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Euro 2020 Round Up (Days 1-3)

Two months ago I’d made up my mind I wasn’t going to watch a single minute of the Euros, other than maybe Scotland games. I just wanted the season over and then the plan was to forget about footy completely until August. Then the Reds went on a run, we finished the season well, fans were back in stadiums and suddenly… well, footy didn’t seem quite so bad.

 

Plus I need you to keep subscribing over the summer and I have to give something back in return, so here we are with the round ups again.

 

First off, and long time readers will be expecting this, the thing I’ve been looking forward to the most - the Italian National Anthem. Fucking sensational. After watching that before the opening game I toyed with the idea of switching off as that was definitely going to be the highlight of the whole tournament for me. Hopefully they go all the way to to the final. Not arsed if they win it or not but the more times we see that the better.

 

I have to say the Turkish players belted out their anthem with just as much gusto but the tune was shit so it’s entirely forgettable. Makes me laugh whenever I see the Italy anthem trending on twitter and you get all these flag shaggers complaining that England players never show that kind of passion singing their anthem.

 

Just a thought, but maybe them having to sing about God and Queen just doesn’t really stir the old passions in the way an Italian or French anthem does? Plus there’s the other issue that being English absolutely fucking sucks as the country is populated by morons who number sufficiently to ensure that it’s governed by cunts. It’s mainly just the song being shit though. You’ve got to have Stuart Pearce levels of Brexitness to be able to get passionate about that.

 

Anyway, the opening game got under way when the ball was driven onto the field on a remote control car. What the fuck? I think I liked it though if I’m being honest.

 

Looking at the team line up on the screen I didn’t even know half the players in the Italy team because I don’t watch Serie A and other than Juve, Italian teams have done fuck all in Europe for years.

 

The first take I had from this game was that Chiellini thinks he’s Joel Matip with all those little forward forays. The second take I had was that Turkey aren’t going to score a goal in this tournament. Not with that big old statue up front. He’s the captain, he’s 35 and he kept getting caught offside all the time even though he wasn’t trying to run in behind. 

 

He was just stood offside every time the ball was played up to him and the one time he tried to run he was outpaced by Chiellini and threw himself to the floor looking for a pen. He looked like a Sunday League player but he’s just won the farmer’s league with Lille so he must have something, I guess.

 

Italy looked good in the first half but struggled to break down Turkey’s blanket 11 man defence. Fuck me they were negative weren’t they? Turkey looked so scared I can only think someone must have told them Christmas was coming. 

 

The opening goal eventually came early in the second half when Berardi fired in a cross and it hit one of the Turkey defenders in the chest and bounced in. Immobile made it 2-0 with a rebound and the lively Insigne added a third. He was subbed immediately afterwards, which wasn’t a surprise as he’d ran his tiny little legs off. They should have sent that remote control car back on to give the little guy a well deserved ride off the field.

 

I was pleasantly surprised by how good Italy were, especially as I knew so little about them beforehand. There are three players in their squad from Sassuolo, whoever the hell they are. I don’t know where Sassuolo is or if indeed it is even a place, or just a name like Lazio, Juventus or Sampdoria. 

 

Not sure if the inclusion of three of their players shows how strong or how weak that league is now. Used to be that their entire squad would be taken from the Milan clubs, Juve, Roma and Lazio and they were all household names. There are no stars in this team. Not one. Yet I’ve rarely seen them play as positively as this. 

 

This was the first time ever they’d scored more than two in a game at the Euros, which is an incredible stat really. They don’t look like Italy any more, either in playing style or visually. The Italian side lost a lot of its magic for me when they stopped having the best hair in these tournaments and the team started to look like extras from Gomorrah. Every one of the fuckers is covered in tattoos and they all have the same haircuts. If UEFA allowed it they’d be wearing bubble coats, smoking ciggies and riding onto the pitch on scooters too. They get a pass on all this though because… well, the anthem.

 

I thought the atmosphere in the stadium was shite. Virtually no singing and the only noise came from Turks who were booing whenever Italy had the ball, which was pretty much all game as Turkey couldn’t put more than two passes together all night. 

 

It remains to be seen whether Turkey are this bad or if Italy were just really fucking good. I suspect a little of both. Italy played with a pace and intensity I don’t think I’ve ever seen from them before. Their pressing was great and even at 2-0 they didn’t sit back and kept looking for more goals. 

 

The only thing that stops me going all in on rooting for Italy to win it is Mancini. I’d forgotten how much I disliked him but seeing him preening on the touchline brought it all back. Pretentious wanker. Based on this though he’s completely transformed how Italy play, so I’ll praise him through gritted teeth.

 

Final one on this. The ref was outstanding. Just highlights even more the absolute bunch of stiffs the ‘best league in the world’ has in the middle.

 

Ok, so day two. Jesus, how fucking traumatic was that? I wasn’t watching the Denmark game but then I looked at my phone and couldn’t believe what I reading. The assumption seemed to be that Eriksen had died on the pitch. WHAT THE FUCK!!! I put the TV on but they’d gone off air (not before time, apparently) and the only update on the news was that he’d collapsed on the pitch and the game had been suspended.

 

It’s hard to describe how I felt about it. I have no attachment to Eriksen or Denmark but it really felt like I did. It really shook me. It was fucking horrible and genuinely upsetting. His team-mates having to see that, his wife in the stands… fucking hell. For a while it felt like he hadn’t made it and it was such a horrible, sick feeling. 

 

At that point I knew I wouldn’t be doing these round ups as it just wouldn’t have been right me going on about trivial shit like how I can’t stand the face of the Slovakian right back or that the Russians all have terrible hair which is probably a result of the steroids they are forced to take. More than that though, I was thinking that the whole tournament needed to be scrapped. It wouldn’t have been, but it should have.

 

Then the great news came through that he was awake and stable. What soon followed convinced me even more that the tournament would never have been abandoned if Eriksen hadn’t pulled through. Denmark were made to play the game a couple of hours later. What’s worse, it was reported by UEFA that the decision was made by the players after speaking with Eriksen. Technically that was true, but only because they were given a choice of playing it straight away, at mid-day on Sunday or forfeit the game.

 

They wouldn’t have wanted to sleep on that trauma and then go out and play again early the next day, so the logical thing to do was get it over with. And that’s all they did. It was just a case of getting it out of the way as their minds were clearly not on the game and how could they be after what they went through?

 

Schmeichel had been absolutely distraught and it was no surprise to see him blunder for the only goal of the game. Of course he has those moments in him anyway and we can’t say for certain it was because of his mental state, but chances are that mistake was a direct result of his head being cabbaged.

 

Same with the dreadful penalty by Hoijberg. Denmark’s players just weren’t there in the big moments and how could they be? It was an impossible task for them and while it’s easy to slam UEFA for how they handled it, I can see both sides. This isn’t a scenario they will have planned for and given the tight schedule the tournament is on any postponement is going to have massive knock on effects. I don’t know what the right thing to do was, but it didn’t feel like this was it.

 

There’s no way Denmark would have lost to Finland had the Eriksen thing not happened but hopefully they can regroup and win their next two games. I was rooting for them to do well even before this, but now I’m defo pulling for them and Scotland. And Italy. And anyone who isn’t England really.

 

Also a word for Finland too as it can’t have been easy for them. First time in a major tournament and they find themselves in that situation. They weren’t the villains but it will have felt like that as everyone will have been wanting a Danish victory. They did what they needed to do but it will have felt like a hollow victory for them, which is unfair really.

 

There was nothing fair about that whole situation though. I’m just thankful Eriksen pulled through thanks to the heroics of the medical people (and Simon Kjaer who was fucking ace in how he took control). Doesn’t even bear thinking about if Eriksen hadn’t made it. Terrifying that was.

 

The early game on Saturday saw Wales come from behind to get a draw with the Swiss. Not a great performance by them and they could easily have been hammered but for Danny Ward. Switzerland paid the price for sitting back and trying to protect the 1-0 though and Keifer Moore (who I’d never heard of until this game) headed in the equaliser.

 

Good result really as if they can beat Turkey (and based on Friday night I reckon I could rustle up ten other lads and beat Turkey) they’ve got a good chance of going through even if they lose to Italy. And Italy may have already qualified by the time they play Wales and could be resting people. 

 

Tell you what’s proper shit though. Wales having to play in fucking Baku. What’s that all about? England paying at Wembley. Scotland at Hampden. And Wales, who made the semis of this tournament last time, have to go to the arse end of nowhere to play their games. Really unfair on their fans (as well as the Swiss) as it’s virtually impossible to get there under the current situation. Still, as long as UEFA get their thirty pieces of silver.

 

The night game saw Belgium comfortably dispatch the Russians. Good. The Russian fans booed the Belgium players taking the knee and the Russian players didn’t do it. Their players not doing it is up to them. You can’t force people to do it but booing those who are doing it just makes you a bad racist cunt. But there’s no surprise that Russia and England are the two doing it. They won’t be the only ones but they are the most predictable.

 

Russia are fucking shit though aren’t they? Relatively speaking I mean. It’s a fucking massive country but they’re shit at everything and the only things they ever succeed in are the things they can win by doping. Considering the size of their population they’re a fucking joke. I don’t understand why they aren’t better than they are, and don’t give me the whole “it’s because of the Soviet Union break up” because even if you include players from all the breakaway nations they’d still be shite. 

 

They’re 38th in the FIFA rankings, which is 14 spots below Ukraine even though they have a population that is 100m more. I feel as though they get away with their shitness far too much. It should be more of a talking point. They’ve got the biggest population in Europe and they have at least twice as many people as everyone other than Germany, who are just the 60m behind. Fucking losers. If Russia were a Premier League club they’d be Everton.

 

Day three saw England enter the fray. I didn’t watch most of it as I’m giving them the Manc treatment. I don’t watch City and United and I’m not watching these cunts either. They won 1-0 with a goal from Sterling, who most of the nation wanted dropped beforehand.

 

I put it on with 88 minutes gone just to see if Croatia could grab an equaliser but they didn’t even look arsed. Knocking it round at the back and showing no urgency. At one point Perisic got in behind and headed the ball across the box and there was no team-mate within 15 yards of it. None of them had been arsed to run into the box. 

 

Anyone would think they didn’t want to win the group and that second place is better than first as it means avoiding France, Germany or Portugal.

 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t know Austria or ‘North’ Macedonia were even in this tournament and when I found out they were playing each other I wasn’t exactly exited to tune in. I did watch some of it live but I wasn’t committing two hours of my time to it so I waited until the highlight show to catch up on what happened.

 

It was a decent game to be fair and Austria looked lively. I don’t know what the whole ‘North’ thing is with Macedonia but I do know it’s related to some beef with the Greeks. Probably goes back to the days of Alexander the Great so someone should ask Goran Pandev about it, as he’s so old he was probably there for the initial quarrel. 

 

Are Greece in this too by the way? *googles* No, they’re not. So that’s them, Norway and both of the Irish who didn’t make it, but everyone else in Europe is here by the looks of it. Crock of shit this format, especially with half the teams getting home advantage for two games. What’s that about? Is this a Covid thing or are UEFA once again trying to fix what ain’t broke?

 

Arnautovic came off the bench and scored. His celebration was a bit angry wasn’t it? Dunno what that was about but he was yelling at the Macedonia players and then pointing at the Austria badge. He was always a fucking head the ball him though. Really talented player but clearly a knob.

 

I liked Austria’s approach though. Get it wide and just whip in great balls. The first goal was fantastic. Great cross, great finish. The second goal was very similar, and they were doing that all day. Great delivery, players flooding the box, three goals. I might watch the full game next time they play.

 

Finally, Holland v Ukraine. Cracking game and both teams gave it a right good go. The Dutch went 2-0 up through Gini and Weghorst, but Ukraine hit back with a worldy from Yarmolenko and then a lovely header from Yaremchuk. 

 

It looked like Holland had blown it and there were predictable shouts of “this would never have happened with Van Dijk” but you can’t really make that call. The first is a 25 yarder into the top corner and the second is a set-piece. Maybe Virg deals with the set-piece but I’m not prepared to completely write off the Dutch defence as being garbage based on this small sample size. We’ll see though.

 

Gini was brilliant playing in a completely different role to the one we’ve seen him in for five years. We’ve seen glimpses of this Gini and when it was really needed he channeled his attacking side to great effect, but mostly he just sacrificed himself to allow everyone else to look better. Fucking love him, one of the most unselfish players we’ve ever had. I miss him already. *wipes tear*


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Reportedly Arnautovic's celebration was directed towards Alioski, so it was probably justified. That Alioski acts like a total cunt anytime I see him play, whether it be for Leeds or North Macedonia, he's always more interested in winding up opponents than actually playing

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3 hours ago, Through Ball said:

Reportedly Arnautovic's celebration was directed towards Alioski, so it was probably justified. That Alioski acts like a total cunt anytime I see him play, whether it be for Leeds or North Macedonia, he's always more interested in winding up opponents than actually playing

Yeah he does seem like a right bastard him. Always involved in little spats. Remember the thing with him and Dwight McNeil? Hilariously petty.

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I’m sure Putin would have been upset by you dissing Russia, Dave, but he’d have probably let it go until you compared them to Everton. An insult too far. You’re getting Novichok’d.

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“Tell you what’s proper shit though. Wales having to play in fucking Baku. What’s that all about?"                                      One of the main sponsors of UEFA are an Azerbaijani state owned oil company which I'm sure has nothing to do with why Baku was given a game to host or why they got the UEFA cup final a few years back its just a coincidence.

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17 hours ago, dave u said:

Yeah he does seem like a right bastard him. Always involved in little spats. Remember the thing with him and Dwight McNeil? Hilariously petty.

Haha, yeah, I think that was the moment I realized he really is a tool, although the signs were already there

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