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Premier League Round Up (Jan 30-31 2018)

If last week was Sam Smith, this week was Will Smith. Unexpected losses for Chelsea and Arsenal and we closed the gap to the Mancs to just three points. A proper ‘Boom shake the room’ couple of days. Can’t really ask for any more than that.

 

I know we lost at Swansea too, but there are ways of losing at Swansea and the way we did it is kind of what you expect when a big team goes to a struggling one. Loads of possession, missed chances, not much luck and concede to the only chance they have. Not condoning it by any means, but it can happen. Arsenal’s loss was totally different though. They completely embarrassed themselves.

 

The Gunners actually took the lead against the run of play through Monreal but Clucas levelled a minute later. Cech then gifted one to Ayew with a terrible scuffed clearance. If Mignolet - or Karius - had done that….

 

Clucas made it safe with his second of the game which condemned Arsenal to their sixth away defeat of the season. Such a soft touch. Arsenal were so desperate they sent on Giroud to try and rescue it. He knew he was off to Chelsea so what was the fucking point of that? They’re a joke aren’t they?

 

Arsenal have given Ozil a new deal worth £350k a week. No player epitomises everything that is right and wrong about Arsenal than this fucking lightweight, but he’s cashed in on the Sanchez situation almost as much as Sanchez himself. Arsenal shit themselves at the prospect of losing another star, but for them to pay this flaky bastard so much tells you all you need to know about where they are headed. Nowhere.

 

They’ll continue to play lovely football on their good days, and they’ll continue to lose away from home to teams they should be beating easily. Aubamayeng and Mkhitaryan will probably do well and there’ll be games when Arsenal look brilliant. But they’re just fucking soft. The defenders are mostly fannies and their midfielders hate tracking runners. That Xhaka is a total liability.

 

Elsewhere on Tuesday night, Benteke managed a rare goal as Palace drew at West Ham. His record this year is embarrassing but you have to assume it’ll improve in the second half of the season and that Palace will finish somewhere in mid-table.

 

I’m still harbouring faint hopes that West Ham could get sucked down the plughole into the Championship, but they seem to have steadied themselves under Moyes now. They cancelled out Benteke’s goal with a Mark Noble pen. Iffy decision that though, as Hernandez stretched out a leg to ensure Tomkins’ challenge caught him. Cue lots of comments about “clever play” and “if you go to ground as a defender you’re asking for trouble”. Fucking nonsense.

 

Tomkins had to go to ground because it looked like Hernandez was going to shoot and he had to try and make a block. What happened then is Hernandez didn’t shoot and then he initiated contact with Tomkins. Boss the way it’s the defenders who get slated in these situations and not the player that’s actually cheating.

 

Onto Wednesday now, and Blockhead Barkley made his first start for Chelsea and they lost 3-0 at home to Bournemouth. Co-incidence? I think not.

 

Wilson put Bournemouth ahead early in the second half after some weak play by Bakayoko. My Chelsea supporting mate reckons he’s shite. I’ve seen nothing to make me think he’s wrong.

 

Stanislas made it 2-0 following a nice one-two with Wilson and Ake bagged the third against his old club, and he celebrated too. Good lad.

 

Ibe is steadily getting better week by week now and he’s looking decent again. I’m glad, as at one time I really thought he was going to be a good one, but he completely lost his way and only now seems to be finding his way out of the slump he’s been in.

 

Chelsea are such a strange club right now. They aren’t spending money like they used to and no-one seems to know who is signing the players. Giroud looks very much a Conte type signing though as he loves a big unit up top. Great signing for Chelsea that I reckon, I’m a big fan of Giroud. They went from Carroll for £20m, to Crouch for £15m and ended up with Giroud for £18m. One of the best deals of the window that.

 

Arsenal though, they’re fucking idiots. Constantly allowing their players to leave for clubs they are trying to compete against. Since August they’ve lost Ox to us, Sanchez to United and Giroud to Chelsea. It’s been going on for years. Cole to Chelsea, Van Persie to United and half a team to Man City. No wonder their fans are always fucking whining.

 

City had a routine win over West Brom that would have been a cricket score but for Ben Foster. They lost David Silva to injury and he joins Leroy Sane on the treatment table. Oh now, what will they do now? Bring in Gundogan and the other Silva, that’s what. Still, best slap in a panic bid for Mahrez too, just to be safe, eh? What message did that send out for the talented kids they have there?

 

Sturridge came on late and should have scored. He completely fluffed it though with a poor touch. In fairness to him it can’t be easy running with a football while towing that caravan. A couple of years ago he would have scored that chance without even thinking. It’s sad seeing his decline.

 

Speaking of players who have fallen from grace, Walcott scored twice as the Blues beat Mahrez-less Leicester at the Pit. It was funny seeing how fired up he was after scoring. He’s spent the last ten years playing in the Champions League and winning cups, and although this may be all new and exciting for him now, when reality kicks in it’s going to hit him hard. The expression ‘missed the boat’ could have been written for Theo.

 

Vardy pulled one back from the spot and Iheanacho hit the bar, the post and had one cleared off the line as Leicester bombarded Pickford’s goal, but somehow Everton held on. They’re proper shit though, this is the worst Everton side since the days when they were battling the drop under Moyes.

 

As for Leicester, it’s tough for them with this Mahrez thing. It’s tough for him too. He didn’t get his move in the summer but handled himself like a pro and he’s been terrific. Then, at the last fucking minute City come in for him and understandably he fancied that move, but Leicester quite rightly told them if they wanted him so late in the window they’d have to pay a big fuck off premium.

 

That never happened and Mahrez is not reporting for training because he’s depressed at not getting his move. I feel some sympathy for him as he’s clearly outgrown Leicester, but how he handles this now will say a lot about his character.

 

Burnley were involved in a two goal thriller up at Newcastle. Well two goals is a thriller if you’re a Burnley fan.

 

Newcastle got a penalty, Joselu stepped up to take it and the St James’ Park crowd groaned because even thick Geordies can see that he’s a fucking bum. He missed and no-one was surprised.

 

Rafa looks to have finally given up on him and brought in Slimani on loan from Leicester. Good signing that, not sure why Leicester have let him go though.

 

Lascelles is the best player at Newcastle by a distance. I like him. He’s a big threat from set-pieces too and he gave his side the lead when he powered in to head home a Kenedy corner. Burnley equalised when a header by Vokes hit the bar and then went in off the keeper’s face.

 

Glad to see Burnley slowly dropping back into the middle of the pack, and glad to see Newcastle in trouble.

 

It’s so hard to predict who’ll go down though because there are about ten teams that are realistically in the mix. Two of them met at St Mary’s, as one win in 16 Southampton took on one win in 14 Brighton.

 

Murray’s penalty gave Brighton an early lead but Stephens bundled in to level midway through the second half. That’s how it finished and the Saints were booed off. They’re in the bottom three, which is some achievement given the amount of crap around them.

 

Deulefeu is on loan at Watford now. One of the greatest mysteries in modern football is how this little gobshite ever managed to play as many games for Barca as he did. He couldn’t even get a game at Everton, then all of a sudden he’s playing with Suarez and Messi, and now he’s at fucking Watford. Funny old game, Saint.

 

They drew 0-0 at Stoke. Either side could have won it, neither side deserved to.

 

The biggest game of the week was at Wembley where Spurs comprehensively outplayed the Mancs. They scored after 10 seconds and it was a great goal too. The flick from Alli to set up Eriksen was world class. Almost as good as the volley on Sanchez he produced in the second half.

 

There was never any intent to go for the ball, he just wanted to boot Sanchez up in the air and he did. He got booked, but he’ll no doubt feel that it was worth it. Probably should have been sent off, which would have been good for us as we play them Sunday.

 

United had chances to equalise that early goal but fluffed them both. Phil Jones then showed his strikers the way when he brilliantly swept home a right wing cross…. into his own net.

 

I love Phil Jones you know. Seriously, I do. Remember when United had Bruce and Pallister, and then Vidic and Ferdinand. It was horrible. Now they’ve got this gormless clown back there. Long live Phil Jones and his gurning face.

 

It finished 2-0 although Spurs had plenty of chances to increase their lead as United were dismal in the second half. They’re the most fraudulent second placed team in the history of the game. The brilliance of the keeper is the only reason these cunts aren’t sixth.


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Great stuff as usual, Dave.

 

Can't want Newcastle to go down while Rafa is there & there are so many other horrible teams / managers in the mix.

 

People still go on about Ali Daia with Souness but at least he got rumbled after a quarter of an hour , that Joselu has had a career at the top level.

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Jordan Ayew has stepped it up big time the last month or so, he actually looks better than his brother now.

 

Joselu is outstandingly shit, he's stealing a living.

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Saw Ibe on Sunday evening at half 9 collecting his takeaway curry at my local. Had his lambo reventon parked outside and his minder/massive friend was telling everyone not to take pics of it. Was thinking how outrageous someone who has achieved fuck all in his career can afford it and what a twat he was but then Wednesday night came and all was forgiven.

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Saw Ibe on Sunday evening at half 9 collecting his takeaway curry at my local. Had his lambo reventon parked outside and his minder/massive friend was telling everyone not to take pics of it. Was thinking how outrageous someone who has achieved fuck all in his career can afford it and what a twat he was but then Wednesday night came and all was forgiven.

I work with a girl who’s mate is a sports masseuse. She used to work for him and go around to his house. Said he was a nice enough lad but didn’t seem very professional. She said there were pizza and takeaway boxes everywhere a few times when she went around and joked with him whether he should be eating that shit. He basically replied with something along the lines of it doesn’t make any difference look at the shape I’m in and playing football is easy.

 

She’s completely clueless when it comes to football and was asking me if he’s any good. When he got sold I said to her you can see he doesn’t seem to be very driven as he didn’t really improve once he made it into the first team. It sounds like he hasn’t give up the takeaways!

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