Not too many games last weekend due to the FA Cup. I won’t get into the cup games too much but I can’t let the antics of Diego Costa at Goodison pass without comment. It wasn’t so long ago I hated Costa. In fact I probably hated him more than anybody in the Premier League other than his manager. Yet I’ve gone full circle on him now, I'll confess; I think he’s fucking ace.
I don’t get wound up by him anymore, I find him hilarious. Chelsea being shit is the main reason for that change, but I can’t take Costa seriously. Back when I watched the WWE I would always root for the bad guys, and that’s basically the type of character Costa is now. What he did against Everton was just great entertainment. I’m not even arsed that he didn’t get charged for the bite, it will be a cold day in hell before I ever condemn someone for biting that fat arsed crab.
To give Everton's team credit, they played Costa like a fiddle and had his frothing at the mouth from early on. It amazes me that more teams don't do it, he's on such a short fuse it's easy to get him to react. Kick him a couple of times, call him a name or two and his response is inevitable, he just can't help himself. He goes full on loony without fail. It's not even his fault, it's just how he's wired. It's like when "She drives me crazy" by the Fine Young Cannibals comes on the car radio and I have to sing in a stupid high pitched voice. I know I shouldn't but there's nothing I can do to stop it. Tell me I'm not alone in that. You all do it, don't you? Yeah you must do, it's impossible to sing that song in a normal voice.
Anyway, I thought Costa's meltdown would be the funniest thing I’d see at the weekend, but then Arsenal went and got knocked out at home by Watford. Their season is over and it’s not even Easter yet. Some of their fans were fighting with each other outside the stadium afterwards and the Wenger ‘Hokey Cokey Meter” almost broke as it hit “OUT!!” with almost as much force as Watford’s winning goal. What a hit that was.
Danny Welcrap pulled one back and looked as though he was going to send the game into game when a late sitter came his way, but hilariously he blasted it high and wide and Arsenal went crashing out of a competition they’d won the previous two years. Laugh? I nearly shat.
The Mancs almost followed them out of the cup too but grabbed a controversial late equaliser to cancel out Payet’s brilliant free-kick. Scholes reckoned De Gea should have saved it. He must be the only man on the planet to think that, the miserable little manc ballbag. I can’t decide if he’s the best pundit out there or the worst. I mean I know he’s the worst, but he’s so bad he’s good and I enjoy watching him bitch and whine about how things were so much better in his day and all these current United players are fucking useless and he hates them all. He makes Roy Keane look like the laughing policeman.
West Ham were denied a clear penalty and even Howard Webb said United’s equaliser should never have counted as Schweinsteiger fouled the keeper. Love how Webb doesn’t give United a single decision from his little truck out back of the stadium, but when he was the one with the whistle you couldn’t get him off the end of Fergie’s wrinkled old cock.
Onto the the Premier League now, and you know the one footed jabroni from Swansea I’ve mentioned a few times recently? Mo Barrow is his name and he scored at the weekend against Bournemouth. He picked the ball up on the right wing and eight touches with his left foot later the ball was in the back of the net. He had a great game to be fair, but Bournemouth’s players have to take a lot of the blame for that.
You know, I keep hearing about how much work goes into analysing the opposition these days and how technology has moved on so much etc. Yet a bum like me can sit here watching MOTD and notice how some chump playing for Swansea will not use his right foot under any circumstances, and three weeks later I see Bournemouth’s left back showing him inside onto the only foot he’s ever going to kick with. How can that happen? Either Bournemouth don’t bother studying the opposition, or Charlie Daniels is a fucking moron.
That goal cancelled out Max Gradel’s opener but in-form Josh King restored the home side’s lead with a powerful strike just after the break. Incredibly, Swansea equalised again through Sigurdsson. I say incredibly, because the assist came from Barrow and it was with his RIGHT foot. Sigurdsson scoring isn’t incredible, it’s entirely predictable because as I keep telling you, it happens every week. Officially he’s got 9 goals this season but that’s complete bollocks, he must have at least 20.
Bournemouth won it when centre back Cook headed in from a set-piece. They’re gonna finish mid table, which is a hell of an achievement really. Before the season I thought they were nailed on to finish bottom and I wouldn’t have been shocked if they had one of the lowest ever points totals. That dubious honour is going to go to hapless Villa who are already down. Who goes with them is going to be interesting though.
Most assume it will be Norwich and that the two North East clubs are fighting each other for survival, but the Canaries showed some signs of life and picked up a surprise point against Man City on Saturday, who were disappointing once again. They’ve got absolutely no chance of the title now and unless they get their heads of their arses they might drop out of the top four, which would be hilarious. “Flat track Pep” might be having second thoughts already.
Not much happened in this game. Posh Patrick Bamford hit the bar with a great strike and Ruddy made a fine stop to deny Aguero, but otherwise it was pretty dull stuff. To spend as much as City have since they first won the title only to get progressively worse is an impressive feat. De Bruyne is the only one that doesn’t look like daylight robbery.
By the way, where’s Andre Wisdom these days? I haven’t seen him for months and he wasn’t even on the bench for this one. I hope for his sake he’s injured, because if he can’t even make the bench of the third worst team in the league then there’s nothing down for him is there?
Elsewhere, Stoke were beaten at home by Southampton, who moved above us into 7th spot. They’ve played two more games than we have though so there’s no immediate cause for alarm, even if our games in hand are against the Blueshite and Chelsea, neither of which will be easy.
Pelle got both the goals but I thought Butland should have done better with both. He also got away with a blatant penalty late on when he brought down Tadic. This is the thing, it’s easy for us to rip on Mignolet for his mistakes and reel off a list of keepers we think are better than him, but we aren’t paying THAT close attention to these other keepers. When they’re doing things like Butland in this game, how many of us even notice? The only reason I’ve noticed is because I’m having to write about it now.
Forster has been terrible in the last few weeks too, but his reputation is still high because of the run of clean sheets and the performance at Arsenal. If we sign another keeper, I don't want any from the Premier League as aside from the obvious big four I'm not sure any of the others are a significant upgrade.
Couple of final points on this. Mane was sent off for no reason other than Lee Mason is complete dogshit. Also, Tadic missed an open goal because he didn’t want to kick with his right foot. Absolute cunt. I’d fine him a month’s wages for that if I was Koeman. I’d also make him train with no boot on his left foot and make the twat use his right until he was competent with it, the massive shitbird. Fuck him the one footed loser.
There’s nothing more irritating to me than that. These fuckers are paid millions of pounds a year and have played every day of their lives since they were kids, it’s completely incomprehensible to me that they are unable to use both feet. Hell, even Mo Barrow would have scored that chance. Who was the bum I ripped for this last season. I think was the "Spanish Downing" Navas wasn’t it? My memory is so shit these days it’d worry me if I didn’t keep forgetting how bad it is.
Spurs aren’t going away are they? Pochettino’s decision to rest some of his starters against Dortmund (and let’s face it, by starters everyone means Harry Kane as all the others are replaceable) was partially vindicated as Kane’s brace sunk Villa. It finished 2-0 but it should have been a similar score to the 6-0 we had at Villa Park the other week as Spurs battered them.
I still don’t see why he couldn’t have played his best team against Dortmund and brought the likes of Kane and Alli off the bench against Villa though. They might still be in the Europa and they’d still have won on Sunday anyway because Villa are so hideous.
Speaking of hideous, where the fuck has Jack Grealish and his shit haircut been lately? Is he injured or has Remi Garde just done what I’d do and banished the twat until he - quite literally - sorts his head out?
Finally, Rafa’s first game as Newcastle boss ended in defeat at Leicester on Monday night. They played ok and he’ll certainly get them more organised than they’ve been for years, but this is surely the toughest job he’s ever taken on. I mean Jonjo is his captain for fucks sake.
As for Leicester, they’re edging closer and closer and it looks like they only really have to worry about Spurs now. It’s becoming a bit of a grind for them and the goals have dried up, but if they can keep winning 1-0 as they have been then they won’t care. Okuzaki’s overhead kick settled this game, and to win with neither Vardy or Mahrez doing much is a good sign for them. Kante is great isn't he? He’s like a mini-Momo.
I can’t wait for Rafa v Fat Sam this weekend though, thats going to be a real super heavyweight clash that one. I thought my brother in law would be shitting himself about this game but he’s actually cooler than a room full of Fonzies. Why? Because, and I quote, “Fabio loves these games”.
You know, sometimes I think we forget how good we’ve got it. Imagine Fabio Borini being your biggest cause for optimism?
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