I’ll kick this off with the mancs, who ran away with the ‘El Sackico’ against Spurs. It’s funny because the first time I heard that expression I thought it was daft because I honestly didn’t think Nuno was actually under that much pressure so early in the season.
Turns out he was. Either that, or losing badly to this United side is seen as a sackable offence all on its own. Daniel Levy should be sacking himself as well as Nuno though as he was the one who hired the fella even though virtually everyone else was thinking “what the fuck is he doing appointing him?”.
Nuno went in there and did what he does. He tried to set Spurs up like Wolves and in time he probably would have done just that. Of course, Wolves were boring as shit and could only really play on the counter attack. And when teams got wise to that, Wolves started to struggle and Nuno was moved on. None of this is a secret though.
So absolutely none of this mess at Tottenham is down to Nuno Holy Spirit. Not even the tiniest bit. He is who he is and nothing he’s done there should have taken anybody by surprise. Levy fucked up and it’s cost him a fortune because not only has he had to pay Nuno off, he’s now had to throw a load of money at Conte to replace him.
Turns out he’s not the “shrewd businessman” he’s portrayed as. That reputation clearly isn’t based on business acumen, it’s based on just being a stubborn cunt who won’t budge on transfer fees. The irony is, as each week goes by he probably wishes he’d rinsed Man City out of £140m and got rid of Sir Harold of Hotspur because the fella doesn’t seem to have any motivation left.
For all the (deserved) criticism they've had, United only have to be reasonably well organised and set up tactically to win plenty of games because they will score goals. This was a perfect example of that. They were set up better than they were against us but they were also up against a side not even remotely at our level. Spurs are a bit shit this year and, similar to United, they don’t equal the sum of their parts.
The amusing thing is that because he’s scoring loads of goals Ronaldo is seen as the only thing standing between United and obscurity. The truth is if you took him out of the team they’d be no better or worse. What they’d lose on the swings they’d gain on the roundabouts.
All that’s happened is Ronaldo is scoring the goals now rather than them being spread around like they were before he came. He hasn’t made them better, he’s just made himself the hero that’s wrongly seen as their 'saviour'. Reminder; they finished second last season and third the season before. Ronaldo isn’t making them better than they were. If anything, he’s making them worse. But he looks like the hero and he’s banging in goals and that’s all that matters, right?
I don’t usually watch their highlights when they win but I did this time. Not sure why, I think it’s mainly because they’re just absolutely no threat to us so there’s no reason to avoid watching them, especially when the mute button means I can avoid having to listen to their fans.
Ronaldo opened the scoring with a brilliant volley. Not spectacular, just clinical as fuck. He then turned provider to send Cavani clear for 2-0. Rashford ran clear to make it 3-0 and the crowd turned on Nuno massively.
You could tell he was toast by that reaction. He subbed Moura and the fans went nuts. When that third goal went in it was proper hostile. He looked a broken man afterwards so there was no real shock when he got his walking papers a day or two later.
Hoijberg’s interview afterwards was a bit cryptic too. He was basically saying how shit they were and that it wasn’t acceptable. He didn’t say why that was but then goes “I better not say anymore”. It felt like he was pointing the finger at the manager without actually pointing the finger at the manager.
I like Nuno. I wouldn’t want to support a team he was in charge of, but he seems like a good guy. He’s made a fortune for a few months’ work so good luck to him. Spurs are a joke, but then other than that spell under Poch they always have been.
Moving on, and Patrick Vieira continues to make me look like a bad knobhead as his Palace team goes from strength to strength. They won at the Etihad this week. Of course that’s nothing knew as good old Roy also had a decent record against City. I don’t know what it is but sometimes you just have teams that for whatever reason you find to be awkward as fuck. For us it’s Brighton, for City it’s Palace.
Granted, the sending off of Laporte didn’t help but Palace were already ahead by that point so it wasn’t that big of a game changer. Palace fully deserved the win.
Zaha was brought back into the side and he put Palace ahead after the busy Gallagher robbed the ball in midfield and sent him clear to finish low past Ederson.
Laporte was sent off in first half stoppage time for hauling down Zaha after he’d been rolled by him. Debatable that one as Cancelo may have been in a covering position. Probably not though as Zaha is quick.
There was a bit of a kick off at half time as the City players all went for Zaha. He’s usually at the centre of anything like that as he’s a fucking hothead, but from what I saw here Zaha was entitled to be pissed off. That rat Bernardo booted him and when he took exception to it, other City players got in his face, including Jesus.
When the half time whistle went Jesus went at Zaha again and others joined in. That whole thing was caused by that Bernardo cunt though. No-one ever seems to talk about what a fucking scumbag he is. He causes murder all the time and nothing ever sticks to him, the little prick.
City created openings, as you’d expect, but Palace did what they did at Anfield. We won that game but I seem to remember them making loads of blocks and producing great bits of last ditch defending. City did think they’d equalised through Jesus but Foden was offside in the build up and it was chalked off.
Palace wrapped it up with a couple of minutes left when Zaha led a counter attack and although the chance looked to have gone, he kept his head and waited for support, and it ended with Gallagher finishing superbly. He’s been brilliant so far this season and Palace are way better than I expected.
Vieira said afterwards that the sending off helped. “The decisions went in our favour. The offside went in our favour. They had a couple of chances and….” zzzzzzzzz. Sorry, nodded off for a second there.
Anyway, moving on. I don’t want Chelsea winning games as they’re above us, but honestly, them beating Newcastle didn’t upset me one bit. Firstly because just like last week when they faced Norwich, I didn’t allow myself to entertain even the tiniest possibility they might not win. They were always winning it.
Secondly, any time Newcastle lose from now on is going to be seen as a good thing by me. If they lose every single game they play between now and May then fucking brilliant, sign me up for that right now. They need to go down.
Newcastle kept it goalless until the break but in the end Chelsea won at a canter with goals by James (absolute fucking corker that one), James again (another corker) and then a Jorginho pen. Chelsea’s full backs are going to score more goals this season than Burnley aren’t they?
That jabroni caretaker in charge of Newcastle said he was really pleased with the way they played, even though they only had one shot. If Steve Bruce had said that he’d have been crucified. They’re in a difficult spot currently because it’s going to be hard attracting a top manager and top players there while there’s the chance they’ll go down. That’s why its so important they do go down, just to fuck up their plans for a bit.
Prime target Unai Emery knocked them back this week. It looked like that was going through but then he had a change of heart at the 11th hour. The suggestion is he wants to stay at Villarreal who are in the Champions League. Personally I think he saw the tweets from Geordies referring to him as “Toonai Emery” and he ran a mile.
The expression I keep hearing is that no-one wants to be their next manager, they want to be the one who comes after the next manager. In other words, they want someone else to do all the hard work and then they’ll come in and spend all the money and get the glory. Also known as “doing a Mourinho”.
Eddie Howe now looks like the last man standing and should be announced soon, which put me in mind of this….
Leicester lost at home to Arsenal. Not sure what to make of this. Arsenal are on a good run at the moment but it will be a cold day in hell before I acknowledge they are anything other than a fucking disgrace, so I’ll just put this one down to Leicester laying an egg.
Gabriel headed Arsenal in front early from a corner and we then had the obligatory “Arsenal players dancing celebration”. It’s much less of a problem when it’s a) a premier league game, and b) they aren’t bottom of the table.
Smith Rowe made it 2-0 soon after as Leicester were all over the place. That was a terrible goal to give away. I blame that Maddison tit. God I hate him. Others were just as responsible but they don’t look like him so they get a pass from me. Ramsdale referred to him as “Madders” afterwards so he can fuck off too.
Leicester had their moments but Ramsdale was in inspired form and some great saves. Johnny Evans should have been sent off for doing a Laporte. No, I don’t mean he suddenly declared his allegiance to another country because he wasn’t good enough to be picked by his own. No, he hauled down a striker after being rolled. Unlike Laporte though he had nobody coming around on the cover.
Michael Oliver only went with a yellow. Is it me, or has Oliver really fallen off a cliff this season? I don’t think he’s even being given big games anymore. Something’s going on there. Keep an eye on that.
Moving swiftly on, Chris Wood put Burnley ahead at home to Brentford and then Lowton headed in a second. Cornet made it 3-0 (brilliant goal) and then he put one on a plate for Gudmundsson who fluffed his lines. Burnley murdered them in that first half and actually played some good football. The impact Cornet has had on their game is incredible. He looks boss him.
Ghoddos volleyed in to give Brentford a bit of hope late on but Burney saw it out comfortably. Their first home win since January, which is a big surprise as you feel as though home advantage is one of the few things they have going for them.
Che Adams linked one into the top corner from 18 yards to put the Saints up at Vicarage Road. Lovely goal that. Sarr had one cleared off the line and then Adams headed over from about three yards as chances came at both ends. Armstrong wasted five presentable chances and then the one time he hit the target it was deflected wide.
Watford created very little but almost grabbed a late draw only to be denied by a sensational save by McCarthy. So Watford have lost 5-0 to us and been thoroughly outplayed by struggling Southampton. This begs the question, just how bad must Everton be? We found out on Monday, but I'll get to that.
Onto Sunday first and another win for West Ham. An impressive one too, as Villa Park isn’t an easy place to go and win.
Right back Ben Johnson (who I’d never heard of until now) broke the deadlock early when he cut in and found the bottom corner with a low shot.
Watkins equalised after being well set up by Buendia but Rice fired in from 25 yards to restore the Hammers’ lead and I have to say, he’s now a really fucking good player. I resisted that for a long time as I didn’t see what the hype was all about, but this year he’s been great.
There was a really strange situation when there was a VAR check for two red cards within about a second of each other. Hawes flattened Fornals with a forearm smash and then Konsah hauled down Bowen on the edge of the box. Konsah was sent off but Hawes wasn’t. Of the two, the Hawes one was much worse, not least because there was a covering defender on the Kansas one. Both should have gone though, which would have been hilarious.
Then Fornals and Nakamba went in for a 50-50 and Nakamba rolled, and rolled, and rolled. Basically it was like watching Neymar. Fornals was booked but I’d have sent the Villa man off for making such a show of himself. Fornals had the last laugh when he made it 3-1 to rub salt in the wounds. It got worse for Villa when Bowen finished off a terrific move to make it four.
Villa are not having a great time and there is talk that Dean Smith is under pressure. They spent the Grealish money and on paper it looked like they’d done well. It can take time for it to gel though and I wouldn’t be doing anything too hasty if I were Villa as he’s done a good job there and there aren’t exactly loads of top managers available. You don’t want to end up with Nuno.
Norwich lost again as Leeds picked up a much needed win. They were second best for most of the game but then Raphinha produced a moment of magic to give them the lead. Such a good goal that, his first touch had that stamp of “I’m fucking boss me” all over it. Only really good players make it look that easy. Just looked like Salah or Mahrez the way he took that.
Norwich equalised when Omobamidele headed in from a corner but Kabak lost the ball trying to do a Bergkamp turn 30 yards from goal and Rodrigo won it with a shot that squirmed past Krul, who should have saved it.
Kabak has actually been better running with the ball than he has defending this season. It’s a shame for him he wasn’t with us a bit longer to be mentored by fellow ex Schalke defender Joel Matip. ‘Big Bird’ has clearly shown him how to dribble but didn’t have enough time to teach him to defend. Basically it’s Empire Strikes Back when Luke has to leave Yoda before he’s completed his training.
Finally, another loss for Everton as they went down 2-1 at Wolves on Monday. The first thing to say about this is their social media team needs firing for putting THIS out on Monday afternoon….
I mean, leaving aside the fact they were setting themselves up for a massive fall, it doesn’t even make sense. If they were playing a team known as Ghosts then sure, Ghostbusters works. But what the fuck have Wolves got to do with Ghostbusters? Where’s the link, what am I missing?
Are they gonna do this all the time now? God I hope so. Can't wait for "Cockbusters" when they play Spurs. Then there's “Hammerbusters” “Leedsbusters” “Gunnerbusters” “Cheatbusters” (Man City) “Beebusters” “Hornetbusters” Oh wait, they already got stung on that one....
.....oh fuck off, I'd like to see you do better!
I think what annoyed me most about it is they left the little ghost in the logo on the ‘O’. At least make the effort of changing that to a Wolf you fucking lazy bastards. I know the whole idea was shit but it’s even worse if you don’t fully commit to it.
I knew they’d lost this game as soon as I saw that tweet, and sure enough they quickly found themselves 2-0 down as Wolves fucking pulverised them in that first half. It should have been four or five as Everton’s performance was almost as criminal as Calvert-Lewin’s suit on MNF.
Raul Jimenez looks back to his best and he took the piss out of that Everton defence all night. The second half saw Wolves ease off a bit but they still squandered some great opportunities to extend their lead and then ended up hanging on a bit after allowing the dreadful Iwobi to pull one back.
The last 20 minutes were crying out for Traore to come on and exploit the space Everton were having to leave as they chased an equaliser, but he was left on the bench and Podence came on instead. Traore has really fallen out of favour there. Mo and Sadio are away in January…. just sayin’.
Everton were so fucking bad though. Genuinely awful. Booed off at half time by the away end and the chat on their forums is basically Rafa out (he’s ‘Rafa’ again now that ‘Rafael’ isn’t working out) and give it to Big Dunc. Please God yes.
It’s mad how my reverse jinxing worked last week though. Iwobi scored this week after me saying he’s the worst player in the league, whereas Gray had a stinker after I praised him and produced one of the worst shots you’ll see when he shot 12 yards wide from 12 yards out.
So with that in mind, let’s try it again.
That Everton defence is fucking fantastic and they’ve really impressed me. And Richarlison, he’s some player him isn’t he?
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