Hoddy

Cheers.

Totally off the topic of the day, but I need this clarifying. In 1997, the second Liverpool/Newcastle 4-3 game, when Fowler scored the winner, were Liverpool ever 3-0 up, or was the highest margin 3-1?

Paul, without wanting to get involved in whatever's going on between you and Skeet, wrestling's just fun. Or at least it used to be. Guys pretending to kick the shit out of each other in front of a live crowd is pure theatre (fair enough, while they're doing it in underpants it may be gay theatre but what the hell). At the end of the day it's just drama for big kids, which is what Star Wars used to be before George Lucas started getting his characters to talk about tax cuts and E111s and whatever the fuck he bored us silly with in these last few films. Yes it may be gay, it may be corny and pre-determined, but it's a laugh. At least you're not one of these people... "Man I can't believe that Dirty Den slept with Zoe that's so wicked of him... what you doing watching wrestling don't you know that it's fake?' Ok to bring this back to football (again, a threadbare link here), I can just see Peter Crouch next year racing onto Anfield to make his debut in trunks and tassles, shaking the fuck out of goalposts with the crowd going bananas, before getting on the mic to say, "Rashid you call me a lanky streak of piss but what I wanna know is can you handle this? (Crouch strikes a pose and kisses his arm) , Whatcha gonna do little brother when Crouchamania runs wild on you?" Now I for one would pay £5million to see that.

One. And one only. He's now some nutjob who - no joke - has legally had his name changed to 'Warrior' and goes around universities as a guest speaker, talking about the Iraq war and other shit like that. Only in America... ... I've always liked Peter Crouch. Sixteen goals (without half of them being penalties) in a relegated team, a lot of them different types of goals, is some record. He's scored some important penalties, which tells me the lad's got bottle too. In fact, playing like he has this year in the face of some of the stick he gets from all quarters proves to me he's got staying power. The stick Crouch takes is very reminiscent of the 'pineapple on his head' stuff that Jason Lee used to receive. Difference is that Crouch is at half-decent.

It's not just him though Dave/Rash, there's a load of them. Hawk Davey Boy Smith Brian Pillman... There's a bigger list than that. But the main point is that all these guys from the same era are dying in exactly the same way. They're all found dead, heart stopped, in a hotel room someplace. It's shocking and quite unbelievable there's not been a bigger investigation. Just to make this post football relevant. Am I the only person who's quite excited by us signing Peter Crouch?

Crouch isn't awkward at all. Awkward and gangly don't always go hand in hand (although they were caught rutting behind the bike sheds one time last week). He's tall, good in the air, but the guy can play as well. I wouldn't be terrified if we bought him, for if there's one thing the player has, it's character. After all the shit he's taken over the years (all of it cos of the physical nature of the body he was born with), to come back and play like he has done this year, added to the high-stake penalties he's had to take –*and scored – proves to me that he's got balls. Gangly and awkward balls, but still balls. Not sure about him over Michael, but I'd take him over Andy Johnson right now.

I remember the first few games of last season, when he was central in a three-pronged attacking midfield (with Kewell and Diouf), he showed then the sort of player he was. Like he said, he was never a winger, so it beggars belief why he was continually played there. Like his countryman Baros, if he leaves, I would wish him all the best in his future endeavours and sure he'll be a success wherever he ends up

Cos he'll be signing for Man United.

My plan is simpler: beat Milan and the game is ours.

Just want to clarify that when I said it was hilarious, I wasn't referring to the kid stuck in the middle of the palava. I was simply referring to Man Utd, what with them being bought by an elf, having Rio Ferdinando Alonso charged, and now getting stung by Chelsea in the grey area of youth football which they used to dominate so well and so illegally.

… and has not been seen of since. On a day when Man Utd thought they couldn't sink any lower, this is hilarious. It's like an episode of '24', Chelsea bunging a guy they want to sign into a hotel so that he can't go back to Norway and meet with Sir Alkie. I say it's hilarious, but if true it's just another example of Chelsea's blatant flouting of transfer regulations. There's gonna be a BBC documentary in a few weeks entitled 'Mourinho: The Special One'. I wonder whether Lineker (who's interviewing the bufoon) will ask him why, if he's so special, do his teams have a habit of employing the most underhand tactics seen in modern football?

Here here. I was one of those people, but I fully admit I was wrong.

Oh my God Hermes and Red Nick. We're in the first year of one of the best manager's in Europe's reign, had an unbelievable injury crisis to deal with, had a foot-in-mouth of a flirting captain to put up with, reached the League Cup Final, and are in the semi-final of the Champions League. But don't let the facts get in the way will you?

Ah but vs the Russian he forgoed the steps for a diet of snowy hill-running and dirty barn pull-ups. And grew a big dirty beard.

Since last summer when the Gerrard story broke, the biggest villains in the whole world in this place have been Chelsea. Our story of the season in relation to them has been played out like a Rocky film, in that we got beaten (deservedly) the first game, then lost the second and third games when we could (and should) have won. The most hated player on this forum injured our best, and their hated manager shushed our fans at a cup final. This one tie is shaping up to be our grand revenge, one in which we can keep our history jibes and make sure they have none of their own. To think that we could knock Abrahamovic, Mourinho, Lampard et al out of Europe, on ITV, in front of the nation, like a one-two punch from Balboa on a big roided Russian, would put my belief back into this game of football. If the Russian defeats us, it would be unbearable.

This thread has totally hit home with me. The (majority of) football pundits in this country suck balls worse than a hoover on a horny male adolescent. I totally agree with Paul, Andy Gray is the best there is, and has been for a few years. I totally concur with someone else who stated that Motson is garbage, and that the only criteria pundits (co-commentators) should be measured on is their ability to spot something the rest of us didn't. In that respect, Gray and Gordon Strachan stand head and shoulders above the rest. The rest of the pack are just a bunch of back-page tabloid hacks repeating what they read in the newspaper that morning. It's all lazy skimming analysis, stating the obvious without taking a good look at the facts. I mean, for fuck sake this is their job, they should take a bit of pride in their work. A few years ago I heard Houghton on CHannel Five talking about some player that Liverpool were coming up against. "I've heard this player's good," he said. You've heard? You've fucking heard? I heard this player's good by playing Championship Manager, yet you get paid to spout off bollocks like this. And what of Rafael Benitez's supposed shithouse zonal marking system? It was the buzz phrase at the start of the season when we leaked a few goals, but now when we've hardly conceded one from a dead ball, no-one's popping up with any explanation as to why. Listening to these 'experts' talk is like listening to normal folk talk football at the pub. There's no insight, no meaningful explanations. A lot of footballers are only bothered about their own roles in games, so I can't understand why so many of them are employed to give analysis. It's like saying Mark Lawrenson was a great defender, so he'd definitely make a good manager or a good defensive coach. Well let's see now. He didn't and he didn't. And what pisses me off more about these people who get paid to give their views on today's game; it's the moaning about the high wages that players are paid, about how there's too much money in the game. Money which, by the way, is keeping half of them employed today. That's fucking hypocrisy is that. Don't know what of you think on here about this, but I can't see why it has to be ex-players who talk about the game. Why can't we follow the road of politics and have 'football analysts'. People who may not have played football, but can recognise systems, and spot things that Claridge, Mark Bright, and Pat Nevin cannot. And, speaking of Nevin, watching that rat-faced weasel handle a mobile on Five's flagship football show is presumably what it's like to watch a homosexual lead a guided tour of the female clitoris. I never saw Lawrenson play, but from what I can gather he was one of the greats. He just seems to me like someone who gets off on talking about how poor everyone in the modern game is, who likes sitting on that couch slating people in an attempt to boost his own ego. I cannot believe how he's still got a job and is still allowed to make pathetic attempts of jokes both in the studio and on commentary. But then this is the channel who commission My Hero and My Family, so..

Simon Barnes is one of the best writers out there. A brilliant read most of the time. Haven't got time to read through this now, but remember when I read it the day after the game, I didn't feel he was that wide of the mark.

I thought he was at the heart of most of our great first-half attacking play on Tuesday night.

No one likes the guy who won the lottery, so I can't understand how everyone (like said guys at work) is suddenly loving Chelsea. Oh, and is it just me, or does Joe Cole score nothing but deflected goals? He never hits a ball cleanly.

Le Tallec was my man of the match. To play like that against one of the best teams in Europe after being out of top-level action for so long speaks volumes. Having said that, it's unfair to single out players. That performance was just astounding considering injuries/ineligibilities. Regardless of whether we get through in Turin, nothing should be taken away from everyone who played out there. Also, thought the referee was class. Got a couple of things wrong, but then who doesn't? And the linesman near the Kop was good too. Got a few offside decisions spot on nearly every time I think. What a night, I was fucked after twenty minutes.

Anyone heard anything about this?

Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd has hit back at Richard Caborn after the Sports Minister demanded club chairmen set standards of conduct for players. Caborn had spoken after the on-field bust-up between Magpies pair Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer during Saturday's 3-0 home defeat by Aston Villa. He insisted chairmen need to implement a clear policy for clubs and players to follow in order to fulfil their "responsibility to the wider community". But Shepherd hit back, citing the Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott's altercation with an egg-throwing protester in 2001, and told the Daily Express: "This is ridiculous coming from a Labour government in which the Deputy Prime Minister shows exactly what happens when you are attacked." He added: "Richard Caborn should not lecture me when I and this football club have taken very swift action. "Ministers in glass houses should not be throwing stones." Who the fuck is that fat fucker to talk? He was the one sprouting bullshit about Craig Bellamy and morality, whilst sitting as chairman of a club and town which he disgraced years before. He's an absolute muppet is that guy. It's times like this when I take heart in the fact that – whatever the opinions about funds and leadership – we don't have a publicity-seeking board at this club.

But you just did. Your cousin.

Gerrard's vs Olympiacos, just for the sheer elation.

(Sighs) You want to know what properties I own, I tell you what properties I own: I own Bond Street, I own Regent Street, I own Fenchurch St Station. You want to know what properties other managers own? I tell you what properties other managers... Moyes: Yee focken liar yee told me ye'd sell me Pall Mall. O' Leary: Oi never said Oi would sell yer Pall Mall. Moyes: Feck off yeh pig-nosed Leprechaun, you said I could buy it for hundred quid. O'Leary: Oi never said dat. Dat's bollix dat is, Oi never said dat. Moyes: Euston Road?! Euston focken Road?! What use is Euston Road? O'Leary: It's a good road. It's a young road, so it's still building, but in tree years time-- Moyes: Tree years time? Tree years time? The Merseyside derby could still be going in three years time. Talk English yeh focken gimp. I'm nae tekkin' Euston Road. ...I own Coventry Street, I own Fleet Street, I own Trafalgar Square... Fergie: Hee hee. Keano, come with me, we're going on a wee trip. Keane: Where? Fergie: Me and you are gonna go and buy that there Mayfair, before that little preck Mourinho gets his derty hands on it. Fergie: Come on Keano, keep up. Bollocks to your hip. We're off to buy Mayfair. Woo-hoo! Fergie: Roll the die Roy, roll the die. Keane: What if we don't get Mayfair? Fergie: Bollocks Roy, everyone wants to come to Manchester United. Fergie: One, two, three, four... Fergie: Fucking jail, we landed in fucking jail Roy. I don't believe it. Keane: Can I walk my dog in jail? Fergie: No you can't. You got fifty quid on you? Water Works?! Dennae be ridiculous son I cannae afford the focken Water Works! By the way, Sir Fergie's sent a message. We have to stop that little preck Mourinho getting his hands on-- ... I own Mayfair, I own Marlybone Station... McLaren: So let me get this straight. You give me Whitechapel Road, the Angel of Islington, and two Get out of Jail Free Cards, and I give you Bow Street, Marlborough Street and Vine Street. Benitez: For sure. That's a lot of nice opportunities and possibilities for you there Steve. McLaren: And what if I say 'no'? Benitez: Then I give your ginger balls a squeeze like this. Yo Montserat, Rafa bought la street with los hotels on. Where is Olympiacos steward? Tis time to Samba for sure! Old Kent Road?! Dennae be ridiculous son, I cannae afford Old Kent Road! ... I own... no houses, no hotels, no history, no nothing. Except this dufflecoat. Damn you Rafa! That's right ma laddie. Landed me on some Free Parking, look what I picked up. Old Daddy Moyes knows a bargain when he sees it. The one with the shirt's not too bad either!