no problem with either of my girls going into the armed forces either via conscription or of their own accord. Conscription for all. Bring it in now...everyone under 35 to serve mandatory three years. That should ween out the little fuckers in society.

Pledging allegiance to your country is too American for me. Next we will all have big fucking flag poles in our garden and cry whenever we hear the national anthem. I am all for the royal family and being proud of being British, but pledging allegiance is going to mean nothing to fucked-up chavs. Conscription. You want kids to appreciate society and learn about what being British means - mandatory 3 years for everyone.

Teachers - not paid enough...not enough holidays...not respected enough...we are on a par with doctors and barristers we are. STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE!!! Fuck off. You get a good fuckin wage for the not too taxing job you hold...and you get half the fucking year off!!! ..and common whores.

David Usher isn't even the ugliest member of his own family! Sorry Eddie....and as you, Noos are mini-Eddie - you are the king to be. Don't fight it - it's your destiny.

Somewhere along the line things have become unclear....just to be sure... 1) I am a cunt. 2) When you attempt insult someone, the insulted are free to insult back up to and including the strength of insult originally thrown. As cunt is widely accepted as the worst word in the english language, that leaves me to use any and all other words in retaliation. This includes whore. 3) She Knows It - Noos has called me and asked I leave you alone. Something about you being out of your depth and not being able to take it. To this end I will not reply to your comments. 4) Noos - I am indeed a cunt - but ugly!! Surely that title goes to you - a little fat ginger man who has twice sent mirrors back to B&Q as he thought they were warped. 5) Aveez - put your money where your mouth is.